Some Trans Masc Ramblings

Wanted to write about stuff so here I am so lets go... Coral | He/Him

[coral-trans-boy]

having a very annoying hard time when people are like "women and nb people only!" but as soon as you mention your more masc aligned they go "ew no" (im bigender or demigender - i identify as male & nb at the same time)

I remember I was looking for a dnd discord and they were like "no men! even if your masc non binary. If your multi gender plz only interact with the server when you're not masc aligned at that moment."

As if that isnt a big yikes

[coral-trans-boy]

If I'm gonna keep seeing people go "transandrophobia(or whatever word idk it's changed over the 10+ years) is a bad word bc if we look into the dichotomy and linguistic meanings of the word it's has some part meaning yada yada..." I'm gonna scream. you really are just cherry picking some bullshit.

The word is to help other transmasc people discuss their issues and transphobia towards transmascs. If it doesn't meet your perfect not problematic wording standards I'm sorry shits messy. If a word meant to help marginalized people discuss their issues (and you acknowledge yes transmascs deal with their own specific issues) but makes you uncomfortable cause it's bad :( . Please let it go acknowledge you're just being mean to trans people and move on.

[coral-trans-boy]

I feel like this is a weird internet primer that needs to be shared

If you:

Post on the internet

And make it searchable

And your account isn't private

Tag people

Tag your post

@ people

You do realize your posts can be found. Your literally shouting into a crowd and someone in a crowd will yell back. Don't be surprised when people come to you about a thing when you post in a public website.

[snoopyisbisexual]

I don't want to act like transandrophobia truthers are a real problem bc it's just online white teenagers being stupid, but it's worth addressing how blatantly misogynistic most transandrophobia truthers are. there is literally someone (@mist-sterious) claiming that it's reasonable for trans men to be uncomfortable with housework because of its feminine connotations. as if it's not every man's excuse not to do dishes bc it's "women's work."

they're literally just MRAs y'all.

[icaruskey]

l o l

[icaruskey]

I don't have the context of the og post but it actually kinda is reasonable for trans men to be uncomfortable with being expected to do housework.

Like, it's something that said trans masc people need to work through and unravel within themselves but like glitter isn't gendered and it took me over 20 years to be comfortable using it because of its feminine connotations.

[snoopyisbisexual]

your transness is not an excuse for your misogynistic views like sorry but if you're a man uncomfortable w chores bc it's "women's work" you are a regular ass misogynist. regardless of whether it's bc of dysphoria or whatever. sometimes your dysphoria is based in misogyny. like sorry you are 30 fucking years old do you seriously think being a trans man is an adequate excuse for misogyny

[icaruskey]

Okay, let me paint you a picture.

I have intrusive thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts are for me to slam someone's head into a brick wall as I'm passing them by on the way to work. No reason for it. I have my headphones on, and they've given me plenty of space to walk. Sometimes, they'll even be walking a dog, and I love dogs.

Do those thoughts make me a violent person, a bully, a potential murderer? Or are they just a part of my brain misfiring because of mental illness?

Now let's go with something related to be trans. My breasts gave me dysphoria. Why? When I was younger I was annoyed by them, sure. I didn't want them and thought having them around was the worst. But I didn't zero in on hating them any more than any other part of my body.

But after I came out as trans and people continually misgendered me, I became dysphoric about them. They, alongside my wide hips and generous dump truck of an ass, were all indicators to people that I was a woman. Now, men can have breasts. Not even just trans men, cis men too. But breasts are by and large associated with femininity. Does it make me a misogynist that my dysphoria manifested in that way?

Now for the household chores thing. I was a sleepy bitch last night so I didn't unpack this all the way. Let's do that now. Let's say it's the weekend and your mom and your dad both have chores. There's two kids, you and your sister. In a few hours some friends of the family, all boys, are coming over. Your parents give you the choice of what to do for chores, and you pick to help your dad in the garage build a fence.

That goes well until the boys come over. Then your dad sends you away so the boys can work. After all, this isn't really women's work outside. He was just taking what he could get until the "real" men arrived.

The dysphoria coming from random ass things aren't necessarily from just getting up and cleaning my goddamn toilet. It's a toilet. I live by myself. No one is putting pressure on me to clean. But when someone looks through a room full of dudes and selects me to clean the toilet, well. That can be dysphoria inducing. Did they pick me at random, really? Or was it a subconscious thing? Or do they really not see me as a guy?

And for some people, those thoughts transfer over to the actual act. So suddenly doing chores is extra hard. And maybe there's more. Maybe there's been a history of parental abuse from not making things clean enough, being grounded, having a parent tear through your room and destroying it again after you just got it cleaned up for lying. But that's not necessarily something that is articulated in the phrase "doing chores makes my dysphoric," now is it?

Would you call a woman struggling with the same thing a misogynist? Because there absolutely are women who have an aversion to "feminine" things on the basis of them being associated with womanhood. Or would you say she's struggling with internalized misogyny?

So yeah, you're right. Dysphoria around housework can absolutely be based in misogyny. And sometimes, yeah, the trans dude is just a straight up misogynist. But not all, or dare I say most, of the time. Dysphoria is complex, brains are stupid and weird, and so long as the person isn't using their hangups and disordered thinking to hurt someone else (and listen to others if they're told otherwise), there's nothing wrong going on here.

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

I do remember there was like a TikTok or something a couple weeks ago iirc of a trans guy talking about his family misgendering him during dinner then expecting him to go clean "with the girls" after dinner while the guys didn't clean and people were making fun of him for feeling dysphoric from being asked to clean

Not sure if this is the same or similar situation being referenced but that's what first popped into my head

Like yeah in that case it's extremely reasonable for a trans guy to be uncomfortable with housework because he is clearly being misgendered in the process

[icaruskey]

Ultimately, I don't expect OP to care about nuance because of the whole "they're just MRAs" thing.

[snoopyisbisexual]

read and search WHAT???? internalizing gender roles can make you misogynistic this is literally entry level feminism I can't believe you are all so fucking stupid this is so painful

[coral-trans-boy]

Aight I'll bite once.

You know there's a search bar on on the person you tagged. You can search for this post instead of taking a shot at other trans people. I found it by searching cleaning.

And that post (but the tiktok isn't cited in full/I don't have the full picture of that tiktok but seems to be a joke) specifically talks about a hyperspecific thing can make a person dysphoric but not another person. And how growing up in forced rigid gender rolls can be fucky, people try and work through it, and people can make dark humor about it.

But yea you just seem like someone who wants to shit on people and cause drama have fun.

[snoopyisbisexual]

I don't want to act like transandrophobia truthers are a real problem bc it's just online white teenagers being stupid, but it's worth addressing how blatantly misogynistic most transandrophobia truthers are. there is literally someone (@mist-sterious) claiming that it's reasonable for trans men to be uncomfortable with housework because of its feminine connotations. as if it's not every man's excuse not to do dishes bc it's "women's work."

they're literally just MRAs y'all.

[icaruskey]

l o l

[icaruskey]

I don't have the context of the og post but it actually kinda is reasonable for trans men to be uncomfortable with being expected to do housework.

Like, it's something that said trans masc people need to work through and unravel within themselves but like glitter isn't gendered and it took me over 20 years to be comfortable using it because of its feminine connotations.

[snoopyisbisexual]

your transness is not an excuse for your misogynistic views like sorry but if you're a man uncomfortable w chores bc it's "women's work" you are a regular ass misogynist. regardless of whether it's bc of dysphoria or whatever. sometimes your dysphoria is based in misogyny. like sorry you are 30 fucking years old do you seriously think being a trans man is an adequate excuse for misogyny

[icaruskey]

Okay, let me paint you a picture.

I have intrusive thoughts. Sometimes those thoughts are for me to slam someone's head into a brick wall as I'm passing them by on the way to work. No reason for it. I have my headphones on, and they've given me plenty of space to walk. Sometimes, they'll even be walking a dog, and I love dogs.

Do those thoughts make me a violent person, a bully, a potential murderer? Or are they just a part of my brain misfiring because of mental illness?

Now let's go with something related to be trans. My breasts gave me dysphoria. Why? When I was younger I was annoyed by them, sure. I didn't want them and thought having them around was the worst. But I didn't zero in on hating them any more than any other part of my body.

But after I came out as trans and people continually misgendered me, I became dysphoric about them. They, alongside my wide hips and generous dump truck of an ass, were all indicators to people that I was a woman. Now, men can have breasts. Not even just trans men, cis men too. But breasts are by and large associated with femininity. Does it make me a misogynist that my dysphoria manifested in that way?

Now for the household chores thing. I was a sleepy bitch last night so I didn't unpack this all the way. Let's do that now. Let's say it's the weekend and your mom and your dad both have chores. There's two kids, you and your sister. In a few hours some friends of the family, all boys, are coming over. Your parents give you the choice of what to do for chores, and you pick to help your dad in the garage build a fence.

That goes well until the boys come over. Then your dad sends you away so the boys can work. After all, this isn't really women's work outside. He was just taking what he could get until the "real" men arrived.

The dysphoria coming from random ass things aren't necessarily from just getting up and cleaning my goddamn toilet. It's a toilet. I live by myself. No one is putting pressure on me to clean. But when someone looks through a room full of dudes and selects me to clean the toilet, well. That can be dysphoria inducing. Did they pick me at random, really? Or was it a subconscious thing? Or do they really not see me as a guy?

And for some people, those thoughts transfer over to the actual act. So suddenly doing chores is extra hard. And maybe there's more. Maybe there's been a history of parental abuse from not making things clean enough, being grounded, having a parent tear through your room and destroying it again after you just got it cleaned up for lying. But that's not necessarily something that is articulated in the phrase "doing chores makes my dysphoric," now is it?

Would you call a woman struggling with the same thing a misogynist? Because there absolutely are women who have an aversion to "feminine" things on the basis of them being associated with womanhood. Or would you say she's struggling with internalized misogyny?

So yeah, you're right. Dysphoria around housework can absolutely be based in misogyny. And sometimes, yeah, the trans dude is just a straight up misogynist. But not all, or dare I say most, of the time. Dysphoria is complex, brains are stupid and weird, and so long as the person isn't using their hangups and disordered thinking to hurt someone else (and listen to others if they're told otherwise), there's nothing wrong going on here.

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

I do remember there was like a TikTok or something a couple weeks ago iirc of a trans guy talking about his family misgendering him during dinner then expecting him to go clean "with the girls" after dinner while the guys didn't clean and people were making fun of him for feeling dysphoric from being asked to clean

Not sure if this is the same or similar situation being referenced but that's what first popped into my head

Like yeah in that case it's extremely reasonable for a trans guy to be uncomfortable with housework because he is clearly being misgendered in the process

[icaruskey]

Ultimately, I don't expect OP to care about nuance because of the whole "they're just MRAs" thing.

[twtlab]

so i kind of hyperfixated on twitter bs and uhhh here's a nasty compilation of transphobic/transmisandrist takes (posting on this blog since it's pretty relevant but also don't want to bring attention to main✌️)(will update in reblogs)(even if some of these are trolls, non-trolls genuinely agree with them, that's the concerning part)

update: you know what? fuck it, im uncensoring the names. obligatory statement: do not go and harass these users, block and move on

[twtlab]

most of these were under a single tweet, fun :) mind you i've blocked thousands of people, so there's definitely a ton i've missed

and some more, but worse, so so much worse:

totally normal take, yep /s

100% nailed it /s (1st tweet has ~150 likes, 2nd one has ~50 and that's what i mean when i say it doesn't matter if op is trolling, others aren't)

[coral-trans-boy]

wild how some people really take a turn into terf rhetoric and don't see it as terf rhetoric 🙄

[only-tiktoks]

[sticksandsharks]

some traditional ink pieces I’ve made for MCM and TB. I’ve been really burnt out the last couple months, but working on traditional art has felt good!

[coral-trans-boy]

maybe this is a bit tangent but like

censoring user names means nothing.

I can google search "[INSERT THE TWEET OR INFO THAT GOT YOU CANCELLED]" + the topic/another person who replied/etc.

If you post stuff and your account is public people can find it.

thats all

[coral-trans-boy]

I want the queer community to acknowledge how much verbal abuse and gaslighting that happens to trans men/transmascs.

I might not word this the right way but if anyone gets this and wants to add to this but watching it continue after all these years make it very hard to be in the community. But yea let's talk about a few:

The amount of jokes that revolve around physically harming trans men/transmascs and then played of as "oh silly men it's only a joke because how terrible yall are".

When said jokes are brought up about how terrible / pushing the idea that trans men/transmasc = cis men in terms of privileges - responses are "jfc of course men do this" and in a way are reinforces the "gender traitor" terf rhetoric that you left behind womanhood and community for privileges.

No trans experience is the same and acting like all trans men/transmasc = just aiming to be a cis man and successfully become a cis man. Bringing up the complexities and various intersectional issues trans men/transmascs face are brushed aside (esp BIPOC issues that are brought up).

The idea that we are rewarded for being more masculine, accepted into the community. We are not. Hell this affects more than just trans men/transmascs please look into anti-butch stuff (which has been around for a looong time yall)

Echoing the phrases making assumptions that taking HRT will make you a "cis man" including all the negatives. Specifically I want to point to "T makes you violent/aggressive" and how many trans men/transmascs are scared of taking HRT not wanting to hurt people around them. And many after getting over that hurdle many have brought up that if anything it calmed them down or (and this is the very telling part) how taking T gave them the courage to stand up for themselves about the negative comments, heckling, and abuse they've gotten.

In the almost two decades i've been on social media - the word for anti-transmasculity has changed many times due to a.) someone who's not a transmen/transmasc with a platform says something about the word which is untrue and then b.) it's shamed seen as being "jfc of course its men" no matter how much it's distanced from other trans identities or how the person behind the idea made it because the other word was an "issue" hoping to fix it but are back at square one.

There's probably many more but yea thats all i got the energy for.

[coral-trans-boy]

Alright the Julia Serano essay which my take is really the last two paragraphs don't work well and come off kinda shitty without those post script (still don't like the notalltransmen reasoning she gave).

But people get to make statement about transmascs and then when they are called out on their statements they're pointed to Buck Angel's bullshit as a "but look at this guy - he's the one/type of trans man I'm talking about and I can make transmasc comments based on him". Pointing to a rich person who has a platform who is seen as a very vocal outlier in the transmasc community and is not welcome in the transmasc community or trans community.

People who act like Buck Angel are very much not welcome in the community and it is well known. People should continue to call out bullshit that he spouts. This isn't denying the terrible shitty things he's done - his actions and ideas he continues to use are terrible harmful ideas. And heck maybe it is a generation thing but he and his ideas are very not welcomed in today's trans community

[coral-trans-boy]

Who's tired of seeing "you're oppressed for being trans not men" and then when we talk about how some people under the transmasc umbrella cannot seperate their gender from their transness/what society sees as masculine is cis (white cis esp in the US) and very different from what trans manhood is but they never listen.

Maybe one day people will listen to us about our own perspectives but until then I'll be seeing 200 posts saying that transandrophobia has no reason to exist because it's just "transphobia".

[coral-trans-boy]

Oof not to get into current twitter drama but like if you respond "Why not call it transphobia towards transmen/transmascs" we're back to step one of policing transmasc language and making assumptions of if x for trans men then y for trans women.

[coral-trans-boy]

if you just think transmasc just deal with "misgendering" vs "real violence" besides the fact that's extremely terribly wrong - it really has that whole "mental" vs "physical" has a touch of ableism in it.

But also maybe don't compare people's traumas /shrug

[coral-trans-boy]

I've started to see this on twitter and I just want to say something about it.

Anything you put in context of "misappropriated" or "misdirected" type of bigotry is still that bigotry and belittles the victim's trauma. Especially when you say in a hand wavey way that it doesn't count towards you and never want meant to hurt you it was targeted towards the idea of something else you can never be.

And am I allowed to talk about the misogyny I dealt with (and still do deal with?). I honestly don't know and it's so fucking conflicting watching people push me between two boxes of "whiny woman" and "shitty man" to fit their narrative.