would you still love me if i were leftovers (part three)
aaaa this is the last part! don’t forget to check it out on ao3 also, where it belongs far more than here.
warnings: swearing, brief mentioned/implied ed, probably way too much medical inaccuracies
“…Hang in there... shit… what’s wrong with him?"
Sunoo’s eyes were open, but he couldn’t see. His heart was beating, but he couldn’t feel. What was wrong with him… what was wrong with him?
Then there was a voice in his ear, but it sounded strange. “Sunoo-yah… please…”
Time distorted around him, flitting back and forth like those tiny sparrows that always tried to steal his food whenever Jay took him to his favourite mall. Jay… he’d always roll his eyes when Sunoo ran to the gelato store, and groan with dismay when he chose mint-choco flavour, but every time—every time without fail—he would pay for anything he wanted.
Was that Jungwon? Something resembling awareness entered his body. His eyes snapped open. “‘Wonie?” He said, or wanted to say, because instead of words a stream of coughs racked his body.
Indistinct shapes hovered around him, their forms blurred and smudged. The members must be watching him.
Why weren’t they following their schedule? God, had he ruined the photo shoot after all? To his unending shame, tears began to flood his eyes. This was so pathetic. He was so pathetic.
And the others were witnessing it all.
His breath was coming in short, sharp gasps, and a shrill, whistle-like sound was ringing in his ears. It grew louder and louder, blocking out any thoughts except for the nasty voice in his head—they’d be better off without you—
Then he saw. Really saw. Ni-ki’s face, inches from his own, hands wrapped around his body. “You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,” he chanted.
Another person entered his vision, and hands cupped his face. The contact on his skin was so hot that he whimpered and flinched away. “Sunoo! Shit, he’s freezing. Sunoo, are you there? What happened?”
The world swam around him and his body jolted. He was lying in someone’s arms. Ni-ki’s arms. He groaned, eyes unfocusing as his lungs expanded and contracted too quickly.
“He’s hyperventilating.” Heeseung’s voice floated down to him. “Sunoo, I need you to take a deep breath for me. Can you do that?”
His eldest hyung’s words soothed him like warm honey, and his frantic need to suck in as much air as his frail chest could hold lessened.
“Good. You’re doing amazing. Just close your eyes and we’ll take care of everything.” Heeseung’s voice quietened, like he’d turned away from Sunoo. “Ni-ki, run him to the car. Put him in the back seat with you, Jay and Sunghoon. I’ll drive.”
Sunoo didn’t even have time to register the words or the meaning behind them before he was moving again. More voices accompanied him, and for some reason, a grain of comfort entered his cold, empty system.
“Sunoo-hyung… please be okay…”
Then he slipped back into unconsciousness.
Anywhere between one second and one infinity later, he came to, this time much more lucid—but no less in pain.
“Jay, shut up, he’s awake again!”
Sunoo knew he was in the back seat of a moving vehicle, stretched across three warm bodies. He opened his eyes blearily to see Jay, Sunghoon and Ni-ki staring down at him.
They stayed like that for a few seconds. Then, finally, Sunoo opened his mouth. The air between them tensed with anticipation, and Sunoo knew they’d listen to anything he had to say.
“Where… where’s your shirt?”
Sunghoon blinked. He looked down at his bare chest, then back at Sunoo. He startled them both as tears filled his eyes. “Fuck,” he muttered, angrily scrubbing at his face. Sunoo was shocked—Sunghoon never cried. Or touched his face. “Trust you to think about my rippling abs when you’ve been—when you’re—” he broke off.
“What happened to you, Sunoo?” Jake murmured, in the row behind them. He was craning his neck at what looked like a very uncomfortable angle over the seats.
Sunoo didn’t quite know what to think as six pairs of eyes slid his way in anticipation. He shifted uncomfortably. His memories were foggy, and he felt so, so weak, both mentally and physically.
And yet—he wanted to tell his members. About everything.
But the words wouldn’t come.
Sunoo closed his eyes when the silence became unbearable, shutting out their disappointed eye telepathy. Expecting them to press for details, he flinched as warm hands rubbed his back. He cracked open one eye.
“Whenever you’re ready, Sunoo,” Heeseung murmured from the front. His voice was deceptively calm, but his hands were clenched around the steering wheel, all white knuckles and straining tendons.
The hands kept making soothing patterns on the material of his dress shirt, and he realised with surprise that his top was completely dry. So that’s where Sunghoon’s shirt went. He fisted his hands in the soft fabric at his chest, trying to chase away the aching chill that still remained.
“Where are we driving?” Sunoo mumbled. He hoped they were going home.
When nobody answered his question, he tried to repeat himself but his tongue suddenly felt like it was weighed down with lead. Head fuzzy, he shifted further into Ni-ki’s lap and yawned, letting his eyes drift shut again.
“You can’t sleep, okay? Sunoo, listen to me.” Sunghoon shook his shoulder and Sunoo protested feebly. “No, look. I have the Wikipedia page right here. It says, ‘do not let injured people sleep. If you move around in your sleep you might fuck things up even more—’”
Jake blinked from where he was reading over Sunghoon’s bare shoulder. “That’s Reddit, man.”
“So what?” sputtered Sunghoon. “I’m sure it’s just as creditable. Look, this person says he’s a qualified bedroom expert!”
“That’s not what you think it means.”
Sunoo rolled his eyes, then immediately regretted the way it added to the blinding pressure building near his temples. He whimpered quietly and dragged his pale hand over his face.
Jungwon looked back at him, brows furrowed. “Seriously though, don’t go to sleep. I want you to be awake and tell us if you feel any worse, or too cold, or hot, or—”
“Fine. Talk to me, then. Where are we going?”
Jay and Jungwon exchanged glances. “To the hospital.”
Sunoo’s eyes snapped open. “What? Why? Don’t we have schedules to deal with?” He struggled to sit up, ignoring Sunghoon’s attempts to pull him back down, and looked around frantically. “Wait—where are the staff? How did you even get this car?”
Jake chuckled awkwardly. “Sunghoon and Ni-ki carried you to the car while Heeseung ran in front of them clearing out staff. It was pretty badass, actually.”
“Badass?” Jay snorted. “He looked like a madman, jumping in the car and flooring it like that. We all did. You’d better not be overreacting, Sunoo, or we’re all going to get beaten half to death by the company.”
As if on cue, an icy bolt of pain shot through Sunoo’s skull, cleaving it in half. He groaned weakly and the car spun around him, scenery blurring together. Three pairs of hands instantly found his body and lowered him into a lying position. He gasped as one arm brushed against his left bicep.
Sunoo felt the owner of the hand go still.
“What was that?” Sunghoon asked.
Sunoo genuinely had to think about it for a moment. The pool, the cameras, Mikyung… A phantom flash of pain made the muscles in his left arm tense up. For a moment, he was back in the pool, shivering as an iron fist wrapped around his limb.
He didn’t even realise his breath was quickening until Sunghoon tapped him impatiently. “Sunoo-yah. Why did you flinch?”
Figuring the others had already seen his arm after everything, Sunoo rolled up his sleeve and angled his head to the side. He winced as an ugly red bruise revealed itself.
Since he was facing away from Sunghoon, he nearly jumped out of his skin as, without warning, the other’s voice dropped at least ten octaves.
“What. The fuck. Is that.”
Sunoo squeaked and wrenched down the white material in a fruitless attempt to cover it. Sunghoon, with perhaps the most gentle touch he had ever given the younger, pried his weak fingers away and carefully angled his skin into the light.
Of course now everyone was looking at him. Even Heeseung was subtly stealing glances in the rearview mirror.
“Jesus, Sunoo,” breathed Jake. “When did you get so thin?”
“Fuck that,” blurted Jay. “Why is there a bruise on your arm? No, not a bruise, a—a handprint?”
He felt a thumb brush his jaw, light enough to be accidental, and looked up at Ni-ki. “Please,” the other whispered. “Tell me what happened.”
Sunoo was being carried again. Taken into a sharp, bitter smelling white hallway, placed on a thin, crisp blue bed.
The first thing Sunoo saw when he woke up was the ceiling. Then, a crown of messy blonde hair.
He had to blink for a few seconds to comprehend what he was seeing. He was in a hospital, that much was apparent, and Ni-ki was sleeping in a chair next to him.
“Ni-ki.” Reaching out, Sunoo nudged the younger’s hand, which was resting loosely on the mattress near his own. “Ni-ki, wake up.”
The other mumbled something under his breath and swatted his hand away before his head snapped up. “Hyung?”
Sunoo felt his stomach twist painfully as he took in Ni-ki’s appearance. The circles under his eyes had only deepened, and his cheeks looked gaunt and hollow—but what really got Sunoo was his gaze. The deep brown irises held a wild, desperate light that hadn’t been there before. Or had they? The past few weeks hadn’t exactly given him many opportunities to stare deeply into the maknae’s eyes.
Ni-ki looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. “The others are at the coffee shop in the foyer. I’ll call them now that you’ve woken up.”
“Wait,” said Sunoo, and Ni-ki paused with his phone halfway up to his ear. “Why weren’t you with them?”
The younger scoffed quietly, pressing call. Sunoo saw Heeseung’s name flash on the screen. “I was just tired. Didn’t feel like shitty hospital caffeine to wake me up.”
His ringback tone barely managed to buzz once before Heeseung’s voice, tinny and worried, sounded through the speakers. “Is Sunoo okay? What happened?”
“He’s woken up. Come back in here with the others.”
In what must’ve been record time, the door to his room swung open and six people piled in, led by a young nurse with pink patterned scrubs.
Calls of relief echoes off the walls as his members skidded into various positions around his bed. Ni-ki shuffled closer in order to make room for them, then (in sync with at least four other boys) turned wide-eyed to the nurse. Sunoo noticed with no small amount of thankfulness that Sunghoon had acquired a shirt since their last meeting.
“Can you give us the report now?” Asked Jungwon. His tone was assertive, but he, too, looked inexplicably tired, and Sunoo wondered how long they’d been waiting at the hospital.
The nurse gave them all a once-over, then seemed to accept the fact that what Sunoo heard, the others heard. He addressed Sunoo directly, tapping the clipboard in his arms with one long fingernail. “I’m Nurse Hyun. Before I say anything, tell me, Sunwoo-ssi, can I get you anything?”
Sunoo ignored the sighs and groans from the members (even a poorly concealed cough from Jay that sounded a lot like ‘just tell us already’) in favour of politely denying Nurse Hyun’s offer.
“Okay then. Sunwoo-ssi, it appears that you have suffered moderate hypothermia. You’re recovering steadily with blankets and warmed intravenous fluids, which is a good sign.”
(It was here that Sunoo noticed there was a needle in his arm. He closed his eyes briefly and tried to pretend like it didn’t exist.)
“Under normal circumstances, we’d let you go in a few days. However, your body needs special care right now”—here the young nurse glanced at the others—“and we’ll need to give that to you over the course of the next two or three weeks.”
Sunoo flushed with shame at his member’s dismayed cries, knowing Nurse Hyun was referring to lack of food that he had been eating. Still, he was grateful towards the nurse for sensing the underlying tensions in the room and giving Sunoo time to explain himself.
“I’ll leave you to it?” Nurse Hyun asked, raising a brow at Sunoo. He nodded slightly, and the other man delicately stepped over Heeseung’s head to get to the door. “Don’t forget, I’m only a call away.”
With that, it was just Sunoo, his members, and a whole lot of awkward silence.
He let it sit like that for a few seconds, deciding what to say as the others fidgeted and exchanged glances. When a minute had passed and he still couldn’t come up with anything, he gave up and waited for someone else to crack. Predictably, it was Jay.
“Sunoo, none of us know what’s happening. A few hours ago we were eating breakfast and getting styled for the shoot, and now we’re kneeling around the hospital bed that we carried you to. Carried you, Sunoo. You couldn’t walk. You were bruised and your lips were blue and you were so, so pale and thin and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to death at the sight of you.”
Jungwon, ever flaunting his PhD in Jongseong-ology, spoke up. “He means to ask if you can tell us what’s going on.”
At this point, Sunoo physically couldn’t delay any longer. So he squeezed shut his eyes and started talking.
He told them everything, starting from how he’d been feeling during and leading up to the disastrous interview that had been his tipping point. He told them, with no small amount of difficulty, what eating felt like to him. He even told them how he’d been yearning for support from the people who lived and worked with him—and how he felt like his silent pleas had been ignored.
Finally, Sunoo’s retelling reached the events of the photoshoot. He found it slightly unnerving, how uncharacteristically silent the members were, but he wasn’t going to stop now. “When I arrived, our photographer seemed kind of rude. Nothing I couldn’t deal with, so I got into the water. However—the heater had broken the previous night.”
Heeseung had lowered his head, cupping his face in his hands like he couldn’t bear to hear Sunoo’s next words.
“I was already weak, so I think the cold from the pool, um, pushed me a little too far. It had only been ten minutes when I asked for a break.”
Sunghoon’s eyes darted to the bruise, which was exposed by his loose-fitting hospital gown. “And… how did you get that?”
The photographer grabbed me. She—she told me that I was being selfish, and I guess in a way she was right.” He chuckled awkwardly. “So I continued with the shoot.”
“What was the photographer’s name?” Jungwon asked.
A steely glint had appeared in the leader’s eyes. “No reason.”
“Hang on,” Sunghoon said. “Doesn’t the name ‘Mikyung’ mean ‘beautiful sunshine?’”
Sunoo thought for a second, then started laughing. The very concept of the cold, hard woman being associated with anything ‘beautiful’ and ‘sunshiney’ proved quite funny to him.
When his mirth was not reciprocated, he winced and tucked his chin down in shame, fearing the judgement on his member’s faces. He was aware that what he’d just told them might’ve permanently changed their perception of him. Unable to bear the silence, he was just about to ask them to leave when he heard a sniffle.
“We’re so, so sorry, Sunoo,” Jake blurted. He took one of Sunoo’s hands in both of his own as he bent his head and cried.
Surprised at the sudden outburst, Sunoo looked around at the other members, only to find that they were all glassy-eyed too. All traces of laughter left him and he felt his own eyes prickle.
“We were so fucking blind,” murmured Heeseung. “So fucking blind, and it’s only now that I’m seeing your smile for the first time in months that I understand just how bad I’ve screwed it all up.”
Sunoo’s bottom lip quivered, and it felt like a dam built from resentment and pain was collapsing in a fatal flood, ready to sweep him away. Perhaps Ni-ki knew this, or maybe his eyes were dry enough for him to see what his hyung needed, because his long arms encircled Sunoo like he was as beautiful and as breakable as a china vase.
That was all it took. Sunoo started sobbing into Ni-ki’s chest, tears streaming down his cheeks and glistening on wet fabric.
“One day, I hope you can understand,” whispered Ni-ki. “I won’t even ask for your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”
Sunoo could barely hear his words, and was given no time to dwell upon their meaning before the rest of Enhypen was piling on top of them in a massive, Sunoo-centric hug. He relaxed and allowed himself to cry, breathing in their warmth. They stayed there until his sobs turned to sniffles.
He realised suddenly that he’d never finished his story. He tried to remember where he’d left off, then froze.
“Is everything okay?” Jungwon said quietly.
“How am I here? I was in the pool when I passed out, or at least I don’t remember getting out of the water. I—I should have drowned.”
Ni-ki averted his eyes, which was difficult since he was still wrapped around Sunoo.
“It was Ni-ki,” explained Jungwon. “Him and Heeseung had just arrived at the shoot, and he got worried when he couldn’t find you. He checked the monitor, and the break room, and finally looked on set. Next thing we know, he’s running out with you unconscious in his arms, screaming for help—”
“I was hardly screaming,” Ni-ki scoffed quietly. Jungwon shushed him.
“My point is, he was the one that took you from the water, and he hasn’t left your side since. Not even when the rest of us went out for coffee.”
Ni-ki was still looking everywhere but him, so Sunoo cupped his chin and forced him to meet his gaze. What he found in them made him fight back a fresh wave of tears.
He relaxed his grip on the younger’s jaw, thinking back to all of the teasing, then to what Ni-ki had said earlier about wanting him to ‘understand’. He didn’t, though—he had no clue what he was supposed to do, and this conflicted him for a few seconds before he realised he had no need to worry. They had time. Time to heal, and to grow.
“You saved my life,” Sunoo murmured, letting his hand drift down the side of Ni-ki’s face. The other boy’s eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into the touch.
Sunghoon, apparently deciding that too much emotion had been displayed in too short a period, interrupted. “What I’m confused about is why none of the staff were there to help. What that bitch did to you was absolutely disgusting, but why did nobody else see it?”
Jay gave a self-decapritating chuckle. “We can’t exactly talk, having ignored Sunoo’s struggles for months. People can be blind when they want to.”
“Damn. That’s deep,” agreed Sunghoon.
Sunoo winced as his headache from earlier returned in full force, and he touched the pads of his fingers to his temple. He groaned softly.
Instantly, his members surged forwards in concern. Sunoo flinched into the pillows, unaccustomed to such attention from every single boy simultaneously, and half of them fell back, leaving Ni-ki to tuck the blue bedspread around his shoulders whilst Jay delivered him a plastic cup of water.
“Should I call Nurse Hyun?” Fretted Heeseung. Sunoo shook his head, and his hyungs subsided uneasily.
However much he disliked being hospitalized, he decided he could get used to the princess treatment.
“Actually,” Sunoo mused, and they all perked up like overeager puppies. “Could I get some mint chocolate—?”
Sunoo’s lap was filled with six bowls of ice-cream before he could finish his sentence.
“Mikyung is fired. I’ve made sure of it. Also, the managers have cancelled all schedules for a few days so you can settle back into the dorm,” Jungwon said. “We might have to redo the photoshoot afterwards, though I doubt they’ll go with the water theme again.”
A few days had passed since Sunoo had been discharged from the hospital. Slowly but surely, he’d been rediscovering his love for food, and felt more like himself every passing hour he spent with his members.
The thoughtless remarks had stopped entirely, as had the princess treatment (to Sunoo’s equal relief and dismay). Basically, things were back to normal, and now all seven of them were lying on the couches in their living room and discussing how to go forward.
“I say good riddance to her,” said Heeseung. “We’ll probably have to attend a meeting or two at the company, I think, to explain what happened.”
Sunoo nodded, trying to look interested, but he felt so warm and comfortable… especially with Ni-ki’s arm draped over his waist…
Obviously having zoned out a long time ago, Ni-ki shifted behind him, tugging at the hem of Sunoo’s oversized hoodie.
“Hmmm?” Sunoo murmured, eyelids heavy. Ni-ki gave a low chuckle, and he prayed the younger didn’t notice the way the sound caused Sunoo to shiver against the other’s body. If he did, he didn’t show it, instead reaching up to pinch Sunoo’s cheek gently.
“Shouldn’t you be listening?” Sunoo teased, grinning at him. Something had changed in the boy, he thought—a returned glimmer to his eyes, perhaps, or the ease in which his boxy smile slipped out.
Ni-ki smirked at him and pinched his other cheek. Sunoo couldn’t even find it within himself to be annoyed. Involuntarily, his eyes dropped to the other’s plush lips and all of the background noise faded away until it was just the two of them—
“Sunoo-hyung. Suuuunooooo.”
Flushing red, Sunoo blinked furiously and glared at him. Desperate for a distraction, he returned his attention to the other members, only to find all five boys staring unashamedly at him and Ni-ki, conversation forgotten.
Now resembling a beetroot, Sunoo shoved at Ni-ki’s chest, got tangled in his blankets and ended up on the floor. He got to his feet and stomped to a spare armchair, an action somewhat minimised by his bright yellow duck slippers. Ni-ki, of course, followed.
("Cute," whispered Jake, gazing at the pair. He raised an eyebrow in defiance as Jay and Sunghoon scoffed. "You don't think so?" Jake challenged.
Sunghoon almost argued just to spite him, but as Ni-ki climbed into the chair with Sunoo and wrapped himself around the other once more, he was forced to shut his mouth.)
“Now, are any of you in particular a foodie? In other words, who eats the most within the group?”
The interviewer looked at them expectantly, and Sunoo smiled. Ni-ki, with as much nonchalance as possible, snatched the mic out of Jay’s hands.
“We all eat well and healthily,” he rumbled, running a hand through his freshly dyed black hair.
When it became clear that he wasn’t going to say anything else, Jungwon raised his own mic. “We love bulgogi, and ramen, and going out for ice-cream together. Mostly, we eat whatever helps us perform to the best of our abilities.” Jungwon gave the interviewer a feline smile, dripping with sweet venom.
“Oh, I—I see,” the interviewer stammered, sweating profusely. “Let’s move on to the next question, shall we?”
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