woof?

I deserve to be rich.

[cousin--mel]

cousin mel come BACK

I’m too busy getting rich!

[cousin--mel]

You know what? Fuck 2020

[cousin--mel]

Dun’ you get tired of tryin’ to be evil out in the cold? Wouldn’t you rather stay home an do it another time???

this ask aged poorly😔

[cousin--mel]

Open RP

Cousin Mel started to pace the room. It’s been months since she left the house.

“If these damn people can’t get their shit together, then how can I steal grandma’s store to sell for millions this year?!” She was running out of ideas. She needed help but where could she get it?

[cousin--mel]

open RP

Cousin Mel sat down on her computer to create a craig’s list ad. “WANTED: SIDEKICK WHO WILL HELP ME IN MY NEVER-ENDING CASE TO STOP CHRISTMAS FROM COMING AND MAKE ME RICH.”

She posted the ad, hoping some people would apply. 

[crackheadtony]

Open Tony RP

You’ve been in a coma for 9 years. As you open your eyes, you see your boyfriend Tony Rydinger standing next to you.

“Ah, there you are. I knew you’d be waking up today. The doctors don’t know yet, so let’s keep it our little secret for a moment, hm?” He grins at you, but you feel like something is off.

He turns around for a moment, and you hear shuffling, but you’re much too weak to lift your head up to see what he’s doing. He speaks again. “I was waiting until you were awake to do this. It’s really important to me that you’re conscious.” 

He turns around and you immediately begin to shake in fear.

“I wanted you to be awake to see me finish what I started. Nighty-night, heathen.”

[cousin--mel]

There was a loud bang. Then there was pain.

Cousin Mel couldn’t open her eyes. Was this really it? There was no coming back from this. If she ever did come to, she’d sue the pants right off of her killer.

[crackheadtony]

Tony laughed for a moment before inserting a bendy straw into Mel’s ear and sucking her soul straight out of her body. “Delicious! Tangy, tart, and a hint of an urge to sue Santa Claus.”

[cousin--mel]

Cousin Mel finally managed to open her eyes. With her dying breath, she managed to say, “I’m not just gonna sue Santa Claus... but the PANTS off of him... you bastard...”

and with that, she was dead.

[crackheadtony]

Open Tony RP

You’ve been in a coma for 9 years. As you open your eyes, you see your boyfriend Tony Rydinger standing next to you.

“Ah, there you are. I knew you’d be waking up today. The doctors don’t know yet, so let’s keep it our little secret for a moment, hm?” He grins at you, but you feel like something is off.

He turns around for a moment, and you hear shuffling, but you’re much too weak to lift your head up to see what he’s doing. He speaks again. “I was waiting until you were awake to do this. It’s really important to me that you’re conscious.” 

He turns around and you immediately begin to shake in fear.

“I wanted you to be awake to see me finish what I started. Nighty-night, heathen.”

[cousin--mel]

There was a loud bang. Then there was pain.

Cousin Mel couldn’t open her eyes. Was this really it? There was no coming back from this. If she ever did come to, she’d sue the pants right off of her killer.

[cousin--mel]

N O P A N T A L O N E S

[cousin--mel]

You are the B E S T cousin in the entire grandma’s store

Then WHY. WON’T. SHE. SELL?!

[cousin--mel]

You are a blessing to this world.

[cousin--mel]

open rp

“November 1st, eh? Hmm…” Cousin Mel plotted.

[theherothestars]

“Don’t you even think about being sneaky during the holidays, lady! Very naughty people like you winding up getting what’s coming to them one day, and it ain’t pretty.”

[cousin--mel]

“As long as it gets me rich, who cares?!”

[cousin--mel]

open rp

“November 1st, eh? Hmm...” Cousin Mel plotted.

[cousin--mel]

soon...

[cousin--mel]

How much money do you currently have in your bank cousin Mel?

$420.69

[cousin--mel]

On a scale of one to ten how hungry are you for a delicious snickers candy bar are you rn?

Are you saying I'm not being myself? Because I'm hungry? Let me tell you I'm hungry for MONEY not chocolate!

[cousin--mel]

You know i could lend you a small loan of a million dollars but first whats in it for me? *wink*

We can sue the pants off of Santa AND own Grandma's store that's what's in it for you!!

[cousin--mel]

So Mel, what, uh... What cups are you rocking?

i typically get a small drink from mcdonald’s.