A blessing for college witches
May all your professors give an unexpected curve on your final grades, and may your GPAs be higher than you expected
Jules of Nature
Mike Driver
One Nice Bug Per Day
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we're not kids anymore.

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Janaina Medeiros
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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@courageouswriter172212
A blessing for college witches
May all your professors give an unexpected curve on your final grades, and may your GPAs be higher than you expected
JET FUEL CAN’T MELT DANK MEMES
OOH MY GOD, IM GLAD I READ THIS
i hate this
Fucking witchcraft oh my god
wait for it ^^
Are you fucking kidding me
If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars
Need my $10
Guys i literally just got tipped $10 at work
Always reblog Alexander Hamilton the tomcat.
Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.
THIS IS IMPORTANT
When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now).
I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes.
Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that.
Two incidents, one as a young child, one years later as a teen. Don’t discredit this stuff, it fucking works. My brother used it a few times too. Let your child pick the word and no never, ever, ever, ever get mad at them for using it no matter what it is.
DO NOT SCROLL PAST THAT.
Shameless 6x12
I want this tattooed on me
A little louder for those in the back.
This THIS THIS THIS.
This is why people keep quiet about their mental illnesses…and why we need to speak up.
HARRIET TUBMAN ESCAPED FROM SLAVERY AND THEN WENT BACK TO GET OTHERS. LIKE, I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO HARRIET TUBMAN IS AND THAT SHE DID THAT, BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO TAKE THAT IN FOR A SECOND.
HARRIET TUBMAN WAS HELD CAPTIVE AND BOUND TO UNPAID, BACK-BREAKING LABOR SINCE BIRTH UNDER PENALTY OF TORTURE OR DEATH. SHE MANAGED TO ESCAPE THAT LIFE, AND SHE TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WENT THE FUCK BACK TO GET EVERYONE ELSE WHO WAS STILL TRAPPED IN IT. AND THEN SHE DID IT AGAIN EIGHTEEN MORE TIMES.
WHEN ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS UNSURE WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS PREPARED TO MAKE A STAND AGAINST SLAVERY, HARRIET TUBMAN BASICALLY SAID HE SHOULD STOP BEING SUCH A DIAPER BABY AND THAT GUYS WHO ARE TOO SCARED TO END SLAVERY DON’T DESERVE TO WIN WARS.
NOT ONLY DID SHE SECRET OVER 300 SLAVES TO FREEDOM ON THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD, BUT SHE ACTED AS A SPY FOR THE UNION ARMY DURING THE CIVIL WAR, AND BECAME THE FIRST WOMAN TO LEAD AN ARMED ASSAULT IN THE CIVIL WAR. THAT RAID BROUGHT FREEDOM TO OVER 700 SLAVES IN ONE GO.
SO I JUST WANT YOU TO STEW ON THAT FOR LIKE A MINUTE. ACTING IN THE SHADOWS, SHE WALKED INTO HELL ON EARTH 19 TIMES TO SAVE HER FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS FROM THE TORMENT SHE ENDURED, AND THE SECOND SHE WAS GIVEN EVEN A MODICUM OF POWER, SHE MANAGED TO FREE SEVEN HUNDRED SLAVES IN ONE DAY.
I GUARANTEE, HOWEVER IMPRESSED YOU ALREADY ARE WITH HARRIET TUBMAN, YOU ARE FALLING LIKE AT LEAST 40% SHORT OF HOW IMPRESSED YOU SHOULD BE WITH HARRIET TUBMAN. SHE IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF BADASSERY IN THE ENTIRETY OF AMERICAN HISTORY.
I just feel like it should be noted that she navigated her way across the Underground Railroad (through thicket and swamp and forest and every risk of wildlife you could imagine) with her own knowledge of the natural world. Some call her “the first Eco-womanist” because it was that understanding of the plant and animal life around her as well as knowledge of the stars that allowed her to bring people with her. Her prowess for dealing with immense problems and obstacles on the spot was nothing short of genius.
She didn’t stop there, either. Harriet Tubman also worked with the Union army during the Civil War as a cook, nurse, scout, and spy. She organized black men in the area as scouts, and often led missions herself with the task of gathering information and to persuade slaves to leave; most of whom joined the regiments of black soldiers for the Union.
She also got ripped off by the government, who wasn’t paying her what she deserved (and wouldn’t even give her her pension after the war for her service- but instead eventually granted her pension as the widow of a veteran), so she supported herself by making and selling root beer.
She used her earnings to support free black women, she worked to support two schools for freed men in the south, she provided food and care to the black people that came to her home, and she fought for women’s suffrage. When she died, she was buried with military honors.
Oh, and when she had brain surgery, she denied anesthesia and instead bit down on a bullet.
x / x / x / x / x
THESE ARE EVEN MORE AWESOME THINGS ABOUT HARRIET TUBMAN, GOOD ADDITIONS, YOU GUYS!!
Also worth noting that she did all this while living with the results of a traumatic head injury sustained in her childhood, which included pain, bouts of dizziness, and episodes of hypersomnia (sudden passing out) she was not just a badass, she was a disabled badass
That head injury was from when she was trying to save someone else, too. A boy was in trouble with their slave master and the master threw a weight at him, but she jumped in front of him and took the blow. She then suffered from narcolepsy the rest of her life. Also, a cool story about her: One time she was riding on a train, lightly disguised so as to hopefully not be recognized, and there was a ‘WANTED’ poster of her on the train wall. Some guys were looking at it and she overheard them saying they thought she looked like the woman on the poster. Because the poster described that she was illiterate, she grabbed a book and pretended to read it. The men then said it couldn’t be her, and she got off the train safely. She was literally such a smart, quick thinker. I can’t wait to have her on American money!
Person A of the otp is a sunshine optimist baby bean who enjoys wearing pastel colors, soft music, and kittens.
Person B is a dark pessimistic punk who has tattoos, piercings, wears all black, and will not hesitate to fuck shit up.
One day B sees A being cornered by bullies and is about to once again fuck shit up but then A just verbally slams the douche canoes and leaves them with tears in their eyes. And B is just like “babe…..BABE”
did I ever mention that I know someone whose family owned a zombie dog because that’s some real shit that I get to delight with at parties
Tell us that story?
okay here is the story of the zombie dog
this dog’s name was John. they found him half drowned in a bag of puppies that were not so fortunate as he was, and was taken in immediately. he was a runt and not quite right (most likely from the whole half drowned thing), but a very loving dog. the problem with John was that he smelled like death, and no one knew why. vets couldn’t figure it out. it was obviously some kind of skin problem, but they had no idea what kind. all anyone knew was that if you touched him, you would smell like death too, so you couldn’t pet him, and that for some reason, the only thing that made the smell go away was being around other dogs. so they got another dog and the death smell stopped and John lived a very happy life
when he was getting old, maybe about 15 years, part of his skull caved in. just like that! suddenly had a huge dent in his head! and he was totally fine. didn’t notice it, didn’t affect him at all. just this massive dent right there in his head where his skull had collapsed in on his brain, and he was still the happiest and most loving dog. the skull cave in, for whatever reason, caused the ear on that side of his head to just fall off entirely, but again, perfectly happy dog who did not know he was down an ear and a fully formed skull. they took him to the vet, thinking maybe they should put him down. I mean, wouldn’t you think so? but the vet said that the dog was eating, and pooping, and happy, so there was no reason to put him down, so they didn’t
but that’s not even the weird part. the weird part is the area of the brain that got caved in on was apparently the area that registers pain, so this one-eared, collapsed skull dog could no longer feel any pain. he got old, his joints got stiff, his teeth rotted out of his head, his tongue hung out of his mouth and got black and hard, and he felt none of it! in fact, he was happier than he’d ever been feeling no pain, and the fact that he didn’t feel how much he was falling apart somehow made him live until he was 23. that’s right, the collapsed skull, one eared, zero teeth, smells like literal death when alone dog lived to be 23 years old. they used to joke that he’d been dead for years, but was too stupid to realize it yet
and that’s the story about the literal zombie dog my friend’s family owned
I'n simultaneously delighted, alarmed, a little horrified and impressed all at once.
For more posts like these, go to @mypsychology
So I learned my new favorite history fact in my AP US class today. It’s hilarious and goes a bit like this
In 1989, President Bush sent troops to Panama to capture the dictator and drug lord, Manuel Noriega. But Noriega had fled to (I had to look up the full name) the Apostolic Nunciature of the Holy See. The troops couldn’t exactly get in, so they surrounded the place and has to wait him out, or somehow force him out. And it’s crazy how they did it. The literal United States Navy SEALs did this And it is real history
They blasted rock and roll music for days until he gave up
Apparently, Noriega only liked opera, so this annoyed him. But it gets better. The playlist was not only obnoxiously loud and obnoxiously American, it had a sense of irony. Here are some highlights:
Danger Zone Freedom Fighter Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down Give It Up I Fought the Law and the Law Won If I Had a Rocket Launcher Nowhere to Run Panama Paranoid Prisoner of Rock and Roll Rock and a Hard Place Stay Hungry They’re Coming to Take Me Away This Means War Wanted Dead or Alive
And my personal favorite, and a thing that actually happened: Never Gonna Give You Up
I just… Imagine the board meeting “Huh, how are we going to force this guy out of hiding?” “Oh, I have an idea! Why don’t we blast loud rock music?” “That just might work! And we should do it with a sense of irony, just to make it funnier!”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Nifty_Package
WHO NAMED THIS OPERATION
Operation Troll and Roll.
it’s even better when you get to the part about how the national security advisor threw a little temper tantrum because the operation was “undignified”
when ur pet smushes their head into ur hand so u will pet them reblog if u agree
stories from school
The Jellybear Incident of 6th Grade
It’s the sixth grade. Somehow, I had come across a catalogue for the store they bought all the school store crap from. You know, the smelly erasers and dumb keychains that they sell for like a buck apiece. So I somehow got this catalogue, and little old entrepreneur me was like “I should buy something from this and sell it at school for an absurdly high price to gain basically pure profit.” As sixth graders do. So I bought two huge tubs full of these keychains called Jellybears. This is what they look like.
So I bought a metric fuckton of these assholes for about 20 cents a piece. I start selling them at school for a buck fifty. Like I said, pure profit. 6th grade me was brilliant. I broke even in like eight seconds of me whippin these bad boys out at school. Saying these are were a hit is an understatement. They were like a home run triple, or some other sports metaphor. People are buying this shit at lunch time, between classes. Shit, one girl even admitted to selling the ones she bought off me around her neighborhood for like five bucks. I was happy to be the middleman, but I digress. The point is, not only did I gain entrepreneurial skills, I also made a pretty penny. However, a month into my brilliant business, I get a call down to the office.
I had never been called to the office before. I was such a goody two-shoes you wouldn’t believe. This was in a school that boasted like two fights per week. The ratio of cops and administrators to students was like 1:3. And there were 1700 people at this school. That’s a whole lot of authority figures for a whole lot of miscreants and ne’er-do-wells. And here I was, reading large pretentious books and wearing polo shirts, with a gigantic backpack and in an advanced math class. I was, and still am, a lame weeny. Just wanted to put that in perspective.
Anyway, I was called down to the office that day. Literally shaking in the huge chair they had for me, facing down the terrifying vice-principal, she pulled out a Jellybear.
It was the DIVA one, if I’m not mistaken. I was then given a good lecture about how I’m not allowed to sell things on campus without explicit permission, yadda yadda, the whole spiel. Except I felt there was something fishy about the whole thing. Maybe it was how she held the Jellybear in her hand, perhaps it was the way she confiscated the rest of them.
After asking around with the intense gossip network of middle school, I discovered the real reason the administration confiscated the Jellybears.
They had reason to suspect I was filling them with vodka.
They had reason to suspect that I, the tiny, stupid haired, braces-clad sixth grader who played a tuba bigger than she was was the head of a sophisticated alcohol distributing cartel in which I punctured and drained the goop from cute keychains, refilled them with straight vodka with a syringe, sealed them off with no trace, and sold them around school.
I’m not sure if I’m flattered that they assumed me capable of that sort of espionage, or insulted that they thought me dumb enough to sell middle schoolers straight vodka for A BUCK FIFTY.
really who did they think i was i was in advanced math for petes sake.
This was a wild ride from start to finish.
What idiot called it “best man” instead of “lord of the rings”
what have you done