we learn. we grow.

[cosmicduh]

@ringcfxfire​ naraku/ sesshomaru/ setsuna

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

The only thing reminding him of his reality was the vibration underneath his back turning into a roar, and he felt the Force around him, tearing through. As if trying to tear its way to him. One couldn’t tell by the way the spirit he had always seen, always chased after, stood stoic before him. The heat of the lightsaber (that saber, no, lost, the other), bathed in blood and hatred and pain and agony. The meaning of loss torn further in the potential of a promise: bring her back. The potential was always the truth. Bring her back.

He thought (Rey).

Where was she? He started to try and rise but it was as if his soul itself, torn as it was, was finally turning inward and destroying him. Ask. He thought of his mother, (if you continue your training, your son), he thought of Luke, above him, but he had seen (he tried not to but he had to see–)

Come with me.

A death chosen instead.

So, that was his noble end, that was the right way. For him. For Rey. Rather than…for all his lack of choices, the stars themselves strange and cold and warm and pouring their way in, the call of the Light and Dark all asking the same thing except:

“No. I won’t die for either.”

And something changed. Of course it was a lie. He had killed Ben Solo, his family, countless times. Again and again. He had felt Vader’s raw agony, all the while. He felt his own hatred for Ben Solo along with the rest, and what must always be done was–

“No, I will find a way!”

Something changed, and the lightsaber was in his hand. He drove it through Vader, and then he knew. He saw through the mask. He for a moment was one, a machine-like pull settling in. It was as if it was on his face for good. He knew what he had done.

For them. Not just for him, for them.

“Rey.”

He stood and held his hand, the top of the corridor ripping in two and she had been above him, drowning. He grabbed her hand, and held –the water back.

He held the wave back, straining, as he looked at her pale face.

Pale. Cold. Drowning in grief, confusion, fear. She never had to be afraid for anyone else before that droid found her. She had never had so much to lose before Finn took her hand that day and made her run.

She had never wanted so much more than a mere guarantee of survival before she touched Ben’s hand across space.

That void of grief and failure filled her chest. It stole the breath from her lungs, until she could feel the edges of umtempered warmth radiate from the sound of her name.

It was his voice and it was real--- and it was alive. He was alive.

Rey coughed, gasping as she flung forward into the wall of his chest. Her hands curled into the dark fabric as she caught her breath, forcing it to steady.

She pulled back to look at him. There was a pained a relief on her face, paired surprisingly with an irrational anger that she recognized, but was too late to thwart before she pushed him away and instantly regret it.

She regretted it, because all she wanted now was just wanted to confirm that he was still breathing and still so very warm despite the implication of just how much it could destroy her not---

She glanced behind him, seeing that wall of water pressed against an unseen wall. The dam had collapsed.

“Behepu?”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

He should ask.

It was lingering in his mind as he struggled to get to his feet. He wouldn’t ask why, that was a pointless question now. A betrayal was a betrayal, or simply he was meant to be killed if he failed. He understood that promise of death.

Void.

Void. There was nothing. That was always the promise and the threat and the belief. He had found some hope in his grandfather’s voice before he realized then, it was the helmet. The lie of his grandfather passing into the light had been a harsh one and the most liberating. You expect me to die. You expect me to be your sacrifice. You expect it.

Or course, you must die. But only that human part that hadn’t seen the elegance of the Skywalker way and of Vader. And he had never wanted to die. He realized that on the ground, he realized that in the night. He’d risk death, face it, but he would never want it.

So he ignited his lightsaber again and began to push against the power. He kept his lightsaber in place and let a cut run through him, a burning sear. He was starting to stand and at this rate, the Force against him could kill him.

End him.

“You’ll have to kill me now.”

He had harbored all that agony in the mask for nothing then, and he would see anyone burn to harm him. His shoulder, cracked. He kept at it, killing his own destiny.

“Kill me now, and I’ll drag you to the void with me.”

Ask of me what you need to ask.

Was the merciless reply.

Already accepted his fate. It seemed as if that truth had broken through the silent void, distantly, she could hear the familiar sound of his voice like a promise. What could be left of him if she forced to survive?

Kill me now.

“No."

Rey forced herself to her feet, raising up the lightsaber to strike at the that dark shadow of fate. It burned through her with every strike and slash of air and heat. All of it building within her, anger and fear, and grief, but the body had faded sometime between the fight ( not that she noticed) It was etched into her memory.

Her lightsaber hissed as she caught the other’s weapon, throwing out from the grip that held it. She threw her hand out in front of her, releasing a burst of energy forward, as of a band had finally snapped.

The force of it burst through the hull of the dam, twisting metal apart and out of the way, and inviting the roar of water to fill the rest of the compartment. Just for a moment, she could see the glimpse of daylight outside before the pressure pushed her to the other side of the room, holding her down.

Survival was her first instinct and it brought her a needed clarity from the trap she was in. The metal against her back lurched and groaned, refusing to give way to the lake pressing against it.

She pushed against the resisting metal once more, releasing another burst of energy---

There was barely time to process the success before she was pushed through, thrown into that sweeping wave, rolling wave, and into another sort of darkness.

[fyeahsmokinhot]

Supernatural 15.15 ~ Gimme Shelter

#nobody touch me #im so in love with this #whowrotethis #marry me

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

There was always the fear.

He had always wondered when he would face his grandfather. He knew, some part of him, that the more he went forward, the more likely the voice would get louder. He had, in every way, that sense of ….love, what had become that for him. That understanding for suffering and the constant agony and the reason for the hatred.

The reason that turned to strength. He always knew (and craved) that the barrier would break again, and he would see Darth Vader as he was. He always knew that it was asking for a certain death within himself. He saw nothing–on Crait. He had stepped out to face that challenge, knowing that what his vision had told him was not a lie. It only didn’t matter if Skywalker wished him dead at that moment or not.

This was a different feeling.

This was death…and it did not matter. He unhooked his lightsaber and held it out before him, and it was that there was someone else involved. Not in his own fight against the galaxy, his own vision, and his own destiny. There was someone else here, still connected in the cold–

And so he struck.

His every nerve was attuned to the moment, knowing that a vision could be a test, and this was blocking his connection to Rey. He didn’t expect the Force to be there. To throw him clearly back. He felt it everywhere, that power, and in comparison–he was right to be afraid.

There was a hold, on him, holding him down, but he stood, slowly but he stood. There was a sense of rage and betrayal that washed away anything else connected to the Light. In the sense, it was what he had always believed would be the case. Even if he had….

“I don’t understand. Why now?”

I’m weak. That is why. I’m weakening.

After his father, after that moment–

“Your death is close. The journey is nearly complete…and you will die.”

There was a raw nerve exposed, dug from within her and pulsing with a life of its own. 

Fear was treacherous, but it had its purpose to keep you alive sometimes, yet she felt herself slowly inching towards a void that felt like death.

Rey stared at her shadow. The sight was treacherous too, but there was an questionable, and unreplicated fondess in that touch that ghosted over Ben’s cheek.

It was her hand.

“All bright things burn to an end. He’s already accepted his fate.”

There was almost pity in the gaze that fell on her. She couldn’t discern it, but the judgement was somehow clearer.

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.

She shook her head.

“Hope is deceiving, but your life, your victory has its cost. We’ll be what we are truly meant to be in the end.”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

He didn’t feel the cold through the scream, through the bond.

He felt that void, frantically searching, and he remembered how it felt when she had first appeared before him. It was a terrifying experience, and yet he hadn’t felt that same fear. The one he had always felt. He knew too how it could go for either of them. Both of them. And yet he had killed for it. Now that she was gone….

He struggled to his feet. The groaning sound of the dam was all around him, and the water was starting to come to his level. He didn’t feel her in the bond, he did feel her in the Force. A strange, treacherous feeling now. The cold in the scream was there, what she had buried a long time and now couldn’t control was here. He had sensed her anger before, now it was combined in an unparalleled grief and horror. Things etched beneath the sand, a poison in a deep well.

It was not what he wanted.

He knew now more than ever. It wasn’t what he had wanted, any side of him that desired unity in that place shattered. He wanted her with him, but already the dark side was raging, a fire out of control. And he was locked out.

She had to hold on.

“Hold on,” he whispered again, and he charged forward. He had no choice but to hurry. Then he stopped.

Behepu stilled behind him.

There was a figure blocking his way. Massive in stature, powerful in the Force.

“Ben.”

A laser of crimson divided the dark.

A shadow stood where Ben had been and the longer she stood there waiting for the vision to fade, the more she could feel the void inside her growing and eating away at everything else.

The shadow stared back at her, featureless and silent. Ben’s body remained unmoving on the ground as the water rose up around them.

“No, no, no...” a broken whisper. but it was not from her own lips, though the voice was no doubt hers. She realized where it came from.

The shadow moved over Ben and knelt down beside him. A pale hand reached out from the darkness, caressing his cheek.

“Don’t touch him,” Rey hissed.

Her lightsaber pointed out over the figure, and illuminated the face beneath the hood. She refused to recognize it at first. It seemed wrong, but those dark eyes met hers and sent her stumbling backwards with a startled gasp.

It was her face staring back.

“You’re killing him,” the shadow said. “Slowly ever since you first touched.

The reflection was on her feet in a blink, hitting her weapon aside the red blade of her own.

“There’s no forgiveness left. You know what he’ll choose in the end.”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

He was of the mind to be silent, simply rowing. He had designed his own mechanism to make up for what was taken from him, and it didn’t slow him down–

But he was in a ill-mood. Was she questioning his part of the island? The way she talked made it seem just that, that he was a part of the fabric of the thing he wished to destroy. It had been at one time, perhaps–but now it was the only external thing to destroy, like blowing away so much dust.

Or else a purge.

“That’s because a real concept of loss isn’t one most would face.”

He half smirked.

“Including your brave hero.”

Rey tilted her head in his direction.

There was still that undefinable connection with the pirate and the so called ‘hero.’ She hadn’t known the Skywalker, hadn’t even dreamed of him, but Captain Ren seemed to have fallen into this world with a purpose.

“Did you know him before?”

There was stillness over the water, a slow creeping layer of fog rolling out over the surface.

“Did he...betray you? Is that why you hate him?”

Rey flew up, fluttering close to his face, so she could study it.

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

After that ostentatious display, he really had to thank her for the questions later.

His crew was devoted to the cause, and to him. But his control had to be constant. He didn’t see their pain as great as his, but this last batch that came back–for all a world without change, he though there would be a snapping point. He only couldn’t focus on it, else he’d drown.

“You don’t want them to, it’d be an unpleasant journey,” he said. “Besides, I wouldn’t allow it. They would follow me into hell…”

He gave her a significant look.

“That journey is just for me.”

He cut the skiff loose, and pushed away from the ship. It would be better too if his enemy was distracted by a ship full of people to watch rather than one solitary ship.

“I’ve taught them well.”

They were loyal then. She supposed that had been their shield with the mermaids. 

She had to wonder of the world that had brought a group like that together. 

Rey wondered a lot of things. 

He hadn’t told her much. This exchange had been entirely one sided. She still hadn’t really figured out what he wanted. She thought she did. It had seemed like he wanted to leave this place at first, but his mind seemed of one that was hooked to every question this island posed.

“There are parts of this island that people don’t find their way back from. It’s rather curious you’ve managed to map out so much of it, isn’t it?”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

Well, a further lost path.

He furrowed his brow, wondering at this next turn in their joust. For that was what it was. He only didn’t think he had any more wounds to find, discounting the last–few moments. He just hadn’t found her truth yet. He hadn’t considered that she’d have one.

None of them did. He only just felt a moment of confusion, and some sorrow. These weren’t his emotions now.

“You don’t have to prove it to me.”

For his sake. That was the part that he thought they both knew was a lost cause, and it wasn’t part of her battle. There was no changing lines now. There was no going back now.

She didn’t believe it herself.

“Come,” he said, offering her to follow him through the door, sweeping his hat to direct her.

That wast the part.

“For the island.”

“For the island.”

She was hesitant to believe he’d somehow convinced him to forgo the portable prison. Perhaps, he was just too absorb in the task at hand, but she wasn’t going to remind him again either way.

Rey passed the threshold, and into the growing sunlight on the deck of the ship.

It was an old vessel, creaky and loud with every movement. The crew was already out working lines and readying the scouting boat for their captain.

There were eyes on her too. She was sure they wondered the same thing she did. Her wings glowed and she flew up to the top of the mast and then back down in a big sweeping movement.

Just testing the boundary of what he was willing to put up with or of he considered she’d fly away. She wasn’t proving anything, but if she were then it would be that at least she was still not a liar.

She sat on the bow of the small boat and met his gaze once more.

“Aren’t they coming along?”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

That was what he had meant. He felt the weight of the confession, and at the same time, hated the freedom of it. It wasn’t true freedom to him. It was an eternal death sentence. But he couldn’t accept it, any other way.

The ship seemed to turn around him, and he got a hold of himself.

“They aren’t looking for you.”

It escaped in the moment but he thought it was the truth. Because it was, in its way.

“I’ve sent men out. They haven’t sent up the cry yet.”

His heart pounding, he took up the stoicism and went to the door, ready to board his own small boat to chart the impossible tides.

“That’s the path you follow,” he said. “You should at least know.”

Rey blinked, surprise by his words. She still couldn’t decided whether he could trusted by it. He hardly said anything to her, nothing that could discerned from truth or lie at least.

She watched him walk towards the door and despite any doubt she may have over the value of his words, she could find herself catching him in a lie just yet.

Her brows furrowed.

Surely, someone had noticed. There weren’t any other fairies around. She wasn’t hard to miss even for her size.

He was at the door now and her wings twitched with anticipation at the freedom waiting on the other side, but if what he said was true...

She wouldn’t escape just yet.

“I don’t spend all my time with those lost boys.”

She flew towards this shoulder and landed swiftly on top of it.

“They aren’t my keepers.” A pause. “And neither are you. I’m choosing to stay as I said-- for the sake of the island and perhaps even yours.”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

An examination of him so close wasn’t his custom, and he hadn’t realized how a long gaze could unnerve him. He lowered his gaze for a fraction of a second, of a tick, but that was one too long. He flushed, and pretended to examine the gold again, as if it could be more of a distraction.

He plucked a map out of the container out of spite, he supposed. Not cursed. Either she was in a dream world, the fairy dust keeping her away from the reality, or –well, she would become cursed with him.

Then he smirked finding a way in.

“If you’re brave enough. What danger have you been in? I’m going to the darkest corners.”

A slight gaze now, challenging her.

“Are you, Rey?”

There was a slight interest chasing her. She hadn’t considered her life to be dangerous. There wasn’t much to it. Survival was just the course of life here. She had only ever thought that if she failed, then there would be nothing left. Not even a memory.

It wasn’t a matter of bravery.

“I’ll follow the path wherever it leads. Even the places that I’ve never been before.”

Rey tilted her chin up.

It wouldn’t take much effort to reach out and wipe that smirk from his face.

She still wondered where he found such amusement.

“Enough. Let’s go.”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

While her temper was hot, his own had cooled.

He still felt the wound, he’d not forget it, and he thought himself a fool for–well, it was foolish. He shouldn’t mistake her for someone to speak his mind too even if she had nowhere to turn at the moment.

“You aren’t used to using a curse to your advantage, are you?”

He put on his jacket, loaded the pistol. He preferred the blade, and that had its own rules, but the pistol was for a finality.

“My crew, yes,” he said, slowly. “They came back a few weeks ago.”

He let her mull that over.

“But not me. Like I said, I’m hunted. Mermaids for all their ferocity…”

But she was right otherwise.

“I know a place, off the map.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever been cursed.”

She had told him once, there had been no one else on the island before Skywalker and him arrived. She hadn’t seen that as a curse, but she had considered their arrival might be.

He had a destructive nature. She’d seen the way he fought with no regard to the damage that was done around him-- or to him. She wondered if he truly felt the loss of his hand went it happened or until after the fact.

He hadn’t even truly weighed the possibility that she could burn him when he reached out to touch her.

“I imagine most places here aren’t covered on your map. You’d be wise to add them.” She paused and shrugged realizing that would only matter if he planned to stay.

Rey flew up to his face, studying the reaction.

“Jar?”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

The feeling of her wings wasn’t magical.

It felt real, and he was confused as to what that should be. Her wings felt real, like not a far away dream. Then she said that, and he recoiled. He berated himself for the reaction. It had drawn from him in a moment, and he didn’t know how to –

He stood, keeping his hand in a closed fist and his hook, he decided, to remove.

“The price of my remaining hand, you say.”

He stared at her, and he didn’t –it was through his teeth.

“My hand was cut off and feed to the damn beast that hunts me.”

He reeled in his temper and went to the cabinet, finding a hook of gold this time. To make a point.

“Let’s start looking. The sooner, the better.”

Point made.

It was a sensitive topic, but so were her wings, and while she hadn’t meant to undelicate, she could remind herself that she was still a prisoner. One with a tenuous agreement with her captor, but a prisoner nonetheless.

Rey hovered above the table.

“I assume you have some leads.”

She had the idea that perhaps the beast that hunted him could tell them something, but she didn’t think him ready for such a suggestion. 

Her eyes darted across the room.

“You should be aware there is no sailing from this sea. I’m impressed your crew has not been drowned by the mermaids in your search.”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

She was going to eat the whole egg.

He hadn’t thought she would, he had thought barely a morsel! Now he was staring, looking at her wings brighten. He had tried not to follow her progress, ready to react while having control of the room. She flew very well, all said, her wings having something besides just physical ability.

She had hovered in the corner, which was somehow more infuriating, and then she was at the table. Wings glowing.

“No,” he said, distractedly.

He was moving his hand slowly, carefully. It wasn’t safe. He couldn’t take the…it was madness but he wanted to feel her wing, not simply brush by it. As she was eating, he was taking the chance.

Closer, and closer.

He reached to touch the tip of her wing.

Her wings were always constantly moving, reacting with her. She felt the tentative touch as clearly as if he’d touched face or her hand, but a bit more than that too.

Rey managed not to react to the burst of sensation. Her wings could sense danger, but now they only sensed curiosity and a strange gentleness. They twitched in response, stretching slightly and glowing where he’d been.

Her head turned to look.

“You’re a very bold pirate,” she pointed out.

He must already know that.

“I figure the breakfast would suffice the price of your remaining hand. You shall keep it for now.”

There was a slight mischief in her tone. She was done eating and she stood steadily, hands at her hips in a slight dare. Perhaps, she could dodge the jar this time that she knew it was coming--- at least for his annoyance.

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

He had the power to end anyone here.

For good. No returns. No fake funerals, and sad songs. Death had no meaning here except on his ship. He could strike them too, and he had the means. She hadn’t realized it yet. Of course not. He didn’t know if she could understand it. But he thought, in his way, living forever in a dream world, of the unchanged, was a death.

To exist based on the faith of others.

He closed the windows, bolted the door. In the event she tried to burn her way out, he did have a plan. But he knew a move against him. It was a sort of power. How could he be afraid of her? She was the compass, nothing more. It wouldn’t do.

And of course, he did feel–a fear. Those were constant now. His bones were iron with it.

He opened up the latch, staring down at her, and thinking, briefly, of grabbing her–gently, he supposed. Instead, he went to his table, clearing out his books with one swipe, and setting the plate there.

If she wanted to starve (forever),  that was her business.

She hadn’t expected him to lift the top off of the house so quick soon. He had taken his precaution, of course and she couldn’t fault him for that. Although, she’d been honest before.

Rey was a fairy of her word and burning down a ship before breakfast was hardly reasonable.

He had even thrown his books from the table. Perhaps, he believed she’d burn those too.

She hovered just above the house, enjoying that small semblance of freedom in her outstretched wings before she flew over to the table. She landed gracefully on the wooden top and walked over to the place.

She helped herself to the food, not even considering the possibility of poison. She supposed he wouldn’t have gone through all the trouble for such an impersonal death.

Rey closed her eyes savoring each bite. Her wings glowed with her growing content.

“I don’t suppose I can talk you of out the jar.”

She rolled her eyes, expecting his answer.

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

“Yes. You’re small. I know.”

He thought he could enclose her in his good hand if he was inclined but he knew he’d be burnt. Didn’t have the luxury. He had already started the arduous process of cutting smaller pieces of the egg–should have gone with fish. However, the fish here were strange, sometimes poisonous depending on the time of day. Such changes didn’t have time to happen with–

He looked up at the flicker of light again, and frowned. As if she thought he’d be that foolish.

“I plan to use the jar when we go traveling.”

He stared into the small window, and it was a bold enough dare to make him have to repeat himself.

“You truly believe that I would let you out and trust you not to flee?”

He pointed his knife at her.

“Did he teach you to be such a liar?”

It was comforting at all that he had thought ahead to any travels together. Despite the offer, shed made she was hoping to make quick work of it. Surely, he would too, but she was quickly realizing that it wasn’t the case.

Rey eyed the knife and arched at eyebrow at the empty threat. 

He didn’t put it past him, but she didn’t think it fit well into his plans either.

“I’ve been nothing, but truthful,” she said. “You on the other hand, haven’t even told me your real name.”

Now, to be clear, she wasn’t insisting on it, but he had to be fair before accusing her of something.

Rey shrugged.

“I told you that I could help you find a way out of here. I’d like you to find a way out here, but I see that outcome being very doubtful without me.”

She glanced down at the food.

“Are you finished?”

[cosmicduh]

tenebrescxnce​

His only means of sleeping was the dark water.

He had designed his own potion, having read upon scrolls and scrolls, and a few–as expected–were intentionally misleading. Designed to lead the reader down a path into eternal pain and agony. Or just some mixture of metamorphic terror. He knew how his enemy thought.

Ren had once sat at his feet, learning all those tricks and marveling. Hoping one day he’d be as good. His obsession led to writing across the books, dissecting the knowledge rather than obtaining it. But he found the dark water. He had started to drink it, to silence everything.

Pain and feeling.

That sound–at least–was banished in sleep. It didn’t take away his full consciousness, no. If a traitor intended to cut his throat–as traitors were wont to do–he’d awake in time to gut them, plain.

If they were still alive, they would be off the plank and into the hungry beast below.

The one always wanting flesh.

He rested, half awake and half sleep, and in the morning, he set a course. He had a place to show the fairy. He had sent out scouts earlier in the morning and found–nothing surprising. Her disappearance hadn’t been noticed. When he returned, breakfast included, he had the news to tell her. It was a malicious, cruel thing, but it was just as much a willingness to balance reality.

He was tired of hearing lies, and he wanted another to see it his way if it was the last thing he did.

And it would not be the last thing he did.

“I don’t know what you eat,” he said. “The egg looks far too big for you.”

Rey stared at the plate. The smell wafting off the warm food hit her, wrapped around her. She couldn’t escape it and her stomach was already growling in protest.

It was a good thing he couldn’t hear it. He’d realize how much he underestimated her ability to eat as she had underestimated a pirate’s ability too cook.

“Whatever I find mostly.”

She eyed the plate, a brow arched questioningly. It was clearly not going to fit inside her makeshift prison.

Her lips pursed in thought and she shrugged.

“I never saw the point in being so large. I prefer it this way.”

It was the practical choice. There was more cover, more food, more places to find shelter.

Her wings fluttered, shaking the bits of sunlight that clung to them.

“I thought we had come to an agreement last night. Or am I really to stay in here until you see fit? Or perhaps in your pocket when it becomes tiresome lugging this old thing around?”