An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
It's time for an explanation. But Kakashi isn't about to show his hand easily.
Hey there guys.
First things first, happy 2026. Hope you had a good time since I last posted.
Lots of stuff happened for me in the meantime, and I'm sorry for taking again so long to post. This fic is still very dear to me, as are the comments I still receive from time to time. I hope this chapter will satisfy you guys, and I desperately hope I'm getting another one out - preferably this year.
Enough talking: Happy reading, and thanks for still being here! :D
~ X ~
How to tell someone a potentially life-altering truth about themselves? You were still trying to figure out that one when the alarm clock in your phone went off the next morning, mind not one bit refreshed despite the sleep you had. Because how the fuck could you possibly do that, when you knew what naming this big, ugly thing did to one?
It did a lot of shit to you. It gave clarity, yes. To have a name for all of that bullshit, but it also made things so incredibly ugly.
“So fucking ugly”, you said, while nibbling at the inside of your cheek. Thankfully, nobody was with you in the elevator, so you could talk to yourself as you saw fit. “How the fuck do I even tell him?”
Obviously, you didn’t have an answer when the doors leading onto the floor of the marketing agency opened, and you still didn’t have one when you reached your desk and saw Kakashi already waiting beside it. And he wasn’t really sneaky about it either. No, nonchalantly as ever, he stood there, leaning against the edge of your desk, with two to-go cups of coffee in his hands.
“Good morning”, you said as you dropped your bag onto the side of your desk. “Is that for me?”
“One of them, of course.” He offered you one cup, then waited. Waited for you to get settled, apparently. Because no matter how long you fiddled with the zipper of your bag, no matter how meticulous you were in arranging some notebooks on your desk, no matter how long you took — Kakashi was just waiting. Humming even to himself as he did so, but despite his relaxed behavior, you saw the dark bags below his eyes and the slight tremble in his fingers as he raised his own coffee cup to his mouth to take a little sip.
A night’s rest wouldn’t do any miracles, in the end. And you doubted that he slept much in the first place. Too wired to sleep, too overworked to rest properly. Without thinking about work, all his never ending tasks, and the overshadowing guilt tainting every single moment of one’s life.
You sighed weakly. This would be a long day, starting off with an even longer, awkward talk. “Can we do this later?”
“Why?”
“Because… I need to check my mails.”
“Then,” Kakashi huffed with an amused shine in his eyes, “let me just wait here. While you check your mails and all that.” Quickly, he sank into an empty chair he pulled from a nearby desk, crossed his long legs at the ankles, which caused the navy-blue fabric of his pants to ride up and expose a pair of ankles. Just for the midge of a second, your eyes lingered on the flash of pale skin, before rolling them up toward the ceiling and turning towards your PC with all the annoyance you could muster right now.
“Fine.” Quickly, your fingers flew over the keyboard, typing out the password. “Until I’m done then, I don’t want to hear anything from you.”
Kakashi’s only answer was him locking his mouth with an invisible key, then throwing it over his shoulder.
You had hoped to buy some time, but unfortunately, the only mails waiting for you were a few spam mails, industry reports entirely unrelated to the project you were working on, and a potluck-invitation from Gai. Not to you personally, but for the entire floor.
“Luckily for you,” you looked up from the screen, “it seems no one wanted to inform me about anything, so I’m free.”
“Good.” Kakashi’s eyes twinkled, but before you could interpret that, the man got out of his chair with a little groan, stretched like an overgrown cat, and started to walk away. Only after a few steps, he turned, motioning for you to follow. And, with a queasy feeling deep down in your stomach, you got out of your chair, and followed.
As soon as you stepped into the hallway, you looked towards the staircase. There, the faint sound of his steps as well as the low humming could be heard. So, up to the roof garden. Still, you dragged your feet as you climbed the steps, thinking about any possible angle.
Tell him that he needs professional help. A therapist, at least.
Tell him what the problem is. Too much work, too little relaxation, way too little contacts outside of work.
How do I even start?
Your hand rested heavy on the door handle. There was a pause in your entire being, still trying to find words. And it was so goddamn hard. Even though Kakashi wasn’t your favorite kind of human in the office, it would be the right thing to do to just be…
“Honest”, you breathed out, then a quick, sarcastic smile tugged at your mouth. “Fucking honesty.”
A wind of gust greeted you as you pushed the door open. Gritting your teeth, you tried to push forward and close the door gently behind you - fucking heavy fire doors - but there was Kakashi, almost right in your face.
“Here, let me…” His free hand grabbed the handle on the other side, holding the door open long enough for you to step fully onto the roof garden, then let it fall close with a final, heavy thud. “Okay. Nice. So…”
You smiled, yet couldn’t meet his inquisitive eyes. “So.”
“What couldn’t you tell me yesterday?”
Straight to the point. Alright.
“Well…” Quickly, you took a few steps towards the railing of the roof, but kept your distance from the edge. “I hate to break it to you, but… you must have felt stressed for a long time now?”
Kakashi took a sip from his coffee cup. Somehow, you got the distinct feeling he wasn’t impressed with your start. “Yes.”
“And,” you pushed forward, “Sleeping problems? Do you have them?”
“No. Can’t have problems when you don’t sleep.”
“What a… progressive way to see it.”
“I always try to find a new approach to an old problem.”
“Right. So… the thing is…”
This time, Kakashi didn’t jump in with a distraction. No, he just took another sip, while his eyes were set on you, scrutinizing your every move and word. When you met his eyes, both of his eyebrows inched upwards, obviously waiting for you to say something.
You breathed in. No time like the present, right? “You have burn-out. Probably. Maybe. I’m not a professional, of course, but I would definitely look into that.”
“Like I haven’t googled that two or three times already.”
“You already know?”
He dared to roll his eyes. “I may be socially inept, but I have some kind of intelligence. My question is, how do I make it stop?”
“Why… I thought you wanted to know what was going on?”
“I know,” Kakashi sighed, “What’s going on. I know why I’m blocked creatively, I know why I cannot sleep through the night, I know why I blow up at the smallest fucking things. My question is, how do I make it stop so I can focus on my work?”
Fuck this man. Like honestly.
“I worried the entire night to tell you that you’re so exhausted and stressed from work that it maybe developed into burn-out, and you’re just… trying to work more?”
“Well, obviously.” He took another, long sip from his coffee. “After I took so long and held everyone up, I need to make up for it. Right?”
You could only stare at him with an open mouth. “Kakashi, you’re… I have no words.”
“Why not?”
“Because you want an easy solution for a shitshow of a problem!”
“Well, seeing that you’re alright now, after you left your previous office because of burn-out…”
Kakashi delivered the words so lightly, yet they hurt like a sudden punch to the gut. All the time, you worried about him and how he would take the news about himself, only to be sucker-punched by the fact he obviously did some research on you. Spitting it into your face like it was nothing; like all these months of suffering had been worth nothing.
You took another few steps backwards. The air wheezed through your lungs just like the breeze which drifted around you, making you pull your shirt a little bit tighter around yourself.
For just a second, you looked away from Kakashi, taking in the surrounding scenery of the roof garden. Roof desert was the more fitting word. Last time, you didn’t check too much, but even though the space was obviously meant for relaxation and spending some break time up here, it didn’t look the part. An old wooden bench, the paint had broken off mostly already, stood in the shadow of a dried-out potted plant. You had no idea what kind of plant it was, just that it wasn’t supposed to look like that.
Then, a weak cough caught your attention. “I’m sorry. I did… some other people here came from the same firm and have told Minato at some point all the same stories.”
A dry chuckle fell from your mouth. “That the boss was a piece of shit? Not paying enough and undervaluing work? Demanding overtime over and over again, until you were running on the fumes of already burned fumes?”
The worst time of your life, slaving away with the feeling you weren’t good enough. That, to prove your worth, you had to fulfill every single one of your boss’ requests, with no say in the matter.
Kakashi sighed. “Something like that, yes.”
“And what do you expect me to tell you, now?”
“If the stories are true. And what happened for you to be there and now…” Kakashi gestured vaguely around. “Here.”
“What’s there to tell? A sad story about the world being a shitty place where capitalism and profit rules over the wellbeing of your workers? Or the tragic, yet every day tale of a young, fresh-faced worker being overburdened and burned out because as the new one, you feel like you have to prove yourself?” With a low sigh, you turned around, towards the fence. A soft breeze came up, sliding across your face like a gentle caress. “Nothing you haven’t heard before.”
“That’s true. But it’s your story. Your tale. So…” You could hear the man step forward, until you almost could feel him standing by your side. Below you, the surrounding buildings were illuminated by the sunlight, the glass glittering and the never-quite distant noise of the streets down below echoing between the cement walls. Kakashi sighed; a low, deep, subconscious sigh. “I want to hear it from you.”
“That’s maybe the most impressive display of shifting the attention from yourself away that I have ever seen.”
“Then a trade? You tell me your story, I tell you the truth.”
“Mhm, bribery. You’re thinking like a corporate overlord.”
“When it fits the situation, yes. Though, I don’t like to do it. I always get this deep craving for some children’s flesh afterward.”
“Funny. You’re,” you closed your eyes as you leaned slightly forward, “you’re one funny guy.”
He hummed. “Or so some people say.”
You didn’t answer. Instead, you tried to accept that this was happening. That you would be explaining to Kakashi why exactly you were here, in this marketing firm. And not somewhere else entirely.
And why I left. Remember that one.
“It was my first job”, you started, slowly, every word falling from your mouth like melted iron, “the first job right after my bachelor’s. So, of course, I wanted to prove myself. Especially when the firm just… straight up hired me. I had no idea that that was probably a bad sign.”
You paused, waiting for —without a doubt — a deceivingly “clever” comment from Kakashi, but nothing but silence echoed right back. So, you just continued, trying very hard to forget that the man beside you was even there. “I didn’t know it was a bad sign, they asked me to join big projects right from the get-go. I didn’t know it was probably a bad sign that I was asked to stay longer at the end of the first month. I didn’t know it was a very, very bad sign when I started to work through the nights, at home, trying to handle the massive workload I got assigned way too early.”
You could still remember your feelings back then clearly. How excited you had been at your first job. The little nauseous feeling at the pit of your stomach when you were assigned to a big project. The weeks of work you poured into that project — the long hours, the nights you worked through, and the moment of pride when the project was presented to the client, and they liked it.
“After the first project was done”, you continued, your voice a little bit rough around the edges, “and mind you, that was three months after I joined the firm, and helped out with a big client, I wanted to take some time off. Just a longer weekend, you know? But that apparently wasn’t possible.”
“Why?”
“Because”, you laughed bitterly, “someone else, with more seniority, wanted the exact same weekend off. Only one. Other. Person. And that would be enough to apparently make the firm crumble.”
Beside you, Kakashi moved around a little bit. Not much, just shifting his weight onto another foot, but it was enough to send a waft of his smell over you.
“Of course, I understood”, you said, balling your hands into fists, “I always understood. Always said yes to everything. More workload, more work hours. And when I wanted to take some time off, I was mostly denied.”
“Any reasons for that?”
“No good ones. Just,” you sighed again, “the same ones, reimagined. No other people were available to take over my workload, there were always new workers in need of guidance, the next big project would be on the horizon, and we couldn’t slack off. But somehow, there was always enough time for the bosses or their pets to take some time off.”
You didn’t mention it, but you knew Kakashi realized what you had been feeling in the past.
The restless jealousy at seeing other people getting the day off, the resentment burning deep in your guts, the unshed tears behind your eyelids the more you worked and slaved away without even a hint of an acknowledgement.
“That eats away at you.”
“Yeah. Of course, it does.”
“And why did you leave?”
“I fell sick”, you answered, easily, yet the memories felt as heavy as stones, “I don’t know if from stress and my body shut down or if it was something else. But from day one I got berated for being sick. That no one would take on my work, because obviously, I was just faking it. Even though I went through the trouble of going to two different doctors to find out what was wrong with me.”
“And they said…”
“Burn-out. And a nasty case of the flu, but the stress alleviated the symptoms. Weakened immune system and such. I was just… completely out of order. And instead of being able to recover in peace, my work place bombarded me with messages, calls, emails. One day, the guy who hired me even harassed me at my home.”
Kakashi gasped. “No. He didn’t.”
“Oh yes, he did. Gross misuse of the data I had to give the company, but I didn’t pursue it. I should have.” The payout from such a lawsuit would have allowed you to not work for a little while, but considering that you didn’t have the time, nerves and patience for that… maybe it was for the best that you let it go. “I don’t know. Life became blurred at that point. But I became more and more aware that this wasn’t a way to live, at least not long term”, you mused dryly.
The man snorted. “That’s one way to see it.”
“Certainly, a shit way to see it.”
“Couldn’t agree more. But,” Kakashi turned, with his arms crossing over his chest, “how did you get out?”
Again, you smiled thinly. “The old-fashioned way. I handed in my resignation as soon as I came back from my sick leave.” You didn’t mention the fallout: the ugly reaction from your boss, the badly hidden bullying during your last two weeks, and the fucking relief when you finally could hand in all your work tech and leave that place for good. “I left, but what no one tells you is that the exhaustion stays with you. It… lingers. It never quite leaves you again, no matter what you do.”
“I guess we have now reached the point where I have to open up, huh?”
Finally, you tore your eyes away from the surrounding view. Unlike you feared, Kakashi wasn’t looking at you with the mind-numbing sympathy you had witnessed from some people you told about your past work-experiences. No, he just… looked at you. Really looked at you. When your eyes met, his eyebrows rose with a little, teasing grin flashing over his face, but it quickly vanished. Nothing more than a quick twitch of the corners of his mouth, before he went back to… analyzing you. Possibly combining the new facts he learned about you with the previous picture he had of you.
“Ideally, yes. But at the same time, we spent now…” Quickly, you checked your phone, “at least 40 minutes up here. We should go back. And leave this talk,” you gestured vaguely between the two of you, “for later.”
“This evening, then? During work?”
You paused for a moment. “I guess so. Fine by you?”
Slowly, but definitely, Kakashi nodded. “Yeah. Fine by me.”
~ X ~
The day went by like gum — stretching into eternity, while some hours seemed to just be ripped apart. The early morning, for example, fell apart into the single tasks you performed, meanwhile the early afternoon and later hours went on and on and on. Only slowly, the office emptied out, and when it was time for Minato to leave, you were already feeling antsy.
Still, it was earlier than usual when you gathered your things to carry them over to Kakashi’s neighboring table. Never — at least after that first disastrous meeting — you would dare to put your stuff on his desk. Kakashi was there still, one hand twirling an electronic pencil around his fingers, the other cramped around a mouse, frantically scrolling as he stared at the monitors in front of him. To your mild surprise, he wore a pair of glasses.
“Should I be concerned?” you asked as you dropped your things at the table closest to Kakashi’s desk.
He looked up, slight confusion flashing over his face, then his features lit up. “You mean, the glasses.”
“Yeah. Never seen you wear them before.”
“I don’t wear them a lot, just when I can feel a headache form right,” he lightly tapped against his right temple, grimacing as he did so, “here.”
“And what does that headache mean?”
“Not enough water, too much coffee and way too much screen time.”
“The poison for every employee doing overtime.”
“Right, right.” Kakashi chuckled dryly. “So, what needs to be done this evening?”
So, he wanted to act like the talk today never happened, or he forgot. More likely the former than the latter. A bit disappointing, really, but not that you expected much. Still, it stung a little, to have opened up quite a lot to him, and again getting the short end of the stick from Kakashi.
Hey, I should be used to it by now.
Something must have shown on your face - a hint of disappointment, a shadow of hurt, maybe. At least, Kakashi noticed something was up, as he pushed the glasses out of the way to cover his face with his hands. “I fucked up again, did I?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“The talk today,” he answered, his voice lowering like you two were sharing a secret, “on the roof. I… I didn’t want to just start with that, you know? Ease into it.”
“Ah yes. Because you gave me the same courtesy.”
“Point more than taken. So…” Kakashi leaned back into his chair, scooting a little bit away from his desk so he didn’t have to crane his neck to look over the two monitors the entire time he spoke with you. His long legs came into view as he rolled around the edge. And for just a very short moment, your eyes fluttered across the expanse of the jeans-clad thighs.
Fuck him.
Kakashi didn’t seem to notice. Hopefully, it stayed that way. With a few strands of his hair curling over his forehead, he blinked a bit sheepishly at you. “What do you want to know?”
That, at least, was an easy one. “When did you first notice becoming worn-out?”
You could see how the question sunk in, how he tried to find the right words for a moment, and even a hint of defiance. He didn’t like having to answer, but you assumed that some kind of honor and respect for the information you shared with him on the rooftop was still left in the man.
Because he started to speak. Slowly, with lots of pauses in between the words, but he did speak.
“I don’t… I don’t know exactly when I started to feel that way. Just one day, when… in the middle of a project, we were in the zone and everything… I just thought to myself: ‘I’m tired. I want to go home. I want to bury myself in bed and never get up again.’ And that thought… never really left.”
You didn’t say anything. Just looked at Kakashi, as he tried to articulate something he never really had to do, outside a therapist’s office, at least: speak about his emotions.
He leaned back into his chair, his hands neatly folded in his lap. But you noticed the way his thumbs twiddled around each other, and how his knuckles turned white from the pressure he put on them. “Nothing really left. I am weary of everything. I’m weary of anything inside this office, the entire process of working, and yet… I always think about work. There’s not one waking moment which I don’t spend thinking about a campaign, an appointment or anything else but work.”
A never-ending fog hanging over every part of your life. You knew that feeling; the terrible dredge of the monotony and exhaustion settling deep into your bones, with no way out. There was no escape from your own thoughts. Mimicking him, you leaned back into your own chair, but your eyes were still firmly fixated on the struggling man in front of you.
Kakashi sighed weakly, then shook his head. “The worst part about this is that I don’t feel like I… I don’t know, deserve to have…” He struggled to even name the sickness. “This is a good work environment. I’m getting paid well enough for my position. So… why am I this…”
“Weak?”
A short breath, and he nodded. “Yeah.”
“Because it doesn’t matter”, you said, “It doesn’t matter if the environment is nice, the pay is good, and that you have good bosses. It is just what it is now, and we have to learn how to live with it.”
“Is it ever going to go away?”
The big question, the biggest of them all. You shrugged, finally meeting his searching eyes. “So far, there’s not a definitive solution. It’s just… manageable, I think. But for me, it feels like there will never be a true end to it.”
“Why not?”
“You are aware that we work in a marketing firm, yes?” Broadly, you gestured over your shoulder. “There’s no escape from stress. We have to juggle different projects, the projects never keep coming, there are deadlines which need to be met, no matter what. Stress in this field of work is constant.”
At that, Kakashi didn’t say anything for quite some time. You weren’t about to pressure him. That would go nowhere, anyway. So, you flipped open your laptop, staring blindly at the screen.
There was also no way in hell you could focus on work right now! When Kakashi was this close to revealing something about himself for once. Honestly, it should annoy you how much you were invested in him by now, when all he had ever done was annoying you and downright threatening your job security, but somehow, he had grown on you. Like damn mold infesting the very corners of an only hastily cleaned shower.
The silence stretched into minutes. Way longer than you could withstand. Your fingers gently tapped a few keys without any real purpose, just moving across the plastic to fill the space with a little bit of noise.
But he didn’t answer. You looked up, and almost snorted at the sight. He was clearly brooding. Like a hen sitting on their nest, waiting for the egg to finally open up for a little chick to enter the world. Full of misery and black feathers, you bet.
Poor, little chick.
Your mouth opened before your brain could react. “For the record,” you waited until Kakashi focused his attention back on you, only then you proceeded, “I don’t think we’re weak for feeling like this. The world is just a bit too fast for us, don’t you think?”
He smiled weakly. “Right.”
“Hey, say it like you mean it.”
“Right .”
You eyed him, but then shrugged. “Good enough. Now, what do you have in store for me today to work on? And make it quick, I want to get out, wrap myself in a blanket and mindlessly doom-scroll.”
Still, you mulled over the confession Kakashi offered up. It must not have been easy to say all of this out loud. Maybe you gave him too much credit but acknowledging his efforts should be a given, right? The humane, morally right thing to do.
And maybe, just maybe, his words hit a little too close to home for you.
