Carter Birchwood

Carter Birchwood. Gryffindor. 7th Year. Just wait and hear me roar. No, really. Just give me a sec and I'm sure I can do it.

[rory-honeywhistle-blog]

When was the last time you changed my sheets, more likely.

But you know what? I don’t think your commandeering my pillow has anything to do with germs or crumbs or general hygiene. You know what I think is the reason you steal my pillow? Huh? Because despite all those cracks you make all the time, you think my hair smells good, and you want to be able to smell it all night long. 

Why would the details upset you? You’re so weird sometimes, you know that?

[courageous-carter]

Middle of the afternoon last Thursday. I was anxious about my Herbology essay, and you know folding things calms me down. I mean, not-- not calms, because I was already calm, I'm always calm, but it was.... relaxing. It was very relaxing.

Um, anyway, you're at least four days overdue for a sheet change.

And I wouldn't steal your pillow if you would just let me borrow your shampoo once in awhile.

You.... you think I'm weird? I mean, I know I'm.... But like.... the good kind of weird, right? Like your kind of weird?

[marlenealexandria]

Probably, if the world was fair, but it’s not. Anyway, let’s be honest—if I worried about the consequences of everything I did—or anything, really—I’d probably be a very different person. yeah?

Besides, I can totally do it. It’ll be sweet. Pretty sure that if karma was going to give me a hardcore consequence, I’ve done much more consequence-deserving things. Don’t sweat it.

[courageous-carter]

What, um, what exactly are you doing, anyway? 'Cause if it is what I think it is, I don't-- I really don't think this is gonna end well, and I've already had my eyebrows singed off once this semester and trust me when I say that that is really not a good look for me-- and I'm the kinda guy who can pull off a bowtie, you know?

So, um, maybe.... maybe we should do this outside?

[marlenealexandria]

Do you take me for an amateur? I’ve done this, like, a thousand times.

[courageous-carter]

Yeah, but it's that thousandth-and-one time that'll kill you. People always forget that. 

I mean, doesn't the fact that you've cheated it so many times mean you're practically due for a major consequence?

[rory-honeywhistle-blog]

You always sleep on my pillow, every time you spend the night. 

Carter, of course I missed you. I missed you more than I miss my siblings, and I’m away from them for like, a lot longer than I was just away from you. You’re so much more than a brother to me. And anyway, yeah, it was a fine date. We had a picnic, remember, so…not so many doors to open. What about you? How is, umm…cute potions girl? 

[courageous-carter]

Well, that's because you have a very smushy pillow, and maybe sometimes I worry that the rest of your bed is germ-infested or crumb-infested or..... you know. When was the last time you even changed your sheets?

You could still open the front door. Of the castle. That would have been chivalrous. And what does-- what does "fine" mean? I want details. Unless you think the details are gonna upset me. Oh, um, cute potions girl? She's, um.... yeah. She's good. Probably. I don't know, I haven't talked to her.

[rory-honeywhistle-blog]

If I do, will you promise not to chew on my socks? 

Well I care. When I don’t see you or talk to you for more than like a few hours I start to get all moodified. And anyway, what are you talking about? I don’t have a girlfriend now, I - are you talking about Alice? Cart, we’ve been on one date. Don’t you think you’re putting the carriage before the thestral a little? 

[courageous-carter]

Only if you let me sleep on your pillow at night.

Oh. So-- so you did miss me? 'Cause I maybe missed you to, like, infinity and beyond. Don't ever go away like that again, okay? And, yeah, of course I'm talking about Alice. Was it a good date? Did you hold her hand? Did you remember to open doors for her and smile a lot and ask her questions about herself?

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Oh. Um, sorry, just...

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

I’m… sorry…? I mean, I really am sorry. About your pants. But I’ve never really had to worry about my clothes before, because they’re either easily replaced or fire/venom/toxin resistant. Maybe ask someone from the Beautification Committee? I’m sure they’d know more about mending than I would. 

O-Oh. Thanks. That’s really sweet of you, but, I mean, human bones are stronger than concrete. And Defense Against the Dark Arts is one of the classes I never space out in. I’m fairly certain I can take pain. But I’ll be careful. A scientist is always careful. Hm… well that’s a relief, then. But you don’t always have to, you know. Overcome everything, that is. Bravery and strength can easily be measured by just going on with your head held high, despite the weight of everything inside it. 

[courageous-carter]

Oh! Yeah, that's a great idea! I'll totally do that, probably, except Narcissa's smile scares me more than spiders crawling on my face, so.... 

No offense, but I think-- I think you might be wrong about that. I'm a Gryffindor. I have to be a Gryffindor. I mean, what would you do if you couldn't be a Ravenclaw? If people thought that.... What would you do?

[rory-honeywhistle-blog]

Okay, well typically pincushions are best for hedgehogs, but maybe if we use some of Dr. Raditch’s Spike Serum in your hair, we could pull off transfiguring you into one.

How long has it been since I’ve seen you? Has it been a long time? It feels like it’s been a long time. 

[courageous-carter]

I don't-- I don't think I really want to be a hedgehog. That sounds really prickly and then what if you can't figure out how to turn me back and then I have to be a hedgehog forever? Rory, if I have to be a hedgehog forever, will you let me live in your sock drawer?

And, yeah, it's been a long time. A very long time. Not that I care, of course. I know you have a girlfriend now and she's special or whatever and you probably snog her all the time and she probably has really great hair. I'm very happy for you.

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Oh. Um, sorry, just...

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Maaaybe if ‘fixing it’ means not letting it catch completely on fire. But I’m no good with sewing. Oh, wait, I could try a re-fabrication spell! There’s only, like, an 36% chance that it’ll backfire and splinch off some skin. 

Much better. They actually reduce indoor air pollution. Often as in, more than the average amount, which, just pulling from my own experience, usually equates to never. … Oh, wow. Well, at least you’re very aware of your surroundings. Sometimes I’m off in such a daze that I probably don’t even notice that I just had an almost-encounter with my own demise. Do you at least overcome these scenarios when you’re playing them out? 

[courageous-carter]

That's.... that's not really as encouraging as I had hoped. Especially since you're, like, one of the smartest people in the whole entire castle.

You really should pay more attention. There's lots of scary stuff out there, and I would hate-- I would hate for you to get hurt. And if you're not looking where you're going, then you could trip or bump into something or, well.... just a lot of bad things could happen. Promise me you'll be more careful, okay? Overcome them? I-- of course. Of course. I'm a Gryffindor, and we're very brave and strong and we're supposed to overcome things. So of course I do.

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Oh. Um, sorry, just...

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

It’s just a precaution. I don’t know, Em said something about the disparity of spots vs. holes and the visibility of one’s knickers. So yeah. Just to be safe, maybe you should wash those as soon as possible because they are rather nice pants. 

Right. Sorry. But, no, I like daisies. I was just saying that most people probably don’t. But, um… do you really worry about hurting yourself that often? 

[courageous-carter]

So... if something horrible does happen to my pants, do you-- do you know how to fix it?

Oh. Okay. Well, how do you think people feel about chrysanthemums? And what is "often", really? I only think about it in the morning, when I wake up, and then in the early afternoon when it gets weirdly quiet for like an hour, and then before I fall asleep, and sometimes when I'm studying or I'm supposed to be paying attention to a lecture or when I visit the lake. Oh, and sometimes when I'm eating. There's a lot of food-related injuries, you know.

[rory-honeywhistle-blog]

All right, group projects on Complex Transfigurations. Let’s do this!

What do you think, should we try to do interspecies transfigurations, or animations? 

[courageous-carter]

I just really want a hedgehog.

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Oh. Um, sorry, just...

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

A— A solution of doxy venom and phenol, but— Carter’s it’s going to be— Frayed tapestry chords…? Really? Just so you know, that one’s highly improbable because I don’t think the Beautification Committee allows anything ‘frayed’ in the castle, and it’ll take an ample amount of force to asphyxiate yourself. But, anyways, it’s okay! It’s really not that corrosive! You’re not dying. 

… Well, actually, technically you are dying, but hopefully in such a rate that you’ll be able to plan your own obsequies. And maybe reconsider on the daisies, because they’re one of the leading producers of pollen, so it’s more likely to cause allergies in the population, which may mean the entire world might not be able to be there for the sad but highly revered event. 

[courageous-carter]

Oh. Okay. Okay, I'm not dying. But I still shouldn't sit there? Why? Will my pants die? Because these-- these are my confidence pants, okay, I can't lose them.

..........Um... All I really got out of that was that you don't like daisies, so I hope that was the point, because the rest of it was just kinda like... woosh.

[pxdfootblack-blog]

Oh, right okay. You don’t need to know what to do in a relationship to be able to help them. You’ve gotta’ve read one crappy romance novel in your life, right? What’d that teach you?

Uh, romantic relations, not exactly. Just treat her right. Take her out to dinner ow and then, don’t be scared to tell her how you feel, all that mushy shit. 

[courageous-carter]

Do fairy tales count?

Okay, seriously, how is everyone so fantastic at romantic advice? Where did you guys learn all this stuff? Oh god, I missed a class, didn't I?

[coffeecharmsandcroaks]

Oh. Um, sorry, just...

Pardon me? Hi. Lovely weather today, huh? Anyways, um, I was just wondering if you could maybe get out of that seat as soon as possible, because I might have just spilled a solution of phenol and doxy venom on it a couple minutes ago… You know, if you wouldn’t mind. 

[courageous-carter]

A what? You spilled a what?! Ohmygodric, I'm gonna die, aren't I? I can't believe this. Out of all the ways I've imagined my death this week, sitting in a poison puddle was not one of them-- and I imagined a lot of different end-of-life scenarios this week, I mean, I even considered the possibility of being accidentally strangled by the frayed cords of a tapestry, you know?

Oh, god, just-- just tell them I want daisies and Sinatra at my funeral, okay?

[theweakestlinc]

There goes my last late assignment. And brain cell.

[theweakestlinc]

Wow, uh… alright, hang on. Just let me adjust for a moment. I’ve been running on the default setting of automatically assuming every statement directed at me is sarcastic and/or a threat of having my hair set on fire, so. 

Anyways, for the record, I was completely on board with having one of those incorporated with the Frog Choir. Sorry that that didn’t pan out. But definitely go for it, mate. Just, um, make sure to get everything with glass and sensitive hearing out of the castle, because you know she’s going to gun for those money notes.

[courageous-carter]

Oh! I've been trying to learn sarcasm. Emmeline is helping me; she's really good at it. I think she's some sort of black belt sarcasm expert. And, dude, why would anyone want to set your perfect hair on fire? That's just rude.

Awesome! I'm gonna do it and we are gonna be the prettiest, tambourine-iest duet this caslte has every seen. And speaking of Frog Choir-- is this the year you're finally going to join us? You've got a rockin' voice, I just know it, and we can always use more guys with great hair. 

[theweakestlinc]

There goes my last late assignment. And brain cell.

To be honest though, I can’t decide which really wiped the latter out: Binns’ essay over the evolution of river trolls, or hearing my brother quote Celestina Warbeck’s A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love in his wedding vows. Anyways— Oh. Oh, Godric… now I can hear The Fat Lady singing it…

Sorry. That was my bad. 

[courageous-carter]

Oh, man, I love this song! Thanks, Linc. And here I was so worried that she had forgotten it over the summer. I've actually been working on a tambourine solo for the bridge, but I'm not sure how well it segues into that last chorus. Do you think--  do you think she'd sing it with me?

[pxdfootblack-blog]

I mean, it’s complicated. Merlin, I feel thirty years old saying that… Freaking out? Sometimes I do, I think to myself- you’re literally not even in your twenties yet what the hell are you doing, but then…

Wait, why are you freaking out? Don’t uh… dude, don’t- you don’t need to yeah? It’s-… shit, are you okay?

[courageous-carter]

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, just-- I just know a lot of people who are getting involved in serious relationships right now and that's sort of concerning, don't you think? That's a lot for me to keep track of, and what if they need help or advice? I don't know what to do. Do you? In romantic relationships, I mean.

[j-flint]

About your what? Your nipples? Dude, they’re nipples.. we all have them. Even our professors — even McGonagall. I wonder what McGonagall’s nipples are like, though.. Actually, scratch that. I don’t want to wonder what her nipples are like.

Well, it isn’t a hard spell. Even I know how to use it, man, and I got a D in Charms for my O.W.L.s.

[courageous-carter]

Oh my god, if you say that word one more time, I'm-- I'm gonna have to leave this conversation and go dunk my head in a bucket of ice water to stop the blushing.

I know, I know, I just get nervous sometimes, because it's kind of a really powerful spell, in a way, and what if I accidentally summoned a person or hit a person with the thing I'm summoning or something?