Vor der ganzen Welt, mutig, stolz und stark

Used to be waylandblack a long time ago. 34. I like a lot of things. I post a lot of things. This blog is old enough to span almost half my life and i both kind of love and hate that. sometimes i write fanfic (x men evolution).

[cpt-s-america]

Trigger warning of mental health, eating issues, ptsd (mention, no details)

So I've been pretty absent for like 3-4 years. I keep trying to come back and reconnect with people because you guys in my messages (hazeofdusk) and who I've formed connections with outside of tumblr (shout out clue crew group project:) ) are important to me.

But when covid hit and everything came crashing down, I think I was left with the realization that I had been hiding my mental health behind a mask and I had nowhere to hide anymore.

I was (am) embarrassed. I was (am) scared. I was (am) exhausted trying to get through the day.

Without being too tmi (although I guess this is my blog so how can I truly be too tmi?) I finally had the guts to get a psych evaluation this summer to get to the bottom of everything.

I knew I had major depression. I knew I had anxiety. I knew about my PTSD (although not how much it still affects my daily life-I thought I was dealing with it somewhat okay). Those are things I've known about for years-PTSD is the most recent of those three and that started 13 years ago when I was 19. While I knew about them, I didn't expect to be told "yeah Sam you're basically still pretty fucked up despite the work you've done in therapy and stuff".

I did not know I've had ADHD. And I did not know the therapist would tell me I have had a large amount of trauma from childhood on because i didn't realize how things truly sounded until he spelled them out for me. Not surprised by the ADHD exactly, but still feels like a lot to process.

That and I restrict myself with food they said. And when I mentioned this to my friends they were all very lovingly like "...yeah, sam". So eating has been kind of hell since the evaluation because I'm second guessing everything I thought I knew was healthy.

All of this was not helped by last year being a basically terrible year with the death of a friend, a car accident, family drama with my dad, ect.

So that's where I've been, basically-a mental health chaos spiral for a few years. And I want to come back and be social and reconnect with people and work on projects and write and everything but also I'm scared to feel like I stopped existing to people (understandably) because I disappeared with no way to explain why I dropped off the face of the earth.

I'm still a mess, but a mess who is slowly coping better. And I'm hoping finding out this evaluation information and a new therapist and new medicine will give me more energy and life to engage and be on here like I used to, but I don't know if that'll happen. I keep saying I'm back and then I never manage to, but I'd like it if I started coming on here and engaging with life more.

Anyway. Hi to everyone. Hopefully this wasn't like a trauma dump. But that's where I've been and I miss everyone.

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

“yes, I’ve been wanting to read that!” I say with complete earnestness, as I proceed to ignore every opportunity I have to read it

[pelahnar]

“I’ve been meaning to read/watch/listen to that, but the stars are not in position, so I can’t do it yet”

[if-you-show-me-your-teeth]

Every glasses-related poll honestly needs to be separated into diopter ranges like wrestling weight classes bc every timeeeeee these +1.25 bitches are in the notes like "OMG why would you wear glasses in the shower!! why would you wear glasses having sex!!" because without them i am functionally blind. you may as well turn the lights off at that point bc i am feeling my way to the pussy like Velma. those are my eyes, bitch

[unbfacts]

In 1975, about 90 percent of women in Iceland stopped both paid work and housework for one day. Schools and nurseries shut, big shops, theaters, and fishing factories struggled or closed, and the whole country got a very clear lesson in how much women were holding together.

[tiktoksinspo]

[justlookatthosesausages]

I refuse to believe this did not happen in canon

[aangarchy]

Aang consistently forgetting he’s the most powerful human alive will never not be funny to me

[counterpunches]

#this is hte most perfectly captured rendering of aang and sokka’s dynamic asl;dkgalskfjas#they’re both smart in the exact way that cancels one another out into pure chaotic stupidity @fiddleabout

[throo]

It’s extremely important that you listen to this with the sound on

[bloodstainedmuzzle]

Resident Evil 4 Remake (2023) Leon S. Kennedy [ 1 / ??? ]

[goslinggf]

[barbylion]

[gleerant]

if you ever find yourself thinking “wow I scraped the bottom of the barrel with my energy with that and came out okay!” that’s the devil talking. you did not come out okay. you borrowed energy from the future. you will repay it if you don’t rest and replenish the borrowed energy first.

[gleerant]

this one took off quickly - are you guys ok

[wizard-of-interesting-failure]

WIZARD PSA: Chronomancy might be weird and confusing, but one of the few solid rules of the discipline is keep your promises. Time is a library, and you don't want to meet the librarian.

[sensiblereblogifposts]

Reblog if you have met the librarian

[archdemoning]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[quasi-normalcy]

wow if only everyone warned you about AI hallucination.

[skulandcrossbones]

it's so wild to me that you absolutely cannot force a hyperfixation to happen. like you'll watch the most perfectly tailor-made-for-you content that everyone says you'll love and feel absolutely nothing, and then the thing you watch on a whim to fill time will reach through the screen and put its damn fingers in your brain and start rearranging the neurons right in front of you and every single time you're like THIS??? THIS??????? and this happens like every 6-12 months forever

[tawghasa]

Living in the wrong timezone to notice when the hellsite is down - just like old times 🥹

[weaver-z]

I've been laughing about the Mark Hamill gaygay tweet for six hours

[weaver-z]

Ben grinding his teeth over this might be the funniest thing I've seen in years. Bro. You're seething over the Mark Hamill gaygay tweet.

[astrangeenchantedboy]

[pocketsizedpanther]

Yall be careful!

[naamahdarling]

"it's all fake looking ugly slop! Weird fingers! You can always tell!"

I need you to realize that literally none of these things are true, and that by continuing to believe them, you are making yourself gullible.

[megafreeman]

This is so important. AI is ever evolving, especially with trillions being invested into it. There are no more weird fingers at all.

I have run into several videos into my feed thst I wouldn't have been able to tell they were AI if it weren't for the watermark alone. Especially ones posing as police body cam, security cameras and other similar low quality cameras.

[sistersorrow]

A lot of people hinged their criticism of AI on how it consistently looked bad, which I have been saying for a while was always going to be a criticism with an expiration date attached since AI models have clearly been getting better with time

A lot of people operate with the assumption that AI can never get better than the most obviously AI content they've seen, so they end having no reason to suspect something was AI generated unless it's yellow-tinted pseduo-Ghibli art

[saywhat-politics]

CALL YOUR SENATORS!!!

[reading-writing-revolution]

[mtg-talk]

I don't usually make political posts on here but please call your senator if you're in the USA.

[forestgreenandgray]

source

[liberalsarecool]

It’s 2026. Stop letting politicians of any party convince you that we cannot protect human rights. It’s a matter of leadership and courage. If they don’t have it, vote them out of office.

Let’s go!

[liberalsarecool]

Good news for NYC!

[beggars-opera]

Not to be that person, but if you remember this, how's that newfound back pain going for ya babe

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

PHRASE ADDED!

LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

LET'S DO THE FORK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL

DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING DING-DING-DING DING-DING DING DING-DING DING