The heat of Chuuya’s rage is invigorating. (Distracting is the other word that comes to mind, but Dazai allows himself to be honest, from time to time. See—he hates Chuuya with a myriad of reasons, but how fiercely human he is always ranks high on the list.
Once, Dazai had wondered if it might be jealousy. Wouldn’t it be nice, to feel as Chuuya did, as strongly as Chuuya did, as intensely as Chuuya did?
—but then the moment had passed, and he’d realized that no, he wasn’t jealous. The discomfort in his chest will always come from seeing something, someone, so completely his opposite that he can’t help but feel, too. It’s a nuisance.)
“But if that happened, you’d doubtless jump in to save me. For how loudly you yap, you’re pretty attached to me, aren’t you?” Then, tauntingly, Dazai adds, “Good boy. Looks like the big, bad Port Mafia executive is actually a softie at heart!”
Were Chuuya to even indulge such a conversation he’d heavily argue the other’s stance on Chuuya’s humanity. Dazai had no place even putting his opinion there, let alone potentially be jealous of Chuuya for it. Though he never let it show to anyone, his humanity was something Chuuya still wrestled with to this day. Every time Corruption was called upon, every time he felt Arahabki stir just beneath the surface with his anger, every time he was confronted with new knowledge someone would normally be fully aware of... his status as a human was thrown into question.
Honestly, how much Chuuya actually felt and how much of it was artificial was something he could go mad trying to solve. So instead, he forwent the question all together. The mind was remarkably capable of bringing about its own destruction, Chuuya only had to look directly forward for the perfect example staring him down.
❝ When we worked together it was only because the boss would’ve been pissed if you’d succeeded in death. You’re out of your mind to think I didn’t enjoy every second of watching you drown when you pulled that crap. And I hated dragging you out. ❞
That was also for a myriad of reasons being how much Dazai would whine after being saved, both of them being soaked and exhausted, and Chuuya’s unfortunate frequency of having to pull Dazai out of the watery depths at least twice a week. These days Chuuya would happily see his body float all the way into Yokohama Bay and watch the fish devour his flesh. Alright, perhaps that was a bit graphic but really, he’d still do it.
To prove his claim to his threat as well, Chuuya took no shame in grabbing Dazai’s collar immediately upon hearing the taunting phrase and hauled him as far as his natural strength would allow. It wasn’t wildly far, but far enough that if Dazai didn’t know Chuuya’s attacks so well he’d have a bit of a time catching himself--or stopping the assault all together.
❝ I got along fine without you for 4 years already. Not having to deal with your disgusting mug again for the rest of my life would be a breeze, ❞ and a welcome one at that. ┈✥
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