ventishhh warning for: friend situationships, suicide, attemps, S/H, cringyart
gennnuinely i had to stpp myself soo many times to not talk abt this anymore but that doesnt mean that i forgot and it never HAPPENED, zk. I could care less abt you now but, small fuck you, im starting to see some minor yes but not subtle things that you did to me after YOU YES YOU YIY YOU, wanted to distance our friendship and yk what i actually let you, bc i wanted you to get better and sutff and i lvoe you!!!!,!,!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
so like zk, wtf was up with allat then? I was the most suicidal ive been in almost fiveish months and attempted twice, a period i cut myself daily and such// and my stims/ticks were downright painful, and so on, and you decided to use AGAINST me, PERSONALLY, AND INTENTIONALLY, something i told you i HATED SM whenever the ppl i loved did.. and tou did?? “:sob:” shut your fucking bitchass up, and have the audacity to go and say “gxgulp well… its fine… n-no one cares abt me anyway… (YOU DISTANCED YOURSELF FROM THE PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT/LOVE YOU AND WENT BACK TO THE PPL WHO CONSTANTLY HURT YOU AND NOW YOURE WONDERING WHY YOURE NOT GETTING BETTER? oh man! And then youre conpuzzled as to why i was so affected, but whatever.)”
I know you nor me arent in a better headspace, and we hurt eqch other so many times, equally or not, but that doesnt give you the right to outrightly do WORSER things to me when i was doing smth that i (my fault fully!) upset you, and you yourself admitted that you knew i wasnt doing it intentionally and yet you kept on cusss???..we werent even friends during that timeperiod, and im sure you started to dislike me so why didnt you speak out? Oh right!
Because another thing you keep using on me is completely disregarding my own feelings— shitty but you still go on by PUTTING words into HOW i should feel, mischaracterising me and auch, example, zk, you never saw me other than being “angry”. That was all you saw in me, that was the reason i wanted to physically curl up and cry everytime because i feel like you dont see me as a person and only see my flaws, you only saw this image of me that you made up and kept using it against me to protect your point because you are a coward, im not angry, im rational, im hurt im so much more than that yet you never bothered anyway, so why is it my problem to continue chasing after you?
You criticise me at my worst, and then immediately take a step back and say some bs like “wait!…i…heh, im sorry, youre just so angry, sigh.. ignore me if you need to! I-i understand,.” I IGNORE PEOPLE BECAUSE I HAVE TO??? FOR THEIR AND MY SAKE ASWELL, I KNOW HOW ILL GET, WHEN I FIRST SAW YOU AGAIN DAYS LATER, I PANICKED SO BADLY AND CRIED, i get so emotional or really cold to people bc i dont know how to properly act, esp after such a (im not saying sorry) rude note you gave me, i just teared up and owned to it but that was it, and you never did for the other things that DID qffect me so much and so visibly exceot for that note bc you felt guilty that you showed your true emotions in it, whatever man
of course theres more, and originally i wanted to make a sorta rant vid like the ones on tt but decided against it, ts is so much funnier i swear but really its still so ass, im not letting you ruin my only goodyear in school jst cus you made yourself feel even more terrible, i hope you do get better and all that comforting stuff i keep repeating month after month while i just get shittier, zk if you do see ts (%28 sure) do not bother replying, im blocking you completely and instantly sending that shit to benita i SWEAR to fuck.
I hope i didnt glorify too much, but i wanted to onoy speak about what i was going thru, not jst sugarcoat and defend you so so much to the point i make you the innocent victim and i, the angry abuser who BROKE our frinedship first and made you all unstable and stuff, so yeah…
(Thing ijust remembered//during the first months , when i was alone and i saw you colouring snd i joined in and started to happily tslk, maybe i made you feel uncomfortable, maybe you didnt want me or whatever it was, you seemed so annoyed by me that while i talked, you jst stood up mid chat and left me and sat w your friends, smiling and laughing. I continued colouring that stupid page because i was embarrassed and went back to my seat and cried all over again, it wasnt cool of you to do that. Esp not after the teacher kept callinf me but i physically couldnt look up. How is it that benita seemed more concerned and asked me if i was okay but not you? Funny how the people you hate, seem to give a damn about me, while you never cared to ask and ignored me (and still didnt, you never asked if i was doing okay, you never asked, you never cared, yet you vented abt your shitty friends and your shitty problems, while for five months i stayed quiet because i dudnt want to put more weight on your shoulders. Why do you purposely make me feel bad and just look at me and smile or give no fucks, what???)
