Cosmic Sensitivy

Sometimes you just

[cosmicsensitivity]

I just agh

No one is gonna read this anyways, and I just need to vent so here the fuck it is. 

I am just so overwhelmed by feelings of anger, sadness and emotion right now. It is because so boy who told me he likes me, or more specifically told me that if we ever hooked up it wouldn’t just sex to him it would be more than that, has now let me on read. I can’t really say if I even liked him as much as he liked me, I do think that my feelings have been subconsciously growing, but this shouldn’t be as big a blow to me than it is. It is just that yet other boy in my life has led me to believe that I am special, I am different and worth pursuing, and ONCE AGAIN, has dropped me without a glance. 

I just don’t understand what's wrong with me. All of my friends seem to be in happy relationships right now. And please, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not like aaaah I need a boyfriend like my friends or I won't fit in. I honestly have been so content with being myself for the year. It truly has been a complete pleasure having only myself to look after, my self to put first, my own wounds from the past to heal. I have loved going to sleep at night and not having to make time to FaceTime or call someone. I have loved all the time I have had for me. SO THEN WHY, is this person not opening or reading my messages getting to me so much. LIKE WHY. I have been so unbelievably happy these last few months, not jealous of what my friends have at all. I have been so happy for them, you know that pure kind of happiness that warms you up from within. Sure, there are times I look at them with longing that makes me wish I could have what they have, but not in the immediate present. I just don’t even know why something so small has messed up my perfect single happiness. 

I think it might be because I miss the idea that someone who I like, or could like, could actually genuinely like me back. I’ve had some issues with this in the past, falling for guys who initially seem like they like me, but when the going gets tough, they just fuck off. So my singleness has given me time to reflect on these poor choices of mine in the past and has made me realise that I won’t settle for someone who won't give me what I want. Which is pure love and commitment. Commitment to a real relationship that is. Just as time goes on, and my friends remain in these content and healthy relationships, I wonder if there ever will be someone who will want to commit to me like they commit to each other. Even if I thought it might have been that someone who has now left me on read. 

Agh I just thought I was in such a good place and was done caring about all this crap. However this seems to not be the case. I suppose deep down, I just want someone who will fight to be with me. He doesn’t have to be the one, but it sure would be nice if it was someone who could be a significant love in my life. 

Ok I feel a bit better now about how I was feeling. I have no idea if any of this actually makes any sense at all. 

ok bye 

[palemahlife-deactivated20150831]

[cosmicsensitivity]

Too much time to think during this time

[cattlleyaa]

Set limits, not everyone is worthy.

[love]

[cosmicsensitivity]

Glass half full always

[cosmicsensitivity]

Sometimes I wonder what songs I provide to the friends playlist on Apple Music

[i-wrotethisforme]

Sometimes people exist just for you to have a good time with and then move on from. And once you can accept that, it makes everything a lot easier, because a lot of happiness stems from managing expectations. The reason we get hurt so much is because we have a good time with someone and then we obsess- waiting for them to text us, wanting to see them again, stalking them, picturing our life with them- and then when we find out they don’t want exactly what we do, we’re crushed. But really, they don’t owe us a future or anything at all, they don’t even owe us a text the next day. And I’ve come to accept that sometimes a good time can just be a good time, without the promise of a future, and that’s fine.

[cosmicsensitivity]

Holy shit.

[cosmicsensitivity]

Agh again

It’s 2020 and I have the same fucking problems AGH.

I honestly never know when someone wants to commit to something or not. Most people say that if they want you, then you’ll know. But I don’t know. Maybe I do? Agh I’m not sure

Send help

[j-fouur-deactivated20210120]

life became so much simpler when i decided to just let people misunderstand me

[cosmicsensitivity]

Sometimes this perspective is good you know

[cosmicsensitivity]

Be vibey

[cosmicsensitivity]

Changing Yourself

Do you change to suit another person?

Recently, I’ve been asked to try new things. These new things, namely religion so you don’t think I’m talking about drugs, have been difficult for me to try. I grew up in a household that did not place much emphasis on religion at all. But now, I’ve started to get involved with someone who is religious. This started a bit of a disagreement, which should be a red flag so early on in the relationship, or is it a normal disagreement to have so early on?

Being open and keeping an open mind to the possibilities is one thing and but forcing something upon yourself that you don’t believe in, is another whole thing all together. What are you thoughts? Should you change your religion or try and accept a religion for someone so early on in the relationship or should you stick your guns and not change at all? Idk it’s really hard to say and decide.

Personally, I don’t think that it should be a deal breaker. Yeah ok, you might see the world differently. But does that make you love the person any less?

Hit me up with some wisdom

[elefantes-de-muchos-colores]

[cosmicsensitivity]

Man I really love butterflies

[cosmicsensitivity]

The Ex Relfection

So recently my ex showed up at my door at 2 am and screamed at me for a reason that was pretty unjustified. Shouting, swearing the whole deal. See I haven’t really spoken to him at all in the last 6 months, so in the moment I didn’t really give two fucks. I thought I didn’t give two fucks. But it’s been a few days and I still think about it.

Drop a message, like or repost this if you feel the same, but sometimes your ex’s get to you when you least expect it. I certainly didn’t think I’d still be thinking about how he screamed at me a few days after it happened. I have started to think that maybe it’s not what he said but rather that he came here in the middle of the night to shout at me over something he shouldn’t have. Don’t get me wrong, I do not see myself with him at all in the future, but he cut things off with me so I was surprised to see him again.

Interesting how the brain overthinks and processes these kind of things. I’ve even had fucking dreams about the interaction.

Thoughts?

[cosmicsensitivity]

Thinking only here and now

[cosmicsensitivity]

Make sure to make peace with all your broken pieces. To know your cracks is to know yourself

Anonymous

[cosmicsensitivity]

We cannot become what we want, by remaining what we are

Max Depree