[craftingcroissants]

how are you?

goooood you?

[craftingcroissants]

Ideal age to get married?

30-35?

[craftingcroissants]

i love love love the way you edit your videos!! the visuals, sound, transitions, color grading is just chef's kiss huhu u r my certified lodi and i admire you so much for your creativity and talent and for being you in general AAAA wishing you all the best ily

thank you!! i need to get back to my filming fr

[craftingcroissants]

i've villainized you in my head for a long time. then to counter, i've painted you as someone really good. but maybe you're both a villain and a hero. like we all are. i'm currently listening to john mayer's 'you're gonna live forever in me'. as much as i try to forget maybe you really are gonna live forever in me, and other people who are inspired by, 'you're more than ___.' life is good to me now, i hope yours is too.

[craftingcroissants]

[craftingcroissants]

beach!

[craftingcroissants]

[craftingcroissants]

[craftingcroissants]

Currently listening to tindahan ng mga alaala after a coffee night out with kuya jp, tina, and ej (which I was hesitant to go to but so happy I did). Isn’t it the whole point? Relationships, human connection, and family. I’m feeling thankful, and my heart feels full. Because it really is what matters. I have been stressing about not being where I want to be in life yet, career, monetary, recognition, impact, and contribution-wise. While that can exist, being thankful for the things I currently have and the relationships I have cultivated is also very nice, more than nice. Maybe my period is coming right up, but it’s been a minute since I felt this content. Right this moment, existing, with the people I get to call siblings, friends, and acquaintances is enough. Progress will be for tomorrow, right now, this is enough, more than enough. What a life, thank you for this life. Like really, really, thank you. 

[craftingcroissants]

wiiiiillll iiiii eveeeer geeeeet oveeeeer youuuuuu

[craftingcroissants]

they call it limerence but you singing happy birthday to me is still my favorite greeting (or at least the feeling of it).

the only artifact of the time we connected, somehow making you real.

were you? real? or did i just imagine you?

regardless, thanks for singing, for being the someone to finally sing me a happy birthday.

[craftingcroissants]

"everything you loved about them is what you love in yourself."

[craftingcroissants]

you know rolemodel? tucker? been listening to him. his recent albums. great. i love when the music's organic, just a guitar and someone's raw vocals. anyway, the way he speaks, i wonder if you're like that.

[craftingcroissants]

i watched a film with g today and it was all about about a dude who was trying to get over his yearning for a woman he met briefly when he was about to start uni. took him 18 years to finally flip the page.

i hope i get to do the same. maybe i’ve already flipped it and sometimes just go back when i miss it. or maybe what i need to do is read another book. or write it as the cliche goes.

but while i try to, i’ll write to you instead. g said something about, “grabe ang multo noh, sakto gyud guro ang cup of joe.” i'll be damned if it isn't but i hope it isn't.

in the movie, the dude found out that what he felt was reciprocated. i don’t think mine was.

and that’s all well and good because i got to see how capable i was to feel things, to have an affection for someone, to be moved by another. and honor that i have and i can, without the need for it to be validated by another person’s capacity or preference to return it.

that in and of itself, allowing myself to feel is the gift, for myself, from myself and the world.

so thank you for the brief encounter. unlike the dude in the film, i may never know what your take on what happened but i know that it did me good (for a while there was a bad so yk, how i dealt with it was mad great imo), i made it good.

what do you think of it? do you even think of it lmao. i do. as much as i don’t want to lmao. you probably don’t.

i do hope it’s the same for you, good i mean.

regardless, here’s to the new!

[craftingcroissants]

you were here, in my city. and i didn't have the courage to meet you or meet myself. so i did what i do best. do you remember? i was doing my usual sunset watching at my mom and dad's rooftop. the sky just started changing into different colors, orange-red hue. i told you to look out because you had to see it. how beautiful it was. you said you were still covered with soap from showering but had to look out when i said so. and you went out, sent me a picture of a beach front. the sky's colors on your end of the world were different from mine (pinkish). you weren't here in my city, not anymore (i thought you still were), but the sunset still held its own kind of beauty. i'm just glad it changed to something (imagine i told you all that just to see some meh looking sky.) i hope the sunset wherever you are is beautiful. (this totally doesn't make sense, but it's a good memory in my book).

you were a good memory. salamuch :>

[craftingcroissants]

in the off chance that you’re reading this, it’s been 6 years. i know, i take a long time to get over something, or someone. i hope you’re okay and happy and successful. i don’t think we’ll ever cross paths again but we did once, this year. when i was in makati, my mom and i were walking back to the condo after dinner and i saw you, walked passed us, in black leather jacket and a head full of curls. or at least i think i saw you. i wasn’t wearing my glasses then so i can’t really be so sure. maybe it wasn’t you. maybe it was my head trying to materialize you out of thin air. like the “-ship” we had, non-existent. imagined. it’s been fun nonetheless, painful and confusing, but fun. i learned a lot. and isn’t that all that there is? learning opportunities. you were that. idk why i’m writing this, my 12 tumblr followers, if they still use their accounts may see this, but whatvr, you might also! idk. these days i’ve been thinking about love and romance and relationships. and i thought about you, but not in a i want to be in a relationship with him type of way (guess i never really thought of it, in hindsight i really was just caught up with teenage kilig) but in a, damn that’s someone i never want to encounter again.

so i guess this is goodbye? and a i hope i never see you again? been a long time since i thought of you. i hope it stays that way. (or not)

auf wiedersehen or however you say it,

◡̈

[craftingcroissants]

Something has changed. I don't know if it has something to do with what people say about becoming jaded. I have learned from a Philosophy class back in my sophomore year of college that people and experiences, whether we like it or not, morph us into something else when we come across them. We either become better or worse. My only hope is that my showing up in the world, in this small pocket on the internet, becomes a force for others' becoming better. May the people and experiences I encounter do the same. Regardless, I hope I exist with the sheer enjoyment of being alive. Purpose or no purpose.