Hello this account is dedicated to transmasc (and agender) Nene and will probably be on and off for days on end.
This is an alt account and while I won't state my main, I don't particularly care about people knowing or recognizing the user.
I made this primarily because I'm a closetted and questioning (despite having been questioning for years) trans/nb sprout and transmasc Nene is how I seek comfort + identity in myself. Most, if not all my posts are based off of personal experiences (not getting too deep but personal enough that I'd rather not have people who know me irl read), so I do request silence if you don't have anything nice to say because I am unfortunately annoyingly sensitive.
I'm not sure just how active this acc will be in the long run but I know I'll always fall back on my baby boy if I ever feel like invertly loving myself.
(my prns are he/they.. dk if they'll be of use here but that's what they are...)
TRANS BEAMING NENE COMMISSIONED SONG LYRICS WITH NO EXPLAINATION.
"The golden moon, the nestled up stars, and the flowers wet with morning dew; When I thought I wouldn't reach them, I locked up my timid heart."
"Even though it's a small step, someday it will illuminate the world. I believe that, so I'm not scared anymore."
- Nijiro Stories
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼. .𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
"What I want to convey is a melody where words aren't enough. It's okay if your rhythm's a bit messy (your rhythm's great!). If you listen carefully, you'll hear your chest pounding from your dream (...)"
"Wake up! Stand up! Be the person you wanna be, go!"
"Once again! You think you're good at hiding your feelings because you can gently, softly smile, isn't that right?"
- Glory steady Go!
⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
"Hey, the more I thought about it, the more the world has given back to what we once gave up in our hearts while celebrating its colors."
- Hoshizora no Melody
🪼⋆｡𖦹°🫧⋆.ೃ:･🪼⋆｡𖦹⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🪼⋆｡𖦹°🫧⋆.ೃ࿔*
"The future drifts ashore onto the sandy beach. I gather it up and link it together. It sparkles and casts a shadow."
"I'm walking along, unable to understand it. I'm holding something fluffy, and it scares me a little."
"Though I took deep breaths, they all became sighs, so I relied on the sound of the waves."
"Even when I cover my ears, I could still hear it, and so I locked it up and closed my eyes."
"Floating at the mercy of my dreams and wishing I could dilude that indelible stain, I dove down deep. It's difficult, it's tough, I blame it on someone else, I just keep on sinking, unable to sing this song."
"Swaying along, the shadow of that day gripped my cold hand."
"Is it alright to keep singing this song?"
-Hakoniwa no Coral
𓆝𓆟༝˚｡⋆𓆉︎⋆｡˚༝𓆞𓆝
"I want to live, so I have to become strong. Before anything else, please raise the starting signal for me."
"This me that cannot be an adult, I, I will go and meet you again."
"Thank you so much, I'll take good care of it. I'll become lonely, just for a while. I can't see anymore, as the smoke's permeating in. I say my goodbye to you before the night comes."
- Boku no Kamisama
°.🐚⋆❀˖°🫧🌊⋆｡𖦹 °.🐚⋆❀˖°🫧🌊⋆｡𖦹 ⋆❀˖°🫧
"The past hidden in destiny vividly clamors, a waking dream, now, the light withers. I fall somewhere, I'm just like a flower."
"Though it's just a single thing, it ate away at my courage..."
- Yuke
❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆
(obv most of these are Nene talking about her journey, her ideals, how she internalizes her failures, her bonds with WxS and her child self, ect but hush.)
-Nene believed himself to be a typical 'diva' for the longest time. He used to show it in a more performative way, swaying his hips and making his gestures flamboyant in hopes of casting his non existent aura and subconsciously being noticed by other people, even if he never shook away the feeling of wrongness that came from it, the way his back always felt crooked, his shoulders compelled to widen and unwilling to look at anyone in the eye because if they saw him, they'd know that he was just putting up an act. It became second nature, to hide his timidness and disappear into himself so that he wouldn't exist in the room while simultaneously being the center of it in his own world, and for a long time, that truly was the case. But when it came to transitioning truly, Nene really struggled to masculinize his body language due to his constant, daily 'diva' performances. After a while, practicing to get used to combining the way he moves, he's still relatively feminine in some movements and masculine in others, which he grew to just accept over time, as he didn't feel the need to justify the persona and the person he knew he was to other people (though if they pointed it out he would still end up going home and rethinking the phrase more than he'd like to admit)
-They never experienced the painful kind of gender dysphoria when it came to their physical appearance, as even though he was petite, Nene never complained about his body and generally androgynous closet they already had. Skirts or dresses and the feminine physical appearance they had only bothered them after they started taking care of themself (because as I've stated before, Nene experienced much more self hatred in his pre-transition, depressive years). However, he always got a sort of warm and happy feeling when he started contouring his facial features and cutting his hair and putting it up in a man bun of sorts (Rui later said that Nene looked much better with his hair down and he's given up on the hair bun since /pos), and would often scroll through online shops at night (if he wasn't gaming) to imagine himself in more socially accepted male presenting outfits.
-Asexual. He's partly repulsed, but he doesn't mind the concept of intimacy, and in turn yearns for it deep down, despite never being able to allow himself to indulge in it fully (sort of like what happened in Nene4).
-When he found out Tsukasa was a trans fem that just passed with flying colors (better than him in his mind), he started to subconsciously lean towards her more, despite not being outly trans himself to the future star yet. For a good chunk of time, Nene would just feel a silent sort of safety in Tsukasa's presence despite his indifference, as Tsukasa would be even more of a diva than Nene ever could be, trans or not. And the moment Tsukasa found out Nene was genderqueer, she basically spiritually adopted him. (I wouldn't know the feeling but i imagine that's great to have)
Transmasc Nene hcs (will be using he/they prns for Nene)
Someone pointed out Nene's Little Mermaid correlations, yearning to be part of a whole new world as very transcoded, and I'm leaning into that for a lot of these (along with my own experiences ofc).
-The transgenderisms in Hakoniwa no Coral has me in a chokehold. The whole song gives me lots of allegories, beyond Nene drowning for his dreams. Piecing together parts of himself that he wants to become. Walking through life, terrified and uncertain, despite holding onto something that's daunting yet has the potential to make you feel safe. Wanting to pan out the parts you refuse to listen to, as Nene feels helpless, painful, struggling before a stain that he can't get rid of, hoping to keeping up this journey as the water mutes his ears, but the shadows of what he used to be never truly going away. I can't articulate my feelings very well, but this song sticks out as such a spectacle for ftms (in my interpretation) to me. It makes me feel safe in turn. The way the song sways like a beach at sunset feels like such a levitating and safe experience.
-Something else I think is worth mentioning is how Canaries, one of Nene's most predominant imagery, that are mostly known for singing, being particularly, male Canaries. While female Canaries are able to sing, it's much more common for male Canaries to sing and attract females, while in Nene4, Nene as a Canary sings in order to have his message reached to Rio (Tsukasa) and let him know that in order to save his mother, he doesn't have to kill a Pheonix. Call it leaping in logic or reaching but it's the same as attracting the attention of other beings (putting aside my mtf Tsukasa headcanons for now) using his voice.
-Nene seems like the type of person to grow up feeling alienated in his biology, but never truly putting the pieces together, because when they look at other people in the world- people who are stronger, more powerful, more braver with all the passion and love they could never find themselves matching, he doesn't feel like he deserves to take that step. He used to hate his own hesitant nature, his cowardice, and generally grew to stop viewing himself as a person entirely. Everyone else was content with who he was, so why couldn't he be? But he knew. Growing up, he knew, he yearned to be something else. And years later boom they get hit with the transgender beam and they're like 'ykw this shit slaps'.
-Only having at most a few friends, all being cis (except Rui but he came out much later) that stayed growing up, Nene never understood the nature of transgenderisms, so he assumed that his feelings were derivative for a very long time (which looking back, he found to be true, and that was okay given the state of content he found himself in). His transition started small, from his appearance and researching for online experiences (since he was one of the most chronically online people he knew) (still is), not knowing how to bring it forth to his friends till years later.
-They have absolutely no style. None. None at all, they used to look like an insomniac grandma when they went out, and with the only person to help him being Rui (the person with even less style than Nene's non existent one), they decided to borrow their mother and father's most masculine clothes in hopes of presenting himself well. Needless to say they still suck at having a sense of style but at least they're not Colorblind right?
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