Cosmo (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Just me ranting and stuff might post often or might not, it all depends he/him MINOR

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Find my seven blogs

I made a separate blog for my art because that's better than posting everything here together

Follow here if you want to!

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i dont want to be like this anymore, but i dont know what to do

my heart aches

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my friend asked me if my nightmares were caused by my anxiety over someone specific and i said no but now im really thinking about it

the first few nightmares shouldn't have been caused by that, i wasnt thinking about them at those times

but my most recent nightmare is the one that makes me suspect my friend being right

just before taking a nap, i was overfull from some good food, so i felt really heavy and laid down. i didnt really want to nap because of my previous nightmares, but i was super tired

while laying down, i scrolled on tiktok a bit and came across a post that hit me really hard

i remember my chest feeling tight while i was overthinking and mentally giving up on something, and i felt unbearably hot

i put my phone down and tossed and turned for a while as my mind raced, and i felt terrible until i finally managed to sleep

i cant remember the nightmare, but i do know it wasn't about the person in specific

i think i was being cut open...? im not sure, but the person definitely wasnt in the nightmare

[cosmology7]

Just kill me already dude all I wanted to do was SLEEP

Now it feels like there are bugs everywhere

Im sick of this im so sick and tired of this

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Bugs and nightmares are two things I hate

When they merge together to create my own super hell, I shake and cry like a baby

I wish I wasn't alone right now

I really need someone

Even though I can barely talk at the moment

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I wish I had someone to cling to

Someone who would take me and care for me

Someone to make sure im almost never alone

When im alone, I lose my mind

I dont like being alone

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Im scared of nothing after death

Im scared of nothingness

Im scared of

I hate voices

I hate hearing things through walls and doors

What if theyre talking about me

Don't talk about me

Don't talk behind my back

Don't insult me when you think I cant hear

Just shut up

Shut your filthy mouths

It always feels like everyone is looking at me

Insulting me

Judging me

Don't look at me in that way

Don't look at me at all

Just let me exist without your judgment and disappointment

I didn't ask for any of this

When should I kill myself

I should kill myself

Im a leech

I cant exist on my own

My body grew, my desires grew, but I'm still a useless baby

I cant do anything

I dont have any motivation

I dont have any courage

I cant even reach out for the simplest of things

I dont know when it started, but I cant even ask for things directly

I cant be direct with anyone without regretting it

I should die

I need to die

But I dont even have the courage for that

I want to die painlessly while doing something I love

I want to die and go somewhere else

Somewhere that doesn't punish me for existing

Somewhere i can be happy

Somewhere im not myself

I would do anything to be someone else

Something else

[cosmology7]

Power went out so now I feel nothing but anger and frustration but idk why

I mean yeah I guess it means no more fan and no more fan means it's hot as balls and being hot is like ancient torture to me but I just really don't get why im so aggravated by it

Its not like it'll be out for that long... only until like 5 in the morning so no sleep for me earlier than that

Im sorry for the lack of punctuation im evil tonight

[cosmology7]

i hate seeing my posts

i hate everything about this blog

if i was less of a loser, this account would be normal

i would just have a few art posts, nothing else

none of this garbage that i cant help but live in

[cosmology7]

have i always been this pathetic? i've been feeling even lonelier these days

i truly wish i had someone who would always be with me

i feel so alone right now

i feel like crying

i wish i had someone who would hold me and listen to me

actually, i just want someone to listen to me

but i feel too embarrassed and shameful whenever someone even gets a hint of how im feeling

i dont want to be looked at

but i also dont want to be invisible

i want my feelings to be seen and known by someone

but i dont know who

thats why i made this blog

i cant handle my friends knowing and seeing, but i also crave attention

i would do anything just to be able to sob about everything to someone

someone safe

someone comfortable

[cosmology7]

I feel like I might be repeating myself with this post, but I don't want to check my other posts to see if I am 😮‍💨

I used to be sociable, I think

Or maybe I never was

Actually, if I really think about it, I never initiated friendships

I'm tired

I don't feel like continuing this post

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Sometimes I wonder who sees these posts

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My head hurts and I cant bring myself to get out of bed today

All I want to do is eat

All I can do is doomscroll, watch YouTube, and goon

A truly exciting and eventful life

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Sometimes I remember how useless I am and think about when I should kill myself

Then I also remember that I'm a coward who can barely self-harm 😮‍💨

Although, in my defense, it would probably be easier to do if I didn't use tweezers

Maybe

Actually, I'd rather leave this incomplete because I don't feel like typing anymore, but I also want to post this

I'm hungry

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i got a taste of greatness and now i cant help but crave more #vagueposting

i recently played a game that hit a lot of marks for me but there were definitely some things i would want changed or added

then i played another game similar to the first one and it hit some more marks that the other didnt... buttttttt it also lacked something that made me like the first one so much

now im being a huge loser and searching reddit for something better

this is actually a really big problem for me because my cravings always send me spiraling into hell for some reason

im a BUM. and desperate. im actually so desperate its embarrassing

did i come back to tumblr just to vague post? yes.

also i kinda dont know who i am lowkenuinely

my name is my main problem, like idk what i want people to call me

i love Cosmo and all but it kind of makes me feel like a poser and a fraud

like. "We ALL know you took that name from Dandy's World"

names are so hard man, i miss when people would call me Earthy because my username on roblox is EarthyRyoko

but going back to that name would be like going back to that time of my life and i dont really want that

maybe i was happier as Earthy, but thats because i was younger

the more i dwell on this the more it hurts

what is my name? who am i? does anyone really know me? do i even know myself?

that sounds cringe

i was never good at "being myself"

i always wanted to be known as someone else

something else

im so jealous of people who know who they are

i really went offtopic

i do that a lot

[cosmology7]

It would be so cool if someone watched Scissor Seven with me

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kill myself now or kill myself later, you decide