I think part of the reason why we feel so sad is that we're too far away from raw, numinous experiences. Like you know that post with a picture of the unpolluted night sky where people are reacting in terrified awe not realizing that's what the stars really look like?
I think it's like. You need vivid experiences that can't be easily repeated. You need elemental things. I don't mean this in a crunchy hippie just-try-yoga way I mean this in a way that's like...we're inside all the time and most things we experience are scheduled ahead of time. When there are sidewalks, we follow them, and there's always some boring place to go. You need things that no one has any control over and that no one can sell for money.
You need to be outside in a storm and see lightning strike very close to you. You need to meet a wild creature and have to stand very still and almost not even breathe and watch before it vanishes. You need to be alone somewhere very big. You need to go to a place because it looks interesting and be at the wrong place at the wrong time. You need to climb over a fence instead of going in by the gate. You need to hear the exploding sound of a huge flock of birds flying. You need to watch live theater performed by kids on a low budget. You need to be lost somewhere. You need to be barefoot somewhere. You need to sing with other people who are singing. You need to get soaking wet with all of your clothes on and come inside shivering.
You are in a kitchen, opening a pantry door. It contains every brand of cereal in existence.
Libido- How hungry you are
Sexual Attraction- How appealing each cereal is to you
Sex-Repulsed- The mere act of eating cereal disturbs you. You flee the kitchen to watch Netflix instead.
Sex-Indifferent- Someone brings you a bowl of cereal. Even though you don’t crave cereal, you decide to eat some anyway. Maybe because you want the person to feel happy you’re eating something they provided you. Maybe you’re just that hungry. Regardless, you’re fine with eating it since it’s already there. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t care either.
Sex-favorable- Though you don’t particularly crave cereal, the act of eating cereal is enjoyable. So enjoyable, you go through the trouble of picking a brand to eat.
Asexual with low/no libido- You are rarely hungry, and none of the cereal appeals to you.
Asexual with average/high libido- You are often hungry, but none of the cereal appeals to you.
Aegosexual- Eating cereal sounds fun in theory but not in practice. You certainly have no interest in eating cereal yourself. You’d rather fantasize about other people eating cereal, thankyouverymuch.
Gray Asexual- You only like Lucky Charms and Apple Jacks. And maybe Fruity Pebbles but you’re not quite sure.
Demisexual- You see a box of Trix. You are familiar with the rabbit on the box, due to the commercials you’ve seen. You always sympathized with the rabbit for never getting any Trix. There are things in life you’ve wanted but have never gotten. You feel a bond with the rabbit. Suddenly that box of Trix looks tasty.
Fraysexual- You see a box of Cocoa Puffs. You have never heard of Cocoa Puffs in your life. But something about it is oh-so-appealing. You pour yourself a bowl. As you start to eat, you catch a commercial for Cocoa Puffs on TV. You now know what the mascot on the box is like. You lose interest in Cocoa Puffs for reasons you cannot explain.
Lithosexual- You notice a box of Fruit Loops. You feel an urge to eat it. Toucan Sam comes to life and asks you to eat them. This makes you uncomfortable, so you leave to watch Netflix with the sex-repulsed ace.
Reciprosexual- You have no interest in any of the cereal. Not even that box of Frosted Flakes. But Tony the Tiger shows up wanting you to eat the Frosted Flakes. Now that he wants you to eat Frosted Flakes, you want to eat Frosted Flakes.
Cupiosexual- You want to eat cereal, but none of the cereal looks appealing. Maybe if you grab that box of Corn Flakes, it’ll become appealing to you later? It’s happened to other people. You consider grabbing that box of Corn Flakes, just in case.
Orchidsexual- Some of the cereal looks appealing, but you have no interest in eating cereal.
Aceflux- None of the cereal looks good, so you close the pantry. A few days later, you decide to open the pantry again. Now, some of those brands look appetizing. You check the pantry again the next day. None of the cereal looks good anymore.
Quoisexual- You have no idea if you like a cereal because you want to eat it, or if you just think the box art is pretty. Does liking the box art count as wanting to eat it? Do you just like the mascot? Does liking the mascot count as wanting to eat the cereal? After reading everything I’ve written, you are still confused. You bang your head against the pantry in frustration.
I saw your post earlier about enemies to lovers + arranged marriage and YES. I’ve only read a couple of these but I NEED more recs if you have them!
I WISH I DID!!! But I can't really think of many with that specific trope (so if anybody has any suggestions please share) but I can suggest a few that don't necessarily have arranged marriages but are in a similar vein
Firstly the books that post was actually about and that I am totally obsessed with! The Bridge Kingdom and The Traitor Queen by Danielle L Jensen. These books are the absolute epitome of the enemies to lovers/arranged marriage trope and they are so so good! Like I've been telling everybody to read them I just love this duology
From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout. This doesn't have an arranged marriage but it has an amazing enemies to lovers (which is really more of a lovers to enemies but it's the same vibe) with a marriage of convenience thrown into the mix as well and is another one that I love
Kingdom of the Wicked by Kerri Maniscalco. This one is more of an accidental marriage. The main protagonist summons a prince of hell and accidently binds them both together in marriage while doing so!
Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova. I'm not sure if you'd call them true enemies but it does involve an arranged marriage with a dark mysterious elf king who is definitely considered a dangerous threat
The Winner's Trilogy by Marie Rutkoski. I adore this trilogy, it's so well written and I think it's vastly underated so just really wanted to mention it! It involves an amazing enemies to lovers with a side plot where the main protagonist is set to marry someone else in an arranged marriage. So maximum angst, but in a good way! And don't worry it's not a love triangle
The Folk of the Air by Holly Black. I'm sure everyone's read this series by now but it's definitely still worth a mention! Enemies to lovers with I guess you'd say a marriage of convenience in there as well
Hi! Do you have/know any resources for aroace info I’m trying to figure out my identity and I don’t know where to look to find info that actually helps me figure out a label that fits with me
Of course! I have loads of links here for you to just rummage through; some have basic aro and/or ace info, and others go deeper into labels. I hope some of these help you! Stay safe 💕
1. The Internet Is Your Friend
The internet has tons of aromantic and asexual resources, it just takes a little time to look sometimes! Here I have found for you some aspec videos, youtubers, websites, and the like!
Aspec Videos and Youtubers:
Celeste M is one of my favourite YouTubers! As well as talking about gender and sexuality, they also make videos about physical/mental health, wellbeing, and lighter topics like cooking, cosplay and tutorials. I totally recommend them!
Aaron Ansuini focuses more on transgender related subjects in his videos, but he also has some good ones on asexuality! His YouTube also covers Disability, mental health, art and animation! He's pretty awesome!
Yasmin Benoit is what a lot of people consider the "Unlikely Face of Asexuality." An aromantic asexual activist and alternative model, she promotes visibility for the aspec community and LGBT+ people of colour. A love her so much and recommend checking some of her videos out!
Sexplanations on YouTube provides an A+ video on asexuality and asexual experiences. Personally, I found this video very insightful and engaging, and definitely worth checking out. They also do a video on demisexuality!!
Jamie is a trans, autistic, LGBT+ YouTuber I really enjoy! As well as talking about queer topics, he has fashion videos, lifestyle videos, pretty funny reaction videos, and some other things. This video taught me more about asexuality, as well as providing some well needed ace memes and serotonin!
Believe it or not, there are many great TED Talks on asexuality! Having such a variety of videos opens you to different perspectives and viewpoints on asexuality. This includes Yasmin Benoit!
Asexuality: my Story of Self-exploration
Asexuals need media representation | Yasmin Benoit |
Is Sex the Glue in Our Relationships? | Gaia Steinberg |
Asexuality | Lisa Zhang |
An insight into asexuality
Exist | Danica Brown |
Other awesome aspec YouTubers and videos!
Embly
Eleanor Wilkinson
Queer As Cat (@queerascat)
HeyoDamo
ChandlerNWilson
Echo Gillette
Nik Hampshire
Kaihugstrees
That Girl With The Curl
My Aromantic Asexual Identities
What falls under the Aromantic Spectrum? | Under the Rainbow
Shaz Capade
Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths
My Life As An Aromantic
Coming out as aromantic | Everything you need to know
5 Asexual People Explain What "Asexual" Means To Them
Asexuality: The Invisible Orientation + Aromanticism: Life Without Romantic Attraction
Everything Asexual and Aromantic. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Aspec Websites and Pages:
I’m just not interested in romantic relationships. Yes, that’s a real thing. No, there isn’t anything wrong with me.
This isn’t a website, but it’s too good not to include! I found this comic by page artist Kotaline Jones quite a while ago, and I still go back to it! It's probably my favourite aspec comic. Each page is drawn beautifully well, and brought me much comfort and understanding. Kotaline is very talented, and I owe a lot to this.
Links to aspec pages!
explore the spectrum: guide to finding your ace community
Facts You Should Know About Aromantic People
Wiki Aromantic + Asexual (Sub-labels are easily searchable!)
Labels change, but feelings persist
Are you ready for Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week?
TREVOR SUPPORT CENTER; Asexuality
What is asexuality?
It’s time to bust myths about asexuality
Aromantic Resources
This is what asexual looks like
What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?
I’M QUEER AND ASEXUAL. IF THAT’S A PROBLEM, BY ALL MEANS, REVOKE MY MEMBERSHIP.
Other awesome aspec and LGBT+ websites!
Aropocalype.com
Aromanticguide.com
Arospecweek.org
Aromanticism.org
Asexualagenda.wordpress.com
Asexualityarchive.com
Aceweek.org
Aroacedatabase.com
Queerundifined.com
Minus18.org.au (Australian Based)
Oulgbtq.org (Has loads of aspec resources!)
2. Connect With Others!
One of the best ways to learn is to connect with others! There's many ways to do so, and you can make friendships out of it too *looks at the other mods 👀*
Social Media
Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms are great ways to connect with members of the LGBT+ community! Especially here on Tumblr, which is apparently 193% more queer than any other platform, haha! There are many Ask Blogs (like us lol) dedicated to help and educate people on aromanticism and/or asexuality, but a lot of the time can just explore! There are loads of aspec bloggers and group chats that will happily befriend you!
TrevorSpace
Monitored and youth-friendly, TrevorSpace is a social networking site dedicated to LGBT+ people and allies aged 13-24. There you can create profiles and engage with different people and communities. There you can talk about more serious discussion; such as topics concerning mental health, coming out, and discrimination, and well as light-hearted topics about passions and interests. It is a great place to meet new people, and privacy/safety is taken very seriously. You can also find resources and get involved with local queer communities through TrevorSpace!
Local Communities!
If you’re able to, look into LGBT+ Spaces near you! Pride Gatherings are a fantastic way to find and engage with fellow queers! It can be quite an amazing experience to meet other LGBT+ people, and it's a great opportunity to make new relationships as well. Just remember to stay safe <3
3. Try Some On!
Labels are awesome in the fact that you don’t have to think they’re awesome! You can like em! You can despise them! You can have a love-hate relationship with them! The complexity of gender and sexuality is not as black and white as some people think, and it is 100% normal to be confused. When it comes to labels, it's all down to what you feel most comfortable with. Labels are like boxes. And you are a cat. You can force a cat to go in a particular box, but they won't like it. It will take time for the cat to choose which box, or boxes, it wants to sit in. They can change their mind later, and that's okay. The cat may even scratch up the box they really like, but they will eventually settle in. Labels are ment to make someone feel more valid and comfortable. If its not, then you can change it.
I hope this helps, if anyone has other resources, feel free to add them!
The last three digits of your current follower count is the Dewey Decimal Classification subject on which you must immediately give a 15-minute presentation.
stormborns
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
tangentwithtanner
titsay
