Anything Goes!

Name's Swindle, buddy. I can get you anything you're looking for, quickly and quietly, with none of those pesky little laws in the way. As long as you've got the cash, of course. ((TFP/Aligned AU blog in which the war hasn't happened yet. Please read the rules page. All credit for the icon image goes to morgenty of DeviantArt: http://www.deviantart.com/art/TFP-Swindle-263022857))

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

You’re getting too close. Period.

You need to stay away, like as far away as physically possible.

[copsiaconswindle]

Oh? Is that so?

*Crosses his arms over his chestplate.* You say you want me to stay away, but this is a two way street, baby. Half the time, you’re the one reaching out to me.

So do you want to know what I think? I think you like having me around.

[heligooddeals]

[Urge to deck him in the face rising.]

Nope. Not dealing with this slag anymore.

Goodbye.

[She’s walking away now.]

[copsiaconswindle]

Wh— Hey! I wasn’t done talking!

*He’s trying to keep up with her, but her long, tall strides mean that he has to jog alongside her.*

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

Nothing.

I don’t know.

Shut up.

[copsiaconswindle]

…

*Grins.*

What’s the matter, Blackguard? Am I getting a little too close to something tender?

[heligooddeals]

You’re getting too close. Period.

You need to stay away, like as far away as physically possible.

[copsiaconswindle]

Oh? Is that so?

*Crosses his arms over his chestplate.* You say you want me to stay away, but this is a two way street, baby. Half the time, you're the one reaching out to me.

So do you want to know what I think? I think you like having me around.

[tellmeadriana]

Visit Original Link

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

Yeah, I listened - it sucked by the way; it’s relevant but it sucked - but we’re not okay enough to be doing this. At all. Or ever.

[copsiaconswindle]

Whoa!

*Laughing now.* Primus, baby, you are testy. What crawled up your tailpipe? What the Pit is “this” supposed to be, anyways?

[heligooddeals]

Nothing.

I don’t know.

Shut up.

[copsiaconswindle]

...

*Grins.*

What's the matter, Blackguard? Am I getting a little too close to something tender?

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

I know what a song is, Swindle.

Why are you calling my attention to it?

[copsiaconswindle]

Did you even listen to the song, you big dope? Handshakes and contracts, grabbing hands, everything counts in large amounts?

It’s about trading, and we just so happen to be traders. Didn’t think I had to explain that one to you.

[heligooddeals]

Yeah, I listened - it sucked by the way; it’s relevant but it sucked - but we’re not okay enough to be doing this. At all. Or ever.

[copsiaconswindle]

Whoa!

*Laughing now.* Primus, baby, you are testy. What crawled up your tailpipe? What the Pit is "this" supposed to be, anyways?

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

Don’t be dumb, Swindle.

What is this and why are you calling my attention to it?

[copsiaconswindle]

*Blank stare.*

Well, doll, that’s what Earth people call a song. Humans do this thing where they modulate their voice to a melody. Crazy, right?

[heligooddeals]

I know what a song is, Swindle.

Why are you calling my attention to it?

[copsiaconswindle]

Did you even listen to the song, you big dope? Handshakes and contracts, grabbing hands, everything counts in large amounts?

It's about trading, and we just so happen to be traders. Didn't think I had to explain that one to you.

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[heligooddeals]

Don’t be dumb, Swindle.

What is this and why are you calling my attention to it?

[copsiaconswindle]

*Blank stare.*

Well, doll, that's what Earth people call a song. Humans do this thing where they modulate their voice to a melody. Crazy, right?

[copsiaconswindle]

What are you doing?

Is this some kind of trick question, baby? Or are you just fishing for info?

[fvnervl]

Visit Original Link

Depeche Mode - Everything Counts

[heligooddeals]

A Really, Really Bad Idea

[heligooddeals]

"Tch. I’m surprised you didn’t figure out." Her visor flickered with amusement, though her plating shrunk down and her rotors pulled together as close as they could with the chair in between the two sides. The unpleasant feeling of remorse swelled in her spark as she got to thinking about her home planet. She had fled from it when talk of the rust plague spreading across colonies began, afraid that if she waited for confirmation of it coming towards Gigantion that it would be too late to run. Mixracks, her caretaker (a settler who had come from Cybertron, who saved her from the world wide Scottish accent by never having one in the first place), wanted to wait until the very last moment because he was too stubborn to leave the home he had built. Blackguard hated leaving him behind but she didn’t wait for him to catch up when she ran through the space bridge leading to Cybertron. If he wanted to die then that was his problem, not her’s.

That didn’t make missing him any easier though.

And then there was Quickshaft - Primus damn her for encouraging him to go - who also thought he could out run the plague. Stupid fragging Veloctronian, no good idiot who—

Blackguard was jolted from her thoughts at Swindle’s laugh. An ugly sound to her audios, but she was silently grateful for it. The last thing she needed to do right now was remember the past while drinking. High-grade mixed with old regrets always lead to new regrets.

Clearing her throat, the aquilae slid her cube back to the con-mech for a refill. “It sounds like there’s a story there.” She mused aloud, keeping her voice monotonous to avoid letting her emotions slip out as well. “Care to share?”

[copsiaconswindle]

The monotonous tone didn’t fool Swindle. Not much, anyways. Years of conversational experience had given him some insight into when someone was withholding information, and this femme was. Her attempt at diverting his attention by asking about his story was noted.

That being said, it was hard to pass up the opportunity to talk about himself. Swindle was nothing, if not egotistical. His maxillary plates twisted into a frown as the thought bounced around in his helm, slowly gaining traction with each passing second. It had been a long time since he had talked to anyone about— well, anything related to him. To the past.

On the other servo, why tell anyone? Why tell Blackguard, of all people? She didn’t even like him. Few people did, but the point still stood. Information was a valuable commodity, and what was the point in giving it away for free to her?

Eventually, his ego won out. He could stand to talk a little about himself for a while. Swindle refilled both of their cubes, pulling his close. “What’s there to share?” The con-mech finally huffed. “I lived in the Rust Narrows, baby. Two kinds of mechs there: gang members and rusty corpses.” He paused briefly before lifting his cube to his mouth, drinking deeply of the orange Engex.

"Did some courier work, ran some drugs, nearly got shot through the helm. Then I flew the coop before Zeta Prime and his jackbooted thugs cracked down on everything,” Swindle concluded with a wave of his servo. “And that’s the end of that little fairytale. Please, save your applause.”

[heligooddeals]

"Is that so?" She hummed softly as she pulled her cube back towards herself, taking note of several different things as Swindle spoke. First was the opportunity to be snarky and comment how unfortunate it was he didn’t end up as a rusted corpse, but she let that go in favor of letting him keep talking. There was more information to be collected yet.

Second was his previous line of work - unsurprising, but never the less valuable. Courier work was respectable, in a very strange way. It was dangerous, with the high chance of being assaulted, tortured, and-or killed, so she could revere him slightly for risking his chassis so much. He was still a low-life creep though.

Third, he addressed the previous Prime as Zeta. It likely meant nothing to him, but to her - and the social conduct of her universe - it meant a lot. Optimus’ predecessor was known by two names, and which name he was referred to depended on a mech’s opinion of him. Those who liked him called him Sentinel, and those who disliked him called him Zeta. (Some who were indifferent of him sometimes said Sentinel Zeta, but primarily stuck with Sentinel out of respect for his power.) Even if the practice didn’t apply to Swindle, it was obvious he disliked the Prime. No one would address his enforcers as ‘jackbooted thugs’ if they liked him.

She chuckled softly. “I must admit I’m little surprised. I mean I figured you crawled out of some ugly pit, but I didn’t expect to be right. I thought you would have made up some long, stupid story about always being ‘so fabulous’. Guess I was wrong about that, so I sort of win and lose.”

[copsiaconswindle]

He shook his helm, not taking the bait for the obvious prod at his ego. Well, not entirely, anyways. "Great things have humble beginnings, doll," Swindle asserted. "And I sure as Pit wasn't sparked with no silver spoon on my glossa. Fact of the matter is, you're looking at a self-made mech. Everything I have, I had to earn."

The mech paused before a glint of mischief flashed in his optics. "Or steal, but that goes without saying," He chuckled. The con-mech was known for being a notorious pickpocket; when he couldn't cheat someone out of their hard-earned cash, Swindle would simply take it.

He tapped his cube encouragingly, noticing that Blackguard still had yet to empty hers. "Waiting on you, baby," Swindle crooned. "And while we're on the subject of beginnings, let's talk about yours. Most people on Gigantion get stuck there for their whole lives. What made you spread those dumb-aft rotors of yours and take off for greener pastures?" In Swindle's 'verse, Gigantion had not fallen prey to the rust plagues that had claimed it in so many others.

[heligooddeals]

A Really, Really Bad Idea

[heligooddeals]

"Tch. I’m surprised you didn’t figure out." Her visor flickered with amusement, though her plating shrunk down and her rotors pulled together as close as they could with the chair in between the two sides. The unpleasant feeling of remorse swelled in her spark as she got to thinking about her home planet. She had fled from it when talk of the rust plague spreading across colonies began, afraid that if she waited for confirmation of it coming towards Gigantion that it would be too late to run. Mixracks, her caretaker (a settler who had come from Cybertron, who saved her from the world wide Scottish accent by never having one in the first place), wanted to wait until the very last moment because he was too stubborn to leave the home he had built. Blackguard hated leaving him behind but she didn’t wait for him to catch up when she ran through the space bridge leading to Cybertron. If he wanted to die then that was his problem, not her’s.

That didn’t make missing him any easier though.

And then there was Quickshaft - Primus damn her for encouraging him to go - who also thought he could out run the plague. Stupid fragging Veloctronian, no good idiot who—

Blackguard was jolted from her thoughts at Swindle’s laugh. An ugly sound to her audios, but she was silently grateful for it. The last thing she needed to do right now was remember the past while drinking. High-grade mixed with old regrets always lead to new regrets.

Clearing her throat, the aquilae slid her cube back to the con-mech for a refill. “It sounds like there’s a story there.” She mused aloud, keeping her voice monotonous to avoid letting her emotions slip out as well. “Care to share?”

[copsiaconswindle]

The monotonous tone didn't fool Swindle. Not much, anyways. Years of conversational experience had given him some insight into when someone was withholding information, and this femme was. Her attempt at diverting his attention by asking about his story was noted.

That being said, it was hard to pass up the opportunity to talk about himself. Swindle was nothing, if not egotistical. His maxillary plates twisted into a frown as the thought bounced around in his helm, slowly gaining traction with each passing second. It had been a long time since he had talked to anyone about-- well, anything related to him. To the past.

On the other servo, why tell anyone? Why tell Blackguard, of all people? She didn't even like him. Few people did, but the point still stood. Information was a valuable commodity, and what was the point in giving it away for free to her?

Eventually, his ego won out. He could stand to talk a little about himself for a while. Swindle refilled both of their cubes, pulling his close. "What's there to share?" The con-mech finally huffed. "I lived in the Rust Narrows, baby. Two kinds of mechs there: gang members and rusty corpses." He paused briefly before lifting his cube to his mouth, drinking deeply of the orange Engex.

"Did some courier work, ran some drugs, nearly got shot through the helm. Then I flew the coop before Zeta Prime and his jackbooted thugs cracked down on everything," Swindle concluded with a wave of his servo. "And that's the end of that little fairytale. Please, save your applause."

[kyormar]

あなたのお宅にスィンドル♪L( ＾ω＾ )┘└( ＾ω＾ )」♪

[heligooddeals]

A Really, Really Bad Idea

[heligooddeals]

"Well, you could always buy yourself an elegant funeral," she shrugged her shoulders. "If it’s within your budget anyway. Plus there’s no guarantee anybody would actually show up to mourn you. I think everybody would be too busy looting your scrap to notice that you were dead."

Carefully sliding her cube back toward her side of the table, Blackguard lifted her head slightly as their optics locked. Right away she could tell what the little bastard was trying to do, it was a common look in their line of work, but she wasn’t easily intimidated by someone who could barely come up to her hips. She’d meet him head on and casually answer, “Gigantion, a colonial planet,” then swallow the next shot as smoothly as the first, putting the cube back on the table with a soft sigh. The burning tingle in her mouth and throat was quickly reminding Blackguard why she rarely drank straight high-grade, but she was far from done. The night had only just begun. “Your turn - what hole did you crawl out of?”

[copsiaconswindle]

Primus. Funerals. That did get Swindle thinking about what he would do with all of his assets once he kicked the bucket. After all, try as he might, there was no way that he'd get to take his fortune with him. On the other hand, he'd be dead, so who really gave a flying slag what happened to the stuff he left behind?

"Gigantion?" The con-mech repeated. He was familiar with the planet. In his universe, the Cybertronian colony was still the same as it ever was. "Should've figured a hunk like you would hail from those parts," Swindle mused to himself. At least she had managed to avoid the infamous Gigantion brogue, an accent that made Gigantion speech sound more like a different dialect.

The next shot of Engex disappeared swiftly down his gullet. He ex-vented softly as the warmth tickled his throat, the sound punctuated as he brought the glass back down upon the table. Her inquiry of his own birth-place was met with a single, harsh laugh.

"For the record, baby, I didn't crawl out of Nyon," He spat, revealing his origins. "I ran. That town ain't nothing but a little place full of little people living little lives." There was an unmistakable bitterness in his voice, a weakness that Swindle had not intended to show. Nyon had taken everything from him-- and given nothing. Even as indiscriminate as the businessman was, he still refused to do business there.

[heligooddeals]

A Really, Really Bad Idea

[heligooddeals]

The rotor blades on her back twitched slightly and her visor gradually dimmed down to a setting where her optics were just barely visible. Swindle had reacted to her mouth better than she expected him to. Blackguard was fully prepared to hear a long list of insults and patronizing speech on how his mouth was so much better, but all she got was a curious look and a rather tame remark that was poorly disguised as a compliment. She didn’t know what to make of that, other than to be more cautious of the volante. When Swindle was nice (or as close to nice as a skeevy mech like him could get) something was up.

"I don’t know," she answered flatly, nudging her cube towards the con-mech, watching his hands much more closely this time. "Maybe you should go buy yourself a new personality."

[copsiaconswindle]

His optics rolled in their sockets upon hearing Blackguard's reply. If he had a Shanix for every time someone had dropped a comment on his personality, he'd be a rich mech. Well... a richer mech, anyways. "That doesn't sound like a very wise investment to me. Fact of the matter, this personality that you despise so much got me where I am today," Swindle shot back. He lifted the cylinder from the table, punctuating his remark with two soft clinks as he refilled their cubes.

"But here we are, talking about me when we could be talking about you," The con-mech continued. He lifted his glass from the table, swirling its contents lightly as his optics remained locked on the femme's now-dim visor. Unnerving optic contact worked wonders in trade negotiations; he had no doubt it could work to his advantage here as well.

"So answer this one for me, baby: where's a big lug like you even from?"

[heligooddeals]

A Really, Really Bad Idea

[heligooddeals]

The sound of his voice had her plating bristling, a clear sign to anybody paying attention - or caring - that her mood was already foul. Swindle just had that effect on her. The slap to her back didn’t help her mood any, plating flaring out more as con artist took his seat on the opposite side of the table. It was tempting to flip the table right onto the little slagger and flee the scene but Blackguard suspected she wouldn’t get far though, probably never reach the door if enough mecha jumped up to intervene. A big bot like her couldn’t weave through a sea of mecha like Swindle could, she’d have to bowl through them, and if she started making that much trouble then someone as big - or bigger - than her would jump up to put an end to the scene.

Sighing heavily, she clenched her hands and shuttered optics for a moment, listening more to the ambiance of the bar than whatever Swindle was babbling on about. Probably another underhanded insult about her, it was all he ever did.

Taking the shot cube, Blackguard twirled the cube around on the table, studying over every angle of it. It would of course pass inspection, as well as the concoction Swindle poured for them (she’s certain she heard the seal pop anyway so the drink couldn’t have been compromised, although she wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to do something to it), leaving her with no excuse to bail out. Grunting softly, her mask split open at the ridge, revealing all sots of tiny little mechanisms hidden underneath the face plate and one gaping hole that passed for a mouth. After waiting for a good long moment to give Swindle plenty of time to stare, Blackguard brought a corner of the shot cube to her mouth and threw her head back, quickly swallowing down the high-grade. The burn of it got her visor to flicker a moment, but she had no other reaction as she slammed the cube down on the table.

"Happy isn’t the word I’d use right now." She huffed the nodded to him. "Your turn, Swindle."

[copsiaconswindle]

Swindle leaned forward curiously, waiting for her to take the drink. Truth be told, he was quite curious about what she had underneath her mask; most Cybertronians that wore them outside of battle had a good reason. One servo propped underneath his chin, elbow against the edge of the table, as the con-mech smiled in anticipation. He didn't blame her for giving the shotcube such a thorough inspection, but he did drum his digits against his cheek.

The aquila's faceplate split open, and one of the brows above Swindle's optics rose curiously. If that wasn't the most rudimentary, primitive face he had ever seen on a Cybertronian. No wonder she kept the mask on. Still, the little mechanisms on her derma were fascinating, in a way. Had Swindle been of a more curious sort, he would ask her what they were for, but his attention was currently focused on the task at hand. A low chuckle escaped the con-mech's vocalizer as he reached out to grasp his shotcube with slender digits.

"Real cute, baby. Real cute," Swindle teased. He brought the edge of the cube up to his maxillary plates, letting the fumes that wafted off of the liquid's surface prepare him for the burn. Then, he tossed his helm back, the Engex disappearing down his throat.

But not in his tank, of course. Not yet, anyways. Swindle had long been prepared for an eventuality such as this. In the event that someone tried to force him to drink poison, Swindle had ordered a secondary holding tank surgically attached to his distribution pipe. It wouldn't hold all of the Engex-- eventually, the smaller tank would overflow into his primary-- but hopefully, it would even the playing field with his aquila component, whose systems would no doubt absorb the high-grade more slowly.

A rasping sigh followed the tail end of the liquor's burn as he gently placed his shotcube back on the table. He reached out to grab the Engex again, ready to reload both of their glasses. "You know, I was thinking. What should I spend your Shanix on, huh?"

[wherekeatonhides]

[copsiaconswindle]

"Care to join me?" ((If it's something NSFW, I will fucking quit.))

3. (TW!) Hiding a body.

Blackguard, baby, you know that’s illegal. I couldn’t possibly sully these pristine servos with that kind of criminal activity…

Not for free, at least.

[heligooddeals]

Just because I said something Swindle doesn’t mean it’s true. For all you know, I’m making up a wild and hypothetical situation - which is not illegal.

And could you try not to sound so creepy when talking about positions?

[copsiaconswindle]

Right. Uh-huh. A wild, hypothetical situation that you just happen to decide to propose to your least favorite mech in the entire multiverse.

And let the record show that you brought up positions, not me!

[heligooddeals]

That’s exactly what I’m saying. Nice job keeping up. So proud of you~

You’re the one who made it creepy though.

[copsiaconswindle]

Baby, the longer you keep pussyfooting around, the more that hypothetical body's gonna rust. Theoretically.

Besides, I'm only as creepy as you give me the ability to be. Case closed, doll.