please feed the plot bunnies

.𖥔 ݁ 🪐˖/ᐠ - ˕ -マ ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ writing sideblog of @rabbitsonthemoon. lots of fanfiction. floating somewhere between the stars. gets dark sometimes. a place for my creativity. 18+

[cosybunny]

Welcome to the plot bunny hideout. Mind where you sit, there's plot bunnies everywhere. This is my side blog. My fics can be found on Archive Of Our Own under cosybunny. I'm an adult and sometimes my fics contain adult content, so please be mindful of that. This blog is 18+ for the same reason.

✨. Current interests circling my orbit are Sonic the Hedgehog, My Hero Academia, and Resident Evil. On this blog, they're under the tags #sth and #mha and #resident evil.

✨. I love screaming about the lil losers (affectionate) who live rent-free inside my head and vibing with others who've caught the illness (brainrot). Send me asks anytime.

✨. My pronouns are she/her and if you're not sure what to call me, Rabbits or Cosy is fine.

✨. I'm here to have a good, silly time. I believe there is no moral weight in fiction, and it can be healing to explore dark topics in a safe space. Nobody's entitled to demand disclosure of your reasons. Don't Like, Don't Read. I think curating your online experience is important, and my responsibility ends at the ingredients list (the tags and trigger warnings) to inform the reader of what the fic contains.

✨. Phew, that got heavy. I've been writing fics for over a decade but posting them online like this is new and scary. Buuuut the plot bunnies thrive off of comments and encouragement, and I love finding people who also enjoy my self-indulgent shenanigans. Like whaaat, it's not just me? :0 that's so dope.

rabbit divider credit: @/kthice ✨ flower divider credit: @/ghwosting

[cosybunny]

Apple cider donuts for the buns

Had the thought of Leon being infected with something and Zeno trying to teach him how to actually use these new abilities so Leon doesn't keep breaking things or have a breakdown himself (sort of a reverse of the normal Leon teaches his pet b.o.w. to be a person.) wether it be something like what Zeno's infected with or god forbid something like @polarspaz's infected leon (absolutely adore their stuff)

oh, delightful nibbles. the buns are walking around wearing them as necklaces. chewable necklaces. 🐇🍩 once again their fashion sense is immaculate.

This ask sent me down the rabbit hole when I first received it. I'd seen glimpses of that AU but I went specifically to read it from the start and I absolutely ate up all of it. Good soup, good soup. Give em some love, they've cooked a wonderful meal.

Big fan of the role reversal, very fun, however the buns. The buns wish to consider if Zeno would be teaching Leon how to control his powers, or being the first person sneaking up behind him with a syringe full of Elpis.

Whoops, plot bunny.

Leon getting yoinked by some evil scientists who are Sick Of His Shit and determined to make it his problem. Probably Connections-adjacent, this seems in character for them. They are using that dead plagas inside of him to do some fucky wucky Resident Evil bullshit. Leon wisecracking through the fear and hopelessness as he's injected with whatever this nightmare concoction is, because all he can do is remain calm and try to slow the spread. Unfortunately this doesn't work too well when the evil scientists are also in possession of adrenaline shots to speed things along.

The rescue team battering through their facility with all expected haste and fury is certainly a contributing factor.

Zeno can be the one who finds Leon mid-transformation. Leon's using the last of his strength to tell him to run because he doesn't want to force Zeno to be the one who puts him down. RPD trauma who.

Zeno is straight up Not Running. He is horrified and trying to comfort his handler while whisking through the lab for a backup case of Oops, Undo Button serum that may or may not exist.

I like to think it's supposed to be a very Secret Thing the Connections keep in their labs as a precaution against the kind of Major Fuckups that have taken out lesser organizations, but Zeno knows about it because they kept treating him like a background prop.

It's kind of stupid how many secrets this sad wet little creature has absorbed via osmosis.

By the time he gets his hands on the Oops Undo Button, Leon has fully transformed into a B.O.W. He can keep his prettiness, as a treat. Tragically handsome bloodlusting bug man. With a hatchet. That he still remembers how to use.

The fun thing about Zeno's reinfection is that his presence now tends to put other B.O.W.s on edge, which usually translates to fight or flight.

We all know which category Leon falls into.

Zeno is dodging hatchet swings. He is engaging in evasive manoeuvres. He is trying so so hard to jab that cure into his handler without having to hurt him, which is no easy feat when most of his skin is covered in hardened carapace. The window of time for the cure to be viable (and the transformation to be reversible) is shrinking.

I got this cool idea that the main mutation point is at his back, where the warped and twisted plagas corpse has erupted out of his spine like one fucked up butterfly. It's not alive but it's. twitching. Maybe this infection is mold-based, and it's puppeting the dead plagas like those creepy fungus do. There is no situation that cannot be made worse by introducing evil mushrooms.

I'm imagining Zeno deliberately barricading the way into the lab to stop the rest of the squad from getting in. He's not letting anyone else see Leon like this, nor giving them the opportunity to take matters into their own hands. That is his handler and he is going to deal with this himself. He is not going to lose his found family.

He would probably let Leon tear him apart if it meant getting to a weak point. Ooh, maybe he hugs him and it triggers a moment of lucidity. Just a moment, but a moment enough to sink the injector into spongy flesh. And then idk, probably get impaled through the chest tyrant-style bc the shock of being injected very much ended Leon's lucid moment.

Just for extra kick, Leon is venomous. His mouth continues to make people suffer even after the jokes are gone. He can monch Zeno the way panicking spiders do.

Zeno's collapsing in a bleedy, envenomed heap while Leon stumbles around dazedly. The carapace cracks off his skin, the infected veins recede, his skeleton is absorbing the extra bones and clicking back together like a puzzle. The erupted plagas on his back withers back, closes up like a flower, and returns to being shrimp spinal support.

Zeno would be deliriously happy to see Leon returning to normal. And maybe just regular delirious. Leon's venom's got him so fucked up, he's seeing pink elephants spiraling on the ceiling.

Leon is traumatised but mildly, like he just woke up from an incredibly weird nightmare. In accordance with Animorphs, I imagine being a bug is a very confusing experience for the average human brain. He's mostly distressed by the state Zeno is in. Oh God, did I do that?

It might be a blessing that Zeno is in no state to give reliable information. Oh, he's coherent, very coherent, but he's happily babbling absolutely nonsense. This man is high as a fucking kite. Zero situational awareness but very happy to see his handler for some reason.

All Leon has are Vibes to go off of and spotty memories about being abducted. Also, achey. All of it achey.

His musculoskeletal system craves restorative shrimp positions.

First, he has to take care of Zeno. He's supporting his sorry ass out of there and finagling the barricade open. His team is on the other side. He can't provide them with details because he just doesn't know. They're happy to see him anyway.

Zeno's giggling uncontrollably about bugs. He's probably going to sober up once they get some IV fluids into him. Probably.

I want it known that the only two people left alive in this situation that knows what happened in that room are 1) suffering short term amnesia due to Becoming A Bug or 2) getting his brain cells eaten by venom and WILL forget most of this when they regenerate.

They agree that something happened. The clues are there, lying in plain sight. They could probably piece it together fairly easily if they were inclined to try.

Nobody particularly wants to know. They know plausible deniability when they see it. Leon and Zeno were attacked by a B.O.W. with venomous properties and the venom made them do it (it being, barricade themselves in a room and mysteriously get stabbed).

That's all the report needs to contain.

It can be another one of those especially weird missions that get speculated about at parties and explored during late stage therapy sessions.

Maybe Leon's special brand of plagas cryptidness gets even worse after this and straight up, nobody really pays attention because it's just Leon doing more weird little Leon things. They know he was recently reinfected and cured, they're just all pretending it didn't happen and riding out the aftereffects.

This man could randomly start chirping like a cricket one day and only garner a lukewarm amount of concern.

Zeno would start chirping back, probably.

[cosybunny]

I gift the buns with a pan-full of juicy, hand-made cinnamon rolls. The bread is soft. The cinnamon filling is gooey, the icing is smooth and creamy. I gift the bun-keeper with painkillers for any headaches caused by buns having sugar-rush zoomies. (And a cinnamon roll on a separate plate that no buns get to walk all over)

Sooooo.

It is canonical, I believe, that The Connections have infiltrated the FBI, and fans have side-eyed the way Grace (an analyst, NOT an agent) gets sent. Alone. To a crime scene. FBI field-agents get partners. The technical analyst being sent to the site of her mother’s horrific murder (which happened right in front of her) gets a “hey, this’ll totally be good for you” and a back-pat from her boss.

I guess what I’m saying is… would Zeno know who their mole in the FBI was? And what might he do about that mole continuing to exist in far-too-close proximity to a member of his little found-family? What if they try to nab Emily?

(Popular and obvious suspect is Grace’s boss because what the actual HELL was that “time to move on, water under the bridge” type attitude towards Grace SEEING HER MOM MURDERED IN FRONT OF HER—but I could see him being simply the oblivious guy the connections manipulated into some stupid oversight. Or like. Half the people in the damn office are on the Connections’ payroll.)

Ooo. Or maybe the mole(s?) DO try to take Emily, just barely get foiled, and instead of a “Poor Grace is Rescued By the Menfolk” it becomes “The Menfolk Discover That Chronically Anxious Young Women Can Be Fucking Terrifying Actually.”

Cue two huge, lethal dudes trailing gingerly behind the tiny momma bear on the WARPATH.

There will be blackmail. There will be blood. There will be razor-accurate psychoanalyzing that makes evil and careless people need 4-7 business days to recover their will to live.

The perpetrators really wish Grace would leave the interrogations to the unkillable secret agent and his pet B.O.W.

It would be less painful, honestly.

The painkillers are appreciated and the roll will not be spared, for the buns are crafty and have learned to descend from the ceiling like little fluffy spiders. Thank goodness they're too sticky to get very far.

Bombastic side eye on Grace's bosses. I feel like The Connections have their fingers in so many pies and they've been stalking her long enough that infiltrating her workplace would be like, a very tactical decision. Zeno obviously knew who she was and was sent specifically to bring her to ARK.

Does he know exactly who the mole is? No, that's not information they would have any reason to give him. However ☝️ he has context clues and people were rather fond of talking like he was just room decoration, so I imagine he's overheard his fair share and puts together where this information came from enough to know there's probably a leak (or several) in the FBI.

Grace's boss is either in their pocket (blackmailed or willingly) or the whole office is in need of workplace sensitivity training. Both? Maybe both.

Leon sends the Connections scuttling out of the D.S.O with his pet B.O.W, so it's not a stretch to think the moles in other places are also sweating nervously. One asset goes rouge (gets fed and given headpats) and suddenly their hold is slipping. That and they probably threw SO MUCH into the whole finding Elpis thing.

One does not simply kidnap Chris Redfield because everything is going according to plan and is completely under control.

They've also lost Victor Gideon's entire research division. The ARK facility. Countless B.O.W.S (good job Leon). And their best salesman/gun for hire. I like to think Zeno was making them so much fucking money by being a good boy. Hundreds of millions in sales and contracts. GONE. Over half the company portfolio gone poof.

In the words of Leon S. Kennedy: If you didn't want your pet getting lost, you should've gotten him microchipped. Or at least scribbled your contact details somewhere on him.

Grace is handling suddenly being a momma to a confused little clone child while also still being an FBI agent aware that some of the people responsible for these horrors are still merrily frolicking in her office. They've hurt her, they've hurt Emily, and Leon, and Zeeble Zeno. They ain't getting away with it and now she has a whole network of people who've got resumes in tackling government corruption.

Don't fuck with the quiet ones, they will fuck you up in ways previously undocumented by true crime podcasters.

I can totally imagine she's already hot on their asses without raising single flag BEFORE they decide to do something monumentally stupid like attempting to kidnap her child. Again. It's like hunting zombies; the first time is always the worst, it gets easier from there. The Connections are desperate to salvage whatever they can find and Emily is one such loose thread.

I like to imagine Leon picking up the phone and it's Grace calmly informing him of her location and status, and that some people 'tried' to take Emily. She's stuttering a bit but seems calm until—

Grace: A-and please call an ambulance. Two. Actually, two is b-better.

Leon: Oh God, are you okay? Is Emily—

Grace: Not for us.

Grace: Duh-don't worry about it.

Leon: (the sounds of a man worrying about it)

Zeno, eavesdropping: (pleased) I am glad you both unharmed.

Grace: Is that you, Zeno? Thank you. I'm glad too.

Zeno: Now. Save some so that the rest of us can look good, too. We have a reputation to uphold, you know.

Grace: No promises. ;)))

Leon: wtf

Zeno: You'll try. Won't you?

Grace: Well since you asked so nicely...

Leon, swatting him away: Do not encourage this!

Zeno: (laughing, very much encouraging this)

Have you seen this woman with her B.O.W. explody serum she's gonna make Leon and Zeno's way of doing things look downright civilized. She is emerging Covered In Blood and holding a completely unfazed Emily. None of it is hers. The survivors are huddled into a ball in the corner, sobbing, mumbling something about disappointing their parents. Congratulations, you pissed off Resident Evil's analyst/detective equivalent of Batman. You will NOT be seeing the light of day for a long time.

Zeno knows a bitch on their vengeance arc when he sees one. He is there for emotional support and to look pretty.

Leon is a bit lost on what to do with all these protective instincts that have nowhere to go. Let him have to deal with Grace acting like a mini version of himself, all nonchalant 'i'm fine' and 'reckless? me? never.' He's being driven INSANE trying to get her to give a fuck and wondering when she got so tough she's just a baby she was born thirty minutes ago. Nobody is lifting a finger to help him. They're just all like uh-huh. hurts doesn't it.

It doesn't end there, oh no. Leon continues trailing behind her while she's strutting through the aftermath, pulling perpetrators into interrogation rooms and creating detailed, well-reasoned psychological profiles, modus operandi sheets, and behavior predictions. She's destroying them emotionally and financially. She is frightening the lawyers. She has these bitches sussed out and dead to rights. Overkill? Nuke. She is shibari-ing them with an unholy amount of red tape and spanking them with the paddle of bureaucratic process.

Leon is proud. Fretful, worried, and proud. He's the one begging her to get some rest and remember to eat and carrying Emily around for her, like a purse dog. Emily don't give a fuck btw, she's just loving the free uppies from Papa Leon.

Zeno's the one who gets to sit in on the interviews as the designated outsourced negotiator and watch Grace eviscerate them in 4K.

Just for fun, let this destroy the expectation that the man in the fancy white suit is somehow in charge of this. He's not. He's just there to look pretty and take notes. He's more of a secretary really. Eyes forward, please. It's rude to look away from the person in charge of your fate.

No-fucking-body is gonna call him out on the fact he's filling that legal pad with whimsical little doodles instead of Legal Documentation. He doesn't need it. it's just there to occupy him until they get to the fun parts (negotiation).

Grace is scary, Leon is scared, Zeno is enjoying this too much, Emily is excited about getting pizza after this, and another Connections-infested branch of the government gets a well-overdue prune.

[cosybunny]

Extra Plot Bunny 🔬🐇

Turns out I was lying when I said we were returning to our regularly scheduled wet stray Zeno yap next post. This plot bunny snuck in and made itself very comfortable.

Just thinkin' about Chris seeing Wesker in his natural habitat (laboratory) doing natural enrichment behaviours (virology) for the first time. He's been scooped from his office and released into the finest laboratory S.T.A.R.S. could finance, tasked with developing the first ever vaccine for the T-virus. He's all suited up in his lab coat. He's so focused on the science he's committing. This is the genuine S.T.A.R.S-era Wesker that he never got to see.

Wesker who looks up from studying something intently under a microscope and sees the way Chris is staring at him. Gets a little annoyed because he's busy, what is it?

"Really, Chris. You reassigned me from my S.T.A.R.S to lead the cure and I am clearly doing so — what business do you have that requires this level of distraction?"

Chris.exe is not fucking responding atm.

"Chris?"

At this point Wesker catches a clue that it's probably not business-related and becomes even more annoyed, but like, flusteredly.

"Your gawking stature is an improvement to the aesthetics of this place, I suppose." And he goes back to playing with the microscope, evilly.

Just for fun, Leon noseys in to check the progress of the vaccine. Unlike Chris, he saunters up to Wesker and starts asking questions about the project, which is appreciated. And then he playfully feels up his backside underneath that lab coat and says something deeply workplace inappropriate about how good he looks in it, because he is a greedy, greedy man with several death wishes.

This is also appreciated (ego) but distracting, and we know how Wesker feels about being distracted during his work hours.

Does Leon being tossed like a banana peel straight out the lab snap Chris out of his rivere? Possibly. Is it fun to imagine he's still transfixed like he's getting a crush all over again? Definitely.

Leon, probably: (sprawled in a heap somewhere after hitting a wall/trash can/whatever Wesker aimed him at)

Leon, probably: It was fuckin' worth it.

[cosybunny]

It's kind of funny (in a messed up way) how in the au where Chris and Leon travel back in time Wesker looks at them being all close and friendly, tries to be a decent person and help his (sort of) friend out 1 (one) time and it immediately bites him in the ass. No good deed goes unpunished. He tested a theory that his whole life was a fluke and people actually can do nice things for each other (like warning each other about potential danger) - and look where it got him.

Rubbing my hands together like the evilest raccoon. ✨❤️✨ Trigger Warnings apply!

Time Travel AU? No. Wesker Suffers™ AU. The one where S.T.A.R.S. betrayal is out and Toxic Willsker is in. This is some sort of cosmic punishment I think. (it's not, it's just they're both awful and pitting them together makes them worse).

He didn't fully believe Chris and Leon about Birkin until he's being propositioned with the virus. He's realising the depth of the claws Umbrella has into his life and how deeply Birkin has been twisted by his own obsessions, one ☝️ of which happens to be Wesker himself. Pair of morally bankrupt scientists who used to do science together. Now doing science on each other? Tragic.

and then AFTER Birkin injects him against his will and basically leaves him to die in a 'they made me do it, you'll probably be fine tho' kind of way, he STILL tries to reach out and fish what's left of his friend out of the Umbrella conspiracy before it's too late. He genuinely did enjoy his company and wanted to keep him around. Throwing down a line for someone who wronged him is VERY Unweskerlike behaviour, therefore the fact he did it at all just shows how much he didn't want to lose his special idiot, despite his typical aloofness. In a different universe, it may have even worked.

Unfortunately this is the 'what's the worst thing that can happen? let's do that' AU so we all know that attempt gets him (1) very bad distraction times (2) strangled (3) strangled during the very bad distraction times (4) I need to put the metaphor out of its misery it's noncon guys it's just straight up noncon that Wesker pretends is his idea and he's completely in control of. "Oh fuck he's about to kill absolutely all of my S.T.A.R.S. including those two secret agents and the only leverage I have is knowing he's down bad for me" and then he does what Wesker does best.

Birkin isn't completely delulu he knows Wesker doesn't have those feelings for him and this is a painfully transparent ploy but fuck it, he's desperate, he'll take the fantasy where his best friend actually wants to suck his dick. It's all they get. And then afterwards a bit of scientifically curious / homoerotic strangling, because Umbrella is great at producing freaks who are obsessed with their little viruses. Wesker is a perfect tyrant acting the part of a doting lover the power rush alone would unhinge Birkin a bit. Obsessive character taken to the extreme my beloved. He was already crazy these events just helped make him worse and Wesker just happens to be the right person in the wrong place at the worst time.

Freak with control issues pushed into Situations where he has no control, historically this always ends well for everybody involved. :)))

Wesker is totally fine after this, as we all know. He dusts off and gets back to work after Leon misses his shot and Birkin escapes, nobody dies, and there's no long-term consequences to these events whatsoever.

They don't need to talk about it, because there is nothing to discuss.

(I saw you as an equal.)

It was a tactical series of decisions and it worked, didn't it? Flawlessly. It's over now. Why are they still talking about it?

(I babysat your daughter for you.)

Worse things have happened to less deserving people. Wesker perpetuated quite a few of them himself (would you like to hear about them?)

(I thought we would always be a team.)

oops, all angst. he's never letting himself get dragged to therapy but he has a rather persistent and sticky support system that refuses to let him crawl off into a corner to self-destruct and wallow in peace. He's got walls so high it takes a wrecking ball and some dynamite before anyone can get inside and squeeze some genuine vulnerability out of the man. He hates being reminded he's human and the recipient of squishy complicated human feelings, so making him confront it head on is evil and a hate crime towards him specifically.

He would LIKE to be an unfeeling non-human thing that is untouchable and above all the rest, but actually he's just a low empathy, demisexual bitch who's terrified of being Perceived, flaws and all. Looking at the kind of people he had around him I can't imagine where this came from.

He has no idea Chris already knows, guys. This man has already seen him at his worst. He has seen him insane and enraged. He came this 👌 close to just killing him in the woods and feeding his body to the Arklay ecosystem to spare them all the hassle.

And he's still here anyway, because nothing about his relationship with Albert Wesker gets to be that easy. The minute Chris realises this man has a cold, dark little heart but a heart nonetheless, it's fucking over. Doomed. Doomed to be gay. Straight to hell, but at least they pull Leon in for the ride. evil carnivorous plant (couple) yoinks unsuspecting twink into its mouth (bedroom).

I (Reluctantly) Helped Save The World And All I Got Was This Lousy Trauma (the newfound emotional intimacy is nice tho).

[cosybunny]

I need you to know that the Chris+Leon timetravel AU where they kidnap Wesker just absolutely took over my life since I read that post.

In a record scratch-time stop way. I've been imagining this scenario non stop on repeat and I already have made it everyones problem on a discord server.

I NEED this. Like I need air. Actually I might need this more than air at this point.

oh damn, the buns got you too huh. hang on lemme make your problem worse by dropping my Spotify playlist (yes there's a playlist for this I made it ages ago).

Gunshot Lullabies is Leon's song, very bleak just like him. Anti-Gravity is Chris's song, slightly more hopeful. Explode is Wesker's song, because his original 'death' was being impaled through the chest by the tyrant so 'i won't stop till it's mine, or I feel my heart explode' takes on a delicious layer of irony. Also, it's very Music To Take Down Umbrella To-coded. I bet you'll never guess which one of those three are my favourites based on yap length.

Other fun little picks in this playlist are Danger Zone and Won't Let Go for Leon, Not Afraid to Die and Pretty Lies for Chris, and finally Traitor and Reborn for Wesker. I also snuck in two Resident Evil fansongs because they're a bop.

I think about this au a healthy amount. trust.

And now, yapping about kidnapping Captain Wesker because it's a Key Scene in the story and therefore the plot bunnies in this area are numerous and so very, very pettable.

It's after Leon joins S.T.A.R.S. (which, coincidentally, involved him winning a spar with Wesker. first meeting btw. courting an evil sadomasochist 101. but that's a different yap) and reunited with Chris. They're putting their brains together to figure out this whole 'oh shit, we're in the past' thing. I want it known Leon's already been making plans. In his line of work? The horrors, you grow accustomed to. But a good spreadsheet. that. that sticks with you.

They pretty much agree they have to deal with Umbrella and run them out of Raccoon City. They also kinda need a shit load of leverage and resources to accomplish that. Their organisations don't exist, their reputations have been set back to zero, and 'trust me bro, I'm a time traveller' doesn't get you much milage. At the moment all they have is their service pistols and a dream. And Leon's good looks. Nice to have, not very useful for taking down morally bankrupt pharmaceutical companies.

They also need to figure out how to stop Wesker from betraying S.T.A.R.S. and injecting himself with the T-virus. Chris is very adamant about that. Leon's spar with him confirmed he hasn't been infected yet. There's still time, but it feels like the window of opportunity is shrinking by the day. They're a year ahead but every move they make pushes them closer to the events they're trying to prevent. Majora's Mask reference goes here.

Leon thinks it would be useful to manipulate Wesker's inherent self-preservation and make him switch sides. Chris thinks they should kill him and dump his body somewhere appropriately remote before he can start Weskering all over their plans.

Both ideas have their merits.

The happy middle ground is that they kidnap him, tie him up in the basement to gauge how receptive he is to becoming a triple agent, and reassess (recruit or shoot) from there. This would be fucking insane if they were their pre-RE:1 selves but for these post-RE:9 protags, this is just Tuesday.

Chris is an expert on all things Albert Wesker (it's not stalking if they're presumed dead, Leon) and he can probably remember the details of all those files with his eyes closed. They're burned into his eyeballs. He knows all of Wesker's habits. He knows one of his reports mentioning he takes long walks in the forest outside the facility to help him think. Not too difficult to guess where he'll be on one of his off-duty days. They just roll up to Arklay Mountains and, with decades of stealth and recon experience under their belt, even a paranoid man like Wesker doesn't clock their presence.

He's just having his little walk, probably contemplating evil science.

He's not guarded. Why would he be? These outings are a well-kept secret; even Birkin isn't privy to where he goes.

Makes it so much easier for Leon to casually appear from behind a tree like the black ops agent he is, pointing a gun at him.

"Heyyy, Captain. I'd read you your rights, but this ain't that kind of party. Get the fuck down."

Wesker is still incredibly dangerous. He has a gun on him. That's why, while Leon's distracting him, Chris sidles up behind him and presses the barrel of his own gun against his temple. Two is better than one, or something.

"Give me one reason. One fucking reason, Wesker." The mask is off; his voice is dripping with contempt.

It's the most genuine emotion Chris has shown him in weeks.

"Down on the ground. Hands behind your head. Slowly, Captain."

Wesker is clever enough to know when he's outnumbered. He's also rapidly reassessing a lot of things he thought he knew, even as he's sinking gracefully to his knees and folding his hands behind his head.

He's also incapable of not being a dramatic monologuing bitch, even at gunpoint.

"My, this is a side of you I haven't seen before, Chris. I admit, you've surprised me. What does our rising rookie have over you? Blackmail? Your sister, perhaps? Trivial, I suppose. Are you sure you have it in your to pull the trigger on your dear Captain?"

His ass would NOT be tempting fate if he knew about the rocket launchers.

Chris would jerk the gun slightly off kilter and fire a warning shot so, so close to Wesker's head. Realistically the resulting ringing should probably severely impair him but this is Resident Evil, everyone is inherently immune to tinnitus and hearing damage, or maybe their guns are just quieter idk.

"I'd leave your bones for the wolves tonight and sleep better for it." The voice is Chris, but that dark tone is all Captain Redfield.

Wesker's taken aback by the sheer layers of hatred and animosity towards him. As well as, y'know, the ease in which he displayed he's not bluffing.

Leon can probably sense that Chris is losing his cool and swiftly intervenes by pistol-whipping Wesker unconscious. Opted to skip the cutscene midway through, bless his boots.

They drag Wesker back Leon's 1990's Jeep, stuff him in the trunk, and off they go. One evil captain successfully kidnapped and they've covered their tracks well (disabled the hidden cameras in the forest and everything, clever boys). One hundred percent ready for any scenario.

When Wesker wakes, it's to a splitting migraine and a blindfold over his eyes. He quickly assesses that he's tied up at every conceivable joint; the straps creak under his experimental twists. The feel of a thick, murder-ready tarp underneath his shifting knees is alarming, but mostly he's just. perplexed.

Scientist encountering unknown variables, my beloved.

Because a Wesker in captivity is just as dangerous as a Wesker in the wild, he's snapping his head forward as soon as he hears People Noise. He's tracking their movements like he can see through the blindfold. He knows who they are just by the gait of their walk and the buzzing silence. Very creature of him.

He would greet them like this is his basement, and he's perfectly at home here.

"Chris. And Leon."

"Wesker."

(Leon thinks this blatant homoerotic tension is exhausting to watch. Leon keeps his opinions to himself because he's a good boy.)

Wesker wants to know which rival company they work for, throwing out a few guesses. Chris keeps checking his gun and Leon's the one doing most of the talking. Good cop bad cop except it's not an act. Just for fun, they're spilling Old News which is very Recent News without much consideration to the fact They Should Not Fucking Know That. They're speaking of the best kept secrets like it's absolute, verified fact. They know more about Umbrella than Wesker does. They are causally exuding so much fucking power here without knowing it.

Wesker's calm facade lapses into eerie, wary silence. He looks a little pale.

His choices are join them in their crusade against Umbrella or be the one of the first to die. It seems an easy decision to make but Chris knows Wesker won't agree. He needs time to absorb it, to think, to scheme. So, he's the one who suggests leaving him in the basement for a while to think.

Chris is unbothered because it's Wesker. But Leon's a bit reluctant to leave anyone tied up in a basement, even a bad guy. So, he offers him a sip from a water bottle, which Wesker turns his nose up at.

"He's not gonna drink it, Leon." (Chris saw this coming.)

(Leon ignores him) "You'll be here for a while, are you sure you don't want some water?"

Stony silence.

"Are you worried it's drugged? It's not. Promise. It's just water. I can drink some first, if that helps?"

Even more stony silence.

"Alright, maybe later then."

Surprisingly, it's Leon's idea to gag him before they leave, not Chris's.

"Sorry, I know this is gonna be uncomfortable. I've dealt with people like you before, can't let you get ideas about biting off your tongue just to spite us." (He's got him read for filth, Wesker absolutely would)

After you've planted the seeds of rebellion and (attempted to) water your Wesker, it's important to leave him tied up in your basement overnight to carefully weigh his options.

Do not disturb him, he is thinking. He is contemplating. He is computing. He is playing with an abacus in his head.

This would be considered a form of torture, if done to anyone else, but this man is an absolute little freak. He needs to be given A Single Thought to rotate in his brain with all other senses securely on the backburner. All tied up with nowhere to go means he can study this proposal from all angles. He will be more agreeable after this than if you tried to convince him nicely.

When Leon comes back down to check on him the next morning, he's sympathetically removing the gag. What the fuck did they do to you in special ops training, Leon?

"Dry. I know, I know. Water now?"

And when Leon brings the bottle to his lips, Wesker drinks without a fuss. Big improvement. Little do they know, this will not be the last time Leon feeds Wesker water while he's incapacitated. This is not just humane treatment. This is the start of a habit.

"I wanna wait until Chris is awake before we talk about this properly, but did you have time to think about what we said?"

"Indeed." Wesker sounds calmer, too. which is. probably not a good sign.

"Do we have your cooperation?"

"Perhaps you do. What does that get me?"

"I dunno. I got ointment for friction burn, you want that? I'm untying you."

"Oh? Am I being released for good behaviour?"

"No, I'm just making sure you don't get nerve damage and giving your chafed skin a chance to breathe."

"How considerate you are of your prisoners."

"Thanks, I try."

Wesker's still having a very perplexing time of it. All his attempts to provoke or pry at his captor get batted away like cotton balls or returned to sender with Leon's particular brand of dry wit. He assumes the purpose of this visit is power play under the guise of humane treatment. He is doing his damndest to remain in control, acting unbothered while overanalyzing every move. Pretending having Leon's hands on him, pushing him around as he likes, doesn't make him want to hiss and bite. He's being strategic. He's doing a deception. Playing a good captive is part of his new scheme.

Control freak thrown into Situations where he has no control and Coping About It, my beloved.

Meanwhile Leon is just struggling to undo Chris's handiwork. He is rotating this evil blond slut in circles and questioning how the fuck his partner in crime managed to tie him up like this in the first place (the answer is that Wesker is very flexible and unbothered about it).

[thecheshiredragon]

I absolutely love this. I've also been thinking about this scenario as I mentioned. Here a few of my silly little thoughts:

Sherry regulalry ends up at the RPD because Leon knows her parents were... a little forgetful, so he watches out for her whenever he can - which means she searches him out whenever she gets forgotten to be picked up

Once the operation 'Kidnap the Wesker' starts and the man has been sufficiently stewing in his own (brain)juice Leon tries to bond with him over casually mentioning Sherry's likes and dislikes. What better to bond over a little than by having the same charge, right?

Sherry (RE2 onwards) had given him that information, Young Sherry isn't quite there yet in giving out so much info to him

Sherry also conveniently forgot to mention that most of these things were stuff she only did with uncle Wesker and that none of these things she told Leon were like. BIG SECRETS

So Wesker incorrectly assumes Leon is very casually and also very efectively threatening Sherry. He knows Leon's plan (there is no plan), and he won't fall for it (he thinks) but Leon casually mentioning he is going to take care of her does cause a reaction (its dread. Be honest Wesker)

So if a certain Albert Wesker reluctantly and with too much sass starts working with Chris and Leon its is totally not to protect his Goddaughter from the crazy two faced prodigy

And yes. He keeps thinking of Leon as two faced. He doesn't get how the man manages to treat him humanely, friendly even with so much honesty - just to turn around and very casually threaten Sherry and the Birkins in general. (He's not dumb. He's just missing some vital information)

Leon meanwhile notices that even mentioning Sherry jumpstarts a difficult Wesker into muted comliance. Chris wants to know the trick. Because he has trouble shutting the man up.

Sherry meanwhile gets to live her best life. Because once Wesker has been bullied into actual cooperation under the guise of being already too deep into another conspiracy and also protecting the Birkins, they do all sorts of outings together. Like raiding the ice cream place down the street.

One giant brainfreeze later Wesker is convinced this is just a new form of torture. Surely this amount of icecream cannot be eaten in one sitting.

[cosybunny]

mmMMM Wesker's dead little heart having a soft spot for one (1) smol bean. He's her godfather. He would be so fucking suspicious of Leon's interest in her. This is the man who came from the eugenics program ever, historically nothing good has happened out of mysterious agents taking a keen interest in gifted children.

I love love love your silly little thoughts hang on I gotta climb into the microwave and rotate with these for a bit. we're making popcorn for the bus. 🍿

Leon being 20 with the parental instincts of his 49 year-old self and oblivious about it, my beloved.

I present to the jury the very real problem that Leon currently has (2) of his daughters ensnared within Umbrella's tangled branches and this is very distressing for him. Sherry is being experimented on by his parents and Grace is in the custody of Oswald Spencer who may or may not have had his heels face turn yet and begun developing Elpis, and there's nothing he can do.

While Chris is dealing with the idea that, if everything goes to plan, Rose Winters will never even know who he is, Leon is trying so, so hard to bend fate enough to give Sherry the life he knows she wanted. If they flipped Wesker, surely they can also flip the Birkins and Sherry won't have to be an orphan. He's so fucking hopeful it's tragic.

Your best trait unintentionally causing the worst things to happen, my other beloved. Letting Wesker continue meeting with William Birkin. Ignoring Chris's warnings about it being too risky especially because he knew Birkin is the one who gave Wesker the serum on orders from Umbrella, but they shouldn't have to worry about that for a year at least.

Then, y'know. Surprise it's a tyrant. Sorry no refunds. Morally corrupt science waits for nobody.

Leon being the one who gives Wesker the idea to seek out Birkin despite the line drawn between them because he makes him truly believe William, Sherry and Annette would be safe with them.

Leon who is tuned into to the Forced to Listen broadcast ever via the second link on Wesker's glasses while his own life and everyone else's are at the mercy of aerosolised G-virus. I'm sure he feels no degree of personal responsibility for the things he's hearing happen in real time. That he's the one who goes rushing to their location and Birkin gets away because his hands are shaking too badly to land what should be a very straightforward shot for him is just bad timing, I think.

Leon who keeps Wesker company when he's drunk and grieving and clearly traumatised by what happened and so deep in denial about feeling human emotions. Probablyyy raids the liquor cabinet like a raccoon once he's safely gotten him to bed.

How do you cope when your attempt to fix something only breaks it even worse?

How do you have a 'sorry, your dad's more of a dick than you remember' conversation with someone who doesn't even exist anymore?

/ omkake:

Leon: I think we're gonna have to kill this guy your dad, Sher.

Past & Present Sherry: Aw, man.

Deliciously complex layers of angst alongside the sweet adventures of Leon and Smol Sherry at R.P.D. (Also Wesker's There Too).

[cosybunny]

I need you to know that the Chris+Leon timetravel AU where they kidnap Wesker just absolutely took over my life since I read that post.

In a record scratch-time stop way. I've been imagining this scenario non stop on repeat and I already have made it everyones problem on a discord server.

I NEED this. Like I need air. Actually I might need this more than air at this point.

oh damn, the buns got you too huh. hang on lemme make your problem worse by dropping my Spotify playlist (yes there's a playlist for this I made it ages ago).

Gunshot Lullabies is Leon's song, very bleak just like him. Anti-Gravity is Chris's song, slightly more hopeful. Explode is Wesker's song, because his original 'death' was being impaled through the chest by the tyrant so 'i won't stop till it's mine, or I feel my heart explode' takes on a delicious layer of irony. Also, it's very Music To Take Down Umbrella To-coded. I bet you'll never guess which one of those three are my favourites based on yap length.

Other fun little picks in this playlist are Danger Zone and Won't Let Go for Leon, Not Afraid to Die and Pretty Lies for Chris, and finally Traitor and Reborn for Wesker. I also snuck in two Resident Evil fansongs because they're a bop.

I think about this au a healthy amount. trust.

And now, yapping about kidnapping Captain Wesker because it's a Key Scene in the story and therefore the plot bunnies in this area are numerous and so very, very pettable.

It's after Leon joins S.T.A.R.S. (which, coincidentally, involved him winning a spar with Wesker. first meeting btw. courting an evil sadomasochist 101. but that's a different yap) and reunited with Chris. They're putting their brains together to figure out this whole 'oh shit, we're in the past' thing. I want it known Leon's already been making plans. In his line of work? The horrors, you grow accustomed to. But a good spreadsheet. that. that sticks with you.

They pretty much agree they have to deal with Umbrella and run them out of Raccoon City. They also kinda need a shit load of leverage and resources to accomplish that. Their organisations don't exist, their reputations have been set back to zero, and 'trust me bro, I'm a time traveller' doesn't get you much milage. At the moment all they have is their service pistols and a dream. And Leon's good looks. Nice to have, not very useful for taking down morally bankrupt pharmaceutical companies.

They also need to figure out how to stop Wesker from betraying S.T.A.R.S. and injecting himself with the T-virus. Chris is very adamant about that. Leon's spar with him confirmed he hasn't been infected yet. There's still time, but it feels like the window of opportunity is shrinking by the day. They're a year ahead but every move they make pushes them closer to the events they're trying to prevent. Majora's Mask reference goes here.

Leon thinks it would be useful to manipulate Wesker's inherent self-preservation and make him switch sides. Chris thinks they should kill him and dump his body somewhere appropriately remote before he can start Weskering all over their plans.

Both ideas have their merits.

The happy middle ground is that they kidnap him, tie him up in the basement to gauge how receptive he is to becoming a triple agent, and reassess (recruit or shoot) from there. This would be fucking insane if they were their pre-RE:1 selves but for these post-RE:9 protags, this is just Tuesday.

Chris is an expert on all things Albert Wesker (it's not stalking if they're presumed dead, Leon) and he can probably remember the details of all those files with his eyes closed. They're burned into his eyeballs. He knows all of Wesker's habits. He knows one of his reports mentioning he takes long walks in the forest outside the facility to help him think. Not too difficult to guess where he'll be on one of his off-duty days. They just roll up to Arklay Mountains and, with decades of stealth and recon experience under their belt, even a paranoid man like Wesker doesn't clock their presence.

He's just having his little walk, probably contemplating evil science.

He's not guarded. Why would he be? These outings are a well-kept secret; even Birkin isn't privy to where he goes.

Makes it so much easier for Leon to casually appear from behind a tree like the black ops agent he is, pointing a gun at him.

"Heyyy, Captain. I'd read you your rights, but this ain't that kind of party. Get the fuck down."

Wesker is still incredibly dangerous. He has a gun on him. That's why, while Leon's distracting him, Chris sidles up behind him and presses the barrel of his own gun against his temple. Two is better than one, or something.

"Give me one reason. One fucking reason, Wesker." The mask is off; his voice is dripping with contempt.

It's the most genuine emotion Chris has shown him in weeks.

"Down on the ground. Hands behind your head. Slowly, Captain."

Wesker is clever enough to know when he's outnumbered. He's also rapidly reassessing a lot of things he thought he knew, even as he's sinking gracefully to his knees and folding his hands behind his head.

He's also incapable of not being a dramatic monologuing bitch, even at gunpoint.

"My, this is a side of you I haven't seen before, Chris. I admit, you've surprised me. What does our rising rookie have over you? Blackmail? Your sister, perhaps? Trivial, I suppose. Are you sure you have it in your to pull the trigger on your dear Captain?"

His ass would NOT be tempting fate if he knew about the rocket launchers.

Chris would jerk the gun slightly off kilter and fire a warning shot so, so close to Wesker's head. Realistically the resulting ringing should probably severely impair him but this is Resident Evil, everyone is inherently immune to tinnitus and hearing damage, or maybe their guns are just quieter idk.

"I'd leave your bones for the wolves tonight and sleep better for it." The voice is Chris, but that dark tone is all Captain Redfield.

Wesker's taken aback by the sheer layers of hatred and animosity towards him. As well as, y'know, the ease in which he displayed he's not bluffing.

Leon can probably sense that Chris is losing his cool and swiftly intervenes by pistol-whipping Wesker unconscious. Opted to skip the cutscene midway through, bless his boots.

They drag Wesker back Leon's 1990's Jeep, stuff him in the trunk, and off they go. One evil captain successfully kidnapped and they've covered their tracks well (disabled the hidden cameras in the forest and everything, clever boys). One hundred percent ready for any scenario.

When Wesker wakes, it's to a splitting migraine and a blindfold over his eyes. He quickly assesses that he's tied up at every conceivable joint; the straps creak under his experimental twists. The feel of a thick, murder-ready tarp underneath his shifting knees is alarming, but mostly he's just. perplexed.

Scientist encountering unknown variables, my beloved.

Because a Wesker in captivity is just as dangerous as a Wesker in the wild, he's snapping his head forward as soon as he hears People Noise. He's tracking their movements like he can see through the blindfold. He knows who they are just by the gait of their walk and the buzzing silence. Very creature of him.

He would greet them like this is his basement, and he's perfectly at home here.

"Chris. And Leon."

"Wesker."

(Leon thinks this blatant homoerotic tension is exhausting to watch. Leon keeps his opinions to himself because he's a good boy.)

Wesker wants to know which rival company they work for, throwing out a few guesses. Chris keeps checking his gun and Leon's the one doing most of the talking. Good cop bad cop except it's not an act. Just for fun, they're spilling Old News which is very Recent News without much consideration to the fact They Should Not Fucking Know That. They're speaking of the best kept secrets like it's absolute, verified fact. They know more about Umbrella than Wesker does. They are causally exuding so much fucking power here without knowing it.

Wesker's calm facade lapses into eerie, wary silence. He looks a little pale.

His choices are join them in their crusade against Umbrella or be the one of the first to die. It seems an easy decision to make but Chris knows Wesker won't agree. He needs time to absorb it, to think, to scheme. So, he's the one who suggests leaving him in the basement for a while to think.

Chris is unbothered because it's Wesker. But Leon's a bit reluctant to leave anyone tied up in a basement, even a bad guy. So, he offers him a sip from a water bottle, which Wesker turns his nose up at.

"He's not gonna drink it, Leon." (Chris saw this coming.)

(Leon ignores him) "You'll be here for a while, are you sure you don't want some water?"

Stony silence.

"Are you worried it's drugged? It's not. Promise. It's just water. I can drink some first, if that helps?"

Even more stony silence.

"Alright, maybe later then."

Surprisingly, it's Leon's idea to gag him before they leave, not Chris's.

"Sorry, I know this is gonna be uncomfortable. I've dealt with people like you before, can't let you get ideas about biting off your tongue just to spite us." (He's got him read for filth, Wesker absolutely would)

After you've planted the seeds of rebellion and (attempted to) water your Wesker, it's important to leave him tied up in your basement overnight to carefully weigh his options.

Do not disturb him, he is thinking. He is contemplating. He is computing. He is playing with an abacus in his head.

This would be considered a form of torture, if done to anyone else, but this man is an absolute little freak. He needs to be given A Single Thought to rotate in his brain with all other senses securely on the backburner. All tied up with nowhere to go means he can study this proposal from all angles. He will be more agreeable after this than if you tried to convince him nicely.

When Leon comes back down to check on him the next morning, he's sympathetically removing the gag. What the fuck did they do to you in special ops training, Leon?

"Dry. I know, I know. Water now?"

And when Leon brings the bottle to his lips, Wesker drinks without a fuss. Big improvement. Little do they know, this will not be the last time Leon feeds Wesker water while he's incapacitated. This is not just humane treatment. This is the start of a habit.

"I wanna wait until Chris is awake before we talk about this properly, but did you have time to think about what we said?"

"Indeed." Wesker sounds calmer, too. which is. probably not a good sign.

"Do we have your cooperation?"

"Perhaps you do. What does that get me?"

"I dunno. I got ointment for friction burn, you want that? I'm untying you."

"Oh? Am I being released for good behaviour?"

"No, I'm just making sure you don't get nerve damage and giving your chafed skin a chance to breathe."

"How considerate you are of your prisoners."

"Thanks, I try."

Wesker's still having a very perplexing time of it. All his attempts to provoke or pry at his captor get batted away like cotton balls or returned to sender with Leon's particular brand of dry wit. He assumes the purpose of this visit is power play under the guise of humane treatment. He is doing his damndest to remain in control, acting unbothered while overanalyzing every move. Pretending having Leon's hands on him, pushing him around as he likes, doesn't make him want to hiss and bite. He's being strategic. He's doing a deception. Playing a good captive is part of his new scheme.

Control freak thrown into Situations where he has no control and Coping About It, my beloved.

Meanwhile Leon is just struggling to undo Chris's handiwork. He is rotating this evil blond slut in circles and questioning how the fuck his partner in crime managed to tie him up like this in the first place (the answer is that Wesker is very flexible and unbothered about it).

[cosybunny]

Chocolate muffin time!

Speaking of honorifics, i thought about what Zeno would call Sherry while she handles them on missions.

But then I thought of when he might call her by her first name on a mission. Hes separated from Leon, and his coms aren't working, his way out is caved in. He doesn't want to be left down here, its too much like ARK. Will extraction be too difficult? Will they just cut their losses and go? He just needs someone to respond, someone has to respond-

🧁🐇 oh when I say this ask has been rotating in my head for days. delicious. I love it here. the satisfied buns are curling up in the empty muffin cups for post-snack snoozing.

Zeno is the politest boy. He was taught from day one to use respectful forms of address. It's so deeply ingrained into his behaviour I don't think it's possible to scoop it out.

He can be coaxed into calling you by your first name if you gain enough friendship points with him (see: Grace, Jake, Emily) but around people he considers authority figures? People he is in the service of? Not a chance.

Professionalism above all else.

The day he calls Leon anything but 'handler' or 'Mr. Kennedy' at work is the day they'll know there's an imposter among them and the real Zeno is. stuffed in a closet, somewhere.

At weekly dinners he may loosen up and call Sherry by her first name, but at work, it's Ms. Birkin this, Ms. Birkin that. Earnestly, adorably serious little creature.

When he's babysitting Emily he'd be calling her Miss if she wouldn't always flip it on him by threatening to call him Zee. Zee-Zee. Eno. Zen. Zenny. Zeeble. Zenzoo. Xylophone. Two can play at this game and Zeno is never the winner. This child contains multitudes of annoying nicknames.

Zeno: Miss Emily?

Emily: Hello, Xylophone!

Zeno: (judgemental silence)

Zeno: Come downstairs, Emily. Dinner is prepared. I saw that Grace has made cinnamon rolls for desert.

Emily: Yay! Thanks, Zeno!

(sound of child nyooming downstairs)

Zeno: Do not run! Hold the rail!

Emily: Tee-hee. Cinnamon rolls, cinnamon rolls~!

(sound of child pattering downstairs)

Zeno:

Zeno: Xylophone.

Zeno: Three syllables.

Zeno: (pleased) She's catching up so fast to her academic peers.

Now, let's pop that angst shaker open and— whoops the top fell off, angst everywhere.

We love it when a mission goes wrong around here + I'm a sucker for the oops we're caved in trope.

A building collapses on top of them in the way that buildings tend to collapse on top of protagonists in Resident Evil. Maybe it's a condemned building finally folding under the weight of whatever fucked up little creature's made its way into the foundations.

Imagine killing a boss B.O.W. and discovering AFTER that it was the structural integrity holding this place together. Most definitely in violation of building codes. Those damn evil organizations and their corner cutting.

Zeno would feel it coming first, like a dog. He would alert his handler like one, too. "Handler, these vibrations — the building is collapsing!" = woof woof? same difference.

They would be skedaddling out of there when the room they're in decides to become open concept. Bonus points if Zeno throws Leon across to safety and gets swallowed up by a slide of dust and debris before he can follow. Oh, that dazed moment before he processes what just happened.

"Z-Zeno? ... ZENO!"

His team has to drag him kicking and struggling because there is still very much Death From Above Everywhere. Leon blows his voice out shouting for Zeno to follow them and the worst part is, the longer he doesn't, the more certainty there is that it's because he can't.

"He's still in there! Leave me, dammit! I am your captain! Listen to me! I have to go back! HE'S STILL IN THERE!"

Unfortunately Leon's trained his squad to be less suicidal than him so they're staging a mutiny and dragging his ass to the evac point. They're reassuring him (and themselves) that Zeno is a tough B.O.W. and it'd take more than this to kill him. Unanimous agreement that they need to evac him but maintaining positivity that this is a rescue mission, not a recovery mission. They are injured, ragged, filthy, and probably need to be administered oxygen after inhaling all that dust. This is a tactical decision and Leon will appreciate it when he's not having a panic attack and trying to bite his own men.

Their tac gear was made with zombies in mind, but hey, biteproof is biteproof.

Zeno's waking up in the dark, pinned under a crushing amount of assorted building bits. He's choking for air. He's floating in and out of consciousness. When he's lucid, he kicks and claws at the debris until something loosens and he goes tumbling into a pocket.

He remembers what happened. He tries to make a sound and no noise comes out of his deflated lungs.

His airways are Full of Dust and it's pitch black. He doesn't know how long he's on his stomach, regenerating and recovering in unsteady heaves. When he's able to stand he can't rise to his full height. He has to crawl. His jacket is suffocatingly hot but he doesn't even think about taking it off. He quickly feels out the depth of the space he's in (tiny) and is barely swallowing back his panic. He's telling himself to stay calm.

He starts calling for his handler as soon as he's able. He's relieved and frightened by the silence he receives in return. Zeno switches to his coms but there's only static. He crawls around in that cramped, dark space looking for signal, finding none.

Then he starts to panic.

He's a clever boy, he knows he should save his breath and stay calm. Knowing and doing are very different things. Especially when it's so dark in here, so tight, his body is aching from injuries it can't allot the resources to heal. The only reason he's not suffocating is because his virus is adapting him to survive the extremely low oxygen at the cost of everything else. The distant rumbles of the building settling are terrifying, but it's worse when they're gone and he can't hear anything except his rabbiting heartbeat. It's like being stuck with the low health alarm noises.

When he was simply an asset to the Connections, new corrective protocols were phased in as old ones began to lose their effectiveness (adaptive numbness to electricity).

One of such test of protocol was a combination of being locked inside a box the size of a dog crate and left in complete sensory isolation for days. The psychological torture was just as important as the physical. He was taunted with threats of being left like this and forgotten about beforehand. No food or water, just a muzzle to prevent the inevitable autocannibalism. No stimulation on his skin except the wetness of his own tears where they didn't soak into the muzzle. The slow, creeping death of nerves and muscles because he couldn't move. Ears muffled so well, he couldn't hear his own screams.

This protocol was tested once and then discarded, because it was too effective. The resulting catatonia and physical damage rendered the asset useless for weeks. In his files, it's noted how his bones and muscle were found to be fused together during exploratory surgery. Mutations attempting to adapt to stress positions the only way they knew how. He wasn't 'fixed' until they shot him in the head to trigger a frenzy and the associated rapid regeneration. Nutrient drip? Wrong. Fed their poorest performing intern to him. Try turning it on and off next time Jesus.

I mean, the higher ups discarded the protocol for being impractical, but they didn't tell Zeno it's a discarded protocol. They would keep it looming over his head to terrorise him and control him further. Bad B.O.W.s get put in the Suffering Box.

Anyway I'm sure the unspeakable trauma wiped most of his memories of that time and the surprise brain damage cleaned up the rest. It's fine guys he can't remember it very well. It's not like the body keeps score and triggers trigger stuff to be remembered or anything.

Oh wait.

So, Zeno's crossing from panic into a complete fucking breakdown (he's earned it, honestly). His cries are growing more frantic. He's forgotten about conserving oxygen. He's caught somewhere between reality and a horrible flashback. Just to make it worse, the oxygen deprivation muddies his thoughts even more. He's delightfully delirious and forgets why he's here. He just knows he's been bad and he just needs to convince his handler he won't be bad again, and they'll let him out. Maybe the original reason he was punished with the experimental protocol was for getting a little too mouthy with his ex-handler.

He's begging. He's apologising. He's begging more. He's saying names but they're the wrong names. The oxygen is used up and he's getting dizzy, dizzy, dizzy. Learned helplessness kicks in and he just lies on the floor and sobs quietly. It's dark. He's so scared. They've done what they said, they've left him here and forgotten about him.

On the flip side, the brain cells that are still oxygenated and aware of where he is are having an equally bad time. He didn't do a good job. His handler might not have made it out. He failed. He's going to be written off. Nobody is going to come looking for him. The people who love him won't be able to find him. This place is his tomb.

The static in his ears morph into words almost indistinguishable from the hallucinations. "... eno.... ou... hear me?"

It's comforting, to hear a voice that's not his ex-handler's or the researchers or himself, even if it's not real. It's becoming clearer, even.

"Zeno, Zeno, it's Sherry, can you hear me? Am I getting through? Your coms should be able to pick up this signal. Oh, please be okay, Zeno. Say something, please, say something—"

It takes him a few moments to figure out there's no muzzle on him stopping him from speaking. Maybe a few more to unglue his tongue from his mouth.

"Sherr... y?"

"Yes, yes, yes! You— Oh, I was so— We're getting you out. We'll dig all night if you have to."

"Sss... sorry..."

"What? No. This was not your fault. Oh, Zeno. You've been so strong. I need you to keep being strong for a little while longer. Can you do that for me?"

"..."

"Zeno?"

"... mhm."

"I'm staying on the line, I promise. Do you want to hear about what's going on?"

Rescue is slow work. Sherry's filling hours of silence by telling Zeno everyone else is okay and how they immediately got rescue teams and the demo crew on the ground. Same people who turned up at ARK. Specialists did a grid search with scanners and scent hounds to narrow down the search radius. Spending hours and hours to carefully clear away the rubble without triggering any more collapses. It's the early hours of the morning. His safe rescue is their one and only priority. There's over a hundred boots on the ground and most of them are volunteers from the D.S.O. She narrates to him how there's a shift change. She asks him if he can hear the rumbling of demolition equipment on the surface. She tells him Chris is there with Lakia and they're both digging as hard as they can.

Zeno's responses are hums and monosyllables, but it's enough. He's alive and responsive. So, she keeps talking until someone forces her to take a break. There's brief silence and then a new voice on the coms; warm and familiar.

"Hey, Zeno. Come here often?"

Handler.

"I'm grounding you for puttin' your life at risk, but you also saved mine. So! I'm gonna make you whatever you want and let you pick our movies, for a whole week. Two weeks, if you be a good boy and don't bite any medics. Sounds good?"

(this is foreshadowing)

"... good."

"Great. Did you know they brought in a crane? And they didn't let me climb in it? Said I wasn't certified enough. I was just curious! I wasn't gonna drive it. Much."

Leon keeping up the yap so Zeno's never alone. He draws a couple of shaky laughs out of him, even. He tells him how the cryptid club are scarily organized. A hundred personnel is a lot of heads to corral but they're keeping everyone on task. He tells him Jake's on a flight back and he'll be staying at their place; he saw 'building collapse during D.S.O raid, massive rescue operations mounted' on the news, and he was already at the airport by the time Sherry called him. He tells him not to worry about the attention; the media is being kept far away and drip-fed the barest minimum required to justify this heavy presence. Their line of work would make anyone reluctant to get too close to the scene anyway.

Zeno gathers his strength to interrupt Leon at some point, to tell him he can hear noises above him. Getting closer. The whir and grind of moving concrete. The plink of falling debris. The vibrations that shake the walls he's trapped against.

"Oh-Okay. That's the rescue team. I'll let them know—" The idea of Leon leaving is not well received. "Hey, Zeno, you're alright. Stay calm, you're alright, we're almost there. Listen to me carefully."

Just for fun, there's a very big Concern about Zeno dissolving into a frenzy as soon as he's adequately oxygenated and registers the presence of emergency rations wrapped in high vis gear. So, Leon's very carefully instructing him to Not Fight Back without letting him know exactly what they're doing (tyrant restraints).

"These are orders. I know it's hard, but you gotta follow them. Can you do that f'me?"

"what... orders?"

"I need you to lie down. Face away from the noise. Put your hands behind your head and close your eyes."

Does Leon feel bad about this? Very. So fucking much.

Does he know Zeno would rather be safely immobilised than live with the guilt of biting, eating, and/or infecting, someone who was trying to rescue him? Unfortunately, yes.

"Are you doing it?"

"Mhm."

"Great. Okay. Great. Stay like that. Don't move. They're found you. Don't move. I know you can hear them. Don't be scared. This next part's... gonna be harder. I'm right here with you, I promise. You're okay."

"Mmff!" (Surprise! Muzzle.)

"Don't move, Zeno. Stay still. Let them do this. I know you're scared. I know you hate this. I know. I'm sorry. Trust me. Please. This isn't to hurt you."

"Nn! Nn!"

"Trust me, please. Yes. Relax. That's it, relax. Good. Good, Zeno. God— even after all that, you still trust me this much?" (sniffle) "Dammit. Sherry's gonna kill me if I cry on her set."

(soft gargles)

"It's okay, I know you can't... talk right now. I said I'd stay with you, didn't I? Yep. That's a promise. No takebacksies. They're bringing you to the hospital. Isolation ward. Nutrient drip. Infectivity monitoring. You know the drill. I think after your fifth visit, they give you a free hot coco? You'll have to me know."

(softer, agreeing gargles)

Zeno follows his orders so, so well. The medical staff aren't terrified to undo his restraints after the nutrient drip's ended the frenzy because he's always so well behaved. Beloved patient who happens to be a highly infectious tyrant.

Zeno has a reputation for being a sweetheart.

His handler, though? Oh. Nasty man. Horrible little gremlin. Never listens. Always complains. Worse than a hamster; look away for a moment and he's trying to escape by crawling through the vents.

Zeno's getting unmuzzled and immediately given a styrofoam cup containing hot coco with marshmallows in it to hold and sip on while they unbuckle the rest of the restraints. Trauma-informed nurses who are completely in their element. They're giving him extra blankets and little treats to nibble on. They're wiping the dust off him as best they can. They're keeping the volume low and making no sudden movements.

It's just the kind of safe environment he needs to process what the fuck just happened.

The melty marshmallows in his cup agree.

There's no visitors allowed inside the isolation ward but when he looks up, the observation window is crowded with people who immediately begin to wave, grin, give thumbs up, act silly to make him smile, and lick the glass (Lakia).

[cosybunny]

Apples for the buns,

Zenos going on missions with Leon and Chris would have too deal with stupid puzzles now, personally I think he'd bulldoze Leon and Chris and immediately take control of trying to solve these puzzles. Not that he likes them, infact he really doesn't. But Chris and Leon solve them far to fucking slowly for Zeno and it drives him nuts

🐇🍎🍏 crunchy and delicious! throwing this at dr. wesker to keep him away each day.

The stupid puzzles are a key component of being a Resident Evil protagonist, Zeno is going to learn.

Aww, imagine the three of them going on a team building mission where the danger level is relatively low but ☝️ they quickly realise this bitch has ✨ multiple puzzles ✨ escape room from hell. designed specifically to piss them off.

Leon — good at puzzles, hates puzzles — would be groaning.

Chris — bad at puzzles, hates puzzles — is also groaning, but louder.

Zeno — good at puzzles, loves puzzles — is rubbing his hands together excitedly.

This sweet boy cannot comprehend why his handler is not enthusiastic about solving all these puzzles. This is so much fun. He is a little crow being handed a stick and a Problem to solve.

This is what being raised without enrichment does to a pet B.O.W.

The puzzles wear down Chris and Leon's will to live and they give up on a particularly bullshit one, but Zeno remains so extra. He just keeps going. He's off in his own world. He is swapping his glasses for the clear ones and squinting to read the unnecessarily flowery inscriptions. He is analysing the environment for Clues.

In the background, Chris is proposing picking up Leon horizontally to use him as a battering ram, so they can attempt to brute force the locked door open. Leon is dangerously contemplative abt this. Being tasked with complex puzzles designed for cognitive torture is giving them psychic damage over time.

Luckily for the integrity of Leon's skull, Zeno solves the puzzle and unlocks the door before they get desperate enough to try.

Zeno is so, so pleased with himself. He has no idea what kind of shenanigans he just prevented. Handler is giving him a 'good job, Zeno' and hair ruffles. That's all he cares about.

Just for fun, they proceed into the next room and it's an even bigger puzzle, even more complex with multiple mechanisms and requiring at least three people working simultaneously. And it has a waterfall of acid. Chris visibly dies inside and Zeno gets twinkly stars in his eyes.

Leon's raking a hand through his own bangs in a way that makes it look like he's gone insane. (he has)

"Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. Oh. Fuck that."

Leon yoinks the Redemption from Zeno's holster and explodes the lock off at close range.

Zeno would be disappointed that he didn't get to play with this puzzle, but he agrees that both his handler and Captain Redfield are looking a little... peaky.

The mission is a success, although much sanity was sacrificed along the way. Unfortunately an offhand comment from Chris about escape rooms has brought it to Zeno's attention that there exist entire entertainment experiences dedicated to this type of puzzle solving. And he wants to go to one. Badly. It's the Wesker genes, I think. Craving to be challenged, to use his brain, to reason his way through problems with logic, application, and results.

Puzzles are his catnip, basically.

Leon cannot comprehend why anyone would choose to do this recreationally. He refuses. Absolutely not.

Unstoppable force meet unmovable object.

So anyway I'd like to imagine Zeno has a fantastic time running loose in one of the advanced puzzle rooms while Leon pretends to sulk. He keeps up the grumpy facade approximately until he gets frustrated watching him miss a perfectly obvious clue over and over again and butts in to solve it himself.

Leon. Leon, he did it on purpose. You fell for it, Leon.

Leon still hates puzzles, but Zeno's enthusiasm has a gravitational pull that's difficult to worm out of.

He has fun in the escape room, against his will. Maybe there's even some healing going on under the hood for him, re-engaging with the art of puzzle solving without the high pressure stakes or deadly consequences.

Maybe next time they're out on a mission, Leon's less dead inside about the puzzles they encounter along the way. Shame he still solves them too slow for Zeno's liking. I like to think he ends up backseat puzzle solving over his handler's shoulder like they do when they're cooking. Which distracts them both. Which leads to mistakes. Which leads to more bossing.

"Press four."

"I'm thinking."

"The answer is four. Press four."

"Gimme a second to— hey! Hands off, this one's mine! You're wrong. It's five, the answer is five."

"In what universe does four come after five?"

"It's not four, stop saying four. We do it my way first, smartass."

(beep of rejection)

"Dammit. Fine, press it. I know you want to."

"Mhm."

(beep of rejection)

"... the fuck?"

(after another ten minutes of failure and frustration, they will collectively realise the correct answer is six)

Bickering idiots failing at basic maths together, my beloved.

[cosybunny]

🧃🐇 hydrated plot bun

I had a Thought™ about Leon's squad coming into contact with a professional B.O.W. hunter during a mission, while separated from their squad leader (and also their cryptid mama cat). Bad situation with some silver lining.

There's got to be a market for this kind of thing, therefore independent contractors.

For some reason, my brain is fixated on this guy having an armband with 97 on it. Maybe it's an old designation from before he fell into the business of capping bioweapons? Whatever, your name is 97 now, deal with it. Me so goodly at naming.

They weren't supposed to cross paths with anyone today, but this is a black ops mission. It's kinda expected that something would go to shit. Nevertheless as far as shit goes, this is a pretty lucky roll. Their goals are aligned; 97's key objective is the eradication of every B.O.W. on the premises. Their luck's turning around. Bonus party member acquired; extra anti-B.O.W. rounds much appreciated.

These sweet, well-meaning idiots.

Meanwhile Leon and Zeno are in the thick of it, because of course they are. They can't just get separated from the squad and wander in aimless circles until they're found. They locate trouble, run towards the trouble, and fling themselves at the trouble, because they are trouble.

Captain Leon ain't leaving his team to fend for themselves and Zeno is worried his unsupervised humans have wandered off a catwalk like ducklings into a storm drain (highly trained agents btw). Let's say coms are down, so no information gets swapped.

So, when the reunion happens, it's while they're wrestling with the B.O.W of the week in stage two, or possibly stage three of the mutation process. How nice of them to get the other boss phases out of the way. dear fucking god there's so many tentacles.

The sudden appearance of backup is welcome and appreciated. Leon's pretty sure one of these guys isn't his, but that's a later problem. He's trying not to get murked by horrible slimy tentacles. Zeno has already gotten got but he's doing a tug of war and he's winning, no part in thanks to how disgusted he is by all of this. He's noping. He's noping so hard. He's bitch-slapping the tentacles away like he's trying to cook them via impact friction.

I'm pretty sure they manage to defeat it by getting Zeno to wrangle up the tentacles (he's expecting a raise for this) (the raise is trinkets, or perhaps handler's tiramisu) and expose its weak point which is a giant eyeball for some awful reason. Then someone else gets to fire a rocket launcher at it very climatically. Rocket launchers are standard kit now, btw.

The squad is high fiving and making their way down to the boss arena, leaving 97 up there reloading his rifle. Leon is cracking an awful one liner about octopus sashimi while not-subtly fretting over them. Zeno is even less subtly checking all fingers and toes and heads are accounted for, like they might've lost a couple along the way and not noticed.

Papa wolf and mama cat doing the cryptid equivalent of licking and grooming their babies like it's a scolding, my beloved.

Then, the gunshot.

It's second nature for Zeno to dodge bullets. Less graceful when it catches him by surprise, but he's still diving like RE:5 Wesker to avoid that headshot.

Which is good, because it's an anti-B.O.W. round.

Unfortunately, because bullets don't discriminate whose squishy bits they end up in, the shot keeps going and embeds itself into the next obstacle; Leon.

Boom, legshot.

Oh, fuck, what a heel turn from post-mission camaraderie. The sound of the their wisecracking captain going down with a scream is so ungood, guys. Some freeze in shock, some run to help, some turn their weapons up above and start lighting the fucking sky.

97's rolling behind all those strategic crates and barrels that were a great fucking help when they were all trying to mow down the eye of cthulu and its gazillion tentacles, really fucking annoying when there's a skilled marksman raining return fire.

Zeno would be one of the ones going straight for his handler. Which means the bullets are also going straight for his handler.

'B.O.W. hunter sent to kill B.O.W.s might be trying to hunt the last B.O.W. in the room' is not a particularly strenuous leap of logic to take, even if there's a bullet in you.

Leon's fighting off shock and barking orders to get Zeno out of there and instead of following his Official Handler Orders like a good boy Zeno develops selective hearing. His ass is not!!! listening. He's also on the verge of a frenzy, which is even more of a reason to get him out of there. They do NOT need the thing they just killed getting back up with Zeno's virus's brand of bonus features!

So anyway, the next bullet rips through Zeno's upper torso and his activated blood splatters all over the still-twitching tentacles.

Have you ever seen a mother longlegs from Rainworld? Yeahhh.

This is fine. Their captain and their Zeno are down and now they have to deal with secret 4th stage of their boss B.O.W. at close range with whatever depleted ammo they have left. That's totally fine.

To 97's credit, he didn't know that would happen and he switches targets in a flash but it's a little too late. The support fire does buy Zeno some cover to drag his handler into relative safety. There's always some conveniently placed shipping crates or something in Resident Evil to hide behind.

With that open wound, Leon would absolutely be a zombie right now if he wasn't vaccinated against Zeno's virus specifically, like everybody else in the D.S.O. His pet B.O.W. is so distressed because that bullet should've gone into his head. Leon's comforting him and instructing him to put pressure on the wound. Gives him a little head pat of reassurance that would be cute if his palm wasn't soaked in blood. There's blood everywhere guys. They live in a horror genre and that doubles the amount the average body holds, I think.

Thankfully, Leon's squad is made out of highly trained agents who do, in fact, know how to not die in a crisis. Protecting the captain and their resident cryptid would make them go no holds barred. They are making Leon proud and preemptively giving the D.S.O. medics grey hairs even though they're nowhere near the scene yet.

The explosions alone tell the story.

97 throws down whatever weapons the squad left up above to help them kill the B.O.W. They're kind of pissed about this but Not Dying takes priority over cursing him out. Co-op battle 2.0, my beloved.

By the time Zeno's recovered enough from the anti-B.O.W. gunshot to crawl back into the fight (Leon is grabbing him by the leg trying to keep him benched), the B.O.W. is in pieces. It's a bloodbath. It's a massacre. It's horrible. There's injuries, but zero casualties.

Because you don't live long enough to become a professional B.O.W. hunter without an innate sense of knowing when to get the fuck out, 97 chooses this moment to slip away. Zeno has to just watch him go.

I'm sure the hunter determined to kill all B.O.W.s who has just discovered the D.S.O. is using one that is 1). freakishly strong 2). fast 3). infectious, is totally not going to become a Thing on the ever growing list of Things that have happened since Leon adopted his wet stray.

Just for fun, Leon and Zeno are the worst GSW patients ever. They are bickering at each other the whole time in the ambulance. Leon is complaining at Zeno for disobeying his orders and Zeno is complaining at Leon for standing in front of a bullet. Leon is threatening to withhold the tiramisu if Zeno doesn't rest properly and Zeno is threatening to cuff him to the television if he dares try to work on reports during his mandatory time off. They are fussing and cussing and making the medics contemplate yeeting them out of the moving ambulance.

Neither of them realise they're going to be too busy giving each other shit about self care to actually indulge in any unhealthy vices and I love that for them.

I like to think they'd have to be carried away from each other like arguing cats when it's time to pop Zeno in the isolation ward, per tried and true infection protocols. Even then, you can hear the shouting down the halls.

Arguing? Worse. Arguing as a love language. When it goes quiet, it's only because the glass barrier of the isolation ward is soundproof so they've switched to military hand signals until Leon gets wheelchaired away.

[imperialdelights]

Taken from this instalment of Wet Stray Zeno AU by @cosybunny

Cosy keeps making me laugh so hard I want to cry, I love all of their aus with these idiots.

[cosybunny]

LOOK AT THIS THING EVERYBODY LOOK AT IT RIGHT NOW

im losin' my marbles what a beautiful rendition. im cackling. im wheezing. i cant believe i get to see this for free. also the art style in this one is so delicious i could eat it like (non weird bioorganic goop) honey. ❤️💕❤️💕

the buns are eating SO goodly lately.

[imperialweave]

Some stoned ramblings for @cosybunny's aus

I think Leon is the closest thing to non human a human can get. He was there at the start, before there was a need for men like him. The technology to heal instantly already existed, and theres been probably an insane amount of research and progress since then. Research that needed to be tested, because it was specifically for him. Specifically to fight BOWs and other bullshit the government wanted him to do. This man should have been dead years ago.

Did you see him grab a fucking random injector and stab it into his neck in 9? He knows this shit. He probably had his fair share of medical horrors, before AND after spain. Hes probably regrown an organ or two. He knows damn good and well his DNA is fucked, and genuinely thought RCS was the final nail in this bullshit.

Instead hes living his best cryptid life, raising a younger, slightly weirder, fellow cryptid.

[cosybunny]

🐇🍽️

This is basically what happens trust.

Leon is the actual cryptid of the D.S.O. Those rumours didn't spring up from nowhere; there were already whispers. This man is the real director of the D.S.O. Shows up, drains the coffee from one specific breakroom like a vampire, clocks out at midnight. Does he even fucking sleep? lmao no

It would be funny if, being that they live together, Leon's borderline cryptidness flies right over Zeno's head because he's also a strange little creature who thinks these are perfectly normal human behaviours to exhibit.

Any other roommate would be freaked out by the shit Leon does but Zeno just vibes with it. Parallel play.

He never thinks about physically dubious positions this man flops into when he's relaxed (plagas spine hydraulics). He is unbothered when he wakes at 3 am because Leon's watching him sleep (the door was locked). It never occurs to him that it's strange Leon, who drinks like a fish when given the chance, is never particularly hungover the next day, nor does he suffer any kind of withdrawal symptoms when he's deprived of his favourite vice because Zeno's dumped his stash of copium alcohol down the sink.

They're both weird little guys, your honor.

[imperialweave]

This extends into how Leon and Zeno communicate too. Incredibly subtle, under the obvious jokes. Chris knows his fair share of Leon tells, so catching Zeno doing them throws him for a loop sometimes.

Chris absolutely has had bio work done. Maybe not in the way he had expected, like it was supposed to just help his muscles recover or something else mundane. Instead, hes slightly bigger and about to boulder punch a BSAA scientist's head in. Then mix in general consistent exposure to the Horrors™ and their Bad Goop™

Congrats, Redfield! You are technically part of the cryptid club! He will deny this, he hasn't completely gone off the deep end like those two.

[cosybunny]

🐇🥬🥗

Mm yes yes good soup! BIG fan of the lycan!Chris propaganda. Redfield can be a little experimented on, as a treat.

Leon and Zeno with their own communication, my beloved. Zeno absorbing Leon's tells like a sponge. They are such good friends. They have the secret jokes. They are terrible together. Chris is the only sane one here. Thank goodness he's normal. Off to punch more boulders.

Nobody tell him, guys. He hasn't reached that boss battle in therapy yet.

[cosybunny]

(Releasing an offshoot bunny that sprung from the Wesker time travel fic. I’m sending it with lavender scones to share)

Wesker doesn’t just get flung forwards; he and Zeno swap places.

Zeno is now sitting in an alternate (?) 1998 with a gleeful Umbrella, a confused Birkin, and two really confused STARS units who would like their captain back please. Zeno’s hating life.

(Wesker’s also hating life in the future but we already knew that lol)

Eventually they get themselves back to proper timelines, but the sheer chaos in the meantime…

Dammit I may have to write this thing too

🐇🪻🐇 New friend AND lavender scones! These buns are living it up. They are vibin. This is great. 🪻

This is SUCH a fun idea to rotate in my brain omg. Hello little plot bunny. Let me pet you. (～￣▽￣)～

Zeno waking up in Wesker's apartment. One second he's all eepy and grabby-grabbying for his weighed blanket and then he's registering he's is on a military-bare bed, wearing the most depressingly plain nightclothes ever.

How would he react to waking up in Raccoon City, pre-RE:1? Oh he'd be so lost. The calenders and technology would go a long way to convincing him he's in the past. As well as just, well, looking outside. He's bewildered by the sight of this city still standing. This man was based at the ARK facility, the only Raccoon City he knows is the kaboomed version.

So, all those things together, I think Zeno would understand he's either in a very elaborate simulation setup, or he's somehow gotten whisked so far back into the past he ain't even a bubble in a test tube yet.

I'm sure figuring out that he's not just anywhere, he's in Wesker's apartment, does not contribute anything helpful to this crisis. Is he half-expecting the man himself to stroll in and ask what he's doing in his house? Probably! Does that stop him from rummaging through every inch of the place? Absolutely not! This man's biggest influences are Leon "read everything you find" S. Kennedy and Jake "if you're not nosing through all their stuff, you're not doing it properly" Muller.

He doesn't find anything that enlightens him about his current situation, but he does find a bunch of Wesker's secrets. Also, the landline and pager are going off nonstop. He's ignoring those persistent, shrill tones with the stoicism of someone who's well-versed in enduring cruel and unusual torture.

Wesker was already planning to wreck Umbrella. I like to think he had SO much blackmail and incriminating shit stocked up. Zeno's finding all his stashes of very neatly labeled and annotated criminal evidence. Wesker knew where the bodies were and by god, he had his shovels lined up.

Head Researcher Albert Wesker has never been tardy, so William Birkin gets sent to do a welfare check after he failed to show up at either job. He has his own copy of the keys, so I want him to walk in and find (1) busy Weskling surrounded by All The Blackmail.

Just for fun, Birkin becomes acquainted with Zeno's abilities as a B.O.W. as soon as he tries going for his gun.

I like to think scientific intrigue overrules Birkin's concern for the real Wesker's whereabouts. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that a bioorganic weapon like Zeno is what they've been working towards their entire lives. If their roles were reversed, Wesker would forget about him in a heartbeat. Hell, if one of them was a corpse on the floor, the other would just walk around it while thoughtfully twiddling a pen.

Mad scientists being blatantly morally corrupt together my beloved.

So, we have a disturbingly gleeful Birkin trying to prod Zeno for information and samples, and also admiring Wesker's pile of blackmail. ("I knew he was holding out on me!") We have a Zeno who is dusting off his negotiation skills and leveraging Birkin's interest to make some demands of his own.

Zeno might be stranded out of space and time, but he's been handed everything he needs to absolutely fuck some shit up while he's here. He's gonna make his big brother and his handler proud.

This is how one (1) Zeno strolls into the S.T.A.R.S. office and announces he's subbing in for Captain Wesker until he returns from an unexpected family emergency. This is news to everyone, including Chief Irons.

Yes, he's wearing Wesker's S.T.A.R.S. uniform. It is a utilitarian artocity but Zeno still manages to make it look appropriately stylish and bitchin'. He wishes he had his embroidery kit.

Umbrella is scrambling under the shadows while S.T.A.R.S. is scratching their heads in confusion. For one, none of them were aware Captain Wesker had any family. For another, it's very difficult to picture him dropping everything to go see them. They've spent enough time with him to know this man's priorities. + he's an utter cunt.

Now there's a new guy who looks weirdly like the Captain, if the captain was the kind of person who wears earrings. He introduces himself as Zeno, refuses to elaborate, and announces they're working on a new case. He tells someone to lock the door and proceeds to dump a shit load of files on them. The confusion and general depression around paperwork is swept away under the realisation of what these files contain.

Holy corruption and conspiracy, Batman.

Catch the atmosphere in the room turning all serious and grave. What the fuck is this? How the fuck did he get his hands on this? Half of them are deeply worried something bad's happened to Wesker and this is his version of a last resort and the other half assume Wesker is helping bring down the conspiracy from the inside. Nobody buys the family story ofc. Zeno keeps dodging the question when asked what his role in all this is, and just generally being all cryptic and mysterious.

Zeno is already having A Day because he kind of forgot Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine would be here. He's trying not to stare and failing. They are babies. They are so cute and and so innocent. Aura of aloofness as he guides them through a terrifyingly thorough step-by-step plan to expose Umbrella and the Connections but it's a guise and underneath he wants to pinch their cheeks and coo at them. Zeno's shyness being misread as Wesker's unnervingness, my beloved.

Just for fun, today's the day cadets from the police academy tour the R.P.D because who wouldn't want to spend a day poking around the weird police station made out of a puzzle museum.

The S.T.A.R.S office is no exception to this. Wesker was aware they were coming and did not warn his S.T.A.R.S. in advance because he's evil and his scheduled entertainment for the afternoon was going to be watching his S.T.A.R.S. flail and panic.

Instead it's everyone fucking panicking and trying to hide the unravelled government conspiracy under whatever they can find (desks, keyboards, potplants, Chris, etc) while the serial killing police chief knocks at the door and demands to know why it's locked. At least one person straight up just lounges across the desk 'paint me like one of your french girls' style to hide that shit.

In come a small parade of starry eyed future rookies. Chief Irons is still so fucking suspicious but Zeno just stares at him 🕶️ until it's uncomfortable. He looks enough like Albert Wesker, maybe the higher ups installed a new one and didn't tell anyone yet because god forbid anyone checks their emails on time.

Zeno is distracted from his psychological warfare because one such rookie comes straight to him to shake his hand and introduce himself. He's Leon. S. Kennedy, eighteen years old and bursting with golden retriever puppy energy.

I want it known that Zeno has taken everything so far in stride up to and including time travel and saving Raccoon City, but this is where he fucking bluescreens.

Leon is utterly oblivious, shaking his hand so enthusiastically and chatting his head off about how he wants to join the R.P.D after he graduates. This is his handler colliding with this is a baby in that pretty little head.

Leon who mistakes Zeno's utter silence for displeasure and sheepishly apologies. Zeno immediately telling him it's fine, while white-knuvkling the edge of the desk to stop himself from doing something really dumb, like scooping him into a hug. Cuteness aggression +100. Leon perking up like a fucking sunrise and immediately going back to it.

He stays yapping in the office oblivious to the rest of the tour leaving. Zeno's replies are stilted but genuine. He's studying this version of his handler like he'll never see it again. The S.T.A.R.S. are so confused; they're in the middle of unraveling the conspiracy of the century. "Uh, Captain?"

Zeno pulling himself together with a curt "Why wait?" and Leon's like "huh?" and Zeno's just like, "We are about to dismantle widespread government corruption, would you like to join us?"

"Uhh, are you allowed to do that? I haven't even graduated yet—"

"I do not follow the rules, I am the rules. You'll be top of your class. You'll end up here regardless. Yes or no, Mr. Kennedy?"

"O-Oh. Yes? I mean, yes, sir! Officer Kennedy reporting for duty."

This is the correct course of action, I think. There's no world where Zeno passes up the opportunity to bring Leon on board. Even if it's a version of him who's so, so untouched by the Horrors. He knows what he's capable of; it's invaluable.

S.T.A.R.S + Zeno + baby Leon plotting and scheming together until the wee hours of the night. Leon is inexperienced but determined and full of insights. Jill is trying to wheedle their substitute Captain into drinks so they can interrogate him for embarrassing stories about Captain Wesker (it's universally agreed they're related in some way).

Zeno who reluctantly bids goodbye and returns to Wesker's apartment. He has to throw Birkin out the window to make him go away. He's sooooo tired and his head is spinning and he's got the ball rolling but there's a long way ahead. He's passing out as soon as his head hits the pillow. He dreams about rookie!Leon and golden retriever puppies and the lack of distinguishing traits between the two.

Zeno wakes up in his own sleeping clothes, with his weighed blanket between his fingers. He is so disoriented at first but slowly comes around to thinking he was just having a very, very strange dream. He's a lil sad that the smol versions of his peoples probably weren't real.

Until ☝️ he looks around and notices his room's a fucking mess. It's like someone ransacked it and somebody else who's very bad at tidying tried to put it back together.

Then as he's sitting up in bed all troubled, the door to his room gets cautiously poked open with a broomstick and Leon peeks inside. He makes a noise and freakin' flies into the room and squishes his pet clone into a hug.

"Oh my fucking god please be you, please tell me it's you, I can't take another—"

"Handler?"

And then Leon would laugh/sob in relief and squeeze him even tighter. Lil squeaky sound effect. Chris comes barging in with Jake and Jill right behind him, and Emily peeking behind Jill's leg.

So, turns out while Zeno was having a very strange day, Leon was having an even worse one because he went to wake up Zeno and found a Wesker in Zeno's bed instead. He was half convinced some kind of freaky metamorphosis thing had happened to Zeno in his sleep. Wesker was just plain convinced Leon kidnapped him and his subsequent attempts to convince him of where he is just made Wesker write him off as a delusional freak.

It was so fun for everyone involved, guys.

Why is everyone else here? Poor Leon calling in for backup because he couldn't Contain Wesker on his own + he was really hoping something would trigger Zeno's memories. Spoiler alert: it did not. Wesker didn't even believe Chris was Chris lmao.

Emily spent like two minutes with him and then wandered off mid-interaction to inform Leon she doesn't like this one and they need to bring Zeno back immediately. ("You and me both, sweetheart.")

Emily is so happy that her complaint made it through to upper management.

Zeno is confused but surrounded by favourite people who are so so happy to see him. None of them are exactly sure what happened. He details where he went yesterday and everyone agrees it was super weird, but they're still running on the 'brief mutation' theory bc they can't cope with the idea reality-hopping is a thing. Except Chris. Chris is pretty sure Zeno and Wesker swapped places because that was definitely his ex-captain calling him names yesterday.

Is it something that has long reaching repercussions? Not on Zeno's side. He gets a clean bill of health and is released back into his natural habitat (Breakroom B) none the worse for wear. Leon is a bit traumatised but he's happy to write off that one weird day as a fluke. Very "let's never speak of this again" of them.

On Wesker's side... he's getting woken up by Birkin who's demanding to know where the B.O.W. is and when they're moving forward with destroying Umbrella. S.T.A.R.S is at his apartment door and they've brought potluck because the office is compromised so they're working from his base of operations today. Wesker would be so fucking disgruntled and confused but there's no stopping what Zeno's started. All he can do is nod and pretend this was part of his plan all along, and maybe make up a half-true story about getting kidnapped by a delusional lunatic.

Shame he didn't catch his name. There's this particularly manipulatable rookie who laps up his story with starry eyes, and such details would be useful.

Just for fun, it should take him half the day to notice that Leon is not one of his S.T.A.R.S. He just blends in with the scenery so well, guys. He's just vibin'. He's been accepted by his peers as Here Now.

Wesker is impressed by his gall and decides to adopt him mentor-wise, just in case something unfortunate happens to Chris.

[imperialweave]

Some stoned ramblings for @cosybunny's aus

I think Leon is the closest thing to non human a human can get. He was there at the start, before there was a need for men like him. The technology to heal instantly already existed, and theres been probably an insane amount of research and progress since then. Research that needed to be tested, because it was specifically for him. Specifically to fight BOWs and other bullshit the government wanted him to do. This man should have been dead years ago.

Did you see him grab a fucking random injector and stab it into his neck in 9? He knows this shit. He probably had his fair share of medical horrors, before AND after spain. Hes probably regrown an organ or two. He knows damn good and well his DNA is fucked, and genuinely thought RCS was the final nail in this bullshit.

Instead hes living his best cryptid life, raising a younger, slightly weirder, fellow cryptid.

[cosybunny]

🐇🍽️

This is basically what happens trust.

Leon is the actual cryptid of the D.S.O. Those rumours didn't spring up from nowhere; there were already whispers. This man is the real director of the D.S.O. Shows up, drains the coffee from one specific breakroom like a vampire, clocks out at midnight. Does he even fucking sleep? lmao no

It would be funny if, being that they live together, Leon's borderline cryptidness flies right over Zeno's head because he's also a strange little creature who thinks these are perfectly normal human behaviours to exhibit.

Any other roommate would be freaked out by the shit Leon does but Zeno just vibes with it. Parallel play.

He never thinks about physically dubious positions this man flops into when he's relaxed (plagas spine hydraulics). He is unbothered when he wakes at 3 am because Leon's watching him sleep (the door was locked). It never occurs to him that it's strange Leon, who drinks like a fish when given the chance, is never particularly hungover the next day, nor does he suffer any kind of withdrawal symptoms when he's deprived of his favourite vice because Zeno's dumped his stash of copium alcohol down the sink.

They're both weird little guys, your honor.

[cosybunny]

I'm back again, your writing is delicious. I offer fresh bananas for the bunnies

I really like the concept of Zeno (and maybe Wesker?) having non human traits.

I love the idea of numerous people being super confused as to why people treat Zeno like some Cryptid, since despite being a B.O.W, he's seems fairly normal, but then eventually end up witnessing the resident Cryptid living up to his title.

Are there any more qualities (physical or more instinctual) that Zeno has that are very non-human like?

If I recall correctly, you've mentioned that Zeno will get zombie like urges as a last resort, which is a really fun concept to me.

Would he ever be overtaken by his instincts in battle, like if he was badly hurt?

Perhaps if someone he likes was threatened or hurt, like Chris, Jake, or Leon (I imagine it would be even worse if his handler was the target).

For a really angsty idea because I'm evil, I could imagine the Connections intentionally injuring him in battle to trigger his body into that bloodthirsty state, then just throwing him at their enemies.

the bunbuns are wearing the banana peels as hats. this is the peak of high fashion. everybody else go home. 🍌👒🐇

Nonhuman traits is such a beloved trope of mine. I love sprinkling them in. Zeno and Wesker have such fun little creature quirks. Even Leon gets to have some, as a treat.

The plagas corpse wrapped around his spine is unintentional hydraulic support. I saw this headcanon by @tired-demonspawn and immediately accepted it into my worldview. This man somehow notices the tiniest draft in RE: Death Island and follows it to More Secrets. He is not normal. I bet his blood tests come back so fucking weird. Being corrupted by the very monsters you hunt my beloved.

Zeno and Wesker share a lot of traits, obviously, but these manifest in delightfully individualistic ways, true to their own personalities.

Eyes are windows to the soul, so lemme start there.

Wesker's pupils are slitted and dilate to ovals when sufficiently stimulated (i.e: committing tax fraud). Zeno's pupils are always humanlike but the sclera of his eyes are pitch-black. Zeno's eyes reflect a golden gleam even when he's human, while Wesker's do the same with a red gleam. They can both see quite well at night with the downside that they're oversensitive to light.

Zeno's idea of comfortably low light is what normal people would call 'why is it dark.' Combined with two of his favourite things to nestle in being a black leather jacket or an equally camouflaging weighed blanket, Leon's learned to announce when he's turning on the lights. Doesn't matter if the place seems empty, his pet B.O.W. will be revealed somewhere in that darkness, squinting at him like a wronged kitten.

Concurrently, dimmable lamps have made their way into the foreground of Zeno's favourite hangout spots around the house.

Wesker's the one with the proclivity for crawling up walls and sticking to ceilings to shoot things. Effective, fast. Zeno can do it but he prefers the elegance of a poised stance while he's firing the Redemption.

I do mention that Zeno gets zombie-like urges as a last resort! Being terminated was very damaging to his health. Awful for the complexion, too. He just needed a quick snack. The researchers were perfectly ripe and snack-shaped. Aside from that, there's also the issue of descending into madness and the threat of autocannibalism if he doesn't get fed. So, basically every cat ever.

He also goes a little feral in combat if he's backed into a corner, which Wesker doesn't. Oh, Wesker feels the call, it's just that he invested all his stat points into discipline and self-control. He would rather die than succumb to something as beneath him as base urges. He's not some animal.

(they are in different universes, but somehow Zeno still abruptly sneezes)

When infected, they run a constant fever that worsens if their virus is agitated. The extra attention he gets from being so warm and cuddly just makes Zeno even more of a spoiled lapdog than he already was.

There's a lot of crossover between big cats and Weskerlings because they're both apex predators. They prefer to conserve energy (lazy). They're more active at night. They gravitate to quiet spots where they can observe the goings-on without being bothered. They loaf on people they like and become very stubborn about moving off.

Zeno likes getting petted so much there's gotta be some wires crossed with residual instincts to explain this phenomenon. This man melts. He sploots like a cat. He becomes putty.

Touch starved clone commits crimes for hair scritches, more at 5.

Time Travel AU Wesker would never, but occasionally. ☝️He has Moods. If the urge strikes him he will locate his nearest boyfriend and just. start biting. Not entirely in a sexy way. "Oh, hey Wesk— Ow! Ow! The fuck did I do?"' It's like he's decided it's their fault he's feeling affectionate and he's punishing them for it. Cat biting and clawing and bunny-kicking a catnip toy except it's Chris/Leon and they were just minding their own business until they were attacked.

Local tyrant overwhelmed by cuteness aggression, more at 6.

Ooh I have such a fucked up little idea that Zeno being overtaken by his instincts is another way the Connections forced him to comply. "If your performance remains unsatisfactory, we will enhance it."

Maybe he started dragging his heels in when they started sending him to dispatch the horrifically mutated clone children that keep rampaging through Victor Gideon's labs. He's heavily reprimanded and sent back in with a detonation collar that'll injure him enough to trigger the frenzied state if he hesitates to turn his gun on them again. Choose to obey or be forced to obey. I'm sure he never has nightmares about one of them being Emily. I'm so sure guys.

Oough yes, Zeno has such a protective streak and it only feeds the bloodlust. God help anyone who gets between him and his target.

He wouldn't show it, is the thing. If someone's threatening to hurt his loved ones, Zeno would deal with the matter very calmly. He's the kind of person who suppresses his rage so deeply that it's difficult to gage how pissed he actually is until he locates the opportune moment to go absolutely fucking ballistic. More feral and gets his hands dirtier than Wesker, but his entire bit is about precision. All of that living weapon aggression laser-focused on whoever's about to be so gone there won't be even be a funeral.

His blood reports come back showing that the DNA shared between Zeno and Nemesis-T-Type B.O.W.s is low, but never zero.

The D.S.O.'s resident cryptid is the kind of tale that you either believe wholeheartedly or dismiss as a myth. The people brave enough to seek the truth behind those rumors are few and far between. The circle of people who know about the rumours and the circle of people who've spotted Zeno shadowing Kennedy does not overlap as much as the data makes it look. The cryptid club are outliers.

A pet Zeno at ease doesn't look like a B.O.W, is the thing.

Let a lot of people get a wake-up call when they show up to their brand-new mandatory field training taught by Agent Kennedy. He's going to demonstrate by fighting a real life B.O.W.

Can imagine how there's nervousness and anticipation amongst the uninitiated. The innocent ones think they'll be watching Agent Kennedy fighting a caged licker or something else along those lines. The cryptid club are excited for a different reason.

Let's see Leon calling Zeno over to start the demonstration. Maybe he throws in a cocky 'come hither' motion. Zeno casually takes his time to stub out his cigarette and then blurs into motion.

Ooh, it would be the spar ever. One (1) good boy tasked with impressing on these people what a B.O.W. is capable of. He's being so extra about it. He is playing and Leon is meeting him blow-for-blow. It is terrifying for any outsider to behold. They are on a whole 'nother level. Most of these people have never had a face-to-face encounter with a B.O.W. and did not!!! realise they were sharing a workplace with one.

The demonstration stops at time. There's not a pair of eyes that aren't on them. There's just this dead, stunned silence and then the cryptid club start clapping. Leon quietly checks in with Zeno before he continues with the rest of the lesson. Zeno's just casually going back to his corner n slipping on water while looking pretty. There is a cryptid among us.

After this, the cryptid club experience somewhat of a popularity boom in the form of interested people who want to sightsee the B.O.W. in its natural habitat. They're so protective of their Zeno. He's a protected species. They'd straight up start gatekeeping the shrine until the hype dies down. Cult club equivalent of putting the rituals on safe mode.

Zeno is unsure what to do with all of this extra attention so he just starts making himself scarce when too many people show up, which is even more mysterious and cryptid-like.

[cosybunny]

The Bunbuns Are Doing Thoughts Again 🐍🗡️

Leon found Zeno's Sword of Damocles earring in the alleyway shortly before finding Zeno himself. It got torn off while his body was doing a dullahan. Leon pocketed it because he's lived through multiple Resident Evil games and now it's in his blood to pick up random shit that looks out of place.

Leon then got so distracted by, well, everything else, that he left it in his pocket and it's not seen again until their clothes get dropped off from the biohazard dry cleaners. They've put the earring in a little baggie. Can't be the first time they've had clients leave expensive things in their pockets. Leon is like 💡 oh yeah I forgot about that.

Zeno wasn't expecting to get any of his old clothes back at all. He doesn't even notice Leon finding the illicit baggie of earring because he's busy moving back into his jacket like a happy lil hermit crab. Silly comfortable boy. All of these unfamiliar changes happening in his life but this, this he knows. He's straight up vibin' with that jacket as the capybara do.

He's heartbreakingly hopeful and wary when Leon gives him his earring back.

This is still very early on and acts of kindness still confuse him deeply. He keeps pressing why. "It's yours, isn't it?" is not a satisfactory answer; it lacks detailed expectations. One does not simply get their precious symbol of self-expression back just because. He earned it through so much good behaviour (suffering) and the threat of his handlers taking it from him was always a constant. It wasn't a belonging, it was another means of control wrapped in a pretty illusion of choice.

Leon has no idea how deep this goes.

Leon just gives Zeno baby's first trinket back and carries on with his day like he hasn't casually shattered his worldview.

The second time Leon gives it back to Zeno, he's older and wiser and freshly in charge of a fully reinfected B.O.W. He has it because Zeno's previous handler gave it to him to rub salt in the wound. Zeno who has come such a long way, accepting this gift with the unquestioning ease of someone who is Spoiled By Trinkets on a regular basis.

Zeno, who's learned Self Expression is Okay and Not Punishable In This Household putting that freedom to use by taking his next paycheck to a jeweler and commissioning this symbol of his past oppression to be melted down and its silver reincorporated into a new piece of jewellery.

He doesn't have the Sword of Damocles hanging over his head anymore.

Zeno who is vibrating with excitement when he picks up the new piece and is so, so excited to show it off to his handler when he gets home. Dog who just found the biggest stick energy. Leon who knows his Zeno and he can tell there's something important about this trinket in particular, even if the deeper symbolism flies over his head.

Zeno's Sword of Damocles earring, rebirthed into an emerald-eyed snake coiled around a dagger.

[cosybunny]

I imagine Wesker's abilities where very tempature sensitive, since Chris only managed to defeat him by the skin of his teeth in the volcano. (Extreme circumstance)

Do you think this would transfer with zeno? It gets mildly hot and he's out for the count. Leon's trying to convince him to just go take a a dip in the lake but Zeno is refusing, probably had to undergo an experiment back in the day just to see how long he could swim if need be, probably ending with zeno drowning then being dredged back out.

I meant this to be fluff but it turned into angst, rocket pops for the buns so they can beat the heat

Perfect question to answer during a heatwave. The bunnies are loafing sleepily on top of the rocket pops. There's steam coming off them. This is... good, I think? 🧊

Zeno was terrified of getting in the water for a long while. He drowned so many times for science. Leon did a good job reintroducing him to the concept. It takes more than one session at the D.S.O.'s training pool before he stops instinctually panicking when the water's above his chin. Tragically water aerobics is also ideal for rebuilding newly humanized B.O.W. bodies while they're still adjusting. So, the pool becomes part of his new training regiment.

After he loses his powers, Zeno is always running cold.

It's like his body doesn't know how to hold onto warmth without the infection. He's favouring all those snuggly layers for more than just aesthetic (although the aesthetic still matters very muchly, don't get me wrong) and I think if a heatwave hit while he was human, he'd be doing the opposite of suffering.

Everyone else is fucking melting and Zeno's just trotting around in slightly less layers than usual. He's not breaking a sweat. This is the body temperature he's accustomed to. This bastard is sipping steaming coffee and reading by the sunny window while the rest of Breakroom B squabbles like feral cats over seats closest to the air conditioner. Leon wins btw. bendy wriggly plagas support-having man.

He's indulging in ice pops and ice cream cones like they're treats to be savoured, not as a means of survival. At one point Zeno complains it's a little chilly and asks if they can turn the AC down. Someone in the cryptid club gets up, either to comply or to confront, and someone else yanks them down just as fast.

The Zeno is above such mortal grievances as hot weather. It cannot be helped.

I want this flipped on its head when Zeno gets reinfected. Gone are his glorious days of perfectly balanced temperature regulation. He's back to running hot all the time, and heat makes his virus virus faster, which makes him hotter as it burns energy, which makes— you get the picture. Evil, self-perpetuating cycle.

An ouroboros, if you will.

The weather turns summery and he's out for the count. He's down. He's not getting back up. He can't function without a fan. He can't function with a fan. He is as weak to fire as the next B.O.W. and clearly the sun is a wrathful ball of flame.

Sadly, he's not new to this either. His vulnerability to heat has been well-documented. Nothing done to alleviate it, just noted. He gets such a bad grade in self-care because he's been taught to just grit his teeth and bear it. Forced to wear those multi-layered suits in sweltering weather and still expected to drip sweet negotiations instead of sweat. So, this time's no different. He dresses properly. He shows up to work. He's overcompensating for how shitty he feels, which makes him worse, which— this man is a multi-layered ouroboros of stoic suffering.

Leon, who thinks everything is fine at first because Zeno's got a track record of being completely unbothered by the heat, noticing that things are Probably Not Fine, Actually. Asking Zeno directly if he's too hot doesn't work. Implying he's anything less than fighting fit is interpreted as a challenge. Goddamn it.

Leon's harsher and more impatient than he normally is, because the heat's getting to him, too. Zeno is being unusually stubborn and standoffish. It's not a good mix. They're both being assholes. They're both dehydrated and overheated.

Thankfully, Leon doesn't have to ask when he can just order Zeno to do shit. Which is what he resorts to.

He orders Zeno to drink when he's given water. He orders him to stop busying around and come to his office where there's a fan blowing. He orders him to take off his jacket and his tie and his blazer and his vest. I'm sure his intentions here weren't interpreted Incorrectly at all. I'm so sure guys. all so Zeno's skin can finally fucking breathe in just a starched cotton shirt.

He orders him to unbutton his collar too (what kind of psychopath fully buttons up their shirt in weather like this?), missing how Zeno's started to tremble under that veneer of spitting defiance, and getting that wet look in his eyes that's becoming awfully easy to read. Being instructed to strip usually preludes experiments, B.O.W. suppression suits, multiple deaths, corrective measures, degradation, or a delightful pick-and-mix from the candy bag of horrors. He's straight-up lost in the sauce. You know what skyrocketed stress tends to do?

If you guessed agitate the virus even more, you get a gold star.

Protective instinct twisted into going too far, my beloved. Didn't even know a B.O.W. could faint, didn't expect it to happen right there on his office floor, but maybe he catches Zeno before he kisses carpet and almost drops him because the water in his body is fighting against being dragged to boiling point with everything their little infected molecules have.

Leon didn't realize it was this bad. He just wanted Zeno to cool off instead of pretending like everything was fine.

Whoops, hand slipped, angst in my soup instead of parsley.

Leon's scooping up Zeno in his arms and fucking sprinting down to the pool. The heating's off; people have been dipping in during their breaks. It's being chilled to temps reserved for cold drills. Technically not an approved use of training equipment but needs are as needs must. No changing, doesn't even kick his shoes off, just lowers them both into shallow water, keeping his head supported.

(Note that this probably is not what you should do to treat heatstroke in a regular human being. This is because friendly pet B.O.W.s are immune to cold water shock.)

Zeno who rouses from his blackout to the peculiar sensation of floating. All he can register for long minutes is how blissfully cool he feels. The gentle lapping of water against his skin. He's being held by... someone. He knows this feeling; it fills him with a sense of safety,

Water's cupped in a hand and poured over his head. It tickles. This is how his handler taught him not to be afraid of going underwater. Is he sleeping during his training? That's very poor work ethic.

Which is approximately when Zeno wakes up properly and finds himself bobbling with Leon in the mid-shallows of the training pool. They're like a pair of soggy cats. Leon realizes he's awake and beams at him. His hair is soaked flat to his neck. His teeth are chattering.

"H-Hey Sleeping Beauty, how w-was your nap?"

Just for fun, Zeno recovers very fucking fast from heatstroke once his virus and body temp equilibrize, and has to haul Leon out of there ASAP because the idiot's gone and put himself into the beginning stages of hypothermia.

Leon's wet and shivering like a sad little half-drowned rodent. Zeno just wants to get them both out of the cold water and into dry clothes. He'd mildly embarrassed about causing a fuss over 'nothing' and mostly mother henning. Instead of agreeing with this very sensible course of action, his handler keeps apologizing.

Zeno probably just throws Leon over his shoulder like a sad sack of potatoes, ascends the pool ladder, and marches off to the lockers while Everybody Who Saw That develops spontaneous amnesia. You would as well, if Agent Kennedy was the one who signs your paychecks.

TLDR; the sun made them do it.