CrankyassHulaDancer @crankyasshuladancer - Tumblr Blog

various types of pigeons

One time I was leaving a friend's place and an older lady with basically no English came up to me and communicated that she was very cold and needed a ride. She pointed to tell me where to go.

I got there and her daughter or granddaughter came out and was like omg her phone died we were worried

And then the older lady said something and the younger lady translated.

"She knew she could trust you because you have pink hair"

I thought it was funny at the time. But when I think back on it I think she was basically saying "you had a visible sign of not vibing with the system I was afraid of"

Be weird. Be colorful. Help random people.

bob-artist

Crimetober 1-9

Because birds are criminals.

bob-artist

Crimetober 10-21

When will they be held accountable

bob-artist

Crimetober 22-31

Justice will never be served.

distinguishedbaloney

eilooxara

Non cooking spray stick

eilooxara

Non spray stick cooking

that-house

Non cooking stick spray

yeahokayillreblogthat

yeah okay ill reblog that

domme-switch

@emilyscartoons sums it up perfectly💔 I'm heartbroken for all the people in the us that will be affected by this election, keep standing up for your rights and what you believe in❤️

ymutate

Tiberius Ciucinciu.

"Foraging Wild Edibles" 2023.

elodieunderglass

Hat tip @ohwhatamidoinghere ! Thank you!

crankyasshuladancer

I can't find a paper print of this larger than a sheet of paper, unfortunately :(

pigeoncomics

Pigeon Comic 81 - American Idiot

pigeoncomics

Final 2020 US Presidential Debate tonight

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Go vote!

pigeoncomics

I hate 70,000,000 of y'all.

pigeoncomics

Pigeon Comic 44 - Under Pressure

Stay coo’, pigeon army.

pigeoncomics

#voteblue

pigeoncomics

Might have to make a new Pigeon Lyrics to help us heal from the horrible news (11/06/2024)

kintatsujo

The real reason millenials say "Adulting" is that that if you say something is "for adult reasons" or "grown up reasons" we've been trained to associate that with sex and shit when we just wanna say, be vague about our chore habits

ladytemeraire

...you know I don’t think I’ve ever seen it put into words so concisely but that is exactly why I use “adulting” over any other term.

“doing adult things” = almost always a euphemism for sexy stuff (when other people say it)

“adulting” = all the tedious things like laundry and cooking that you become responsible for as an adult

timemachineyeah

There’s also just the way we were raised, where adulthood was treated as automatic and innate. The authority of adults was meant to be unquestioned by virtue of their adulthood. When you get older, you too will automatically Be An Adult, and be inheritor to this great authority.

Basically the word “adult” or “grown up” was used to condescend to us and exclude us. And what made a person an adult was treated as inherent.

Then we got older and tripped into what actually doing adulthood meant and came to find that

1. The people who were supposed to explain to us how this worked had completely failed to do so

2. They had done so in such a way that was meant to protect their authority while also (possibly inadvertently) barring us from the experiences and skills that would’ve helped us transition into adulthood better.

3. There is no inherent authority that comes with adulthood. The adults around us were talking out of their ass. Adult is a verb, not a noun. It’s not an inherent source of authority, it’s a thing you work at daily and you have to maintain it.

And what’s more the same people who lorded their age over us, telling us repeatedly we’d suddenly come to agree with them with age, completely failed to cede any of that authority or power even as some millennials are now staring down 40. So clearly “adulthood” is a game you’re trying to play to control us, even now. Fuck that. We’re not playing.

Honestly that some in Gen Z find it irritating is fine by me. If they think it sounds juvenile, that’s because it is. It is specifically useful in that it breaks the illusion of adults being better than kids. When kids are like, “you sound absurd. You’re in your thirties” I’m like, yeah kid. That’s the thing. Being an “adult” never stops being absurd. If it makes me sound like the mundanities of my life are all a performance that has nothing to do with my actual age or ability, good. That’s why I say it. I’m glad you’re growing up knowing that age isn’t an inherent door to authority. I’m glad you’re growing up thinking “fuck, these adults ten years older than me don’t act grown up at all.” That’s what we want. That’s we call it “adulting”, instead of claiming adulthood as part of us.

Maybe if your gen is lucky you will feel more appropriate claiming your adulthood without caveats. Maybe your definitions of adulthood are more versatile, so you won’t feel barred from the signifiers you’d need to feel like an adult. Maybe you’ll have a better launching pad. Maybe you’ll always hate we call it “adulting”. That’s okay. I hope you get better than we did. But I’m still gonna call it adulting.

As to Boomers who don’t like it, you shouldn’t have defunded my practical education and made getting a foot into a normal stable life so damn difficult, you fucks.

tuulikki

Also, watching the Boomer generation age, I have to say that their “certainties” are based off of a faith in institutions that were there, but are rapidly disappearing or straight-up gone. They could take it for granted and assume that they’d earned their stability (“I come from a generation that works hard!”). They genuinely think the stability in some way correlated with their individual choices.

Millennials know any “stability” is illusory: it’s all built on wet tissue paper. What’s wild is seeing when Boomers occasionally punch their foot through said tissue paper, because there used to be something real under it. Then they turn to you like “can you believe this?” and it’s like… yes, I can, I never got a chance to know it could be otherwise.

aladybirdqueer

“Perfectly following a list of punctuation rules may grant me some kinds of power, but it won’t grant me love. Love doesn’t come from a list of rules - it emerges from the spaces between us, when we pay attention to each other and care about the effect that we have on each other. When we learn to write in ways that communicate our tone of voice, not just our mastery of rules, we learn to see writing not as a way of asserting out intellectual superiority, but as a way of listening to each other better. We learn to write not for power, but for love.”

— Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language, Gretchen McCulloch

lazyevaluationranch

On a post about the Blue Haired Girlfriend’s quixotic citrus breeding experiments, @voidingintotheshout asked:

I mean, if you wanted a hearty citrus relative, why didn’t you just grow Osage Orange? They can grow as far north as Michigan which is surely further north than anyone could reasonably expect to grow a citrus tree. They’re not edible but then hearty orange isn’t either. Osage Orange are so cool and such a interesting historical plant from the Shelterbelt era of American agriculture. Apparently they do smell like citrus.

This is part three of three. Part one. Part two.

Now you’ve done it! It’s time for A Very Brief (But Also Insufficiently Brief) History of Twentieth Century Hardy Citrus Cultivation! Growing citrus trees this far north is kind of nuts, it’s true, but I promise you it is not even close to the weirdest things people have done to grow citrus in places where the citrus doesn’t think it should grow.

A note: This post will written using the Swingle citrus taxonomy system, including things that are definitely wrong. The citrus taxonomic tree looks like that one box of orphaned computer cords I keep moving with me to new houses “in case I need them” except some sort of adorable five-dimensional kitten has entertained herself with them and some of the resulting knots are not technically possible in our space-time continuum.

The powers that be gave us citrus because nothing pleases them like seeing a geneticist cry.

Keep reading

anistarrose

I think Tumblr should simply gamify reporting spambots for its users and give a day of free crabs to whoever (correctly) reports the most

entguarde

whack-a-bot

wild-west-wind

For every ten verifiable bots reported, a random original post of yours will be blazed. You do not get to choose which.

the-real-seebs

that is a really bad idea but it's so perfectly on-brand

iguanamouth

My boyfriend won’t stop talking to me about whether or not I would eat Pokémon steaks. We think maybe Mr. Mime steaks would have white meat and ooze a purple liquid. I feel like you’re the only one qualified to tell us more

listen the ONLY part of a mr mime thats edible are the red spots, and thats ONLY after being properly cooked - if you bite into any part of their body while its still raw youll suffer near immediate food poisoning

luckily, just like red kidney beans, the potential toxins are easily to remove provided you take the right steps

once theyve been safely removed from their inedible surroundings, the larger red spheres are ready to begin working with - its worth noting that the smaller spots on the hands and cheeks also fall into this category, but theyre almost always too small to be considered harvesting by most professionals

youll want to start by cutting away any flesh thats still directly touching the pale parts; when in doubt, a wider cut is always preferred. better safe than sorry ! one benefit of working with mr mimes is that, along with many others in their typing, their bodies are held together with physic energy and thus dont require deboning

the next part is going to require boiling in a large pressure cooker- some may find it a challenge to to find a pot big enough to host all the parts, so cooking them individually is fine. remember to follow the instructions to the letter

after theyve been removed and dried, an easy way to text if theyre safe to eat is to cut them in half and check the spongy center - a darkened purple core means theyve been boiled long enough, while any lighter, greenish tints means you probably needed a bit more time

once theyre out of the danger range, you can now safely use them in variety of dishes ! their almost mushroom-like texture means they absorb flavors well, and pictured above is one of my personal favorites

THIS guy though, you can just pop em into your mouth whole. its fine

minmoh-remade-deactivated201811

its fine

iguanamouth

its fine

crankyasshuladancer

i keep coming back to this post, years later

I’m still here, even if my only real purpose is to keep reporting those pornbots.

notpikaman

crankyasshuladancer

i miss him

sreegs

alright let's talk about Apple and Tumblr's current predicament. If you don't know already, I used to work at Tumblr as an iOS engineer. Though I keep in touch with current staff at Tumblr (what little that are left that I know) I do not have picture of what's going on internally. The banned word list is absolutely perplexing and I can only theorize why tags like 'long post' are banned from appearing on iOS. What I can do is give you a peek into how the Apple App Store review process works, so you have an idea of the hell that Tumblr staff is dealing with right now.

Let me be clear about this from the get-go: I think Apple's censorship policies are wrong and they have no grounds to be policing adult content within apps on the app store. Apple's power to set content policy over apps is absolutely fueled first and foremost by internal policy that goes back to Steve Jobs. After that, they're beholden to payment processors wanting to distance themselves from porn. Finally, there's lawmakers and policy that influence them as well. I think these are the 3 things that shape their policy decisions, in order.

What happens when you submit an App to the App Store?

You compile an app and submit it to the app store, and it proceeds through an automated and manual process to review your app to ensure it meets Apple's standards. Apple's standards are 1) non-malicious, functioning programs, and 2) programs that adhere to the App Store's review guidelines that cannot be asserted in the same way a program can. These guidelines are judged by a human being assigned to your app during the review process. The review process used to be long, sometimes it would take weeks, but in recent years they've got it down to about 24 hours.

Now, there's a laundry list of things in those guidelines, but we're going to focus on adult content because that's the most relevant. If a reviewer runs your app and finds porn, your app is rejected and you're told to correct the problem.

What's Tumblr dealing with now?

In the case of Tumblr, this would be a reviewer going to search, typing in something like 'tits' and finding porn. Sometimes they would search something more innocuous like 'socks' (yeah, i know) and find porn. Sometimes they would search something completely innocent and find porn anyways. Tumblr would get rejected.

This happened regularly. I'd say once every 5 updates (every time Tumblr updates the iOS app, they have to re-submit the app for review). A reviewer would find porn, and respond by sending us the steps they followed to find it and a screenshot of the content. Tumblr staff would remove the porn, resubmit, the reviewer would find nothing, then approve the app. Once in a while Tumblr would get a really persistent reviewer. It would take a handful of porn scrubs and re-submissions before they'd finally green-light an update.

Sometimes, however, Tumblr would get a reviewer who flags tumblr for porn, and when Tumblr opened the rejection notice, the screenshot would be something completely not porn. I'm talking stuff like a woman in a bikini. Not even posing in a porny way. Something you'd see in like, a laser hair removal ad. In these cases, Tumblr would appeal the rejection, saying the content doesn't violate our policies (and to the best of our knowledge, Apple's) so we won't remove it.

In this case, the appeal gets bumped up to a developer support contact that would manage the appeal. Usually when it got there, the contact would look at the report and say "oh, yeah, that's not porn" and tell us to re-submit the app again. It then would usually be approved.

This process, I believe, is where the problem lies. Of course, the bigger picture is Apple's adult content policies, but the relationship between reviewer, developer support, and policymakers is completely fucking discordant. Since the review process is human, some reviewers interpret the guidelines more strict that others. Since the review process chooses a random reviewer, the review experience is random every time.

The developer support contact is not in direct contact with the reviewer and does not communicate with them in any way, other than the report they receive from the review (that Tumblr has too). The dev support contact also cannot tell Tumblr whether they'll pass review if they were to propose hypothetical changes to Tumblr.

Here's the kicker: your developer support contact will also, like the reviewer, not be consistent from case to case. They stick with you until your appeal is complete, but when you have to open a new case for a subsequent rejection, it's someone new. And every one of them had different answers to the same questions about policies regarding adult content.

I really don't think the people enforcing Apple's app store guidelines have a clear answer on what's porn and what's not, and they're left to decide on a case-by case basis. Apple is fucking massive, and it's a waterfall organization where orders come from the top down. If Tumblr gets rejected because a reviewer decided a woman in a bikini is pornographic, no one in Apple gives a shit. I bet no more than a handful of people in Apple right now are even aware of the situation with Tumblr, and just one person (the dev support contact) is deciding what Tumblr must do to resolve it and stay on the App store.

The 2018 porn ban

I was present for the 2018 app store fiasco and boy, it was mind boggling. The removal was legit since Apple had received a user-submitted report of CSAM, and by policy they immediately yank an app that contains such content. That was 100% understandable, and if I were in Apple's shoes, I too would remove an app that has CSAM in it. But what followed was a gauntlet of rigorous reviews over adult content in general. The app was rejected repeatedly until the infamous adult content ban was fully enacted.

While Tumblr was actively working on the ban, they were asking Apple for any sort of guidance on what would meet approval, because as you know it's impossible to scrub a UGC site of adult content. The answers we got were either vague or unhelpful. Tumblr had to just keep re-submitting over and over with a half-baked porn finding algorithm until it finally looked clean enough for Apple.

During this time, we'd be searching Twitter, Instagram, etc, for the same search terms that we were being rejected for, and finding lots and lots of porn. When the rep was asked if other apps went through the same rigamarole that Tumblr was going through, and why they had porn on their apps, the answers we got were "we can't discuss other apps" (of course) and "that shouldn't happen".

Now, I do not want to get conspiratorial about this because I genuinely don't think Apple has it out for Tumblr. What I do think is it's a combination of the discordant enforcement of policy, caused by the complete separation of policymaker, support, and reviewer. It's also less of a problem for other apps like Twitter, Instagram, etc because they have many, many more staff to deal with the problem. They have more staff to build and maintain porn-removing algorithms, and more staff to put out fires caused by App Store rejections.

A little part of me also wants to be cynical and say that since Instagram and Twitter are so big, they can get away with more than Tumblr can. Combine that with Tumblr's history of blatantly allowing porn up until the end of 2018. I can't prove it, of course, but if Tumblr has a reputation at Apple, it can't be a good one.

Apple's reputation amongst developers

As I mentioned I'm an iOS engineer. I talk to other iOS engineers all the time, not only at my current job but also in other places like Slack instances for iOS development. The iOS engineers at Tumblr did not like Apple's bullshit one bit, which is unsurprising. However, my experience thus far is the vast, vast majority of iOS engineers at other places feel the same way. Apple's review process is seen as an asinine hurdle you must clear. Their policies are not viewed in good light amongst iOS devs, though you'll have a mixed bag of sympathy over being rejected for some of them like the adult content one. It really depends if you've worked on any UGC apps on the app store. If you have, you get it.

Outside of adult content, though, the two other big ones that rub iOS devs the wrong way are the 30% cut Apple gets when devs get paid, and the completely arbitrary policy that Apps submitted to the app store must have a "clear purpose". I haven't talked to a single iOS dev who's been on the side of Apple in the Epic v Apple case over the 30% cut, and most of them are hoping for Apple to loosen up their control over the App Store (either voluntarily or by court order). The "clear purpose" policy means that reviewers can reject the app if they think it's useless, which is incredibly discouraging for new developers who are just trying to get out there with something simple. It also squelches creativity and reduces the field for more single-purpose apps.

Aside from App Store review guidelines, iOS developers also have to deal with ever-shifting technical guidelines that can be unclear, with deadlines that change or are vague as well. A good example of this was a recent change that required all Apps that were available on iPad to support split-screen multitasking. Not only did I get conflicting answers on what that means from Apple themselves and devs who were in contact with other Apple reps. No one knew if their iPad app would be yanked from the store, or if there was a way to opt out. This requirement forced many companies to scramble to update their iPad experience to meet this deadline, only for the requirement to be relaxed, and the deadline to be pushed back. Fun times, great use of dev hours.

The Apple fanboy you can picture when I say "Apple fanboy" is very unlikely to be an iOS developer. They probably just love Apple products and think that the company can do no wrong. The more Apple does to piss off their developers, the worse it's going to get for anyone who just wants to use an iPhone.

Anywho, that's Apple for you. Why am I still an iOS developer? I dunno, I got bills to pay. I think I know what Tumblr is working on to appease them. Don't expect this banned word list to last too long. The timing is awful, of course, since everyone on Apple is on vacation, and Tumblr is too. Have fun with the chaos for now. As always, don't take it out on staff. They're doing what they can.

My asks are open if you have any questions. I'll try to answer them.

crankyasshuladancer

as ex-tumblr staff (tech, not content, tho) myself, this checks out.