@bournelegacy cont. from (x)
The way her voice was catching in her throat had his heart aching. “What we have means everything to me too,” he reflected quietly. “That time we had together kept me going. It gave me something to look forward to when I had nothing else.”
Aaron breathed in softly when she spoke her old name. It was a name that had held so much significance to him. He’d held it tightly in his heart as he’d been pulled all around the world to do terrible things. Even in the darkest moments, the loneliest stretches, he’d had Sarah. He’d become accustomed to her new name and it felt natural to call her by it now. But there would always be a particular fondness for Sarah.
He felt guilty that he’d derailed their evening into being about his own worries when it had begun with her expressing her own. But there she was, expressing how she’d trusted him with her heart. She may have hesitated in asking him to deal with her past for fear of the repercussions of his own actions, but she’d trusted him enough to share. Trusted his reaction. That soothed his heart more than he could adequately express. “I am happy you shared when you did,” he acknowledged softly. While he hadn’t wanted her to have to hold onto that alone, she had wisdom in shielding them both from any repercussions. There was no telling what it might’ve changed between them.
He saw the tears come to her eyes as he had begun to explain himself. Aaron worried that he had said too much. The last thing he’d wanted was to hurt her with his admission. He’d wanted to explain himself so she understood where the fears and worries had suddenly emerged from but he felt like he was hurting Corinne in the process. As he was considering trying to walk back his words, she was reaching out to him again. Her hand pressed lightly against his cheek brought an immediate warmth and comfort. By now, he should’ve expected her to be reaching for him when he felt least worthy of that comfort. Still, it surprised him and he was deeply grateful for her once again.
He frowned slightly as she apologized for someone hurting him. Aaron hadn’t truly considered it in that light despite it being exactly what happened. He had been hurt. The damage was clear and evident in the conversation they were currently having. There had been damage done by Outcome but somehow the thing that had kept him most hesitant, most reserved, most unwilling to take that next step with Corinne had always been the damage done by his broken heart.
He leaned into her touch as he stayed quiet to give her space to share what was on her mind. It only took a moment before the emotion was welling up. His chest was tight as everything threatened to spill over. The tears in her eyes made his heart ache even more. Her voice cracking had him reaching out to gently cup her face.
“Cory,” his voice was thick with emotion as he looked at her, his thumb lightly caressing her cheek. They hadn’t delved into those dark days when they both thought the other was no longer alive. He hurt for the past version of her that had believed him dead. Aaron had faced her death as he fought to hold onto his life as he knew it. It had only been later when he’d really grieved. Meanwhile, she’d lost everything all at once. “We don’t ever have to go back to that. I thought I lost you forever once, I never want to experience that again. When I left the cafe, that was hard enough. Being too far from you in this bed was bad enough,” there was the faintest return of that humor, a small flicker of a smile as he looked at her. God, he loved her.
There was part of him that found himself still wanting to argue with her and he wasn’t sure why. He wanted to insist that there was no way she could’ve chosen all of him. Not when she hadn’t seen every ugly corner of his past. She hadn’t seen it the way Marta had. The calculation, deception, manipulation, violence, and death. How could she choose all of him? Aaron wasn’t sure why he felt so compelled to get her to change her mind. The reality was it wouldn’t hurt any less if she rejected him in that moment or six months or a year or ten years later. The devastation would be monumental at any point.
I’m not going anywhere when things are tougher.
And like she often did, Corinne managed to find the words to soothe things that he hadn’t even voiced yet.
Aaron moved his hand away from her cheek and moved to gently take both of her hands into his. He gave them a gentle squeeze, thumb lightly caressing the top of her hand. “I need you to know something, Cory,” he paused to study her features for a moment. “I believe you mean what you say about me, about us,” he gave her hands another gentle squeeze. “I don’t doubt you. Not for a second.”
Having her hands in his grounded him, allowing him to parse through the wild flow of conflicting thoughts and emotions. “The hard part is believing that I deserve it,” he swallowed hard, “after everything.” His brow furrowed slightly, “after…” he sighed, “I didn’t blame her. It made sense that this was too much for anyone to deal with. That me, that I, was too much. That this was all too hard. It’s not easy to live with someone who is in their own head all the time. Or be with someone that can do the things I can do or think the way I do. It’s not fair sometimes…” he trailed off a slight frown lingering on his features.
“But what we have is different,” he offered softly, “the way I feel for you…” his voice caught in his throat again and he shook his head a little trying to ease the emotion, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life,” it seemed at odds with the intense emotions swirling but it didn’t change the fact, “and thinking about losing that got away from me.”
She closed her eyes for a moment when he reached out to cup her face, just taking it in and letting it ground her. There was something so calming in the way they reached out to each other. That gentle touch, just the connection to remind each other they were present, listening, offering solace. She lived for those, yearned to feel his hands on her skin as much as she needed to reach out for him in kind.
Her heart ached when he responded to her confessions about what she had gone through when they both believed they’d lost each other. Hearing him say he didn’t want to go through any of it again settled in deep, soothing that place where she’d pushed all that grief so she could go on rebuilding a life from the ashes of her old one. She hadn’t wanted to for longer than she cared to admit. To know they shared those same feelings made her feel a little less alone in it. The realization someone else understood somehow managed to lessen that sense of isolation she’d always felt along with all the other emotions surrounding that desolate period In her life. “I hate that we both had to experience what we did, but knowing you understand makes me feel less alone with what happened.”
When he brought that humor in as he often did, the smile pulled up the corners of her mouth as it always had. “I never thought even that small space between us in the bed would feel like a canyon.” She teased softly. “I don’t even know how or when that happened. How you got so far under my skin, We were worlds apart for so long and now even just a little bit of distance feels like too much.”
Her heart hurt all over again when Aaron said he questioned whether he deserved what they had. She felt that warmth from their clasped hands, and keeping her eyes on his, Corinne listened as he tried to find the words. She ached for what he’d gone through, thinking he’d found someone only to have her change her mind about staying with him. Getting to that point was something Corinne couldn’t fathom. “Aaron.” She said softly when he finished. “I can’t know what was in her head, but you mentioned that she knew you as the Outcome operative first. It is possible it colored her view or that somehow whatever happened during that time was something she couldn’t get passed? Maybe her trauma was tied up in that and you were a reminder of it.” She let out a breath, as he still held her hands in his and reluctant to disrupt that, she just moved hers slightly so he feel that connection between them, then she tried to explain what she saw from her perspective.
“What we had started in a very different way. I did what I had to do so I could still take of my patients which was the one thing I needed to hold onto and you were one of them. I couldn’t have possibly spent as much additional time as I had with Kenny had it not been for my position. I knew ultimately my employers could take that away in an instant, merely on a whim. What we had after you came back was something apart from who we worked for, a snatch of time where we could exist outside of it. That part of you that I got to know is what I began to fall for without even really realizing or recognizing it for what it was.” She said softly. “Those memories were what I held onto.”
But what we have is different
His words felt like she could suddenly breathe again. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath until he uttered those words and then it hit her how she’d tensed up as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’d feared he was having second thoughts about them staying together. As if he’d perhaps been expecting her to react in the same way as the woman before her and he wanted to act first. To hear him say he was the happiest he’d been settled deep into her heart filling all those broken places that still ached at times like old injuries would with shifts in the weather at times. It was immediately clear on her face while her features softened, the last traces of worry were falling away as she smiled. “I’m really happy to hear you say that because I am the happiest I’ve been as well. To be with someone who knows all those things I’ve not been able to share because it wasn’t safe, to have such a precious tie to my past, and to finally know what it feels like to fall in love is everything.” She admitted softly, her voice still threatening to break with the emotions tied into the moment.
She nodded when he explained what had caused his worry to drown out the other emotions at the same time. “It’s completely understandable given all that’s happened to you throughout your life.” She said with the same softness laced into her voice. “So many of the good things have come with a huge cost attached. Not everyone is able to handle the challenges or the hard parts. People have their breaking points, each one is different and hard to predict when those limits might hit or even what they might be.” She could still feel the reassuring weight of his hands holding hers, the way his thumb had stoked her skin, those familiar cues a constant reminder of how they both sought similar comforts. “You can always tell me if you’re feeling those worries, let me share them with you so you remember you’re not alone. We can see if we can dismantle them together.”
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