Get It Out There

I have all these creative, crazy, weird, not so weird, destruktive, happy, sad, guilty, awesome and mostly geeky ideas in my head. This is my way of getting them out there. For whomever is listening (I should say reading, unless it's my voice you hear in your head whilst you read, then you'r hearing - i.e. listening). Crazy yet? Good - Welcome

[bob-belcher]

[sleepin]

[creativehead-blog]

I have no idea how to handle this, so I'm choosing not to. I'll just dance.

[creativehead-blog]

How little must I matter, too only be ignored.

[teronandersson]

Check out my poster: https://represent.com/hello-deer-poster

[thequotejournals]

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?

Ernest Hemingway (via thequotejournals)

[creativehead-blog]

Crashing, hit a wall Right now I need a miracle Hurry up now, I need a miracle. Stranded, reaching out I call your name but you're not around I say your name but you're not around

Life

[creativehead-blog]

"We teach girls to shrink themselves To make themselves smaller We say to girls "You can have ambition But not too much You should aim to be successful But not too successful Otherwise you will threaten the man" Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage I am expected to make my life choices Always keeping in mind that Marriage is the most important Now marriage can be a source of Joy and love and mutual support But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage And we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to each other as competitors Not for jobs or for accomplishments, Which I think can be a good thing, But for the attention of men We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings In the way that boys are Feminist, the person who believes in the social Political, and economic equality of the sexes." - Flawless Queen B has a lot of good lyrics, but this borrowed quote is one of my favourites. 👸🏼B

[creativehead-blog]

[creativehead-blog]

I should be working but.. my creative head won’t shut up. So this happened. I had another vision in my head, but this became something else. 

“Her heaven would be a love without betrayal.”  - Queen Beyonce

[creativehead-blog]

“I miss you. And then I remember - you’re not mine to miss.”

[creativehead-blog]

In a rut

That’s what it is I guess. A rut. it always throws me way further down then it should, and to recover takes a while. I’m impatient. 

Right now I’m quite lost. Going from knowing exactly where I wanted to go to feeling more directionless then ever. I miss the safety of my family and my old friends and I’ve never felt this alone in my entire life. I’ve been so good at being alone until now, so I’m entirely to blame for it. No ones fault but my own really. I thought I could be strong and protect myself from everything and every pain by pulling away when things got to close or personal. It’s my biggest and heaviest flaw. 

I wish it was easy for me to open up and let people in, but I know that the eventual pain would much heavier for me to bare than the joy. Does that make sense? Not really. 

I’m trying to reflect around this and the fact that I’ve recently been really missing being a part of a team. I miss team sports. That’s the first time since i quit handball. Either I’m finally healed from that or.. I don’t know, or I’m lost and miss my old self who where so committed to the single outcome and lifestyle that she never really thought about an option. 

And all i keep thinking is; “I don’t know”. It’s like a conversation with myself. Without the actual question. It’s just a “I don’t know”-though circulating round and round. It’s very unsettling. 

In three weeks my Hyper journey will be over, and that scares me even more right now, even though I will have it with me forever. 

I wandered around in the Lidingö forest today. To be able to do that is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I took some pictures, listened to pride & prejudice audiobook and fantasised about Mr Darcy. Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic - in a fictional world - and my mind is making about this much sense right now:

With nowhere to turn, your mind goes in every which direction. Round and round and round. 

[samxcamargo]

If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.

unknown (via love-inspire-universally)

[creativehead-blog]

Here’s why I think Nike has the best tagline ever.

How many things do you wish you did? How many plans do you make in your head that never happens? How many chances do you let go to waist because life got “in the way”? 

If you’re anything like me, and I suspect (and hope) many people are, I’d say a lot. I’d even say more than 70% of all things I say I want to do falls short, and I end up watching Netflix instead. Because my head doesn’t work like I think it does. It visualises one thing, but the reality looks completely different and shit happens. For instance: Today I ambitiously took my gymbag with me to work, thinking I’d go to the gym strait after work. EVEN THOUGH I know that I’m so hungry each day after work that I literary jog home to eat before I do anything else. So what happened? I ended up on the sofa watching 1,5 h of sitcoms instead of going to the gym. Eating dinner. 

I’ve been thinking for months that I should start writing again. I’ve found it’s very therapeutic for me. I have not, however, written anything except emails the last 7 months. Today I thought, why am I giving this so much thought? Pondering what I should write, is it gonna be good enough to publish anywhere etc.. and then it hit me. It really doesn’t matter. I’m doing it for myself, and letting stuff in my head out might help me focus better on other things. 

It doesn’t have to be so complicated. Just do it. As easy as that. 

Just f*cking do it. Suck at it in the beginning and get better. Thats the only way to do it. Now Go! Do! 

[creativehead-blog]

And just as I'm about to tell you. Just when I'm about to say how much I miss you, and how all this feels worthless without you. Just as I'm about to tell you to come home. - you say you'll call me later. You hang up the phone.

[creativehead-blog]

Think

Girls, women, females. Maybe we should think about how we treat each other before we start pointing fingers at the opposite sex. Just a thought. Just a fucking thought.

[creativehead-blog]

Turn off all the music, the voices and the believers. Close the book, end the poem, drive the sunshine away. Bring the darkness and the cold - let it fester for a while. Embrace it and let it rule. Rule the heart and soul. Rule the mind and energy. Let it sink in. Let it be everything for a while. Drown in it. To remember the pain is to remember you. When I hate myself for feeling fine, for moving on, without you, that's when I find the pain again. But it's you that brings me back again. Your memory brings the light. Your soul and spirit. You fought. You fought every day, and I fight for you. I fight your fight. I live for you. I'm trying to be the best me, exploring life - for you. You are my light. Thank you. And if the darkness has to come back some days, so be it.