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New Home Chapter One Archive

The drill failed. The Cluster is still growing. And Yellow Diamond has arrived on Earth to retrieve Peridot and her geo-weapon. Desperate, Steven offers himself and everything he can do to Yellow Diamond. In exchange, she will terminate the Cluster. He now lives on her ship as they set course back to Homeworld.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Bonus Comic Archive

Shatter

Cleave

Fracture

Earth

sevralships

Fanfiction Masterpost

The Much-Needed Rebloggable Redux

One Shots

Blind Date - Adult twins live together but occasionally take blind dates to better conceal their relationship. Dipper grapples with jealousy, while Mabel considers what could’ve been on a pleasant date with another man. 7,642 words. NSFW. Pinecest. Blind Date on AO3

Perfecto - When the twins parents leave them alone in the house, Mabel wants to make Dipper a perfecto dinner. Angst ‘n’ fluff, fluff ‘n’ angst. 2,502 words. SFW. Pinecest. Perfecto on AO3

Weird Is Good - (Prompted by kaylaber) Mabel reassures her abrasive lab partner, Bill Snakes. Bad boy Bill raised by Jimmy Snakes AU. 2,016 words. TW mild derogatory language. SFW. MaBill.

Sweatertown - It is the first Christmas since Mabel and Dipper graduated from their respective colleges, but post-grad life has been treating them a little differently. With Dipper working his dream job in NY and their relationship up in the air, Mabel has a lot to mull over while she knits a Christmas sweater. 4,540 words. SFW. Pinecest. Sweatertown on AO3

Mood Lighting - Valentine’s Day gift to Handleonthescandal ! Mabel Pines had always been a romantic at heart. After a lifetime of dreaming of her Prince Charming, she’s beginning to find High School dating disheartening. But when he turns up somewhere unexpected, she has to adjust to dreams looking a little different when they come true. 5,736 words. SFW. Pinecest. Mood Lighting on AO3

Oasis - For years, the twins fantasized about the day they could live together, far from prying eyes and watchful parents. A safe haven where they could love each other freely. They’ve lived together for a few months now and it is lacking some of the passion and glamour that Mabel expected. 5,428 words. TW angst, some cynicism. NSFW. Pinecest. Oasis on AO3

Mabey, Baby - The Pines triplets are back at their Grunkle’s for another summer. When Mabel has the idea to host a talent show for the residents of Gravity Falls, both Dipper and Jo help make it happen. Jo struggles with stage fright and forgiving herself. 7,104 words. TW incest. Angst, fluff, and smut in one tidy package. NSFW. Jolene AU/Pinecest. Contains ‘Just Because You Can’ spoilers. Mabey, Baby on AO3

Making Amends - authorized sequel to @handleonthescandal‘s fic “Mending the Pieces”. After three years of estrangement, Mabel shows up in Gravity Falls out of the blue, hoping to reconcile with Dipper. Can the twins put aside their anger and heartbreak to mend their broken relationship? Angst, angst, n more angst. TW coarse language, TW incest. 3,939 words. NSFW. Pinecest.

Worlds Apart - This fic is set a few months after Ford was accidentally sucked into the portal. Ford tries to avoid being captured in a dimension far from home, while Stan closes up the new and flourishing Murder Hut. Inspired by the Dipper quote “No one should be alone on their birthday.” Good grief, so much angst. SFW. 4,429 words. SFW. No ships (could be Stancest or Billford if you have enough faith).

Reunion - This fic is set in a version of @handleonthescandal‘s fem!dippin AU with fem!dip, Mabel, and Ty. After nearly ten years since the Pines triplets were all together in Gravity Falls for any length of time, they meet up at the Mystery Shack for only a weekend, and Mabel finds herself tempted to pick up right where they left off. Angst, fluff, smut. TW incest. 11,200 words. NSFW. Fem!Dippin Pinecest. Reunion on AO3

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Second Chance - (link to AO3) When Bill Cipher is accidentally freed, Mabel makes a tough call. Both Mabel and Bill find their expectations challenged by each other. 39,751 words, 32 chapters. TW rape/non-con, TW slavery, TW weird Bill BDSM bloodplay stuff. NSFW. MaBill.

Not What He Seems - Bill Cipher has been gathering his strength, impersonating Stan Pines for five years since Weirdmageddon was thwarted by the Mystery Twins. When Mabel and Dipper return to Gravity Falls, preoccupied by their newly-discovered attraction to each other, will they recognize that anything is amiss before it is too late? 42,949 words, 32 chapters. TW rape/non-con, TW gore, TW age difference, TW incest, TW one-sided MaBill. NSFW. Primarily Pinecest, with secondary one-sided MaBill. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6 FIN] Not What He Seems on AO3

Just Because You Can - The Pines triplets, Mabel, Dipper, and Jolene, have always been best friends. But lately, there’s been some distance growing between the Mystery Kids, due in part to the forbidden feelings with which they are each struggling. How will they manage to see eye to eye, when torn between wanting each other and craving adventure? 35,841 words, 26 Chapters. Mostly SFW. Jolene AU Pinecest. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7 FIN] Just Because You Can on AO3

Odds & Ends

Out With a Bang - Disturbing Double Dippin’ crackfic. An incestuous threesome gone awry. 2,356 words. TW gore, TW character death. NSFW. Double Dippin’. Out With a Bang on AO3

Waking Nightmare - (excerpt from WIP) Adult twins struggle with sanity disturbances of all kinds in the wake of Weirdmageddon trauma. INDEFINITELY UNFINISHED. 1,296 words. TW gore, TW blood, TW incest, TW insanity, TW implied cannibalism, TW fucked up Bill Cipher mind games. SFW, technically. Eventually was going to be Pinecest.

The Deep End - A Handships Story! A NSFW story about me and the one and only handleonthescandal, closely based on true events. Only tangentially related to Gravity Falls. NSFW. Fluff ‘n’ smut. 3,085 words.

Good Mornin’ - A Handships Story, Take Two! A NSFW story about me and handleonthescandal starting the morning right, closely based on true events. Not related to Gravity Falls. NSFW. Fluff ‘n’ smut. 3,274 words.

The Penile Code - A Fifty Story. A very NSFW crackfic about two fellow Pinecest authors. A Collaboration with starsnpines. 7,818 words.

Bloodlust - (Entry for asterism-pinoideae’s Creature of the Week Challenge. Mine was prompted by the Journal 3 entry on Giant Vampire Bats)When young supernatural investigator Stanford Pines hits a road-block in his study of Gravity Falls’ Giant Vampire Bats, his mysterious muse encourages some unorthodox research. TW bloodplay, TW vampirism/autovampirism, TW cutting/self-harm, TW all sorts of fucked up Bill stuff, TW Stangst. Billford. NSFW, 4370 words

Shelter From the Storm - A Handships Story. A SFW story about me and @handleonthescandal cuddling and kissing while it rains. 1,349 words.

ianime0

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood | Ep 12 | You don’t have to act so strong.

hero1994city

reverse mable,dipper in kekkai sensen

marcoharem

Last random thoughts of the year

Hello everyone, and welcome to the last “Random Thoughts” post of 2018. I know I’ve been very outspoken about things I didn’t like from season 3 and… I know that some of you enjoyed S3 and that’s okay because it’s important to have different opinions, all that goes without saying.

Now, the reason I’m bringing this up is because, instead of talk about what went wrong, this time I want to focus on what went right. What makes SvtFoE so appealing, and in order to understand this, we need to talk about the most important aspect of every succesful cartoon: The Characters.

The problem is that this show in particular has way too many characters to analyse and discuss, so to make it nice and clear, we’ll just focus on the main characters: Marco and Star. People of the MvtFoL community, I present to you:

Top 8 Reasons Why (I Think) Marco is a better character than Star

DISCLAIMER: The thoughts and opinions expressed on this post belong solely to the author (that’s me) and doesn’t necessarily represent the views of the MvtFoL community as a whole.

#8-Sidekicks: I know this one technically doesn’t count because we’re talking about the main characters, but on my experience, the friends you choose to hang out with tell a lot about you on a personal level (especially if you’re a teenager like Marco and Star)

Star has Princess Ponyhead, a rude, loud, egotistical and obnoxious character that (from my perspective) only exists to appeal to younger kids who love memes and internet culture. Marco on the other hand has Alfonso and Ferguson, two stereotypical geek characters that were created out of executive meddling (and that’s not my perspective, Nefcy already comfirmed this statement)

Now, I’m not saying that Alfonzo and Ferguson were particularly outstanding or interesting, (in fact a lot of people find them annoying) I’m just suggesting that they are less obnoxious than Ponyhead, not because they’re human, but because they seem more genuine as people, unlike Pony Head who always seems like she’s trying WAY too hard to be “hip” and “cool”.

#7 Character Archetypes: Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Star, I don’t think she’s the worst of her kind, nor she should go away and allow Marco to become the main character (it would be nice for a change, but that’s beside the point) my point is: The energetic-cutesy-bubbly-lovable-sillypants archetype has been done like a million times before, so in terms of personality, she brings nothing new to the table.

Marco is completely different story. Yeah, he may seem like the average teenage boy at first, but unlike Star, he plays these character traits to his advantage. For example, on the first episode of the series, when Ludo and his minions were about to attack to take Star’s wand, he jumps in front of Star to protect her and shows his karate skills for the first time, subverting the idea that just because he’s “the safety kid” it doesn’t mean he’s a useless coward with no skills or talent whatsoever.

#6 Character Appeal: This part is more subjective if we consider that we’re talking about characters from a kids show and… I’m not part of the main target audience, but with that said: I never found Star very appealing, I mean, she’s skilled with magic, can be occasionally funny and design-wise she’s good looking. But other than her magic and goofy antics, Star is not very likeable. In fact, she can be overbearing at times (especially when she’s paired with Pony Head)

Being an average human being, Marco’s skills such as karate, cooking, psychology, etc. comes from his own hard work rather than just play the “it’s magic, don’t question it” card like Star does. Not to mention his deadpan sense of humor and delivery is way more subtle than Star…. Also, for what I understand, he’s considered to be pretty handsome both in-universe and by the fanbase, but that’s something I’ll leave for open interpretation.

#5 Better Living Through Chemistry: One of the things Starco fans always bring up when they talk about the couple, is the amount of chemistry between Marco and Star and… yes, they’re right from a certain point of view, but here’s the thing: Marco has good chemistry with pretty much everyone.

I mean, every time he shares screentime with a female character (whether be Star, Jackie, Janna, Hekapoo, Kelly and so on) he nails it almost everytime, I mean aside from being a good speaker, he’s nice, gentle, loyal and (for the most part) selfess… Star on the other hand… well… There’s Oskar Greason and… StanFan13 I guess?

Which is funny considering how in season 1 gave us the impression that the writers were going to take “reverse harem” route and make Marco, Tom and Oskar falling for Star, but come on… she’s both a wizard AND a member of the royalty. She doesn’t need a bunch of guys fighting for her as well (even Tom seems to have better chemistry with Marco than her, just remember the “friendenemies” episode)

#4 Role model: Now, I don’t think that all the characters on every kids show should be a role model nor preach us with sappy morals and stuff… but here’s the thing: Fiction is a form of escapism and characters serve as self-insertions in which the audience project themselves either at a concious or an unconscious level.

Characters like Marco work with this idea at the right level. He’s strong, intelligent and charming, but he’s also shy, clumsy, naive and has moments of childishness as well. He has enough character development to distinguish from the average harem protagonist, but he also has enough flaws to avoid the mary sue territory. That sounds like a good role model to me.

And Star is… how can I put it? She acts like a brat. Not only that, but she’s also very vain and shallow, even when she seems to fight for a noble cause. The irony is that while Brittney was created as a foil for Star (both of them are rich, self-entitled princesses) Star can be just as rude and spoiled as her.

#3 Symphaty contest: Once again, Marco outperforms Star on almost every level. And this may sound bias to all of you but I’m sorry, I can’t feel any sympathy towards Star even when she’s being naive or well-intended.

The only episode I can recall where I felt symphathy for Star was the “Other Exchange Student” episode, because it was the first time someone else took the spotlight away from her. Also it was a breath of fresh air to see her getting jealous, but not on a romantic way…

#2 Character Development: During the first 2 seasons, Marco not only proved to be a highly talented individual, but also proved to be capable to overcome every single misfortune that got in his way (Tom, the naysaya, the cashier of the VHS Depot, the monster arm), he found the courage to speak to Jackie only to find out that she reciprocates his feelings, and just like like every human being he commited mistakes such as trying to slander Jeremy by recording a video of him being a douche to expose him to Sensei Brantley, only to realize all by himself that spy on people is bad.

And meanwhile, Star… pretty much remains the same. And no, turning into a giant butterfly with god-like superpowers doesn’t count as character development. And like I said, even though she learns that monsters are creatures with hopes and dreams just like the mewmans, it doesn’t change the fact that she still treats Marco like garbage (Booth buddies), annoys her mother even when she’s on a highly stressful sitaution (Battle of Mewni) and kisses Marco and keep it in secret only for Marco to do the right thing and confess (Divide/Conquer) so don’t be surprised to find people on the internet that… doesn’t like her very much.

#1 Overall Best Person: And once again, it seems like I’m beating a dead horse, but it can’t be said enough: Marco is an individual with higher moral values than Star.

I mean, seriously: He’s willing to do ANYTHING for Star, whether be cross-dressing, fight monsters, give up his entire life and happiness for a vague promise of being knighted. And the fact that so many people find acceptable that Star keeps perpetuating this cycle of abuse as if is “cute” is just… ugh… I’m sorry, I just cringed for a moment.

And again: I have nothing against Star, but please: Stop pretending she’s like a perfect little flower that deserves being rewarded only for who she is rather than her own merits. And as long as that old, tired dynamic doesn’t change, I’ll keep saying that Marco Diaz is a much better character than Star Butterfly.

And that’s all I have to say for today. Thank you for your time and I wish you all a happy new year. And rembember: The point of these posts is to encourage discussion and keep this page alive, because let’s face it: It’s up to us to give Marco support by shipping him with all the female characters (including Star), even if it’s not cannon. That way we’re reaffirming the fact that Marco is more important to SvtFoE than Star ever will…

#haremshipisthebestship

momswapverse

The End

Throwing in the towel here. Here’s a list of the stuff I was going for with this blog but didn’t manage to flesh out.

Consider it a proposal for a Steven Momswapverse AU:

Keep reading

990000

source

grossgiirl-deactivated20200228

This is how I used to teach a couple of students how to create vehicles or weird creatures when they had trouble coming up with ideas

montatora501-deactivated2018121

Okay those actually look amazing!!

bingomann

Prologue: 1, 2

–

Garden Falls (Content warning: death, blood, self-harm, slight body horror):

1 - extra - 2 - 3 - extra - 4 - 5 - 6 - extra - 7 - 8 -extra - 9 - 10

dA pages

–

Mabel side: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4.1 - 4.2 - extra

–

Dipper side: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

–

Greg side: COMING SOON

—-

A thousand kudos to Patrick Mchale for featuring me! He is a gift to this world.

loubuggins

YOU’RE FREAKING WELCOME TEEN TITANS FANDOM

thegulfcoastraven

Oh for the love of GOD please!!😭 😥 i need it back i dont care if its just for one season!

kungfutemple

kilowave

solid-scribe

Marcapoo Week 2018

Day 2: Adventures in the Multiverse

One month. That’s how long it had been since he returned home from Hekapoo’s challenge. But, it didn’t really feel like a month… It felt shorter or was it longer? Time differences can really screw with your head. When he left he was fourteen, then he spent sixteen years chasing Hekapoo. During those sixteen years he learned, forged friendships, experienced loss, and even found love. Now, was de-aged by over half his life and the one person who know thought it was no big deal. It’s just eight minutes. It was a big deal though, because Marco’s home was no longer his home.

He had tried to fit back into his old life, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He had forgotten everything that he had learned in school and was in danger of failing. On top of that, Star still didn’t seem to grasp the fact that he had spent sixteen years hunting Hekapoo; and instead seemed to want him to be the same ‘Safe Kid’ he always was. But, that Marco, was gone; dead and gone for a decade and a half now.

Because of this, he had spent the last several nights staying up looking at his Dimensional Scissors and debating with himself.

‘You can’t do it, Marco,’ he argued. ‘If you give in, it’ll just be harder to readjust.’

‘Yeah, but she said I could come over whenever I wanted too, and I want to,’ he countered. ‘Besides, it’s not like anything here would be missed. A couple of years there, a minute here. Besides, remember the wedding?’

Marco sighed pleasantly as he remembered that particular memory. Close to the end of his challenge, Hekapoo had informed him that the challenge would be put on hold, due to something threatening the stability of the dimensional walls. Not one to be left behind, Marco offered to join her. So, for the next 3 months they traveled together, learning more about each other as they went, and eventually tracked the disturbances to a group of occultist beneath ancient church. And how do you get access to a church?

You get married!

“Wait! What?” Marco asked in shock.

“You heard me, we’re getting married,” replied Hekapoo with a roll of her golden eyes. “Weren’t you listening?”

“Yeah, but marriage?”

“Listen Fleshwad, the Church of Aquila is old; very old. Older than me, old. So, when I tell you, the only way we’re getting in there is by marriage; then we are getting married.” Hekapoo snapped. “Besides, it won’t really be us, it’ll just be two clones that I make to look like us,” she reasoned with a shrug.

Unable to come up with an argument against it, Marco agreed and days later the two were set to be married and people form villages all over came to attend.

As Hekapoo’s disguised clones stood at the alter and performed the traditional Aquilian marriage ceremony, the real Hekapoo and Marco were nearly half a mile below the surface in a series of ancient catacombs hunting down the occultist. They had to hurry as the ceremony would only last for a couple of hours.

“Is that the last one,” Hekapoo asked as an occultist slumped over dead.

“Yeah”

“Then, let’s move it,” she replied as she ran. We only have twenty minutes to get back to the changing rooms before the clones disappear.”

Marco had come to learn that Hekapoo’s specialty clones only lasted so long, three hours at the most.

The two split up and arrived back at the groom and bride’s rooms with a couple of minutes to spare. A moment later, the disguised Hekapoo clone walked in.

“Wait here for a couple of minutes and catch your breath,” the clone said before disappearing.

Marco did as the clone suggested and worked on slowing his breathing. He hadn’t expected such a hard fight in such a short amount of time.

Minutes later a knock came from the door. Opening the door, Marco saw that it was one of the church’s nuns.

“Follow me, please,” she said with a bow of her head.

With nothing to say he couldn’t Marco wordlessly followed her. A couple of long hallways and turns later, he was lead to Hekapoo and the head priest. Before any questions could be asked, the priest spoke, “If the happy couple would follow me,” and began walking.

Unable to do anything, but follow him, the two were led down a couple of long halls and then up several flights of stairs. At the top of the stairs was a door that the priest unlocked and ushered them into.

“Enjoy,” the priest said as he closed and locked the door behind them.

However, Marco and Hekapoo didn’t hear him as they were transfixed on the beauty of the room. The floor was a checkered pattern of purple and white marble with gold inlay. Obsidian columns stood about the room holding the ceiling up. All around them beauty stood out here and there. Then finally, their eyes landed on the bed. The bed was massive, easily able to hold twenty of Hekapoo’s clones comfortably.

“Why is there a bed here?” Marco turned to ask the priest, only to then realized the priest was gone and they were locked in.

“Do you know what’s going on?” he asked Hekapoo.

As Hekapoo thought a chant began to grow louder and louder below them.

“Hakpa, Hekpa, Hekpa”

“Hekpa? What does that mean?” Marco wondered aloud.

“It means I should have thought this through,” Hekapoo replied with a growing blush on her cheeks.

“What do you mean?” He asked as he turned to face her.

“Remember how I said the Church of Aquila is an ancient church?” She asked with a full blow tomato red face. “I don’t know it there is a word for it in your language, but basically Aquila is the church of pregnancy. And part of the traditional Aquilian wedding ceremony is to take the freshly married couple and lock them into one of the marriage rooms for thirty days for the hopes of producing children. And, ‘Hakpa’, is the traditional chant for ‘good joining’.”

With his own blush covering his face, Marco asked, “You mean-“

“Yes,” she replied interrupting him. “This room was designed to amplify the sounds of the bed, so If we don’t get to it soon. They’ll know something is up and we’ll have a lot of questions to answer.”

Before Marco could say anything, Hekapoo pushed him onto the bed. “We don’t have a choice. So, prepare yourself,” she said as she began to undress.

That night, and the following twenty-nine nights, two souls in the vast cosmos of the multiverse became one and grew to know each other in a way that could never be broken.

Marco opened his eyes, as he finished the memory, ‘I’ve made my decision.’ He grabbed the scissors and cut open a glowing orange portal.

It was time to see his wife.

marcoloveshekapoo

Nice work!

piyox22

tokai-teio

I N T E N S E A N I M E V I O L E N C E

W R E S T L I N G W I T H O U T L I M I T S

buryooooo

Fight Falls comics (About Fight Falls)

# Awkward Sibling Hug # Sharing # The Incnoveniencing - 1, 2 , 3 , 4 # Nerd vs Childish # After the Bunker - 1, 2, 3 # Sock Opera -1, 2, 3 <= 6/29 Update! , working

Siblings AU comics (About Siblings AU)

# Character settings & Doodles -1 , 2 , 3(by Tanosan96)

# 4-ko comic- 1&2 , 3 , 4 , 5

# The Cipher Brothers

# Swear words

Other comics

# BillDip-Trick or Treat or Kiss?- part I, part II (Based on Zero Gravity & Fight Falls, Zero!Bill x Fight! Dipper)

# Mabifica- New Year’s Eve (Based on Fight Falls)

# WillDip- I’ll meet you in the next world- part I, working (Based on Siblings AU, Zero!Will x Rev!Dipper)

# 2017 April fools prank (Based on Siblings AU)

ASK edition

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7

Whenever I post some new comic, I’ll update this post and reblog to announce in a few days!

overwatch-au

the talon!mccree au

*sweats* ok i know it’s been like six months but have some mchanzo (also thanks @leyaoi for the correction!)

in this universe, talon catches mccree before overwatch does, and genji does not rebel from the shimadas. hanzo joins overwatch of his own volition, allowing genji to take over the clan. genji meets a boy who becomes his advisor, and then his lover. he and zenyatta are married four years later, at the same time the shimada clan’s activity becomes completely peaceful. the old shimadas protest, but they do not rebel, wary of hanzo’s wrath.

hanzo becomes one of overwatch’s top agents. he is sent to france for a mission, where he meets the socialite ballerina amelie lacroix. they become close friends, fuelled by a mutual love of sarcasm

when talon takes amelie, hanzo is frantic with worry. she returns, and he is the only one who sees that she is not unscathed. when gerard is murdered, he is saddened but unsurprised.

overwatch sends him on the hunt for her the next day, accompanied by lena ‘tracer’ oxton, the pesky brat of a speedster.

(they have a few conversations beyond the battlefield banter, fuelled by liquor and the darkness that lurks behind their eyes. ‘i loved her’, she admits, one midnight, and then she hides her tears in hanzo’s robe.)

unfortunately, talon has an interest in keeping widowmaker. they send out one of their best agents, a cowboy with a stupid belt buckle and a stupid hat and a stupidly pretty face who likes to do distracting things during fights.

like flirt.

tracer and hanzo are following a tip to a talon base when there’s a gunshot nearby. they trade glances, and then tracer darts down the edge of a building and disappears into the street below

hanzo pulls an arrow from his quiver and nocks it in a practiced motion, scanning the surrounding area. he waits.

suddenly, a rush of hot breath brushes his ear

‘hey, pretty boy.’

hanzo flushes and spins, releasing an arrow.

if it’s a little skewed, it’s because of the wind. nothing to do with the red painted across hanzo’s cheeks.

hanzo curses and reaches for another arrow

abruptly, there’s a tug on his ponytail. he hasn’t cut his hair in a while, and it falls nearly to the small of his back. he whirls, and comes nose-to-nose with the cowboy.

he goes even redder, which is not helped by the cowboy stepping closer.

‘back to play so soon, hanzo?’

he winks. hanzo nearly falls off the edge of the roof.

‘i-uh-’ and his breath stutters in his throat. the cowboy looks at him with that infernal grin on his face.

suddenly, mccree’s com buzzes. hanzo’s close enough to hear it. he’s frozen, and it’s not as if the cowboy’s doing anything to increase the distance between them (and his eyes are really quite pretty up close, and also he has freckles. which should not be cute.)

‘hiya, reapy,’ mccree chirps.

‘where are you?’ a pause. ‘and don’t call me that.’

‘i’m, uh, doin’ something,’ mccree says eventually.

hanzo isn’t moving. why isn’t he moving this is someone who has tried to kill him many times in the past why isn’t he nocking an arrow right now he’s going to die because he was distracted by a pretty boy

there’s a derisive snort from over the line. ‘are you with that boy you keep obsessing over? the one you keep gushing over?’

mccree turns scarlet. ‘um-’

‘what was his name? oh yeah. the shimada. hanzo, right?’

hanzo’s eyes go wide. ‘you-’

‘sorry, reaps, i’m losing ya-’ he clicks off the com.

‘you- i- gushing- wha?’

it’s not hanzo’s most eloquent moment, but it’s excusable.

‘i, um-’ the cowboy scratches the back of his neck, steadfastly refusing to meet hanzo’s astonished gaze. ‘i mighta, kinda- well, i reckon i should say this-’

there’s another gunshot in the distance, and they jump apart like teenagers caught making out.

‘i-uh-that’s my cue to-’ mccree starts helplessly

‘yes, i’ll just-’

hanzo does an awkward backwards shuffle and disappears over the edge

and then mccree hurls himself off the roof.

he lands on his feet like a cat, one hand securing his hat to his head, only to see reaper gliding out of the nearest building. he’s wearing a shit-eating grin. (you can’t tell, because he’s a wraith and also he’s wearing the stupid mask, but it’s there.)

‘just a little crush, my ass.’

mccree blows out a sigh. of course. ‘papá!’

‘i told you,’ he says smugly. ‘you-’ and he jabs a finger into jesse’s chest- ‘are-’ jab- ‘weak-’ for- ‘pretty-’ jab- ‘boys.’ and he jabs mccree into a wall.

‘i didn’t even- what-’

‘don’t deny it! you like him.’

‘papá!’

‘you want to kiss him, eh?’ at mccree’s fierce blush, he snickers. ‘hopeless. such a loser.’

‘says the guy who can’t even ask out a man he’s known for years.’ mccree shoots back.

it’s gabe’s turn to splutter. ‘you- pendejo- morrison and i are a different situation!’

‘different situation. yada yada.’

‘okay,’ gabe says, regaining his composure. ‘here’s the deal. you ask this shimada character out on a date and i’ll talk to morrison.’

‘aww, papá! ya can’t do that!’

gabe smirks, folding his arms. ‘why?’

‘ya know i just want y’all to be happy! why you gotta do this?’

‘so you finally get some courage. go talk to the loser. ya have my blessing or whatever.’

mccree grins up at him. gabe wraps an arm around his shoulders and rubs his knuckles against his head.

‘alright, papá!’ and he races off, holding onto his hat.

gabe watches after him with a fond expression. there’s a snicker from over his shoulder, and he whips around.

‘shh, you.’

‘so you do have feelings,’ sombra drawls, stepping out of the shadows. ‘never woulda thought it, papá.’

he messes up her hair with a hand. she yelps and darts away, frantically adjusting her hair.

‘shut your damn mouth.’

mccree finds hanzo in the building where he and tracer are cooped up. he crawls through the window and finds himself face to face with the barrel of a sparking blue-orange gun.

‘hey, mate,’ lena says, with a terrifying grin. ‘ya mind?’

‘um, well, i really do-’

‘who’s that?’ comes a call, and hanzo rounds the corner, bow at the ready. he freezes when he sees mccree.

‘uh- hi.’ mccree fiddles with his hat. ‘i was wonderin’ if i could talk to you. an’ i ain’t comin’ from talon. just me. and you.’

hanzo stares at him for a moment, before slowly lowering his bow. tracer takes her cue, and disappears, winking at hanzo.

‘so, uh, about earlier-’

‘yes, we should discuss that-’

‘of course.’ mccree shifts from side to side. ‘we should talk.’

hanzo looks at him. ‘should i-’

‘yes. please. go ahead.’

‘we should definitely talk,’ hanzo says. mccree steps a little closer, smiling.

he gets a little rush of courage at hanzo’s blush. ‘then again,’ he murmurs, ‘maybe i should just show you.’

and then he leans in and kisses him.

hanzo makes a muffled noise that sounds oddly like ‘oh my god,’ and then he drops his bow and pulls jesse in, one hand sliding to the back of his neck.

when they part, both of them are blushing, with matching wide grins.

‘so, uh-’ jesse starts. ‘you wanna go get coffee?’

hanzo laughs. ‘i’d love to.’

and then he kisses him again.

jesse posts a picture of him and hanzo to the official talon instagram. hanzo’s mouth is pressed to his cheek, and both of them are holding non-fat venti chai lattes. it’s captioned ‘i guess this time we do play on the same team.’

gabe (@death) comments with ‘u better not hurt my boy shimada #happyforyou’. the official overwatch instagram likes it. genji comments with 24 winky face emojis. when talon tries to take it down, sombra just takes control of all their social media.

when talon sends mccree into the field, he just ignores his mission objective and goes to get coffee with hanzo. gabe complains about being sent to do the dirty work that mccree neglects.

he and jack do work it out, by the way.

mccree makes friends with hanzo’s dragons. one of them likes to perch on his shoulder and rest its head on his hat. sombra takes pictures and sends them to gabriel. gabriel has them all saved to his family folder. when widowmaker is released into the field, she gets them too, and she teases hanzo mercilessly.

‘into a cowboy? la honte.’

‘fuck off,’ hanzo says cheerfully, texting jesse a kissy face emoji. ‘you’re into a girl that unironically says ‘the cavalry’s here’ everytime she shows up to a battlefield.’

‘wha- i don’t- i don’t even have feelings.’ she huffs, and disappears off the edge of the roof.

mccree ambles along a few moments later, and sits down next to hanzo.

‘i believe i was promised a kiss,’ he says. hanzo grins and kisses him.

they get married a few years later. the entirety of overwatch gathers, and widowmaker and sombra are the groomsmaids. genji and zenyatta arrive, and hanzo’s father walks him down the aisle.

they recite their vows, and as gabe finishes reading off the ceremony script, jesse places his hat onto hanzo’s head and pulls him in for a long kiss. amelie releases the doves, and they break apart, laughing, at her grumpy expression. they shove cake in each others’ faces and take their first dance and kiss each other for the wedding photos

and in the end, it all works out just fine.

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