⋆ ♡ ⋆Cordelia (Lila) ⋆ ♡ ⋆ @cordelialila - Tumblr Blog

Apr 10, 2025

it's you (they add up to)

happy day 5 of @sjmromanceweek !! I wanted to do this fic for SO LONG and I'm so happy it's finally happening. this was supposed to be a day 4 fic, but 5 + 1 fics are one of my favorite formats and we need to bring them back so here's my contribution (and 5+1 totally counts as a trope, right?). title from little things by one direction!

Summary: Five times Azriel showed Nesta he cared about her, plus one time she showed him she cared, too.

Word Count: 4.1k

Read on AO3 here!

♡♡♡♡♡ Nesta

Nesta rose to consciousness slowly, treasuring the way the sheets were perfectly cocooning her body. She’d been so exhausted the last few weeks between training and the library and putting up with Cassian that she was going to take as many spare moments of rest as she could snatch up.

Nesta let herself enjoy waking up for a few more moments before the reality of her situation slammed into her. Why was the sun so high in the sky? Why could she hear the hustle and bustle of the streets in a way she certainly wasn’t used to?

As she frantically got up and shoved her leathers on, Nesta wondered what sort of punishment awaited her for sleeping in so late. Would she not be allowed out of the House even longer? Be forced to do even more training? The possibilities were endless, and none of them good.

Nesta raked her fingers through her hair to roughly detangle it before pulling it back into a severe plait at the back of her head. She didn’t have time for her usual braided coronet, but that didn’t mean she would risk it coming loose mid-fight; she’d learned her lesson about leaving her hair down all too well. Instead of leaving her braid hanging down against her back, she wrapped it into a tight bun and secured it with as many pins and hair ties as she could scrounge up in as many breaths.

She shoved her feet into her fighting shoes, only barely tying them before she was racing down the hallway. She couldn’t hear anything as she rushed upstairs, but that could mean anything. Maybe Rhys or Feyre were waiting for her instead of that loud, insufferable bat, but there was only one way to find out.

As Nesta made it up the final step, she stalked past the sitting area and dining room in order to make it to the balcony. She just had to get there as soon as she could, before—

“You’re not in trouble, Nesta,” Azriel called out from seemingly nowhere.

Nesta froze mid-stride, whirling around to see the Shadowsinger sitting at the dining table. In her haste to get to the balcony, she hadn’t even noticed him sitting there; how she could have missed his wings and the shadows swirling playfully around his fingers, she wasn’t sure. She knew it was his job to remain unnoticed, though, so she supposed she’d attribute it to that.

“I’m sorry?” Nesta eventually said. She hoped she didn’t look as out of breath as she felt.

“You’re not in trouble,” Azriel repeated. He had a healthy serving of breakfast in front of him, and her stomach panged with hunger once the smell hit her. “You’re not expected at training today.”

“What?” she replied, taking a few hesitant steps closer to the table. He had no reason to lie to her, but a large part of her didn’t quite believe what he was saying. “Why not?”

“You needed the rest,” Azriel told her mildly. Despite his gentle words and the softness with which they had been delivered, she could tell he wasn’t inviting any argument. “I told Cassian you’d be back to training tomorrow.”

“He let you?” Nesta blurted out without thinking. Cassian never let her miss a day of training no matter how exhausted she looked each morning, so the fact that she’d gotten to sleep in today almost felt… wrong. Like she was getting away with something that she shouldn’t be.

“He doesn’t let me do anything,” Azriel replied, his tone a little cooler now. “I’m my own person, same as you.”

“Oh.” She fought the urge to fidget under the weight of that hazel gaze, so similar and yet so different to Cassian’s eyes. “Alright.”

“Alright.”

Nesta was at a loss for what to do with the rest of her morning, but she certainly hadn’t forgotten her manners. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Azriel answered.

She didn’t think she was imagining the tiny smile playing on the edge of his lips, but she thought it best not to question the gift he’d given her any further. Instead, she simply pulled out a chair and joined him for a quiet breakfast.

It was the best meal she’d had in a long time, and it wasn’t because of the food.

♡♡♡♡♡

The next time Nesta saw Azriel, she was eating her morning meal nearly a fortnight later. The House was quiet, just how she liked it, though it certainly didn’t make forcing herself to eat her bland bowl of oatmeal any easier.

“Good morning, Nesta,” Azriel said quietly.

Nesta looked up at the sound of his voice, pleasantly surprised to find he was interrupting her meal and not his much brasher brother. He was a much more welcome sight than her oatmeal, though. “Good morning, Azriel.”

“Do you mind if I sit?” he asked politely. His voice was a little hoarse as though he hadn’t used it in a long time, but she surely wasn’t going to pry. He’d never forced her to talk when she didn’t want to, and the least she could do was afford him the same courtesy.

“Please,” she answered, motioning with the hand not holding her spoon at the many open seats before her. “I could use the company.”

It wasn’t quite a lie; Cassian had taken to just meeting her on the balcony lately rather than interrupting her meals, so Nesta’s breakfasts had been rather solitary as of late. What she didn’t say was that she vastly preferred Azriel’s company to anyone else’s in Rhysand’s inner circle, but she suspected Azriel knew that.

“Thank you,” he told her softly. He pulled out a chair at the seat directly across from her, and a plate of food magically appeared before him.

Nesta’s stomach made a pitiful noise at the sight of his plate, her body clearly preferring his meal to her tasteless bowl of mush. If it’d been up to her, her breakfasts would look much more similar to what was on Azriel’s plate, but she didn’t have much of a choice under Cassian’s… tutelage.

“Here,” Azriel said suddenly. A little silver pot appeared out of a swirl of shadows, and he nudged it closer to her side of the table. “For the taste.”

Nesta didn’t think she’d seen it before, but that didn’t stop her from reaching for it. She opened the little pot to reveal more than enough sugar to make her bland oatmeal taste better, her eyebrows raising as she took in the sheer amount. “Where did you find this?”

“I have my ways,” he told her cryptically.

“Won’t it affect my training?” she responded, though it didn’t stop her fingers from tracing the edges of the handle. The metal was cool to the touch but not cold; she half-wondered if his shadows felt the same.

“You work more than hard enough,” he replied. “I think your body deserves something sweet.”

Nesta willed herself not to blush. “Alright.”

As she spooned sugar into her food, she swore that tiny smile played on the edge of his lips again. Maybe she was being foolish, but part of her was beginning to suspect it might be for her.

♡♡♡♡♡

The next time it happened, Nesta was reading in her favorite library in the House. She’d promised Gwyn and Emerie she’d get through the next few chapters of their latest read – a forbidden romance between two lovers – and she’d decided to take her lunch in here so she could read and eat at the same time. She’d finished her meal a while ago, but she wasn’t due in the library for another quarter of an hour, so she was hoping to finish this latest chapter in time to exchange a few remarks about it with Gwyn.

Nesta couldn’t explain what made her look up from the page, but she was glad that she did when she saw Azriel hovering at the entrance of the room.

“Azriel,” Nesta said, immediately marking her place in her book; he was far more interesting. She hardly ever saw him in this part of the House, though she suspected he’d been up here once or twice to add more blankets to the couch she usually liked to sit on. “What are you doing up here?”

“I made you some tea,” Azriel said back, walking closer to her now that she’d acknowledged him. His hands were gently supporting a teacup and saucer, but from the angle she was sitting at she couldn’t quite tell what was in it. It didn’t smell like her usual flavor, but that didn’t stop her from motioning for him to come closer. “I hope that’s alright.”

“Couldn’t the House have brought this to me?” she asked shrewdly, watching as he carefully set down the cup on the end table closest to her corner of the couch.

“It’s a special blend,” he answered. From the way he wouldn’t quite meet her eyes, though, she suspected that wasn’t all it was. “I wanted to hear your thoughts while it was still warm.”

“Mhmm,” she replied. “What kind of blend?”

“Something my mother likes to drink,” he replied. She hardly ever heard him mention his mother, though she knew he regularly visited her estate, and a large part of her was touched that he trusted her enough to even mention the female, let alone reveal something like this. “I thought you might enjoy it.”

Nesta didn’t need any further encouragement. “At least sit down. You’re keeping out all the light with those wings of yours.”

“Alright,” Azriel agreed, folding his wings in as he sat down on the armchair placed diagonally from her. He was at home in the dark amongst the stars, but she certainly thought he looked lovely in the afternoon light.

“Alright,” Nesta repeated. She reached out and picked up the cup, bringing it to her lips without any hesitation, and immediately fell in love with the spicy yet sweet taste of it.

“Well?” he asked, leaning forward slightly. “What’s your verdict?”

“This is wonderful,” she told him honestly, already going back in for another sip. “You’re sure the House can’t bring this to me whenever I want a taste?”

“Just find me,” he replied. “I’ll make it for you whenever you’d like.”

Nesta was thankful for the tea. Its warmth – along with the size of the cup Azriel had brought it to her in – was the perfect excuse for the pink staining her cheeks.

♡♡♡♡♡

Nesta had been summoned down to the River House after a long morning of training. She’d hardly been given enough time to bathe and change into something more presentable, and she couldn’t help but wonder if that had been by design.

She’d walked into the study with her head held high, refusing to show a chink in her armor despite the fact that Feyre, Rhysand, and Amren had been waiting for her, and Cassian had brought up the rear. No one had said anything for a few moments after Cassian had closed the door behind them, and she fought the urge to heave a sigh.

Eventually, everyone’s gazes slid to her, and Nesta did her best not to fidget under the combined weight of everyone’s gazes. She didn’t have the patience for their games, though, so she was the one to speak first. “What?”

“We need you to scry again,” Feyre told her. Of course it wasn’t a request; Feyre was telling Nesta what she’d be doing, and Nesta seethed at the unspoken implication that she’d just fall in line.

“Why?” Nesta asked. She hated scrying, had never liked the way the magic reminded her of searching for the Cauldron, and she knew they all knew that.

Rhysand shifted slightly from his position next to Feyre, his dislike for Nesta practically radiating from every stitch of his finely-made clothes. “We need to find a Made object before it falls into the wrong hands.”

“What kind of object?” Nesta questioned. Mother help her, was it going to be like this for every question she had? “Why can’t one of you search for it another way?”

Amren released a heavy sigh, like Nesta’s questions were mere inconveniences rather than important information she needed to know. “Can you do it or not, girl?”

Nesta didn’t dignify that with a response, but a sudden disturbance in the room took the attention off her. The shadows suddenly darkened into a mass of black and then Azriel was stepping out of them like some kind of dark angel, his face blank but no less beautiful than any of the other times she’d seen him. Nesta caught a flash of relief in his eyes before he turned away from her, but it was more than enough to make her heart pound.

“Azriel,” Cassian said from behind Nesta, sounding almost surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“What’s going on?” Azriel asked, coming to a stop just barely in front of Nesta. One of his shadows darted out to play with the hem of her dress, but the Shadowsinger seemed too preoccupied with the room at large to notice. “No one told me we were meeting today.”

“I hardly thought it necessary to pull you from your assignment,” Rhysand answered, his eyes darting between Azriel and Nesta suspiciously.

“Nesta didn’t show up to the library on time,” Azriel replied quietly to Rhysand’s unasked question. “One of the priestesses was… concerned.”

Gwyn, Nesta thought to herself. She didn’t know the priestess had a way to communicate with Azriel, but if anyone could find a way, it would be Gwyn.

“I see,” Rhysand responded. His eyes glazed over for a moment as he spoke to Feyre mind-to-mind before they refocused on the group at large. “We need Nesta to scry for a Made item before it falls into the wrong hands.”

“She doesn’t need to do that,” Azriel disagreed immediately. Nesta was so startled that he was defending her that she didn’t even think to protest. “There are other ways to locate it.”

“Like what?” Feyre asked.

“Like ways that won’t risk her unnecessarily,” Azriel replied, his voice taking on an edge Nesta rarely heard when he was talking to the others. “You know there are other ways to detect Made items. You or Elain could scry if you wanted to. My shadows could help.”

“The girl is decent enough at scrying,” Amren answered with a nonchalant shrug. If Nesta hadn’t been so focused on Azriel speaking up for her, she might have replied to the backhanded compliment in kind, but she had more important things on her mind. “She should take the first pass.”

“Hasn’t she done enough?” Azriel countered. The edges of his wings were splaying out the longer he talked, slowly but surely expanding to block the others’ view of her. “How is she supposed to focus on healing if you want her to do this for you?”

Feyre bit her lip. “He’s right. We shouldn’t interfere with that.”

“But—” Amren tried to interrupt, but she was swiftly shut down.

“The High Lady has spoken,” Rhysand announced with an air of finality. Azriel’s wings snapped in tight with the victory. “We’ll try something else. Thank you for your time, Nesta.”

“You’re welcome,” Nesta told him stiffly. She didn’t bother to wait for him to dismiss her, instead turning and walking out of the room as quickly as she dared. Cassian and Azriel followed her, but she didn’t acknowledge either of them until they were standing outside.

“I’ll take her back to the House,” Azriel told Cassian once he’d closed the door to the house behind him.

Cassian shrugged, his massive frame moving with him as he did. “Fine by me. Have fun at the library, Nes.”

“Don’t call me that,” Nesta replied immediately.

“Don’t call her that,” Azriel responded at the same time.

Cassian eyed the two of them warily for a few moments before deciding to just laugh it off. “Whatever you say, Nes. See you around, Az.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Nesta said softly once Cassian had taken to the skies and they were alone.

“I know, Nesta,” Azriel said back just as quietly. “I wanted to.”

They didn’t speak as he carefully took her into his arms and winnowed her back to the House, the only sound between them the snap of his wings as he flew them the remaining distance to the balcony.

“How did Gwyn send you a message?” she asked once they’d landed. Surely that would be a safer topic of conversation. “I didn’t know you two spoke outside of training.”

“She didn’t,” he admitted with the hint of a flush on his cheeks. His shadows moved quickly to try and obscure his face, but he couldn’t hide from her. “I was the one looking for you.”

“Oh,” she breathed, her heartbeat picking up in her chest. “Why?”

“I wanted to see you,” he answered after a few moments.

“Oh,” she repeated. She turned over her shoulder to open the door to the House, turning to look back at him before she disappeared inside. “Well, here I am. Join me for lunch?”

Azriel didn’t hesitate to follow her to the dining room. If their hands brushed more than necessary during their meal, Nesta certainly wasn’t going to complain.

♡♡♡♡♡

After that, they started having as many of their meals together as they could. Azriel wasn’t always at the House, especially when he was finishing up an assignment, but he made a point of not leaving Nesta to dine alone as often as possible.

Sometimes when he was out on Court business, Nesta would go days without seeing him. This week was one of those times where she hadn’t seen him for several nights now, but she tried not to worry. Azriel was more than capable of taking care of himself, and had been for centuries. Still, she could admit to herself that part of it was because she missed him and his quiet comfort, and she hoped he would be back soon to bring her tea or keep her company in the library.

Nesta had just finished her dinner and was getting ready to retire to her room for the evening when she heard footsteps coming down the hall. She knew it couldn’t be Cassian – he hardly ever stayed in the House these days if he could avoid it – and her heart sped up as she dared to hope that Azriel would be back.

Her hopes became real as he rounded the corner, looking a little tired but no more than usual. “Nesta.”

“Azriel,” Nesta said back.

“You ate already,” Azriel replied, sounding disappointed as he watched the last of Nesta’s used dishes disappear. “I was hoping I would get back in time to join you. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him, only a little exasperated. It was hardly the worst thing that had ever happened to her. “I’m just happy to see you at all.”

A pleased little smile played at the corner of his mouth before he came to sit next to her, one or two of his shadows darting out to play with the hem of her dress. “I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” she asked, tilting her head. “Am I allowed to guess what it is?”

“No,” he answered. A tiny green box appeared out of the shadows and settled onto the table, the outside giving nothing away about what might be inside. “But I think you’ll like it. At least, I hope I do.”

A bit of excited laughter bubbled out of Nesta as she reached for the box and opened it to reveal the biggest slice of chocolate cake she’d ever seen in her life. “Azriel!”

“Nesta,” Azriel said, teasing her a little. He looked so delighted to be right that she couldn’t help but laugh again. “Was I right?”

“You were,” Nesta said back. She’d talked about wanting to go back to her favorite bakery in Velaris with Gwyn and Emerie during training last week, but she hadn’t thought anyone was listening outside of the three of them. Served her right for not remembering he was a Shadowsinger. “But you can’t possibly expect me to eat this all by myself, do you?”

“So perhaps I had an ulterior motive,” he responded. The House dropped two forks on either side of the box and he snorted. “May I join you?”

“Yes,” she agreed, already reaching for her own fork.

The cake was wonderful, but so was the male sitting beside her.

♡♡♡♡♡ Azriel

Azriel sighed as he stared up at his ceiling, sleep eluding him for what felt like the thousandth time. No matter how many times he’d slept in this bed, it was never as easy as it should’ve been for sleep to take him, though he probably deserved it given what he’d been doing earlier in the day. What right did he have to drift off like a babe when his hands were so bloody it was a miracle he wasn’t practically drowning in it?

He let his thoughts linger down their dark path for the space of a few more breaths before forcing himself to shift away. It wouldn’t help, and it certainly wasn’t anything he hadn’t thought before.

Azriel tried to focus on clearing his mind and breathing deeply, hoping against hope that maybe tonight would be different. He didn’t get very far before he started to get frustrated, but before he could get too worked up again, he heard something coming down the hallway.

Perhaps his halfhearted prayers had been answered after all.

Even without his shadows alerting him to her presence, Azriel would’ve recognized the sound of Nesta’s footsteps anywhere. He waited until she knocked at his door to get up and answer her, trying to school his features into their usual neutrality at the sight of her dressing robe hanging open for once. He couldn’t see much between the dark fabric and the book she was holding to her chest, but he wouldn’t take the sight of her for granted.

“What are you still doing awake?” Azriel asked her softly.

“I know you haven’t been sleeping,” Nesta answered just as quietly. Her hair was split into two braids and it made her look softer in a way she didn’t usually show to the others. “I thought maybe I could help?”

“Oh,” he replied, touched. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he didn’t sleep as much as he should, but he was moved by her kindness and attention anyway. “How?”

“I used to read to Feyre and Elain when they were girls,” she told him, shifting the book in her arms higher to reveal the title. He recognized the golden Old Scythian script on the cover even though he couldn’t understand the language. “When they couldn’t sleep, when they were sick, when they were bored. Would that be alright?”

“More than,” he reassured her, already moving to let her inside his room. He probably didn’t deserve this from her, but under no circumstances would he ever deny her anything. “Come in.”

Nesta had been inside Azriel’s room on several occasions, but she waited for him to settle back onto the bed before she joined him on the other side of it. The sheets still smelled faintly of her from the last time she’d fallen asleep here, and he was selfishly glad that he’d be reminded of her for another few days after tonight.

Azriel was more than happy to use his shadows to help hold up the book, but Nesta gently pushed them to the side in favor of using her own magic. “Sorry, little ones. I can see better with my magic.”

“They’ll be alright,” Azriel told her, chuckling softly at the way his shadows were still trying to get her attention. They were no better than he was. “Whenever you’re ready.”

He wasn’t expecting anything — he was just happy to be in her presence as usual — but the moment she started reading, something in him felt safe enough to at least close his eyes. He startled slightly at the feeling of one of her hands stroking through his hair, but it was so gentle that he couldn’t help but relax into her touch.

Nesta had a beautiful speaking voice already, but something about her speaking in another language made it that much more melodic. Even if he’d wanted to, Azriel wouldn’t have been able to fight the quiet, peaceful little bubble that existed between them at the moment. His breaths started to come slower, he started to lose track of time, and as much as he wanted to savor the moment with her, his body needed the rest more than anything.

“Good night, Azriel,” Azriel eventually heard Nesta murmur. “Sleep well.”

The last thing he registered before falling asleep was the soft press of her lips to his temple.

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