astrology blog

disclaimer: we know jackshit abt astrology

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the signs as constellations

aries: andromeda; from ancient Chinese - represented 天大将军, heaven's great general and honour

taurus: pyxis; from ancient China - a celestial temple honouring the ancestors

gemini: orion; from ancient Egypt - regarded as the god whose form the dead pharaoh was said to take in the afterlife

cancer: phoenix; from the Arabs - traveling to the edges of the world and bringing knowledge

leo: draco; from ancient Rome - a Great Titan who was killed in war then thrown into the sky and froze above the north pole

virgo: cassiopeia; from the ancient Celts - Tuatha de Danann, the mother of all gods, mother earth, or goddess of fertility

libra: delphinus; from ancient Greece - matchmaker for the sea god Poseidon and his nymph lover

scorpio: hercules; from ancient Greece - a half mortal being who overcomes adversities and rises to the gods

sagittarius: pegasus; from Hinduism - the resting place of the moon

capricorn: ursa minor; from the Inuits - Nuutuittut, never moving and used for its stability in navigation

aquarius: cygnus; from Hinduism - correlating to Brahma Muhurta, the moment of the universe lasting from 4:24 AM to 5:12 AM

pisces: ursa major; from ancient Java - Lintang Wuluh, seven stars signalling the time for harvest

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signs as math formulas

aries: quadratic formula

taurus: differentiation from first principle

gemini: Simpson's Rule

cancer: sine rule

leo: t-formulae

virgo: product of the roots of a cubic equation

libra: angle sum of a polygon

scorpio: Newton's method of estimating the roots of a polynomial equation

sagittarius: derivative of an inverse trigonometric function

capricorn: perpendicular distance

aquarius: area of a sector

pisces: binomial theorem

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the signs as hsc 2017 paper 1 things

aries: where ? what ? where ?

taurus: "what if they ask for two related texts?"

gemini: transformative discovery

cancer: MANGO

leo: "2016 was a whale boat, so get ready for a chicken car"

virgo: white noise, everyday life, black void

libra: they remember my birthday / is tomorrow

scorpio: where's the visual text ????

sagittarius: "oh shit i forgot to put a title for my creative"

capricorn: listen to the taste

aquarius: need, wonder and curiosity

pisces: football goal post

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the signs as graduation feels

aries: keeps quoting generic shit like "dont cry because its over, smile because it happened"

taurus: surprised they made it this far and didnt drop out

gemini: overly optimistic promises to keep in contact that are never fulfilled

cancer: isnt even graduating with their class because they failed and have to repeat

leo: genuinely optimistic and ready for the future

virgo: secretly happy to leave because they hate everyone

libra: wears non waterproof makeup for dramatic crying effects

scorpio: pretends to be ok and goes home to bawl

sagittarius: crying of hay fever from flower bouquets

capricorn: continuously sobbed throughout the entire day

aquarius: missed the ceremony

pisces: paparazzi parents taking photos

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the signs as aesthetics

aries: cracked iphone

taurus: sweat highlighter

gemini: wearing glasses with perfect eyesight

cancer: stabbed by cactus

leo: electricity bill after fairy lights

virgo: glitter roots that never wash out of your hair

libra: owns nothing #minimalist

scorpio: temporarily blinded by a flying fidget spinner

sagittarius: drowning in water

capricorn: chokes to death wearing a choker

aquarius: burning samsung

pisces: bleached brow look via no makeup

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the signs celebrating their birthday

aries: birthday bash where they literally bash people n get into fist fights

taurus: wears a dunce cone instead of a party hat

gemini: re-enacts their birth

cancer: obnoxiously reminds everyone its their birthday

leo: slept through it

virgo: alcohol poisoning

libra: surprised they didnt die in the past year

scorpio: sets their house on fire with birthday candles

sagittarius: outlives everyone they know so they spend their birthday alone

capricorn: receives too many impractical gifts

aquarius: forgot about it

pisces: convinces everyone to be their slaves for the day

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the signs as reasons for not handing in homework

aries: to aggravate the teacher

taurus: the internet wasnt working

gemini: didnt get the homework

cancer: printer out of ink

leo: forgot it at home

virgo: they did it, but an aries stole it

libra: they didnt even bother coming to school

scorpio: didnt know how to do it

sagittarius: they were too busy fighting the patriarchy

capricorn: got distracted and didnt finish on time

aquarius: printer broke

pisces: computer broke

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has your newfound fame attracted any new followers? -1ofurno.1fans

buddy ……….. your url is visible …………

- suffering

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signs as coping mechanisms

aries: beats a full face glam makeup at midnight

taurus: baking too many inedible brownies

gemini: drinks eight glasses of water in one shot

cancer: takes a nap at 10am

leo: watching seven seasons of a show in one night

virgo: crying

libra: cracking their knuckles a hundred times

scorpio: buying twenty packets of peanuts online

sagittarius: non-stop leg bounce

capricorn: pacing around the house for three hours straight

aquarius: doing like eight face masks in a row

pisces: sitting in the bath for six hours

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the signs as candle scents

aries: death

taurus: petrol fumes

gemini: sweat

cancer: organic manure fertiliser

leo: cigarette breath

virgo: curdled milk

libra: salt

scorpio: raw meat that's been left out in the sun for a week

sagittarius: rotten egg

capricorn: baby milk formula

aquarius: allergic reaction triggers

pisces: fart

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signs as Fyre Festival things

aries: the people who went to the beach anyway despite the whole thing being a huge disappointment

taurus: the random mattresses thrown across the grass

gemini: the disaster relief tents aka "luxury accomodation"

cancer: BYO locks for the lockers

leo: bread and cheese sandwich with some edible leaves

virgo: unloading all the luggage by throwing suitcases into the darkness of the night

libra: $12k tickets

scorpio: the weather

sagittarius: the number of celebrities that actually showed up

capricorn: the organisers

aquarius: #fyrefestival tag on twitter

pisces: kendall jenner on her way to save the day with some Pepsi

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the signs as birthday presents

aries: coal

taurus: the hannah montana soundtrack on tape

gemini: half eaten donut

cancer: they baked you a cake, but put salt and pepper instead of sugar by accident

leo: used tissue

virgo: nothing, everyone forgot about your birthday

libra: expired makeup

scorpio: one of those really old beepy desktop computers from the 90s that take 3 hours to load up

sagittarius: sour milk

capricorn: pain and suffering

aquarius: their sibling's old clothes

pisces: a dead goldfish

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the signs as movie goers

aries: sneaks five packets of chips, three bags of lollies, and seven bottles of drinks in

taurus: falls asleep during the climax

gemini: doesnt sit in their designated seat and gets into a fight over it

cancer: annoying commentary

leo: screams at jump scares

virgo: phone starts ringing during the climax

libra: keeps asking questions

scorpio: eats noisily

sagittarius: tells anyone making any noise to shut up

capricorn: laughs way too loudly for way too long

aquarius: finishes all the food before the ads end

pisces: overly emotionally invested with tears streaming down their face

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the signs on april fools day

aries: prank fails

taurus: bystander who watches the plots unfold but doesnt do anything

gemini: doesnt care

cancer: slept through it all

leo: totally forgot

virgo: falls into their own trap

libra: hides until the mess is over

scorpio: plans a prank but doesnt go through with it

sagittarius: gets tricked into being a co-plotter against innocent victim

capricorn: innocent victim

pisces: prank backfires on themselves

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horoscope: u are going to be thrown into emotional chaos , lose ur mind , n also fuck you

me: hmm… i wonder what this means

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I dont saranghae y'all no more 💔

that’s okay sweatie..,., all u need to love is astrology

- suffering

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cat lady saranghaes you back

[corruptedtampon]

I dont saranghae y'all no more 💔

that’s okay sweatie..,., all u need to love is astrology

- suffering