The Start To What I Call My Life @crazyyrissy69-blog - Tumblr Blog

My List For Me.

I'll start budgeting my money. • Get nails done. • Keep up on nails. • Keep up on hair and how I really want it. • Get Eyelashes done. • Keep up on eyelash. • Get better makeup. • Get better makeup brushes • Get hair stuff (style) • Get hair stuff (brushes/gels/hair spray..) • Get better more me shoes • Get more clothes that are me • Fix up and sell jeep • Get better car • Become me. Time to do things for me.

I'll Be That Badass Chick.

I am going to get that body I once had back, but better. I'm going to start getting my eyelashes done and getting a beautiful tan. I'll get my nails done and keep up on them. I'll get clothes and shoes that are me that I am comfortable in. I'll keep up on my hair and do it how I want. I will become that girl every guy will regret letting go or not giving a chance to. I'll get my cummins and Harley. I'll start getting into thing I have always wanted to and wanted to learn. I'll become that girl that very ones wants to know. I'll give my boyfriend a reason to show me off. I'll give my boyfriend a reason to feel more than special. But doing things for me. And sorry not sorry I don't care how bad that sounds.

I'm Not His Mommy

I'm pretty lived.. My sister complains about being tired all the time. Her son goes to bed about 9:30 10 o'clock. I go downstairs to get a drink and their her and her husband are! Watching a movie! Really!? You pull the whole tired card and get mom and dad to watch him while you nap! Why not go to bed when your son?.. I'm done playing mommy! July 4, 2014

I Have Learned.

Everyone in my life never cared. Once I hit a horrible depression and never wanted to leave. Everyone walked away. No one tried to hang out. No one asked me how I was. No one cared to know if I was even still alive. Now that this depression is going away.. I have no one but one person. Don't get me wrong I love to hang out with him. He's amazing! But with his job.. It's he's gone two weeks back one.. But he's also in the army.. So time with him is limited. So I sit at home. Yet no one still cares to know how I am doing. I get blown off all the time. Do you really think that helps my depression? You are pulling me back in. You are breaking me down. Making me think I'm not worth it. I'm not anything special. I have no one to have girl time with. No one to just kick back relax and do girl things with. Even if it is just eating treats me make watching lame horror movies and talking till all hours of the night. I don't have that. I have my room. That's what I have. So sorry for me not jumping right up and being there for you when you clearly never care to be there for me. June 29, 2014

Breaking My Heart. Is It Time I say Goodbye?

Well it seems like I am the only one hold on anymore. You seem to think it's cute to be rude to me.. You think it's okay to no longer really talk. Or how about the fact you don't care to see me. I ask you about it and I get told I'm the bad guy and that you do. Well than.. Were are you?.. Even when are here it's not like how it use to be.. Why can't you tell me what's wrong? Or why can't you tell me what I did? I don't get this. It's hard for me to hold on when all you do is push. Is it time that I walk away? It hurts me cause it's like you are the only guy I really want.. You are the only guy I actually try with. As much as you might not think so.. I fight for you. So what do I do?.. I'm a big mess.. June 26, 2014.

#needingadvice

Stories Of The Year.

Watching spider-man 2. Me: babe what blood type are you? Zach: O positive. You? Me: me too! Zach: yeah I could save you. Me excited: you could give me a kidney if I needed! Zach: bitch what? At dinner: Trying to be cute and what not I give him the "I Love You" sign in sign language. He replied with the shocker...

Call Me Stupid But I Don't Care.

I use to have this dream life all made up. I'd become a corrections officer and start my life. But lately... All I can think of is staying home. Cooking meals and cleaning the house. Raising my children. Being in there life. Helping them in sports or with homework. Teaching them new things. Watching them grow. Go on field trips with them and just being there. I could learn how to do hair so I'd still have a little extra cash. I could still go to the gym or do CrossFit. But now the more I think about it. My dream is to be a mother. Taking great care of kids. Being there when they need. Being a stay at home mom is a full time job! And I want it.

You Shouldn't Of Had A Child.

That's cool. Push your child off onto me cause I don't have plans. Your child is sick and you won't even take care of him. I get to. It's really time BOTH of you grew up. Mom would stay home with us when we were sick! Why do you think it's okay to push your child off onto your sister?

Could You be A Dad?

I hate seeing you so all the work. You aren't just a mother you are the father. He holds his kid not even a minute and you hand him over to someone else. You do know your kid looks up to you right?.. He needs a roll model in his life. Give him one.

The World Inside My Head.

It's funny how no one really seems to care. You go days and nights with no calls, or texts. Your phone never even goes off once. You sit alone. Hidden away in your dark room. Not even your family comes up to check on you. What if I were dead? No one would know. Till the smell of the dead body started taking over. You cry for hours. No one heard you. You have cried so much that you have trained yourself to cry with no sound. Even if people heard you cry they would walk right past not even asking you why. You make up things to just stay alone. "I'm not hungry." Even though your stomach just said other wise. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." As you are up for hours thinking. "I don't feel well." And that's all just in your head. You learn to love to be alone away from the comments that push you down deeper. Your nice dark room away from the world is your safe place. Yet it's your nightmare of thoughts. You get trapped in just thinking. Your pain comes back. The tears are never ending. Yet this is your safe place. You try to text the people you call friends. Just to talk. To run away from your racing mind. Yet no one cares to reply. You give up on trying. Yet you wish someone would just show up. Telling you to get ready and just take you away for a night. But you know that will never happen. Cause no one even cares. You sit in your room and wonder. Learning fast. Your room is your poison, your drug. Harming your body. Killing your soul. Yet it's leaving you in a safe world, no one can get to. You try to run and get free. Realizing there is no other place you would rather be.

#Personal #Trapped #lonely

I don't want to write down all I think and believe of myself. It's my secret.. I don't want to share.

Monday.

Why? Why are you so fucking close!? I do NOT believe I am strong enough to handle this just yet. How can I talk to someone who I hardly know?.. How will I be once I head home? Will I feel it again? Will I be anger? This has to be one of the hardest things. All that's on my mind now is "how can I get past not talking about it?" Yet it sucks cause I know I have to. It's not fair that I go through all this bullshit, hurt, fear, pain and all he goes through is the enjoyable moment of doing it to another girl.

#fuckoff

Living Hell.

A guy followed me pretty much to my house the day before valentines day. Since than my depression is back. Bad. My room is my safe place yet it scares me shitless to be here. Sometimes I hide in my sisters room to feel free and save. I can remember everything.. Perfectly.. He has stalked me before. What if it was really him? I guess my sisters room will be home till I'm better.

kidsraisingkids

For as long as I live - I will never forget our father & daughter Disneyland dates :’)

adisneystateofmind

this is adorable.

crazyyrissy69-blog

Cutest thing ever.

Sorry but if you have a problem with me tell me.

Even if you don't know me. Message me. Talk to ME about it!

Stepping Out Of My Box.

You never really know the true pain and hurt or even how hard it will really take when you are ready to heal something. Heal an opened cut that hasn't ever scarred. The memory's come back the fear even pries it's way through. It can feel like you are the young little girl. Not knowing what you are in for. Remembering the house. How it was set up. Remembering EVERYTHING. Yet it helps as crazy as it sounds.

My Saturday

I have started to wonder more about my endometriosis. So I have spend my day researching more about it. Honestly it makes me sad and hurts reading about my life that I could have. I have learned a lot more than any doctor has ever explained to me.

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The Start To What I Call My Life