Commuter Contempt @commutercontempt-blog - Tumblr Blog

You Are Violating Unspoken Code

You know when you go into a public bathroom -- for the fellas (ladies take note, the shit is real) -- and there are three unrinals against the wall. You grab one on the end, so if some guy walks in to piss while you are pissing, he can choose the urinal that is the farthest away from your penis. It’s guy code. Don’t go into the bathroom and select the middle urinal...UNLESS there are already two penises shooting urine into the urinals on BOTH the left and right. Even then, maybe grab a stall.

So, I was on the train the other day and I was standing in the vestibule. I was all by myself. About 2 minutes into the ride a guy had walked forward and decided to stand on the same side of the vestibule as me. Meanwhile, there was not a single person standing anywhere in the car. DUDE. Don’t walk up on me like that. Get your ass as far away from me as possible. This means stand against the other doors. On the other side.

He probably walks into bathrooms and gets as close to the penis as possible. I hate those people.

#commute #train #rude #commutercontempt

Greatest Quiet Car Encounter I’ve Seen

Here’s the scene: pretty packed peak train home from Grand Central. About 6 people standing in each vestibule. On complete opposite corners stand an old guy (he’s bald with remnants of grey hair) and a younger guy (clean cut 30-ish with impeccably crafted beard).

Young guy picks up a cell phone call. He doesn’t give much of a fuck, but isn’t being that loud.

Old guys starts yelling, “GET OFF! GET OFF! HANG UP! HANG UP THE PHONE! YOU! ARE! IN! THE! QUIET! CAR!”

Young guy ignores the old guy for a good bit. Doesn’t let the person on the phone know he is being censured for his quiet car phone call.

Old guy keeps on with the, “HANG UP THE PHONE!” The old guy was all in on shutting this young guy down.

Young guy gets off the call and basically says, “what is your problem?”

Old guy reminds him, bright red face and all, that he is in the quiet car and not allowed to use cell phones. He knew he had to stay strong.

But the young guy battled back with a, “FUCK YOU!” I think he even flicked him off.

Old guy honestly had no idea what to do next. But again, he had to stay strong. This is where the greatest part of the story occurs.

Old guy POINTS at the young guy. Arm extended, just pointing at him. Old guy didn’t know what to do so he just pointed at the young guy.

Young guy couldn’t believe he was being pointed at. So he sarcastically points back at the guy making a goof out of it. But young guy was livid.

Old guy then goes, in the most old guy talking to a young guy type of manner, “this conversation is OVER.”

Young guy just stares at the old man with pure seething rage.

He does this for maybe 2 minutes then gives it up.

BTW - older guy had headphones on the entire time. He spoke up for the quiet car and could have just listened to his old time radio or whatever the fuck it is. But he didn’t he stood tall for the people in the car like myself. The ones who are too scared to say anything. So thank you.

And thank you to the younger guy for putting on a helluva show for us. Well, it was actually just me. No one else seemed to care what was transpiring. Me? I fucking loved every ounce of it. At one point I looked around hoping to catch a glimpse of someone else enjoying the fuck out of the show.

Whatever. Party of one right over here for the quiet car bickering. Front row ever single damn time.

#quietcar #train #commute #commutercontempt

I’ve said it once - I’ll say it 10k times

Don’t walk up the escalator and then stop three feet from the top so I bump into your ass which is midway between by face and chest. Also known as my neck. I hate that. Unless you are a hot chick, in which case you are still a cunt, but at least thanks for the ass in the neck.

#walking escalator commute

Video of [Russian] Lady Getting Dealt With For Driving on Sidewalk

This was just so fucking satisfying. People drive like assholes, mostly, because they think their little metal box excludes them from blowback. Justice porn at its finest right here folks.

#driving #justiceporn

MTA Train Announcer Called Me Out Hard #AndItBurned

I was put on blast, HARD, in front of an entire train station earlier this week.

Like clockwork, I was fucking late. The loud speaker announced the train I intended to take had arrived at the station. And I still had a few sets of stairs and an escalator down to clear before I reached that goddamn train. So, after seeing someone else start to book it, and me being extremely "herd" oriented, I started to fucking run too.

Allow me to provide you with some additional context. I had a work-bag slung over my neck -- like a messenger bag. I was also wearing dress shoes that do not have optimal traction. OK, that's it. That's all the context you need.

So I was not exactly utilizing perfect form as I ran across the waiting room. Some goofball jabroni in the ticket "box" that also announces trains yells over the loud speaker, "PLEASE NO AWKWARD RUNNING IN THE WAITING AREA SIR!"

I had no choice but to continue running. And running awkwardly at that. But as I was running I was thinking....."Man. Fuck THAT guy."

Seriously, why did he have to say "awkward." And it wasn't like he was yelling at the lady for running -- mostly because he said "sir" -- or at me for running....but for AWKWARDLY running.

And I continued to think he was a complete cunt for most of my train ride in. Like, "what a total loser...he sits and works for the MTA in a tiny, shitty, fucking box. He clearly hates his life and his wife is probably ugly too...if he can even land a piece of ass. That's why he's going after me. It's simple. He's miserable. I would too if I were him."

And mind you, this is a pretty decent size train station. It's actually a "hub". So there definitely was an audience... Which hit my ego pretty hard.

But then I realized something. I would have L-O-L'd my fucking balls off if I were him..or his co-worker....or any single fucking person in that waiting room that saw me running and heard him say that. So it's actually all good. I'm sure some people probably had a really good chuckle for a Monday morning. And I'm glad I could play a part in that.

And I wonder if someone went to work and told the story to a coworker. Or tweeted it or something.

Or maybe it really wasn't a big deal and they seriously do not allow people to run awkwardly.

#commuter #commute #funny #lol #train station

Modern definition of #gangster in this frigid weather

The NYC girl walking down the street wearing a skirt with no leggings, holding an ice coffee in one hand and smoking a cig in the other...with no gloves.

#iwouldnotmesswithyou

#Respect This Commuter's Devotion

To not going home sober. #100ozofbeerin55minutes This boy came to play. Or escape his boring fucking life of an annoying wife and two and one-half children, with debt up to the top of his fucking ears. He either REALLY loves life, or absolutely despises it. I'm putting the farm on the latter.

#train #beer

When it's cold enough to see your breath

...you realize how much of other people's halitosis you breathe in on the reg. It's all up in my face.

#badbreathmothballs

I know my car heater it's cracked on my feet.

I just can't feel it.

Sometimes snowy days are the best days to commute. Also, they are the most dangerous, but seriously may be worth it.

That's how much I enjoy not sitting next to anyone on the train. Fucked up, I know. But it does make getting to work exponentially more bearable when there isn't a problem finding a seat or having to deal with some unpredictable fellow traveler when riding the train. The premium I pay to ride this car is kinda sorta worth it, only today.

It wasn't fucking snowing this morning - WHY YOU DRIVING LIKE IT IS SNOWING?

Peoples be so concerned about snow coming, that when it is ABOUT to snow, they drive like it IS snowing. For fucksake get with it man, there aint shit on the ground yet. That means you don't have to drive like there is. Causing me to be all late and shit...

#driving #assholes #snow #weather #submission

I've Actually Sat Next To This Guy Surfing Porn #smoothassandpaperbro

Well, not specifically THIS guy, but another guy. Instead of playing the angles like this jabronie on a night train, this guy instead folded his laptop down thinking my nosey fucking eyes wouldn't catch site of it. But guess what? You can't fool me bruh. I'm another-level kinda stalker. You watch porn. Whoe doesn't. In public places though? See, that's where we differ. Can't you just wait to get into your car and jerk off into a sock while you drive, like normal people?

Why don't you go and make yourself comfortable as you #layacrosstheseat

Hey ass-face! There's a special place in commuting hell for you, as you sit in the window-seat of a 3-seater, with you bag in the aisle seat and your legs casually draped across the middle seat. Just betting that all these nice commuters will be too kind to ask you to move your shit. Well, fuck you, you bald-headed little weasel. I'm already sitting down, so it doesn't impact be, but please know, that I know, that you're a cunt of a man.

CONNECTICUT DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION FARE INCREASE EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2015

It should read “Dear Asshole With Your Hands Tied In Relation To How You Get to Work In New York.”

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Metro North Railroad <[email protected]> Date: Mon, Nov 24, 2014 at 6:20 AM Subject: CONNECTICUT DEPARTMENT OF TRANSPORTATION FARE INCREASE EFFECTIVE JANUARY 1, 2015 To: [email protected]

DEAR MAIL&RIDE CUSTOMER:

Effective JANUARY 1ST, 2015 there will be a 1% Connecticut Department of Transportation Fare Increase for customers traveling:

• Between stations within Connecticut • Between Connecticut & New York State stations

If your monthly ticket is paid using a pretax benefit account, make sure that you add the correct amount to reflect this increase. Information regarding fares will be available at www.mta.info/mnr, under the Fares & Tolls link at the top of the page.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call the Mail&Ride Representatives at 511; from Connecticut at: 877-690-5114 or Out of area: 877-690-5116; Monday – Friday 6:30 am to 5 pm. Please do not reply to this email.

Sincerely,

MTA Metro-North’s Mail&Ride Department

You Just Never Know Nowadays #whoisjustcreepyoraterrorist

Taking the train to work everyday takes a toll on you. Mentally. Physically. Fuck, even my spirit has a couple bruises on it. And that's when everything is running according to schedule with no delays or interruptions. But you also have to consider terrorism or people plotting mass murders nowadays too. So what does that mean to us normal, erryday, non-extremist commuters? It means that people that used to be just "creepy" might be creepy, but also insane on some jihadist BS or wanting to go Grand Theft Auto and take everyone out. And it's a difficult fine line to distinguish. Today on the train, this guy was just....off. He was standing in the vestibule across from someone. Then moved directly next to them, when there was no one else around. He then sat down on the floor for a little bit, then got up and stood next to the guy again. Then back across from him. Then sat down on the floor again. Seems rather innocuous, right? But who really fucking knows. I was there trying to spot any loose wires hanging off of him. Plotting my plan of attack when he pulls out a large rusty steak knife. And this creates anxiety for me. The bottom line is; I have to take this guy's behavior into consideration. And if you think I don't, then go fuck yourself. We live in a "if you see something, say something" world. It's reality. So if you're just plain weird, fine, but you should wear a special colored head band or something so we know.

#datsmacktho video of dude not taking chick's shit on subway any longer

Look it's not OK to hit women if you're a guy. Buy it's also not alright to walk around like this twat and act like no one can hit you. Homeboy straights COCKS her right in the mouth with an open fist that would swallow up a basketball. And her one guy friend had to get his ass beat too. So fucking satisfying.

Hey, #thanksforputtingyourassinmyface

As you bent over to get something from your bag while I sat down. For those unaware, I'm being completely sarcastic. It was an old dude.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Commuter Contempt