Who else out there has a parent with a legitimate undiagnosed mental illness? I want to see how many hearts I get.
Now listen, I am 25 years old, and this is NOT just me being mad because I didn’t get my way about something. This is - my mom and I have had issues for over ten years and I am 100% sure that she has a clinically diagnoseable disorder, most likely Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Which means she’s extra unlikely to acknowledge that there is a problem or to seek help. Coupled with my and my sister’s own struggles with anxiety and depression, an overworked, passive dad, and 3 generations worth of grudges held tightly, this makes for a super fun family dynamic….
Internal conflicts that arise from parental issues:
Control issues - I often feel like I have no control over the outcome of a given situation. It’s her way or the high way.
Guilt vs. self-preservation - as a Christian, I feel copious amounts of guilt for dishonoring/disobeying my parents (my mom), but at the same time, sometimes I have to assert my opinion or take a course of action that goes against what she wants. Otherwise, I would self-destruct
Self-deprecation - my stupid mind tells me over and over that maybe it is ALL MY FAULT. It’s not. I have to remind myself that there are two sides to every story and that I haven’t brought about every argument with my mother that’s ever happened. AND that it’s not only me she has these continuous problems with.
ANGER - I am angry that I don’t have a normal mother that I can talk to, vent to, cry to. I’m angry that if I say anything that she doesn’t like (which is everything) I will get shunned or screamed at, and told that she won’t apologize because she did nothing wrong afterward.
Fear that anything I say is going to set her off.
Feeling more guilt about my hostile feelings toward my mother. I’m supposed to love her but it’s hard.
More anger that she is supposed to love me unconditionally but she clearly doesn’t. She thinks she does though.
The struggle of feeling that nothing I do will ever be good enough.
Feeling caught between my mom and my significant other (who is also very stubborn)
Trying not to pull others (my dad, sister and grandma) into conflicts between us
Knowing she is now the primary cause of my anxiety and depression and venting to her about it, only for to flip it around and blame all of it on my now-husband
The list goes on. Please like, reblog or message me if you’ve gone through something similar. It might make me feel a little better.
snowghoul
pixelskylines
gamechangershow
2087
germansingergirl
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
