Whatever Forever. @compassfox - Tumblr Blog

It’s funny how a person can weed their way into your mind. Quickly spreading roots in your sulci, grabbing hold of your brainstem, and infiltrating your heart.

Secrets. Whispered “I love you"s into wet pillows. Restless nights that last forever, because when they left they took the light of your world with them. When they left, you asked them to just the world away with them because world without them is a world you didn’t want to see. Still don’t.

Air doesn’t fill your lungs with relief anymore does it? Every breath you take that isn’t forming their name is like breathing smoke, or drowning in seawater. Although, every time you say their name the smoke turns to flames, the seawater to sand. Breathing without their love to support you, seems impossible. Is impossible.

compassfox

A little something I found in my sisters old bedroom.

f0xskull-blog

Some days this all gets harder than others. It’s easier to deal with when I’m angry at you. When I’m sad everything seems impossible, but today it’s a weird mix of the two.

It’s taken me a lot of time by myself, looking back, reliving memories I never wanted to let go of, to realize how bad it was. How awful you were. Even how awful you are now. Does he know that you told me all his secrets? Does he know about you trying to fuck me? Or about the nights when he’d try to come over but you had me in your bed instead? Does he know about all those nights I held you while we slept and you called me perfect? How about how you want to fuck his friend that looks like Dave grohl? Does he know that you cheated on me with him… again? And does he know about all the times you went behind his back to be with me? The late night calls, you crying, complaining about him… telling me you loved me… does he know? Does he know about all the times you’d tell me “He doesn’t have to know…” Does he know about everything now, or is everything still a big lie, a big secret just so you can get your way again. With no regards to any one else’s feelings. Manipulating them into things they may not want to be a part of if they knew who you really are. And what the fuck did I do to deserve any of that? I was always honest with you, and you couldn’t even do that back. How dare you. How fucking dare you, I gave my soul to you and you tainted me. You lying, cheating,rotten, shell of a person.

Do you have even the slightest capability of being honest with anyone?? Or caring about anyone but yourself?? Fucking do you? Christ. No one deserves to suffer you.

Can't access this blog anymore. New game : f0xskull

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Here, on a very warm night with a honeysuckle, jasmine breeze heady, rich and almost liquid You can stand on the sun-filled stones stretch and hold the heart-breaking sweetness of the night.

Maggie Emmett, excerpt of The Summer Garden (via wildberrypicnic)