One un-acknowledged part of queer bating is like. Sometimes tv shows try to queer bait and accidentally create the perfect aroace character.
Like Will from Stranger Things is the perfect aroace character. Season three is just him looking around and discovering all his friends are in relationships and he’s like what the hell? We’re still kids? Let’s just play dungeons and dragons like we used to?
And Mike says we all have girlfriends it’s not our fault you don’t like girls. And people call him the f-word bc of course they do. Bc he doesn’t like girls. And he’s harassed for that. And he knows he’s different. The fact he doesn’t like boys either doesn’t even matter.
And then in season four he draws this heartfelt picture where his old friend group is back together. And he’s telling Mike “you’re the heart” as in “you’re what keeps the group together. The group works through you. Without you, we aren’t friends anymore.” Bc he just moved away and he’s desperate to keep his friend group and he knows it will stay together as long as Mike keeps it together. But that’s such a close and personal and intimate conversation and guys are not supposed to acknowledge that they need their friends so badly. And what happens after he finally works up the courage? Mike goes back to talking about his girlfriend, because that’s all Will’s friends seem to care about anymore. And what was the point anyway? Mike’s only there to see El. He wouldn’t have even bothered to visit Will.
Now. Is this what the writers wanted us to take from these scenes? No. They wanted us to take that Will is gay and in love with Mike. But they don’t have the balls to come out with it so they accidentally create the perfect aroace character and plot line. Plot line about your friends “growing up” and getting crushes while you stay put. About spending hours and weeks and months trying to formulate how your friend group could stay together and realizing this one person is the load bearing friend. And then having it not matter, bc having crushes is natural for them.
But obviously the writers aren’t on our side. And the queer community isn’t on our side either bc this is so obviously pointing towards a mlm relationship and why are we trying to get in the way?
And that’s the tricky part with me and obvious queerbait. It’s that I feel like I can either see what I naturally see: a plot line that mirrors my own adolescent experience better than any other.
Or I can stand by the queer community and say of course Will loves Mike. That is what the writing is trying to get us to realize. And the fact that that the writers are doing it in bad faith with no plan to follow through is homophobic and wrong.
And of course I stand by people who want Will to be canonically gay and in love with Mike. But I also remember when I was in middle school/ just starting high school and my friend group was falling apart. And I decided that this one girl could keep us together. So I got attached to her. And this one girl started pushing me away. Probably because she thought I was gay and had feelings for her. Or just because she decided I wasn’t what she wanted anymore. And I remember sobbing over that, because these friends were all I had. Just them and my family. Bc I knew even then romance wasn’t really an option for me. And that’s so beautiful shown in Will’s story.
Too bad that’s not what I, as a member of the queer community, am supposed to think of this character. I’m supposed to be angry at queerbaiting. But… where else could I get stories like this if not from queerbaiting? Who else is telling such heart breaking stories about losing a friend when they start dating? Where else will I get such perfect aroace characters in popular media?
