Squeebus Sqonkus

[craigwardsqueebus]

These scrolls should really have better descriptions, how tf was I supposed to know the Eldritch being I summoned has an uncomfortably aggressive foot fetish and a distinct knack for locating mucous membranes? Mf doesn’t even have ancient forbidden knowledge to offer, he’s just a pervert. I’ve summoned a 1,037,374 year old pervert

[craigwardsqueebus]

I’m back from hell, Ronald Reagan can’t fight for shit. Totally unrelated, I have some slightly used, slightly hell-infused kidneys if anyone’s interested

[craigwardsqueebus]

We should start milking inorganic materials. I want titanium milk

[craigwardsqueebus]

Out here committing minor acts of treason crazy style. I am currently stuck in a large oak tree legs first

[craigwardsqueebus]

Y’all ever feed frogs ketamine and see if they gain sentience? Also who took my pen it was my favorite and I need it for writing hate mail to Kellogg’s

[craigwardsqueebus]

Fell down a mineshaft and now I’m in an irl 2hr Pixar movie

[craigwardsqueebus]

Drank too much of that liberal fem boy energy drink and now I owe $700 to the concept of lasagna

[craigwardsqueebus]

Bout to start selling counterfeit jaguar piss to government officials

[craigwardsqueebus]

Physics has once again belittled my methods and I am so not chill with it. I’m gonna start selling crack

[craigwardsqueebus]

The Utah State Government found my bread pants and apparently ”you can’t just wear bread” what happened to freedom huh?

[craigwardsqueebus]

There’s a distinct possibility that I do in fact exist and am not only a subscript of Jack Black’s mind left unbound, traveling across time as I hope for a better way of passing. Also cool ranch Doritos are really good

[craigwardsqueebus]

I cannot express the amount of geese I know on a personal level. Also, the walls won’t stop calling for my trial among the drywall and I’m starting to get worried

[craigwardsqueebus]

The amount of things I would and very much could do for $5 and 3 cigarettes is enough to make me a low level Avenger

[craigwardsqueebus]

Every time I microwave Tostitos pizza rolls I get vivid memories of another life usually involving thick mustaches and either lube or the Declaration of Independence

[craigwardsqueebus]

The Bolivian government won’t give me back my tie dye crocs and I’m starting to think it’s personal

[craigwardsqueebus]

There’s a goblin in my walls that keeps stealing my socks and I’m not sure why he needs them but I’m getting scared please help I really can’t afford this many new socks

[craigwardsqueebus]

Whoever keeps beaming visions of that elf that makes cookies in trees please stop I can’t focus on my pigeon racing career