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In my loneliest moments, in my lowest points, I still long to come home to you - to have you in my arms after a very long day; to share my deepest (and sometimes extremely embarrassing) desires. I do not know how to fix this, mahal. I have no idea where to even start. God. I miss you so, so, so much. So much. My heart aches - it continues to break and break and break - every time I think of us. Come back to me, please. Come home.

My future partner is beautiful both inside and out. She is successful but humble, using her platform to become a woman for others as well. She is emotionally mature and resilient - always open to dialogue and understanding, and never afraid to speak her mind. She is financially successful - extremely so that she rivals people who come from generational wealth. She is set financially and can live in utmost luxury a hundred times over. She is supportive of my pursuits and loves that I am passionate when it comes to my projects. She loves her family and loves mine equally. She understands that she has limited time with her mother and she encourages me to spend as much time as possible with mine, with her also enjoying time with my loved ones. She has a close circle of friends who are all very happy and supportive of our relationship, saying that I have been the type of person she should end up with for life. She understands my financial situation and does not care about it. She loves to spoil me and is on a mission to make me the happiest person in the world every day. She sees my insecurities and wants me to face them but also understands that fighting demons takes time. She likes similar hobbies as mine and always tries to get me to try new experiences as well. She loves to come up with ways to delight me and wakes up each day with a constant urge to see and make me smile. She is stunning with a show stopping face and a gentle voice. She is amazingly smart with the calmest and sweetest demeanor. She is the light of every room she enters and makes sure that I shine with her as well. She believes in a give and take relationship and ensures that she reciprocates if not exceeds my efforts. She is amazing with my family and treats them as incredibly as she treats me. She is intelligent but not condescending. She is confident in her own abilities and about what she brings to the table so she rarely feels the need to show people her worth or seek validation. She share my sense of humor which means we laugh nonstop when we are together. She has my childlike wonder and sees the good in everyone. She has firm boundaries and is not a people pleaser but she is respectful and gentle in enforcing them. She loves being around me but she also has her own set of friends and activities. She is independent of me for emotional and social skills but she adores my presence and likes to hang out with me as much as possible. She is established in her chosen path and is not tied to her workplace. She is wealthy and comes from an affluent family but she never demands special treatment or looks down on others. She is physically fit and is conscious of her health, which means she likes to monitor my health as well. She fully understands what it means to be a partner in a relationship and knows how to communicate even amidst difficult situations and arguments. She is empathetic and compassionate but knows when she is being manipulated.

Just found my wedding march song

I know this comes in the heels of a brutal breakup, but I just want to claim "Canon in D Major" by Johann Pachelbel as my wedding march song. Then the Canon Rock version will be in the reception.

Whoever you are, I hope you'll like it as much as I do. I can't wait to meet you.

Your sister texted my mom today. She was asking how I was, and whether it was okay to talk to me. She also thanked my mom for still responding to her messages despite the situation - fucking imagine that? She said the things I hoped for you to say in just two messages.

I'm not going to lie - the messages affected me. I'm still regaining my equilibrium, and I'm hoping to be back to my old fire again soon. I've already reached this far. I can't go back. I need to see this through.

I booked my first ever solo trip today

My hands - my entire being - was trembling the entire time, and I'm pretty sure I probably missed a thing or two, but god fucking damn it - I FUCKING DID IT. I booked everything on my own, and I still can't fucking believe it. Fuck yes. Yes.

It's the 15th anniversary of the first time we met, and I have been waiting for some sort of a breakdown all day. Nothing happened, and I'm scared because I know how to deal with breakdowns but I don't know what to do with this...nothingness. All day, I had this lump in my throat and this heaviness in my chest. Truth be told, I've been bracing myself for messages or emails from you - maybe even a delivery, or maybe you showing up here - but, nothing. Nothing happened, and I don't know why I'm somewhat devastated about it.

Do you think this is truly the end of us? Is this it? Is it finally over?

Freedom

You need to decide what you feel about me because everything you've done so far has been half-cocked and just made me realize how right my decision to leave was. So far, you've managed to tell me how wrong I was for reacting the way I did for how you treated me and the things you told me, made my depression and mental health issues all about you and how these affected you, went on to guilt trip me into returning, threatened suicide, ruined any shred of professional pride I had with my own family, and then demanded that I fulfill the last bits of work for your company. Well done. You've made it impossible for me to even consider going back now -- or ever. And, honestly? I'm happier than I have ever been since I met you.

It's true, what they say, that nothing tastes as good as skinny freedom feels.

I'm sorry

I don't know what this means for us, but I can't go back anymore. After days (weeks?) of crying, begging, cajoling, and just all-around misery, we finally pulled the trigger to separate.

I saw a video of you last August 1, and it reminded me once again how much of a piece of shit I am. You were so fucking excited. We did have a plan. We fucking did, didn't we? And then I did change my mind. God. I'm such an asshole.

But I...I'm sorry, my love. I can't do it. I don't know why but I just can't. I tried - you saw me try - but I can't. Please forgive me. Please.

Let's see where this leads

I accepted a job offer today. I don't know if this is the right thing to do; this was not at all my plan; this was her plan which she forced upon me. But it's not a bad thing; it's actually a really good opportunity. I'm giving it three months to see where it leads us.

"strong woman" my ass

Here we are again. She needs to do something hard, and instead of just fucking doing it, she's moping. Fucking asshole. "I don't need anybody." "I'm stronger than you emotionally." "I handle all my problems on my own." REALLY???? Then why is making one goddamn phone call to fix your own fucking problems so hard for you that I am now left to deal with it? I did this on my own, you know. Was it fucking horrible? Yes. Was it humiliating? Yes. But did I suck it up and do it? YES. Fucking asshole. Can't do things on your own, but acting like you're so great at dealing with you shit, you piece of shit.

I chose myself today

I resigned from RDA today. Odd -- I haven't been happy since April, but I still feel devastated over this decision. I went through a lot and fought through so much just to keep my place within this company, and that's probably why this decision, albeit made by myself, caught me offguard.

At first, it was everything I ever wanted. Low effort. Good team. Fun meetings. I was empowered, encouraged, uplifted. My work, all the contributions regardless of their impact, was celebrated. I felt good. It felt good. Then, things just shifted. Or, maybe, I started to lose the plot. I don't know. I'm still not so sure the changes aren't my fault. Still, I tried to get back what once was -- fought, actually, for my place at the table. None of it was enough though. Maybe my efforts were a little too late. Maybe they changed their priorities. No matter what it was, nothing seemed to change.

I then started to feel attacked. Isolated. Punished for things I had no idea about. No one was telling me anything. All chats or meetings seemed to have underlying meanings, but not a single supervisor went ahead and just confront me with the truth. It was jarring. After a month or two, I was told I was the worst team member. But -- when did this happen? Why didn't they tell me when I was just starting to be...well, bad? Why wait?

When they started "conversations," I thought it was a two-way street -- them acknowledging their faults and me repairing the damage. But, instead, it was just them telling me I sucked and me left wondering why. They wrote me up for using an errant comma. They created detailed reports when I had a migraine. They questioned when I had cramps, wondering why those happened at the same times of the month. Despite all the questions they had, no one actually just directly asked me. I could have just answered them. Then, one of them directly insulted me, and when I squealed, they said I was overreacting. Still, I kept quiet and continued to plod along. I agreed with their assessment; admitted that I overreacted -- even when the admission killed a part of me. Despite the pain and embarrassment of having my concerns dismissed and being tagged as melodramatic, I pretended like nothing was amiss. I still showed up. I still contributed as best as I could. I knew by then, though, that there was no turning back anymore. Whatever "magic" was there in the first six months no longer existed. It was all but officially over. Now, July 23, 2025, I have had enough. It has become unbearable, and it's time to finally choose myself and my peace of mind. I know I'm not a loss to them. Why would I ever think otherwise? You don't treat someone you value that way. Honestly, they've been quite blatant in their desire to just get rid of me -- for me to just go away. And while I initially wanted to hold on longer, I realized that I actually hate them too. I guess I simply needed to grow a spine and choose myself and my dignity; to finally understand that no amount of money would ever be worth my self-worth.

I am still reeling from this decision. I have no actual plans. I have no backup. This is the first time that I have chosen to let go without a parachute.

And, now, I'm in free fall -- and I am fucking scared.

I finally know what I want to do with my life

On this day, 15 July 2025, I have decided to pursue my dream of becoming a writer.

I have finally reached a point in my career where I have enough money to no longer worry about survival. No SEO. No strategies. No marketing. Nothing. Just pure unadulterated writing.

Finally.

It's time for me to start chasing the one thing I have always longed to have.

Thank you, God, for this.

I fuckd up

i received a call from hr today. they told me managers and supervisors and workmates reported me for being a shitty employee. i didn't tell anyone, and my partner's outraged, but it's true. honestly, i've been pushing the limits. i do this all the time. i perfect something, gain praise, and then just mess it all up for some reason. i wonder why.

What’s a mindset I want to carry into the day?

That everyone is trying their best, and i don't need to carry all the burdens on my own.

I admit -- I've always had a savior complex. It's bad that I always seem to want to charge and "make people's lives better," but I realize now that it's also horrible in that I fail to see how these same people are trying on their own. And since I believe I am helping them, I ignore their efforts and just focus on what I'm doing for them. This leads to resentment -- from both parts -- because why? I can't help everybody. I shouldn't, and I should be okay with that.

I get religious people now

Being an adult is...HARD. Unless you're a billionaire, it's almost impossible to keep up with everything life throws at you. When I was younger, it was so easy to judge people who clung to religion. As I got older, I realized that -- you sort of have to. There is nowhere else you can turn to when everything seems insurmountable.

cue Lead Me Lord.

Table of Contents hide 1 Selfish People Quotes 1.1 Further reading Selfish People Quotes Selfish People Quotes. No one likes to spend time w

I have always known that you are selfish, and truth be told, it's probably the reason you're incredibly enraged with my sister. You're both self-centered and self-absorbed.

But, I noticed that you are more so -- so much more so. Today, I surprised you with a trip for Valentines and your birthday -- these on top of the monetary gift you are expecting from me.

While telling you about the trip, you made me massage your body because you said it hurts. And, I did. I spent an hour massaging you while telling you about the trip I paid for. After that, I made you coffee, cooked and plated your lunch, and washed the dishes. All you did was work. For your self. On your own files.

You knew that I had a very important meeting today. I told you -- repeatedly -- that today will be my review at work. Yet, you did nothing. That would have been fine, but you also added so much to my burden.

And then, you halfheartedly listened to my "celebratory recap" of my review before you went all sad and disheartened because you're ugly. So, I stopped and listened to your woes. You then made me order food and pick it up DESPITE knowing I had files to complete before the deadline YOU imposed on me. Then, you made me prepare the food I paid for and wash the dishes -- all the while ignoring me and just watching TV.

Now, you're in bed -- no doubt about to get hungry again and will expect me to fend for your survival.

Have you noticed that you took all my money and not bothered to ease my own financial burden? Remember the loans we took to pay off debts under YOUR name? I'm paying for them because you have no money. I don't know if you even know -- or if it even registered that I'm doing this for you. Then, when my bonus came, you took and deposited it to "our" bank account under YOUR name. Didn't you think I could have used that money to pay off the downpayment for the loans? Even when I said no, you could have just gone and sent it back. It's not like you actually need it.

I honestly no longer know what to do. I feel like I'm a decent human being, and yet, here I am with you. I wonder what I ever did in my life to deserve someone like you.

You fucking whore

I honestly don't get where you get off questioning my honesty and integrity. Really? YOU? You're the one questioning me? For fucking real?

YOU -- whose family members have done nothing but lie and fucking scheme?

YOU -- who lied to me for YEARS alongside your fucking family and fucking child? WOW. That's fucking rich. That's just so FUCKING RICH, you fucking whore.

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