I resigned from RDA today. Odd -- I haven't been happy since April, but I still feel devastated over this decision. I went through a lot and fought through so much just to keep my place within this company, and that's probably why this decision, albeit made by myself, caught me offguard.
At first, it was everything I ever wanted. Low effort. Good team. Fun meetings. I was empowered, encouraged, uplifted. My work, all the contributions regardless of their impact, was celebrated. I felt good. It felt good.
Then, things just shifted. Or, maybe, I started to lose the plot. I don't know. I'm still not so sure the changes aren't my fault. Still, I tried to get back what once was -- fought, actually, for my place at the table. None of it was enough though. Maybe my efforts were a little too late. Maybe they changed their priorities. No matter what it was, nothing seemed to change.
I then started to feel attacked. Isolated. Punished for things I had no idea about. No one was telling me anything. All chats or meetings seemed to have underlying meanings, but not a single supervisor went ahead and just confront me with the truth. It was jarring.
After a month or two, I was told I was the worst team member. But -- when did this happen? Why didn't they tell me when I was just starting to be...well, bad? Why wait?
When they started "conversations," I thought it was a two-way street -- them acknowledging their faults and me repairing the damage. But, instead, it was just them telling me I sucked and me left wondering why.
They wrote me up for using an errant comma. They created detailed reports when I had a migraine. They questioned when I had cramps, wondering why those happened at the same times of the month.
Despite all the questions they had, no one actually just directly asked me. I could have just answered them. Then, one of them directly insulted me, and when I squealed, they said I was overreacting. Still, I kept quiet and continued to plod along. I agreed with their assessment; admitted that I overreacted -- even when the admission killed a part of me. Despite the pain and embarrassment of having my concerns dismissed and being tagged as melodramatic, I pretended like nothing was amiss. I still showed up. I still contributed as best as I could.
I knew by then, though, that there was no turning back anymore. Whatever "magic" was there in the first six months no longer existed. It was all but officially over.
Now, July 23, 2025, I have had enough. It has become unbearable, and it's time to finally choose myself and my peace of mind. I know I'm not a loss to them. Why would I ever think otherwise? You don't treat someone you value that way. Honestly, they've been quite blatant in their desire to just get rid of me -- for me to just go away.
And while I initially wanted to hold on longer, I realized that I actually hate them too. I guess I simply needed to grow a spine and choose myself and my dignity; to finally understand that no amount of money would ever be worth my self-worth.
I am still reeling from this decision. I have no actual plans. I have no backup. This is the first time that I have chosen to let go without a parachute.
And, now, I'm in free fall -- and I am fucking scared.