Signing that consent form was the hardest thing I've ever done. But we gave Kalma the Good Death; avoiding undue suffering, filled with treats, head in my hand as I felt her final breath. She started to develop pleural effusion (water in lung) as an effect of her cancer.
2011-2026, my forever kitten
Working with death so closely for so long, I sensed her upcoming death in October 2025. We were given time to prepare. The ridiculous amount of spiritual coincidences I've had relating to this the past months have been utterly surreal, but in a way a gift for allowing me to care for her better.
Even her name- Kalma- means "smell of a rotting corpse". When she passed, her bowels relaxed (this is normal) and the scent of active decay (not... normal) told us she'd gone. Horrid, but to me, in a way reassuring and appropriate. Ive feared this for years yet it ended as a release of tension.
Death has so much to teach you if you are brave enough to listen and look upon it- not shun it away. I've held her body, cleaned the death purge from her nose, and even the croak of air running through her vocal cords as I later moved her for rest was a gift. I got to hear her one last time.
We often allow terminal ends to needlessly draw out suffering, then rush the aftercare. Both an inhumanity. Both traumatic. Allowing yourself time with the body- multiple days with help of cold storage- to look at death as it naturally is is a genuine cure for grief, a gift, an expression of love.
Kalma was by my side since my teens. An unwanted, almost feral barn kitten. She sliced my hand open, making me determined to catch her and creating a running joke of having a blood pact with her. She ended up loving me as hard as I loved her. Untrusting of most, but my personal shadow.
Her body has one more leg of adventure before her story truly ends. I'm unashamed of how much I love her and how grateful I am for her hard won trust, comfort, patience, and now the final gifts she's given me in death.
It is painful, but look death in the face. There is something softer behind.