For Legal Purposes, This Is A Side Blog

she/her ❤ don't tell my bf I wrote this

[cottagecore-onceler]

Chapter 5 / Onceler x Reader

Your head was spinning.

The blueprint you found between Onceler’s things was a project of an unimaginably giant factory. This complicated machinery’s purpose seemed to be remaking Truffula tufts into thneeds. Maybe it wasn’t his? Maybe it was an outside project which he, certainly, wanted to reject? Margin notes suggested otherwise. There it was, written in his handwriting: “smogue?”.  

“Fuck this”, you thought hysterically, immediatelly wanting to dump his ass. How come he didn’t mention building a full-size, XIXth century style factory? What else was he hiding? You couldn’t believe you let him continuously lie to you. Suddenly you realised what the point of your vacation was. He was keeping you in here so you couldn’t see what was happening with his workshop. That’s why he didn’t want you to go to Greenville or pretty much anywhere else. You felt tears falling down your cheeks. You gave yourself permission to be vulnerable and it bit you back. You shouldn’t have done this.

You sat on the bed, closing your eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Maybe this wasn’t so bad? Maybe it was just a practice drawing or some twisted form of a surprise? Building a giant factory doesn’t even compare to cheating, it’s just a… factory? Confusion replaced anger. You didn’t know how to feel about this. No one has ever built a secret factory without telling you. And where the hell was he anyway?

You knew you should confront him. Honest communication is the key to a healthy relationship. But he wasn’t honest, so why would you be? You quickly went back to his drawer and stuck the blueprint back between the shirts. You poured yourself a glass of wine, wrapped a thneed around your shoulders and went outside. Exceptionally bright, full moon emerged among the clouds, while you sat comfortably on your wooden porch. 

You decided not to confront him. Moreover, you decided not to tell him anything at all. You wanted to see how it plays out and investigate a little on your own. If he didn’t want to talk about his work, you were gonna find other sources. After all, you were one theatrical bitch. 

The sound of a car approaching brought you down to earth. You tossed the wine glass in the sink and ran back to bed, pretending to be long asleep. “This is definitely not a cab”, you thought as the engine was quiet, rather like a sports car than an old taxi. What was he doing driving around in the middle of the night?

The door opened and closed. He was extremely quiet while changing into his pyjamas. It couldn’t have been the first time he was sneaking out like that. He crawled into bed gently, trying not to wake you up, and put his arms around you. 

You felt a sudden warmth in your chest. Your feelings toward him didn’t change. You knew there must’ve been a good reason he wasn’t telling you about this. But you weren’t gonna sit patiently and wait for him to finally tell you all about it. You needed to know, now.

...

You woke up. For a moment it felt like every other morning. Like everything that happened last night was just a dream. You quickly realised that wasn’t true.

- Good morning, y/n - Onceler was up and ready, making pancakes - how’d you sleep?

- Good - you lied - and you?

- Alright - he said with surprising confidence - what do you wanna do today? It’s the last day of my leave, we could do something fun.

“This is your chance”, you thought, “this is your chance to catch him in a lie”. And since you’ve established that he was keeping you here so you couldn’t see what he was building…

- Let’s go to Greenville - you proposed - I could use some human interaction.

- Really? That’s what you wanna do on the last day of our vacation? - his response was quick and almost nonchalant, but you could clearly notice a hint of anxiety unfolding in his eyes - let’s go to the lake.

- Again? - you sighed.

- How come you don’t want to go swimming? - he laughed nervously.

You shrugged your shoulders and decided to push it a little bit more to see how he handles it.

- I wanna go to Grenville. We could watch a movie.

- Actually, I just remembered - you could see him getting more and more anxious - I have to swing by work today. I’m not exactly sure how long it will take, but maybe I’ll get us some wine and we can watch a movie in the garden when I get back?

“Damn, he’s a good liar”, you thought. Suddenly, you came up with the most brilliant idea.

- That does sound good.

He seemed to be relieved.

- Okay, um… a coworker will pick me up in 15 minutes. Is that okay?

- Sure - you smiled at him. 

You had to act quick. You put on a hoodie and leggings, dived into your wardrobe looking for a backpack.

- I think I’m gonna go on a little hike - you said, trying to sound natural.

- Cool! - he replied with a mouth full of pancakes, completely unaware of the true purpose of your comfortable attire.

You put on your hiking shoes and packed a big water bottle. “Maybe I should bring a raincoat?”, you thought, weirdly excited about your trip.

- Have some pancakes! - he looked at you with a smile - it’s the best source of energy.

“God”, you thought while quickly stuffing things into your backpack, “how can he act so natural?”. You finished packing and sat at the table next to him.

- Have some of mine - he stood up, put on a coat and gave you a kiss - I’ll be back soon.

- See you later, Once.

He went out. You quickly ran for your backpack and looked outside the window. You could still see him between the trees. You opened the door, as quietly as humanly possible, grabbed your bike and followed him. 

(Broadcast - The Book Lovers playing in the background)

“If he sees me, I’m screwed”, you thought, trying not to breathe too loud. Your heart was pounding outside your chest. Was this a mistake? You walked behind him for about 15 minutes until you heard the sound of a car unlocking.

You quickly hid behind a tree as he looked around, stepping into a brand new Audi A5, on the driver’s side. “Fuck”, you thought, “that’s a nice car”. You hopped on the bike.

You rode right past him. It wasn’t exceptionally difficult as he seemed to be struggling, driving between the trees extremely slow. The picture of a giant factory appeared in your head. Was it built already? Or was he still working in it? Was there a tower with a secret office? Maybe a medieval style dungeon? You needed to know.

What worried you the most were the trees. You remembered the conversation you had half a year ago:

- Don’t you have to like… cut down the trees to get them?

- At first I thought so too! But then, since it came out that I’m not gonna be knitting that many of them… I found a way of harvesting them, which doesn’t disrupt their growth at all.

He wasn’t knitting that many of them. What if he was now? What if he started cutting the Truffulas down? You still couldn’t really picture the size of this in your head. How well was it going that he was building a factory? He must’ve been selling… hundreds per day? Thousands? Then you thought of another vital question: what kind of money was he making? The car, the suit… the bracelet.

You looked down your wrist. There it was, suddenly filling you with guilt. Tears went down your cheeks. What a fool you were, trusting someone so much, thinking everything could possibly turn out so perfect. You should have…

A sudden, sharp pain emerged somewhere around your forehead. Everything froze.

(Sin Fang, Sóley and Örvar Smárson - Citrus Light playing in the background)

For a few seconds, nothing was real. The world was spinning. Your body was… on the ground? It seemed like it. You grabbed your head where it seemed like the throbbing was coming from. It was a natural reflex meant to stop the pain. Instead, it intensified. Your hand was warm and sticky. You looked at it. It was blurry. And red. 

The last thing you saw before losing consciousness was a weird, sort of car-shaped machine with axes attached to its front.

- Are you okay?

- Someone come here, quick!

- Call the ambulance!

- No, let’s call the boss.

- Are you sure? That’s a lot of blood.

...

You woke up blinded by the harsh light of fluorescent fixtures. The pain in your head was excruciating. 

- She’s awake! - an unidentified female voice screamed. You looked in its direction. A blurry figure was staring right at you - are you feeling dizzy, honey? Try not to move too much, you’ve had a terrible accident.

You opened your mouth to reply, but what came out was completely unintelligible. A big tide of nausea went through your entire body.

- Shh - the blurry figure gently put its hand on your shoulder, keeping you from getting up - You’ve had a concussion. It’s much better now, but you still need to rest. Are you feeling nauseous? Nod for yes.

You nodded.

- I’ll get you something that might help. Just try not to move too much.

As the blurry figure disappeared, you had a look around the room. Your vision was slowly getting better; you noticed white furniture and sterile, medical equipment. You were in a hospital. It wasn’t the Greenville Hospital though, you were sure of it. You’ve been hospitalised there once, due to a bike accident. This room was small and much nicer than the ones they had. 

You decided to get up and have a little look around, but shortly realised you couldn’t really move your arms and legs. For a moment, you felt pure panic. Were your injuries that bad? Then you realised this wasn’t the case. You were strapped to the hospital bed.

- No, no, no, no - you whispered. Suddenly you remembered what happened last night.

- Y/n! - you heard Onceler’s voice. He ran toward you and kissed you, holding your face tighter than ever before - I was so worried.

He was wearing that green suit again, with a top hat. You pushed him away, as much as you could with your hands tied.

(Elita - Sour Switchblade playing in the background)

- You were worried?! - you yelled - you did this to me! I know everything.

- What exactly do you mean by “everything”? - he smirked, sitting next to you.

- I know you’re building a huge factory and cutting the trees down - your memory was getting better as well - you’ve been lying to me.

- I had to - he said with a smile - I needed to show you.

- Show me what?

- The life we could have! - he stood up and started walking around the room - just look outside the window. It’s all ours!

- If you haven’t noticed yet - you replied with discontent - I’m not exactly able to move.

- Were you following me? - Onceler asked, changing the subject - yesterday. How did you get here?

- I’m not talking to you until you untie me - you said angrily. 

- That might actually come in handy - he smiled - you shouldn’t be moving too much.

- What is wrong with you? - you almost screamed - untie me!

Onceler kneeled next to you and grabbed your hand.

- And what are you gonna do? Run away and get yourself in trouble again? I don’t think so.

You didn’t know what to say. It felt like a dream. The few seconds of silence felt like eternity.

- I’ll tell you what you’re gonna do - his smile was getting more and more creepy - you’ll stay here and get better. Then I’ll show you around. There will be no more secrets between us. Then, I think you’ll prefer to stay here with me. But we’ll see. How does that sound?

You looked him in the eyes.

- Get away from me - you whispered - you disgust me.

- It’s normal to feel a little agitated after a concussion - he stood up - but with all the medical professionals I’ve gathered here, you’ll get better in no time! Get some more sleep, I’ll be back in the morning.

- I don’t recognise you - you said - this isn’t you, Onceler.

- Don’t be stupid, y/n.

- Untie me! - you cried.

- Y/n, I won’t let you go back to your cabin, so don’t even try.

- Why? - you asked genuinely.

- Because now you hate me - he kneeled next to you again, putting his hand on your cheek - and I don’t want you to act on it. But I’m pretty sure you’ll stop hating me soon. And then we can talk.

You stared blankly at the wall, trying to figure out what to say.

- How do you know I’ll ever stop hating you? - you asked - after all this.

- Because I know you - he kissed your hand - you will want to stay here with me.

- I won’t - his face was inches away from yours.

He smiled.

- You will.

[cottagecore-onceler]

Chapter 4 / Onceler x Reader

(Laura Les - Haunted playing in the background)

This time, the journey was quick. You weren’t making stops or looking back, you just wanted to get to your cabin. April was particularly warm, but that day the morning air was cold and you were shivering in your light jacket. You didn’t care. Over the past half a year you and Onceler had become so close, you needed to see him to know it was real. Nothing could stop you now. 

You felt anger. Not at him, at yourself. But it wasn’t necessarily a bad feeling. It felt empowering. Like you owned the world and had the power to do anything you pleased. Haunted was blasting on your airpods, practically shattering your eardrums. You felt hysterical, in a sort of good way though. As if you felt everything at once. As if you felt everything at once and it wasn’t an issue at all. The anger quickly vanished, leaving you energised. You felt good. You were gonna get him, no matter what.

You could see your cabin on the horizon. There it is, your little corner of the world. And there he was as well. Standing in front of it, looking at you with a smile. There was something different about him. For starters, he seemed taller, which you initially thought was absolutely impossible. His clothes were different as well - he was wearing green, tailored pants and an elegant shirt with a green tie. What seemed like a matching coat was laying on a bench at your doorstep. He ran in your direction.

- I didn’t expect-

He didn’t let you finish as he grabbed your face and pushed it into his. His lips were soft and tender, as was the unexpected kiss. His hands were warm and precise, caressing the back of your neck. You put your hands around his waist pushing him closer, as if muscle memory took over your body, still dwelling in the memory of that bike ride 6 months ago. You felt calm. No questions had to be answered. This was all you needed to know.

- 6 months - he said after what seemed like eternity of kissing - we’ve lost 6 months. But we’ll get them back. Just don’t leave, ever again.

- I won’t - you whispered, holding onto his body.

...

(Carol - So Low playing in the background)

You shed a single tear.

Onceler’s head was still lying comfortably on your lap. He looked confused.

- Y/n? Why are you crying? - he sat next to you and wrapped his arms around you - it’s okay. It’s good. 

A big, fat lump emerged in your throat. Unable to speak, you curled up in his arms.

This memory. This particular memory hurt the most. As years passed, it felt increasingly more like a cancer, growing in your brain, taking over bigger and bigger parts of your neglectful mind. It was the beginning of your new life and the end of a version of you which died with it. You had every reason to hate her - she was weak and unambitious. She couldn’t have accomplished what you have. You had to let her go. Nevertheless, that week the two you had spent together when you came back was the best time of your life. All of the joyful, naive innocence of your past self was preserved in it, forever.

...

(strongboi - honey thighs playing softly in the background)

You woke up to the smell of pancakes. 

- Where are you sneaking off to? - you yawned, stretching your arms. 

Onceler was fully dressed and preparing breakfast, while you were still lying in bed. He looked adorable with an apron over his suit. Last night assured you about the realness of your relationship. You two were definitely a thing now. 

- I think you might’ve forgotten that I need to go to work - he laughed - but I’ll be back around noon.

- Can’t you take a day off? - you insisted.

- Not today - he flipped a pancake - I have a very important meeting. But we could go to the lake when I get back.

- I’ll consider it - you grinned - wait, when did you get groceries? Everything in the fridge must’ve rotten when I was away.

- Yesterday, before you arrived - he said with a smile - your kitchen is now fully equipped, no need to thank me.

- Wow, okay - you were impressed - you can take my bike to work, it’ll be faster than walking.

- You can’t bike in a suit - he laughed, handing you a plate of pancakes - I called a cab. You get some rest and unpack, I’ll be back as soon as I can.

- You need to show me your new workshop - you said, biting into your breakfast.

- Yeah, sure - he replied with a hint of anxiety in his voice - but it’s under construction now. We had an accident last week.

- What accident? Everything all right?

- There was, um, a fire. But it was small, we just need to… repaint the walls. That’s all, nothing serious.

- Okay - you said - then we can go see it together when it’s ready.

- We will - he put on his coat, came up to you and gave you a kiss. You didn’t want him to go anywhere - but in the meantime, get some more sleep.

You finished your breakfast and took a shower. It was 6 A.M. “Why would he wake up so early?”, you thought. The thneed business must’ve been going well. You cleaned up around the cabin, unpacked your stuff and went outside. You laid a blanket on the freshly grown grass and started reading a book. Spring in the Truffula Valley was beautiful - the trees were blooming and you could hear birds chirping all around. You put the book aside and laid on your back, gazing at the sky. Subtle rays of sunlight had reached your skin from in-between the blossoming Truffula tufts. You missed this place so much. It seemed almost unreal how everything was suddenly going your way. 

- Y/n! - you suddenly heard Onceler’s distant voice - where are you?

- Backyard! - you yelled.

- Meeting finished earlier than I expected. And guess what! - his slender silhouette emerged from in-between the trees - I took a week off. 

- That’a amazing! We can pretend to be on vacation - you grinned.

- Hey, I’m not pretending! - he laughed and sat next to you - this actually is a formal vacation.

- Don’t remind me about my unemployment - you sighed - I don’t think the cinema will take me back. I should start looking for something soon. 

- Not yet - he kissed your forehead - let’s just enjoy the vacation for now.

- We could stay at your cottage as well, you know - you covered your eyes with your hand, as sunshine brightened -  I don’t mind.

- I actually think I prefer it here - he smiled - this part of the forest is way nicer.

- As you wish - you smiled back at him.

- Aaaand… before I forget - he reached into the pocket of his coat - I thought it would be nice to get you a little welcome home gift.

- You shouldn’t have! - you got up, excited.

He took your hand and put a bracelet around your wrist. It was a string of big, irregular pearls, each different from another, all glimmering in the sunlight.

- No! - you looked at him, stunned - no way! It’s beautiful!

- It’s hand made and one of a kind - he said, still holding your wrist, surprisingly gently, as if he was afraid he could break it - I’m glad you like it!

- I love it! - you kissed him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

That was the first time you noticed he smelled different. His usual perfume was spicy, with a little hint of tabacco leaf sweetness.You remembered it exceptionally well after the night you had spent together in his cottage and you could swear you smelled it in the morning, when he was getting ready for work. You really liked this scent. Now he reeked of something industrial, like car fumes or tar. It was almost suffocating.

- Hey, what is it? - he asked, noticing your wry expression.

- Um - you tried to be delicate, but the odour only seemed to intensify becoming more and more nauseating - you stink.

- Ouch! - he laughed nervously and for a moment you felt really stupid - it’s probably because of the construction. After the fire. You know, paint smells.

- What are you painting with? Sulflur? - you covered your nose mockingly.

- Now that’s just mean - he scoffed - I promise to wash my suit, happy?

- Very much so - you replied - so, what’s in the itinerary?

- How bout that trip to the lake?

- We could do that. But first I need to go to Greenville for some oatmilk.

- You don’t drink regular milk? - he seemed surprised.

- Do I not look like I’m lactose intolerant? - you laughed.

- Well, since you eat cheese, I assumed you’re not - he scoffed.

- Cheese doesn’t count. It’ll take me an hour tops. Then we go to the lake.

- How about - he kissed your bare shoulder and made that amazingly adorable smile - we go to the lake now and I’ll get oatmilk tomorrow morning. I need to get something from my cottage anyway.

- Can I come with you? - you asked.

- I’m pretty sure you’d hate it - he replied - the construction workers are everywhere, it’s a huge mess.

- Okay then, let’s go to the lake - you said - just, please, change your stinky clothes.

...

(The Cranberries - Dreams starts playing in the background)

Just like that memorable evening 6 months ago, he hopped on the bike and you sat behind him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. This time you didn’t feel nervous at all. For the first time in your life you were truly, fully happy. Everything was going your way and nothing could disturb your new-found peace of mind. Moreover, for the first time in your life you felt calm thinking about the future. It wasn’t mysterious and anxiety-filled anymore. Future looked fun.

The lake was only 30 minutes away from your cabin, in the opposite direction to Onceler’s cottage, which was also why he’d never been there. 

- Turn right! - you screeched as he almost hit a tree, not knowing his way around this part of the forest - if you break my bike, I’ll break you.

- Will you relax for a second? - he laughed - I know how to ride a bike.

You were relaxed. How could you feel any different? Holding onto him, your entire body felt at ease. You dreamed about this moment for half a year, entrapped in this stupid town with no one to talk to. The tingly sensation in your chest which accompanied your daily phone calls was now spread all over your body. You’ve never felt this kind of joy. You’ve also never been truly in love before. It was a new kind of high, completely unknown to your confined perception of reality. As moments passed, you forced your brain to focus and remember each and every detail. The softness of his hands, the tone of his voice, the warm wind in your hair and the way he’d constantly look around his shoulder to check if you were still there, as if you could just vanish into thin air. You wanted to experience everything as intensively as humanly possible.

When you arrived at the lake, Onceler was amazed.

- This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen - he said, looking into the clear, turquoise water. 

You smiled - that was your exact same reaction when you accidentally found this place almost two years ago now. The lake itself wasn’t very big. It was connected to a stream which ran through the entire Valley, from the eastern parts, near the lake and your cabin, to the west, close to Greenville and Onceler’s cottage. Its water was extremely clean as there was no city nearby. Actually, pretty much no one would come here at all. Truffulas growing in this area were way taller than regular ones, their tufts were also slightly bigger. Must’ve been something about the water and its healing properties. They grew densely around the clear, perfectly blue lake, making the scenery exceptionally charming.

You immediately took your clothes and the bracelet off - exposing the prettiest set of lingerie you could find in your closet -  and jumped into the water. You got so warmed up during the ride, the cold water felt exceptionally refreshing. 

- Come on in! - you shouted to Onceler sitting calmly on the shore.

- Na-ah, not yet - he winced - isn’t it freezing?

- It’s perfect.

You relaxed your arms and legs. Your body was floating on the surface of the lake, gently, undisturbed. The sun was shining directly into your face, which made the cool temperature of the water feel slightly warmer than it really was. A weak current was slowly sweeping you away from the shore.

“He seems anxious”

This thought appeared out of nowhere, almost as if someone else said it in your head. You took a deep breath and dived into the water.

“Why does he seem anxious?”

You really couldn’t shake off this sudden, intuitive feeling that something is wrong. You knew you were probably just overthinking, but he really did seem different. Like there was something he wasn’t telling you. Could it be possible that he changed his mind about you? It really didn’t seem likely - he gave you all the reasons to trust him. You knew damn well that if you let yourself worry about it too long, your mind would spiral out of control. God, what if he only started dating you as a prank? “You’re better than this”, you thought, deciding to simply confront him about this instead of succumbing to your anxiety-filled brain.

- Hey - you stepped out of the water, wrapping a thneed around your shoulders - you seem nervous.

You sat next to him, feeling his warm hand grabbing yours.

- Nervous? I’m not nervous - he scoffed.

- What is it then?

- First of all, your hand. It’s super cold - he smirked - I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be outdoor swimming in April, I know it’s really warm in the sun, but it’s just not the same…

- Stop joking - you interrupted him - I can see you’re worried about something. Be honest with me.

- Is it that obvious? - he looked at you with a half-smile.

- I guess - you sighed - is it, um… something about me?

- No! - he grabbed both of your hands and looked you in the eyes - don’t ever say that. Don’t ever think that - he took a deep breath - This… us… it’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

- What is it then? - your face was inches away from his. 

- Let me finish - he smiled - I am crazy about you, y/n. I have been ever since that evening half a year ago. Do you… do you feel the same way about me?

- I do - you whispered - but you’re changing the subject again.

- I’m just… worried about the company. That’s all, really.

- You can go back to work if you want to.

- But I don’t. I want to spend this week with you. I’ll try to stop worrying, I promise - he laid his soft hand on your cheek and brushed it through your hair.

- You could talk to me about it too, you know? - you said with reproach.

- Yeah, and bore you to death? - he laughed.

- It’s not that boring. I mean, when we talked on the phone it seemed pretty exciting. 

- It’s not… that exciting - you could sense that peculiar hint of anxiety in his tone - no work talk yet, okay? I promise to let you in on every possible detail of my business next week - he smiled before his lips pressed softly against yours with a short, but tender kiss - now let’s just enjoy our vacation.

...

The next 5 days felt almost unreal. You passed time walking around the forest, swimming in the lake and playing cards in the dim sunlight of early Spring evenings. Each morning you woke up wrapped securely in his arms, covered in warm rays of sunshine coming from your curtain covered windows. Your cabin was soaked in the smell of pancakes he made every morning. 

You used to think you were happy before. You used to find comfort in your loneliness, seeing yourself as perfectly self-sufficient. You really thought letting anyone into your small, sheltered world would shatter it forever. He became such a vital part of your life so quickly, you couldn’t imagine living this way anymore. Suddenly it seemed like there had been a longing in your soul and body to which he was the only right answer. Everything has changed.

You fell asleep with your head on his chest. You had some wine this evening, which must’ve been the reason why that nightmare returned. Onceler was once again sitting in a ridiculously large chair, in a top hat and a suit, with giant, endless piles of money behind him. You weren’t in the room with him. Once again, you were standing outside, watching him through a window. Paralysed, unable to move or speak. Suddenly everything started spinning.

You woke up covered in cold sweat.

- I just had the worst…

He wasn’t there. You were in your bed alone.

You immediately stood up, startled. His book, his clothes and toothbrush were still there. His coat was gone. Your heart was pounding out of your chest. Maybe he went outside for a midnight stroll? You went outside - he wasn’t there.

- Onceler! - you screamed hysterically. 

Dead silence.

You went back inside, started brushing your teeth, preparing for organising a search party. Feeling completely and utterly helpless you decided to go through his stuff. Between what seemed like hundreds of dirty, plain white shirts your fingers stumbled upon a creased piece of paper. It was a blueprint.

The toothbrush fell out of your hands.

(Mareux - Perfect Girl playing in the background)

[cottagecore-onceler]

Chapter 3 / Onceler x Reader

As it turned out, your mom was actually in a pretty rough shape. She fell off her monocycle driving way too fast, as usual, and broke her leg in 3 places. She couldn’t walk on her own, so you had to help her when your dad went to work. Doctors said she should be almost completely recovered in 6 months. You did your best hiding frustration and discontent. You missed the peace and quiet of your cabin, you missed your daily bike rides, you missed your cosy bed, you even missed the movie theatre and its tacky, vintage ceiling, and… well, you also missed Onceler.

Your parents' house was around 2 hours away by bike from his cottage, in a small town, surrounded by hills a little bit higher than the ones next to Greenville. After leaving Onceler’s cottage it took you 3 hours to get there, because you’d constantly stop and check your phone. “Something might’ve happened to mom”, you rationalised it in your head, but deep down you knew it wasn’t the case. You wanted him to call and it killed you that he still didn’t. When you arrived, you forced a smile and tried to be as helpful as you could. But you still waited to finally hear from him. “Maybe this was a mistake?”, you kept asking yourself.

He called. In the evening, exactly 11 hours and 32 minutes after you had left him. You were excited, but also frustrated. What took him so long? Didn’t he care about you at all?

- Hear me out - his voice sounded extremely tired - I am so, so sorry for calling so late. But you’ll never guess what happened.

- What? - you asked, trying to stay at least a little bit cold.

- Clients! A lot of clients! They want to buy my thneeds - he raised his voice with excitement - I woke up, you weren’t there, so I panicked and then… - he had to take a breath - they started pounding on my door! I had to knitt all day! You wouldn’t believe it.

- Wow - you were actually surprised - that’s amazing! Told you it takes time.

- Yea, I guess - he laughed - so, how’s your mom?

- She’s… fine - you sighed - I’m gonna have to stay with her for the next 6 months. She ummm… can’t walk on her own. But she’ll recover.

- Good! - he shouted - I mean, that’s terrible, obviously, but I’m glad she’ll get better.

- Yea - you muttered - me too. 

- And ummm… what about you? - he asked with a hint of curiosity in his voice.

- I’ll be back as soon as she recovers. I already miss my cabin. This town really sucks.

- It sure does - he agreed, obviously, as he grew up there as well - I can’t wait for you to be back then, I guess.

- I can’t wait to be back as well - you said - can’t believe I still don’t own a thneed.

- I can make one for you! - he said and, even though you couldn’t see him, you just knew his eyes were sparkling with excitement - it will be the best one so far.

You heard your mom calling your name.

- I gotta go - you stopped - talk to you tomorrow?

- Same time?

...

(Air - Playground Love playing softly in the background)

For the next 6 months you’d speak to each other on the phone every day. He’d tell you about his business growing, you’d tell him about your family and the town. 

- I know I’m surrounded by family and friends, but I’ve never felt lonelier.

- Yea, I think I know what you mean.

You’d talk about your childhood friends and how their lives turned out, about your goals, their goals and life in general. 

- My family came to visit, ya know? To help me with the thneeds. It brings back a lot of memories.

- Good or bad?

- Um… a little bit of both.

- Same here. You won’t believe who I bumped into today!

- Tell me.

He seemed to be excited about the business, but also extremely overwhelmed. You wished you were back there to help him somehow. His family’s presence couldn’t have been a positive influence.

- I’m exhausted. We were biggering the workshop today.

- What’s it like now?

- Um… bigger?

- How big!

- Not that much.

- So… you must be excited?

- I mean, I guess!

It really felt like no time had passed since you two were best friends, running around the Truffula trees. You’d tell each other secrets, ask for opinions and laugh like neither one of you had laughed in years.

- Tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.

- Okay, let me think… I sometimes fantasise about my brothers never being born. 

- That… does not surprise me at all. 

- No way! Your turn.

- When I was 13 I used to steal things, like, a lot of things.

When you talked to him, the loneliness vanished. You felt like everything was in the right place, like you finally belonged. You really missed him and you knew he missed you too.

- You know, I sometimes feel like… like I suck at life? 

- What do you mean?

- I feel like I will never accomplish anything meaningful and I’m actually okay with that. Like, that’s just the way I’m programmed. I don’t do real life.

- Well, then don’t. Who’s gonna stop you?

- Literally the anatomy of my body? I need food to stay alive.

- I can make pancakes when you get back.

He’d call every day, no matter how tired he was. It soon became obvious that the both of you just wanted to hear each other’s voice, no matter how much you’d have to say.

- So… I got a new suit today!

- No way! Describe it.

- It’s… green. And I made matching gloves. From thneed.

- A suit and gloves? You’re kidding.

- No sir. I look like a proper businessman now.

- God, I wish I could see that.

- I think you’d like it.

Even though you wouldn’t physically see each other, you’d constantly fantasise about him being there with you. In your imagination, Onceler sat next to you while eating breakfast. He helped you with the laundry and disinfected your bleeding finger after you accidentally caught it. When you went on walks, he seemed to be walking next to you, holding your hand. When the two of you weren’t talking over the phone, you had imaginary conversations in your head. You had created infinite alternative universes, all of which included living a happy life together. In some of them, Onceler became successful and the two of you were filthy rich. In others, his business flopped and you ended up growing your own vegetables and fruit. One of them was particularly interesting and exciting - it took you a while to perfectly develop each and every detail. In this fantasy you were diagnosed with a non life threatening, almost asymptomatic chronic disease, which made you incapable of doing regular work. For some reason this mysterious illness didn’t affect your bike riding abilities. Onceler was stunned - he promised to take care of you forever. The two of you got married. He worked hard so you could spend your days walking around the forest and foraging mushrooms, learning how to make a perfect risotto ai funghi porcini. As cold, winter months were passing, you spent more and more time in your head.

These moments were the highlight of your time back home. Each morning you crossed a day off on a calendar: 4 months left, 8 weeks left, 22 days left… Finally, you woke up and there it was: tomorrow. You were going back to your cabin tomorrow.

That day was particularly boring. You washed the dishes, cleaned the windows, vacuumed. When you finished your chores it was already dark, so you decided not to rush and leave first thing in the morning. You sat in an old, mustard armchair and waited for your daily call.

But he didn’t call.

It confused you a little bit, but, hey, you two were probably gonna meet the next day. Maybe he’ll surprise you at your cabin? Or come pick you up at your parents’? You became a little anxious - after all, you had only spent one evening together, what were you expecting? A grand gesture? You weren’t even dating. It was the moment when you realised you weren’t really sure what the two of you were. Pen pals? Friends? Future lovers? You needed to come back to get answers. 

You couldn’t fall asleep that night. And when you finally did, you kept waking up, covered in sweat, hyperventilating. Around 3 in the morning you finally managed to get some rest. You dreamed about him. He was sitting in a ridiculously large chair, in a top hat and a suit, with giant, endless piles of money behind him. You weren’t in the room with him. You were standing outside, among Truffulas, observing him through a window, unable to move or speak. Then you woke up and decided to finally hit the road. 

Your mom made you cookies, your dad thanked you for your help. And that was it, you left on your bike heading for the Truffula Valley.

[cottagecore-onceler]

Chapter 2 / Onceler x Reader

You woke up. Your bedroom was filled with extremely bright, warm light, which only seems to be appearing in the mornings of cool, early October. You had the eeriest dream about your childhood friend. Wait, who was that? The more you tried to remember, the hazier it became, eventually slipping away entirely. Could it be Onceler? You haven’t seen him in such a long time, since his family moved. You gave up trying to grasp the details. It was time to get ready for work. 

You dropped out of college last year. Your mental health had suffered a lot after the incident, but you were getting therapy and overall doing better. On one of your beloved hiking trips you saw a child disappear into a waterfall in the Truffula Valley. It was never seen again and you couldn’t even imagine what the family was going through. You weren’t able to put it into words at the time, but you needed to slow down a little bit and take some time for yourself. So you decided to quit school and move to your parents’ old cabin, located in the outskirts of Truffula Valley. Having spent the best moment of your childhood there, it was still your favourite place in the entire world. The cabin was old and almost unrecognisable from the wild nature surrounding it. Your parents told you it was built by your great-grandfather, a biologist studying these amazing trees. The bookshelves were filled with notebooks he kept writing until his death, which happened somewhere in the early 70s. You loved reading them as a child - what he wrote felt more like a fairytale full of magic creatures than academic analysis. After he had passed, your grandmother, his daughter, tried donating them to a university library in town, but they very rudely declined the offer, calling his writings “pseudo-scientific gibberish”. This made you very angry when you were little - you wanted to experience his world and everything in it. As you got older, you realised he probably lost his mind living here, entirely on his own for decades. The forest got the best of him, but you weren’t going to follow in his steps. You have never, ever been happier.

(Vashti Bunyan - Diamond Day playing softly in the background)

During mornings like these you’d wake up extremely early to watch the sun rising from in-between the colourful Truffula tufts, all accompanied by the sky changing its color every 3 minutes or so, from hazy, purplish blue to light lilac and soft pink. You sat outside your cabin and gazed at it calmly while drinking an oat milk latte. After finishing your coffee and breakfast you had to start preparing for work. You recently got a part-time job in Greenville, the hours were ok, the pay was ok, and - since it was an obscure movie theatre - sometimes you could sneak in and watch some niche, old films. Early October in Truffula Valley was your favourite time of the year - the tufts were still colourful yet already fading into the most beautiful, warm shade of orange. You put on your favourite outfit and biked to town, feeling the soft, autumn breeze on your rosy cheeks.

Work was really dull that day and you actually had to cancel two screenings already, because - surprise, surprise - no one came. “People in this town are really uncultured these days” you thought, wondering what happened to the customers who used to storm the cinema on a daily basis. You took a deep breath and realised it really wasn’t your business and you shouldn’t get irritated. “Only two screenings left”, you thought, uncontrollably yawning. One of them was definitely going to take place - it was kind of a big event, management posted flyers all over town a month ago already. The movie was Citizen Kane, an old, black and white classic, which’s hype you never really understood. “Who cares about the problems of some rich, white dude”, you’d always chuckle when anyone mentioned it. It was just so outdated. The second screening, sadly, could actually get canceled. It was an Agnès Varda 1962 movie called Cleo from 5 to 7. You saw it last year and thought it was really ahead of its time.

As you predicted, more and more people started coming in for Citizen Kane. You were extremely bored, yet polite, handing clients their tickets. At some point, the line disappeared, you looked down and started remembering that eerie dream. Was there a cinema involved? You still couldn’t get yourself to remember the hazy details. Suddenly, a loud voice brought you back to reality:

- Can I get a ticket for Cleo? - you heard and looked up.

- Oh my god! - you shouted way louder than you should’ve - Oncie! 

Such a coincidence, you actually thought about him this morning. And there he was, standing in front of your counter. It really seemed like he hasn’t changed at all since you saw him at the age of, what was it, 8? He seemed to only have grown in terms of height, being so exceptionally tall you had to take a second, searching for his round, bright face somewhere around the tacky, vintage ceiling. He smiled at you, showing off that wide, extremely cute smile, which was one of the most vivid images of him left in your memory. 

- No way! Y/n? - Onceler seemed excited - so good to see you! Do you live around here?

- Yes, well, actually no, not exactly in town. I moved to my parent’s cabin in the Truffula Valley, you remember it?

- How could I forget? - his face brightened up - that means we’re sort of neighbours right now! I just moved down there too.

- Really? - you smiled - moved away from the ranch? 

- Yea! I’m actually, sort of, starting a business? Or at least trying to - you could see his smile turning awkward and forced, so you decided to drop the subject immediately.

- Your ticket! - you suddenly remembered you’re supposed to be working - Unfortunately, I think we’re gonna have to cancel that screening. You’re the only person who showed up and there needs to be at least 5 people.

- Aw! I was really excited to watch it - he sighed - Are you playing anything else then?

- Yeah, Citizen Kane. A bit overrated for my taste, but it’s a classic.

- Okey-doke, then I’ll have one ticket and… - he stopped abruptly and a subtle blush appeared on his cheeks - will you still be here when the movie ends?

- Yea - you said, a little bit surprised - company policy, you know. It might seem pointless, but we had a popcorn machine stolen once. 

- Yuck, really? - he flinched and laughed - then maybe we can grab a beer after the movie? I haven’t seen you in ages.

- Okay, sure, why not - you replied with surprising confidence, which must’ve been a result of his incredibly calming presence.

- Then, um, see ya later! - he waved at you and disappeared into the big door on your right.

The movie started and everyone vanished. You noticed yourself being a little bit nervous and couldn’t really figure out why that was. Were you developing a teeny tiny crush on your childhood friend? “Not again!”, you thought to yourself, “you literally spoke to him for 2 seconds”. He got really handsome over the years - his eyes were big and blue, his smile was heartwarming and kind with something unexplainably sexy about it, his hair… ah, his black hair. Accepting the invitation was definitely a good choice. After all, you haven’t really spoken to a friend in months. 

Wondering about all these things and replaying that short encounter in your head, over and over, you didn’t even notice when the 119 minutes passed. People started walking out. You tried not to stare too much, but couldn’t really help yourself. You spotted him in the crowd and he immediately looked at you as well. 

- Hey! - Onceler shouted approaching - let’s get going!

You biked slowly, as he walked next to you. The nearest bar was about 20 minutes away, but the evening was warm. The whole town was covered in a lovely, dusty blue fog, successfully covering its hideous, decaying buildings. You didn’t like Greenville. The northern half of it consisted of creepy suburbs, where all houses looked exactly the same and costed way more than a normal person would earn within two lifetimes. The southern half was simply neglected, deprived of life, joy and culture. This is where the movie theatre was located. It was once a popular spot, where teenagers would go on dates and parents would take their children on sunny weekends. However, since streaming services became an option, people stopped coming whatsoever. Its days were numbered, you were sure of it. 

- How’d you like the movie? - you asked.

- I liked it! It was… interesting.

- Really? - you asked with genuine curiosity. That was an unexpected take on Citizen Kane.

- Well, no - Onceler replied and laughed - I fell asleep at the beginning and woke up when the lights turned on. I’ve been so exhausted recently. I feel stupid.

- Don’t! - you smiled at him - I once fell asleep on Nosferatu. Black and white movies tend to do this to your brain. 

- There is something weirdly soothing about them - he agreed.

- So… - you decided to push the topic a little bit - why are you so tired? Is it because of the new business?

- Yea, it is - he said, looking down - Let’s just say it is not going very well. 

- Explain - you asked and suddenly noticed a red spot on his white shirt - hey, you got a…

- Yea - he interrupted and laughed nervously - I know! So, uh… I’ve been knitting. I had this amazing idea of a thing that could be used in so many ways! - you noticed his eyes sparkling - I call it a thneed. I keep trying to sell it, but anytime I show up at the town square, people start throwing things at me - he shrugged his shoulders irritatedly - I guess I should just quit and move back to my parents.

- Um - you sighed loudly, not really knowing what to say. You never knew what to say when people were sad around you - are you sure? Maybe you just… - you smirked - thneed some more time? 

He looked at you with a heartwarming, pathetic half-smile and for a moment it kind of felt like no time had passed since you saw each other last.

- I don’t even know anymore if that’s what I wanna do - he sighed - I thought I had it all figured out, ya know? - he took a deep breath - enough about me. How are you doing?

- Ummm, fine - you mumbled looking down. He caught you off guard. For some unexplainable reason you weren’t prepared to be talking about yourself - nothing out of the ordinary. I go to work, I leave work and bike around. That’s all, I guess.

- Is it? - he grinned - I can’t believe that’s true. What are you hiding, y/n? 

- Nothing, I swear! - you laughed - Seriously, I have retired. And I’m enjoying it.

- So, how do you spend your days in retirement? - he asked.

- So… - you took a moment to think about the right words to make your daily routine sound at least a little bit interesting - I wake up early. I walk around the forest a lot. I read. And if I don’t have any chores or work I bike to the lake and swim a little. 

- She swims a little! - he scoffed - You come to town a lot?

- Only when I have to - you replied - For work, I mean. I don’t really like it here. 

Suddenly he stopped and grabbed the handle of your bike. His hand brushed against yours, which immediately set off a tingly sensation in your chest.

- We don’t need to stay here if you don’t want to - he gave you that heartwarming smile again - you could come see my cottage. I’d show you the thneeds. 

- Sure, why not  - you looked at him curiously. You weren’t expecting this. Although you probably should have; “he was always so kind and understanding”, you thought, “unlike the rest of his family”.

- Can we use your bike? 

- Yea, sure! I don’t think I’ll be able to take you on the trunk though, with umm…

- My abnormally long legs? - he laughed - it’s okay, I can drive. My cottage is not that far away, we’ll manage somehow.

(Porridge Radio - Eugh playing softly in the background)

He hopped on the bike and you sat on the trunk, putting your arms around his waist. It felt good - your breath slowed down, your heartbeat was calmer now, the anxiety had vanished completely. You laid your cheek on his back - it felt almost like a natural reflex - and gazed into the evening sky. You exited the town and rode through the forest. The sunlight was dim, almost non-existent, and a perfect full moon was emerging on the horizon. The cool, fresh air gently caressed your cheeks with a soft evening breeze. You took a deep breath, smelling various types of flowers which grew all around the Valley. Your eyes closed - seemingly out of their own, independent will - and for a moment it felt as if every little thing in the world ceased to exist, besides the two of you, speeding through nothingness. You rode in silence, as the breeze became cooler. You noticed yourself gripping Onceler’s waist tighter, as you got a little cold in your dress and he really seemed like the warmest thing in the universe. Suddenly, you saw a cottage rising from the forest.

- Here we are! - he announced - Welcome to my humble headquarters.

You became a bit pensive during the ride and didn’t even notice you were still holding on to his body. You finally let go of his torso and the both of you hopped off the bike. He didn’t seem to mind.

- Oh! - you gasped - wow, it looks pretty! I don’t think I’ve ever been to this part of the forest.

- I’m really glad you like it - he unlocked the door and turned on the lights - soo… this is my workshop.

It was warm inside. Not only in terms of the temperature, but the overall vibe. The interior was simple and cosy, which made you feel at ease. You sat on a chair next to what seemed like a desk, covered entirely in crochet needles and pink Truffula tufts.

- Oh… so you make them from Truffula trees? - you asked curiously.

- Yea! - he said, opening a beer and handing one to you - they’re extremely soft, don’t you think?

- Yea, I guess so. But don’t you have to like… cut down the trees to get them?

- At first I thought so too! - he raised his voice and suddenly you remembered he actually used to do that a lot as a kid. Whenever he got excited about something, he’d practically yell at you - but then, since it came out I’m not gonna be knitting that many of them… - he looked down and took a sip from his bottle - I found a way of harvesting them, which doesn’t disrupt their growth at all. I made this.

He went up to a wardrobe and started throwing things out of it, looking for something. 

- Aha! There it is.

It looked like a giant pair of pliers with an extendable handle.

- Impressive, Once - you laughed, taking a sip from your bottle.

- Buuuuut… - Onceler looked down again, shrugging his shoulders - can you imagine I haven’t sold even one thneed? It’s crazy! 

- You still haven’t shown me what a thneed looks like - you said - or even told me what it is.

He headed back to the wardrobe and took out a pink, fluffy something. It looked a little bit like a scarf, but had a lot of holes in it. 

- Look, it has all-natural microfibers. It’s super absobernt. You can wear it as a scarf - he put it around his neck - you can use it as a hat, as a top, as a carpet… I think it’s a revolutionary product and I really want people to notice it too! Try it on.

- Okay, show me.

You stood up and straightened your arms along your waist, not knowing what to expect. He came up to you, put the thneed around your neck and started adjusting its numerous holes so it fit perfectly. You felt that tingly sensation again. His face was focused, but so incredibly close to yours you could feel his breath on your cheeks. 

- It suits you - he finished styling it and looked at you with a smile - so, since you’re such a hermit now, maybe we can sit outside? It’s not that cold.

- Yea, you don’t have to ask. There’s a full moon tonight.

- Keep the thneed - he said, opening the back door. 

(Totally Mild - Nights playing softly in the background)

You adjusted the thneed wrapped softly around your neck and followed him outside. He laid a blanket on the grass, carefully, and sat on it, crossing his legs. You noticed your heart rate go a little bit up when you glanced at him in this scenery. You couldn’t stop wondering that this could be your life now. Knitting these weird things, living in the forest… together. You couldn’t stop imagining other things as well. “Stop this”, you thought immediately, “let’s just enjoy this evening”.

- So… what’s on your mind? - you asked, sitting next to him.

- It’s just… I’m working so incredibly hard now and I’m still failing - he said - I wish I was more successful. 

- It doesn’t always come right away, Onceler - you said, sipping your beer - sometimes you have to wait. 

- But I’ve already done so much - he sighed.

- I know what you mean, but, you know, don’t worry - you didn’t know what to say - at some point someone’s definitely gonna buy one, just give it time - you smiled at him. This thneed was really growing on you.

- Maybe you’re right - Onceler sighed - but I really want to make it big. To see everyone using them. Everyone! A world filled with thneeds.

- Do you really? - you scoffed - and how exactly would you do it? You’d need a lot of help, do you realise that? And what about the trees? 

- I guess I would figure it all out along the way. I just want to be the successful one, for once - he looked down with a miserable half smile - are you happy with your life right now?

- I don’t know - you laughed, a little bit confused - is, like, anyone ever?

- I believe so - he smiled - that’s what I want, to be proud of my life.

- Being happy and being proud are two different things.

- To me they’re the same. 

- Wouldn’t you just prefer - you stopped for a second, thinking of the right words - like… just peace of mind?

- I will have peace of mind, when I become successful - he explained - I’m sure of it.

- Seriously? How are you so sure? - you pushed him.

- I just am - he replied.

- Wouldn’t you want something more like… a slow life in the forest? - you laughed - I know it sounds cliche, but imagine it. Taking long walks, enjoying the views, the fresh air. Every day. You know, I feel like living in my parent’s cabin turned out really good for me. I feel like - you sighed and looked him in the eyes with a half smile - I feel like I always knew it subconsciously. That this is supposed to be my life. Here, in the Valley.

- I used to dream of that too, ya know? - Onceler looked at you, when an unexpected, soft blush appeared on his cheeks - actually, when we were little I thought we were gonna end up that way. I mean, the both of us, together...

The look on his face changed slightly. He was now gazing into your eyes with this soothing, dreamy expression. 

- I guess I thought so too - you said - it seemed like… it was the natural way for things to go.

He laid on the blanket, facing the sky. You laid next to him.

- This feels right, doesn’t it? - he asked, closing his eyes.

- Yeah... I think so - you whispered, yawning.

- I’ve missed you, y/n.

Hearing this was the last thing you remember before the both of you dozed off, right under bright, October stars, wrapped in a warm, cosy thneed.

...

You woke up to the same, bright, warm light, which you enjoyed so much every morning. Only this time it was way brighter than before.

“Oh my god”, you thought to yourself, “why am I outside?”. Before you managed to make a quick recollection of the series of events which led the two of you to falling asleep, so peacefully, on a blanket in Onceler’s backyard, you’ve noticed his hand was holding yours, with great intensity at that. The initial anxiety had left. The tangly sensation returned. It was cute.

He looked so at ease. His hair was messy, falling into his eyes. Considering the stress he’s been going through with the new business and all, you decided not to wake him up. You thought about making some breakfast, maybe coffee. You carefully freed your hand from his grip and went inside.

You found your phone on the tuft-covered desk. “Oh no”, you thought as you noticed numerous missed calls from your parents. You opened the texts: “Baby, where are you? Your mom broke her leg and we really need you to come home and help her. Call us asap”. Your heart started pounding again. You had to go, leaving so many questions unanswered. You looked at Onceler through the window, still sleeping, completely unbothered by the sounds of nature waking up. You found a piece of paper, scribbled a note, “phone number!”, you thought frantically, “he needs my phone number”, took your bike and left for your parents house. 

(Alexandra Savior - Can’t help myself playing softly in the background as y/n rides away)

[cottagecore-onceler]

Chapter 1 / Onceler x Reader

(Reymour - De ma tour playing in the background)

You sat comfortably in your leather, Vitra chair and gazed outside the tall windows of your mansion. The sun was setting. It was early June, when Truffula trees were the most colourful. You love this forest. You’ve always loved it.

Except it’s not a forest anymore. Behind the pink and orange tufts you could still notice the thick, stone walls. You tried planting more trees in that area to make it less visible, but there it was, constantly trying to make you feel guilty about the life you had chosen. 

“It was the natural way for things to go”, you thought to yourself. You had spent years muting the guilt that came with deforesting the Valley. And it actually worked. After all, you were genuinely happy. The two of you were genuinely happy.

You both loved the power you had over everyone. You loved seeing your company grow. You loved the people of Thneedville admiring you. You loved the little things as well; custom Miu Miu outfits, designer furniture, vintage cars and fine dining. But most importantly, you loved each other. You fell in love with him before he became successful. The two of you would be just as happy without all these things. The two of you were just as happy without all these things. Years ago, when all you had was a little cottage. And that cottage was enough.

“How could it be enough?”, you’d sometimes catch yourself thinking. You gazed dreamily outside the window, sipping a Tom Collins. Life couldn’t get better than this. These warm days you’d find yourself wandering around the garden and reading books. Sometimes you felt like redecorating or painting some landscapes. You cooked, maybe put on some music and danced a little. You liked to keep yourself occupied. So you didn’t have to think about what could’ve been if things didn’t happen the way they happened. It wasn’t guilt, you’d tell yourself. It was just curiosity and a tiny bit of sentiment.

The moment you’d let yourself go back to these events, your mind spiraled out of control. You caressed those memories so intensively in the past that you remembered everything in perfect detail. You remembered his smiling face in the movie theatre, holding his waist while biking through the forest, the long phone calls, your first kiss or the first night you two had spent together. You remembered the feeling of anxiety-filled uncertainty or the way you wanted to fix everything and everyone. You remembered your anger and the exact moment you let it go. And you wondered what could’ve happened if you didn’t.

“It wouldn’t change anything”, you’d think, hoping one day you’ll believe that. You liked to imagine yourself as his saviour, as someone who fixed him. But he wasn’t the one to be fixed. After all, you were an equal part of this. The two of you did it together. You loved to think of yourself as his accessory, as a beautiful, little fool who had to act the way they acted because of love or… any other emotion, really. But after all these years you had trouble keeping that version of reality believable, even if it was meant for your own perception exclusively.

- Onceler - you’ve noticed your voice shaking slightly - do you think we’d be happy without the company? 

You surprised him with this question. He came up to you, sat on the soft, thneed rug and gently laid his head on your thighs.

- Aren’t you happy with your life right now? - he kissed your leg and smiled.

- Is anyone ever?

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, the memories came like a rope let down from heaven to draw you up.