It’s been a while since I’ve posted an update to this blog.
I’ve had a few false starts this year, to be sure.
Here’s an update, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.
Minus work, my time in Portland was great. It was way too short, to be honest. I loved that city. My job, though, was so bad. So very bad. Compared to other jobs I’ve had, working at the game studio in Portland was worse than waiting tables for Pizza Hut. It was worse than the time I worked at a Mobil gas station. It was slightly better than working for Taco Bell, though, so there’s that.
That office is dead now, at least. It’s frustrating that two of the worst people I’ve ever met in the world of game development have been able to find work elsewhere, but they’re each working for other mobile developers now. One is in Seattle, while the other is in the LA area. I’d like to say I wish them luck, but that would be a lie.
In my subsequent job search, I had a couple of false starts. As the weeks ticked by, I saw my savings rapidly dwindle. About 12 weeks into my unemployment, I received a couple of actual job offers. One was doing mobile game work in Vancouver, and the other was in doing something different in Orlando.
I think my time in mobile scared me away from that type of work for a while, so I went with the gig in Florida. I have been questioning that choice ever since.
The gig has been okay... it’s just on the edge of game development, in the world of VR & simulations research, so I could use this to pivot just about anywhere. The people are nice enough, although they’re a lot more uptight. The hours are stable.
But the cross-country move was kinda devastating, both financially and emotionally. I miss my friends in the Pacific Northwest. After a lifetime of moves, I’m getting so tired of them. I’d like to feel as though I can really put down roots for once. I’m starting to think I’m not destined to have that kind of life.
Right before the move, my mom passed away. I’m still working through that. I’d like to say I’m just soldiering on, like... I dunno... like I should? I guess? I’m not, though. Some days are worse than others. The holidays have been difficult. About a month after my move, my sister sent me half of my mom’s ashes. Even though we had talked about it, I still wasn’t really prepared for it.
The loss of my car after an accident a few weeks ago was simply insult to injury. It’s frustrating, but what can you do, right? The kid was late to finals, he wasn’t paying attention, and that was that. No more car. At least we all walked away from it. And... as much as I don’t need the additional debt right now... I was able to replace the car. So there’s that. I’m counting my blessings. I truly am.
So many losses have happened in 2017. It’s been a hard year. A year of loss and separation. I guess that sort of thing is supposed to be humbling. It’s supposed to make me understand how little I personally control in the scheme of things, or something like that. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.
I don’t really feel humbled, though, as much as I feel worn down and worn out. I’ve had a week off, and that’s helped. I haven’t even pushed myself to do or make anything in this week, because I really needed some time to just... not do anything.
But I need to set some goals and to try to do something on a regular basis. Even if it’s crap. Especially if it’s crap. And I need to step outside of my shell a little more often. It’s too easy to retreat, and I don’t think we’re meant to retreat. I think moving forward is a better option, even if it’s hard. I am trying to be brave, for no one but myself. That feels like the right thing to do, and I’ve learned to trust those feelings.
Anyhow, it’s the end of 2017, and I’m ready to ring it out. I’m reflecting a bit on things. It’s been a hard year. I’ve maybe only had one or two years that have been more difficult. I hope 2018 is better. I hope it’s better for everyone that I know. It seems like we could all use a break.
Hey, I’m still happy to talk to people. I’m happy to answer questions, and I’m happy to build on the friendships I’ve made through this blog. I’m not very talkative right now, and I’m sorry for that. I was already kinda shy to begin with. But, in the spirit of embracing something new, I’m happy to go against the grain a bit.
Until my next post, take care of yourself. I hope the world is kind to you in the meanwhile.
Have a Happy New Year, everyone. :)
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