Start again..

[corilon]

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

[corilon]

I like it better when it hurts.

[punk-]

[corilon]

„Am wichtigsten ist, dass du einen wahren Freund findest, Jules.“ – „Dein wahrer Freund ist jemand, der immer da ist, der dein ganzes Leben an deiner Seite geht. Du musst ihn finden, das ist wichtiger als alles, auch als die Liebe. Denn die Liebe kann vergehen.“ (Wells 2016, S. 33)

[approvers]

[sheisrecovering]

[darth-cottle-deactivated2020012]

I think for the first time in my life in realising that I am in fact, very much not okay. And haven't been for the longest time. I've lived in this default state of being for so long that it seems normal, and it sure as fuck shouldn't be.

Ignore this, I just needed to see this in writing.

[corilon]

There has never been an escape; I have been in situations where just turning in bed could take up to an hour as I couldn’t get myself to move. Of course, those who have met me do not relate to any of this; over the years I learnt how to blend in and just move along.

But, I kept falling.

[corilon]

I could be laughing, falling in love, horrified, excited, afraid or ecstatic but all of these states seemed to be temporary, soon to be replaced by the same familiar fall.

[corilon]

I think I'm losing my mind.

[corilon]

[corilon]

It's okay to be proud of yourself doing or achieving things that might be complete normal to everyone else.

No one knows what you've been trough.

No one knows how hard it was for you to finally reach this point.

[corilon]

I want to leave, but I have nowhere to go.

I want to cry, but there are no tears left.

I want to scream, but there is no voice.

[corilon]

 Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It's the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It's wanting friends, but hate socializing. It's wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It's feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb..

[corilon]

10 years 💔

I wanted to kill someone and I wanted to die and I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could because she was never coming back. She had fallen off the face of the earth and she was never coming back.

I miss you so much..

RIP

[corilon]

It hurts just to wake up.

[corilon]

Fate looks sharp, severs all my ties and breaks whatever doesn't bend

But sadly then, all my heavy hopes just pull me back down again.

Owl City