Unintentional Witticisms of the Shacked Up

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Politics

High Femme: I know, I’m worried about it. I’m worried when the revolution comes you’ll get the wall.

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Femme: Are you laughing at my religious trauma?

Butch: I’m trying very hard not to, actually.

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I apologize for filling stereotypical gender roles in real life.

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Those Intimate Midnight Conversations

Wife: ... Husband: ... Wife: You know, the trap in (the board game) Mousetrap wasn't actually all that complicated. I still remember the whole thing. Husband: ... Husband: What?

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Learning Something New About Your Partner

Excited to be posting the second submission to the blog, thanks to Karen and Cort! Do you and your long-term, presumably permanent romantic entanglement say funny things to each other? Send them to me!

Wife: If Stacie (wife’s personal trainer) asks if I’m doing cardio, then the answer is always yes, got it?

Husband: Stacie, if I ever start to talk about Karen eating junk food or not doing cardio please stop me. The consequences will be dire.

Wife: Are you fucking stupid?

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The Persistence of Bedtime

Wife: (pokes head out from under covers) Are you coming to bed? Husband: Yeah <an hour later> Wife: (pokes head out from under covers) I thought you were coming to bed! Husband: I am! Wife: ... <an hour later> Husband: (comes to bed) Wife: (falls asleep)

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Pillow Talk

Husband: It's just...I want our apartment to be as minimal and simple as possible, and you want to put toy dinosaurs in the potted plants. Wife: ... Wife: They can be minimal, simple toy dinosaurs...

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The Subtle Art of Compromise

A text message conversation submitted by Ben and Kate. Congratulations on being the first post submitted to and included in Couple Conversations! Husband: I can get a lambs head delivered Wife: ... Husband: Or a brain Wife: Benjamin Husband: braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiinssssss Wife: BENJAMIN Husband: Hahahahahaha Wife: IF YOU ORDER BRAINS FOR DINNER I WILL DIVORCE YOU

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It's Truly Better to Give than to Recieve

Wife: What are ash queen sheets? I don't think we want those. Husband: My list, Butthead.

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Supporting Your Partner’s Dreams

Wife: I just had a great idea! What if I made a tumblr of the funny stuff we say to each other? Maybe I could get a book deal someday! What do you think??

Husband: I think you think you’re funny.

Wife: ...

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A Healthy Diet=A Healthy Relationship

Wife: Look at this big bunch of broccoli rabe I got at the Farmers’ Market! I love broccoli rabe!

Husband: Hi, kids! I’m Broccoli Rob!

Wife: And I’m Broccoli Steve!

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Getting the Day Off to a Good Start

<Alarm goes off>

Husband: (clumsily climbs over wife to turn it off) It's ten o'clock.

Wife: Why would you set an alarm? I was just in the middle of a dream about eating cake!

Husband: Seriously? I was dreaming about my car being vandalized.

Wife: We don't even have a car. My dream was better. It was a birthday cake, with candles, and everyone was happy...

Husband: You're too pure for this world.

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Active Listening

Wife: I wish flying foxes made good pets.

Husband: What?

Wife: You know, they’re that giant species of fruit bat.

Husband: Chaos! That’s what we need in our lives! More chaos!

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A Feminist Marriage

Husband: (Loads dishwasher)

Wife: (Eats chocolate cake out of the box)

Wife: Whoooo, high five! Good team work!

Husband: …

Wife: Ooh! Wait for it!! (puts fork from cake in dishwasher) Yeeeaaaah!!!

Husband: …