contained suggestion

secret thoughts

[carnalsuggestions]

i wanna make love to you, lazy and sweet and soft.

[containedsuggestion]

it hurts. maybe if i curl up into a ball and not leave this spot it will heal in time

[containedsuggestion]

every time i see you my eyes grow softer and my heart becomes colder to the rest of the world

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i cry thinking about how long it will be until you're in front of me again

[containedsuggestion]

I have always been ethereal. It isn't a surprise when you call me so. I wear a light smile, glad that you agree.

[containedsuggestion]

i want you to step up. i want you to make a move. i want you to make it clear how much you care and what lengths you would go through to fulfill this position in my life. i want to feel you loving me more. more intensely. don't be afraid. commitment is powerful and it can be scary but who the hell follows through with their promises nowadays. if we hate each other later we can fuck off and no one else's opinion will matter because why should it? it's your life and it's my life and we can do whatever we want whenever we want. i want you to love me, right now. your words are so important to me, why don't you make yourself heard? why are you so afraid. why are you afraid of me and what i will do to your life. will i make it lesser?

[containedsuggestion]

is it rude to feel embarrassment for someone knowing their behaviour is an act but you continue to go along with it, making up supportive and positive reactions

[containedsuggestion]

there is only so much empathy i can provide before the taste in my mouth becomes plastic it feels so fake

[containedsuggestion]

"forever is a long time," you said, and then my name gently after. "do you know how fast time goes by when we're together?" was the question i responded with. warm tears were dripping on the bed. that the only time i was glad you couldn't see me.

[containedsuggestion]

(ignores and avoids every person in my life) why does no one care about me

[containedsuggestion]

no matter if we are together or thousands of miles apart, it always hurts. it hurts because when we are apart i want us to be together so badly. when we are finally together it hurts because i know it won't be for very long. but i want it to be forever. i never want to have to leave you in tears again. do we really belong together? i can't help but wonder why the circumstances had to be this way. so much money spent, and so much time earning that money in order to merely see each other. it's always worth every penny and i could never doubt that. but why. why do we have to suffer. it isn't fair.

[containedsuggestion]

[containedsuggestion]

ITS OK IM BORING ANYWAY

[containedsuggestion]

i am still the child i was years ago the same mind, the same body- maybe more distorted what made me so bitter? my face is still soft and my eyes are still dull and my intentions are still good, maybe even better what did i do to deserve hating myself so much

[quietvoiced]

[containedsuggestion]

theres so many negative things bottled up that i never dared to tell anyone but you’re hearing it right now and it must be dreadful to realize the person you love is spilling their guts to you and has such a terrible and disgusting history of action i feel revolting you have to hear it all

[containedsuggestion]

it's been about 10 years since it happened and i am just only now able to wear clothing that doesn't hide my entire body. i am not as ashamed to show my skin. self confidence was always a difficulty, but i never wanted anyone be interested in me or see me in the way that you did. 10 years. 10 scorching summers spent inside my room, or sweating profusely outside because i refused to wear shorts or take off my sweater. i hated myself. i never wanted anyone to ever be attracted to me or see me as an object they could turn sexual in their mind. and i hated that was the first thing to come to mind while wearing clothes. never, ever show more skin than necessary again. but im ok now. old habits die hard, but i am enjoying summers on my bike wearing shorts. going to hot and sunny places. not caring if people sexualize me or not because they can't do anything to me. im smarter now. i won't be manipulated or coerced into those kinds of situations. ive grown up. and it feels good.