just gotta get through today

zeph, adult, they/them, in recovery, 6 months sober, wanting to want to live

[cosmicwaitingroom]

sorry for having sick and disgusting desires and for projecting them onto my daydreams and for always behaving like a repressed little weirdo in real life because of it.....it will happen again.

[cosmicwaitingroom]

ah shit i spent so much time and energy carefully crafting and developing my ocs personalities that i forgot to give myself one. oh well.

[cosmicwaitingroom]

"it's all in your head" and be fucking grateful for that...if they ever escape...there will be hell to pay

[cosmicwaitingroom]

idk man should i daydream about bad things happening to me to put me in a shit mood or should i daydream about good things happening to me so it'll remind me that all the good things aren't real to put me in a shit mood

[cosmicwaitingroom]

i should maybe stop mentally preparing for my future as if my daydreams are just gonna magically come true tomorrow or something

[cosmicwaitingroom]

like i guess in theory i could stop daydreaming or at least try but i'm absolutely terrified that my entire life and self and existence is so entangled in my daydreaming that there's no possible way to take the daydreaming out of the me and leave me in tact like a parasite that can't be removed without killing the host and if i stopped navigating through life with my rich inner world as my driving force i would simply turn into a hollow shell of my former self and the daydreams would be replaced by an all consuming feeling of emptiness and nothingness and apathy and my personality would become stale and boring and what little glimmer of hope i do have left in me would disappear completely so um yeah idk maybe it's not a risk i wanna take

[cosmicwaitingroom]

oh those? those are just the daydreams that i use to keep away the other daydreams

[cocainejuul]

An absence so heavy it becomes a presence

[cosmicwaitingroom]

they should invent a daydreaming that is real

[cosmicwaitingroom]

i wake up. i daydream. i eat breakfast. i daydream. i go to store and get groceries. i daydream. i play my silly little video games. i daydream. i offer up a blood sacrifice to the haunted skull. i daydream. i eat dinner. i daydream. i go to bed. i daydream

[cosmicwaitingroom]

about to replay this one specific scenario in my head again for the 183rd time today and if it doesn't finally hit in the EXACT right way and give my brain the PERFECT boost of serotonin this time around i WILL explode :)

[cosmicwaitingroom]

yeah i know it looked like i was just staring at a wall for 6 hours straight but actually i lived and died 30 times in that span

[cosmicwaitingroom]

the horrors may be endless but at least they make for good daydream material

[cosmicwaitingroom]

daydreaming to cope aka trying to fill the hole inside me with the same thing that created it

[cosmicwaitingroom]

going to the grocery store. not for food but to experience the most insane and disorienting cocktail of daydreaming and depersonalization known to man.

[adampvrrish]

no matter how terrible my day is. i can always end my day in bed imagining fictional characters making out sloppy style and fucking raw. and that's beautiful. there's some good in this world mister frodo and it's worth fighting for

[cosmicwaitingroom]