There was a difference in being given Freedom, and being given a longer leash. Briar appreciated the fact she still had some resemblance of her previous job; she still had the ability to go wherever she wanted, whenever she wanted–no rules as long as she played nice with others. But she still felt like she was constantly trapped in a corner; caged. Her hunts were always her highlights, but then she was constantly worried about the people she left behind; and that was all it took for her to be yanked back to the place she had gradually grown to despise. The freedom they gave was just an illusion; one she could see straight through. One that gave the people of Cheyenne, order and security in trade for silence and domestication. But there was no such thing as domestication; and you could only pull the wool over peoples eyes for so long before they started suspecting.
Despite her particular feelings; she’d hold back her detest. She was raised to be caring. To be benevolent--and that nature had considerably changed with the evolution over the past six years; there was loss, and personal demons, dark secrets and heartache–all of which took its turn on freezing over her warm heart. But that didn’t mean she didn’t carry the urge, and drive, to protect those who meant the most to her. If playing nice meant she’d stick around (and not end up with a similar fate of a particular pair of hosts.) long enough to continue being lowkey concerned about her familiars, then she’d have to simply oblige and put up with the fate that had been hastily forced upon Cheyenne. Like herself, she knew most of those on her limited list of people she had actually let into her life, could be perfectly capable of looking after themselves. Especially a particular man, which–started out as no more than a simple and innocent friendship, but eventually expanded and crossed that specific line.
Theo was different; it was a relationship built on honesty and respect, truth and understanding; mixed in with a formation of mutual support and empathy. It wasn’t complicated–he wasn’t complicated; not when , for the past few years they had been there for each other in moral support and otherwise. There were no lies, no hassles–he had long given up on his little tricks and deceiving nature on her; eventually working her out to the point to know she was a hard person to get past. They had a silent perception of each other. There was no hiding, no secrets–they shared things as they were and that was that. It was carefree, and if she was honest, it was a relief. ‘’Just saying,’’ she replied, hands slightly raised in mock defense; although a scoff was emitted at the mention of her shower; not that she was surprised by it but still.. Taking a seat across from her; he immediately sparked her interest, drawing her full attention–if he hadn’t already. ‘’Things?’’ she questioned, inquisitive eyes staring back across at him. ‘’Everything okay?’’
The walls that surrounded them kept every survivor trapped; hoping to find escape. For the first time in his life he didn’t have the power to run away from his problems or his fears. He had to face them day in and day out. He’d valued his life far too much in the past five years worth of raids to risk leaving while out performing his duties. The last three weeks, however, had been torture of the highest nature. The opportunity was there: run, run and be free. With the long list of realizations he’d uncovered within himself, dying hadn’t been such a worry. In fact it may have been the only way out, since the only issues he held now rested solely within his own mind. Surely, there was no other way to escape his thoughts other than death. He did contemplate it for a brief few days, until he found his lifeline. She’d been there, as if waiting, and held her hand out to him and helped him rise from the dirty ground. Not like an angel, not like something so wildly beyond his comprehension. But like a comrade.
His head was in a rare moment of enlightenment: somewhere in the eye of the storm. The winds of chaos and destruction whipped around him, around them, but at the moment nothing but the calm mattered. Nothing but him and the resolve budding in his mind like some long lost dream; some clarity between the haze. It’d been a long time since he felt that way -- felt wonderfully in sync with himself. With his life and other, more internal and emotional matters. It was strange to feel this way, to hold such a peace and such a war inside simultaneously. And it was stranger still to know she was familiar with them both. Theo wasn’t sure when she became such a prominent figure in his life. When she stopped being a nuisance and started being a friend, or when friendship became far too little of a definition to fit her in. Nothing was enough. Briar didn’t fit inside any pre-made box. She was so much more. She was all of them. At times he felt stupid for not seeing it before.
Much like a giddy child, his heart beat excitedly against his chest. This was the high. This was not a moment meant to last and if he didn’t hurry his mouth to speak the words then they’d never come out. He’d lock them inside his throat where the light of day couldn’t find them; he’d bury them with his backbone, somewhere in the graveyard-turned-farmlands inside the walls and maybe then his mixed feelings would bloom with something remotely beautiful. Perhaps not roses, but dandelions would do. “Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s fine,” he began, trying to give her a reassuring smile. It faltered only slightly when he spoke the next words. “I saw her -- Ingrid. We...talked.” That wouldn’t exactly be the correct word; screaming and crying and breaking down were not covered with something as trivial as talking, but the simple verb would have to do. “And I -- I wanted to tell you sooner, before I left, but I was still working things over in my head. But I wanted you to know.” He wasn’t making any sense, his was jumbling words like a crooked crossword puzzle. “It’s not easy for me, but I have to. You have the right to know. It’s complicated and I haven’t figured it out yet, not completely, but I promise I’ll keep working, I just...” If there’s one thing Theo wasn’t good at, it was expressing what his sorry head and heart truly wanted. Lying, putting up an act -- that he excelled at. But being honest with not only her, but himself -- he had no practice on that front. He released a breath, and with it he muttered the words. “I’m not scared anymore.”
