A Creative Moose

25. Female.

[creativewritingmoose67]

How long until someone sees through my jokes?

They just keep getting darker.

How long until someone notices my silence?

I used to talk your ear off.

How long until I fail this class?

I stopped doing the homework weeks ago.

How long until they finally realize I’m not okay?

I haven’t been in a while.

How long until it's too late?

[creativewritingmoose67]

Talk

I voiced my fear of public speaking.

You said all I did was talk, talk, talk.

My stomach dropped.

You must think I'm annoying.

I stammered to explain that I talked more when I'm comfortable with someone.

You said all I did was talk, talk, talk.

I got quiet.

God, you must hate me.

You laughed and nudged my arm.

You said you were joking.

You said I was still a good friend.

But I stayed quiet.

You ignited a hidden fear.

Now I'm afraid to talk.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Tap

Tap. tap. tap.

Just an ink pen tapping.

Thump. thump. thump.

Just books hitting desks.

Tap tap. tap.

The ink pen won't stop.

Thump thump. thump.

Who's bouncing their foot?

Tap Tap Tap.

Can't you hear it?

TAP TAP TAP

It's getting louder.

TAPTAPTAP

It's all I hear.

TAP

The walls are closing in.

TAP

It's getting hard to see.

TAP.

I can't breathe.

TAPTAPTAP

I run out and collapse in the hall.

TapTapTap 

Hands over my ears to block the sound.

Tap Tap. Tap.

Please make it stop.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I'm overwhelmed.

tap tap tap

I'm overstimulated 

tap. tap. tap.

I just want it to stop.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Maybe tonight I'll go to sleep instead of thinking you.

Restless with wonder if you're feeling blue.

Thinking of ways to make you smile.

I'm hoping you might stay for a while.

I know you don't give me a second thought.

I always tend to end up in that spot.

Being weary with worry makes the night last long.

So perhaps I'll write you a poem or a song.

Maybe tonight I'll go to sleep too,

But, sweetheart, it's 2AM and I'm still thinking of you.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Wings

Clip my wings and cast me out.

Watch me struggle to survive the Fall.

Shattered bones and a broken soul.

You could not heal the latter.

Screams for help fall on deaf ears.

My Grace could not be found.

Still I hold my blade and uphold my oath.

I will not back down.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Afraid

I was afraid of you.

That’s why I stayed quiet.

I was afraid of what you would say.

I was afraid to talk to people you knew.

I was just afraid of your words.

You have this ability to make me feel so small.

You make me feel this indescribable anxiety.

You make me want to disappear.

I was always that weird kid.

I wasn’t good with my words.

I never knew how to fit in.

There was no point.

I was afraid of you.

You make me want to disappear.

So I did.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Fall

I screamed.

I begged.

I bargained.

Nothing takes the ache away.

I thought.

I planned.

I prepared.

Nothing was going to stand in my way.

I stopped.

I broke.

I fell.

Nothing was going to stop my world from ending.

[creativewritingmoose67]

At 6 she was cutting snowflakes.

At 9 she was cutting paper hearts.

At 12 she was cutting her hair.

At 16 she wanted to die.

At 17 she was cutting her wrist.

At 18 she was getting better.

At 19 she was afraid of falling apart.

At 20 she was picking up the pieces again and counting scars.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Her story was complete

All she had to write was

The End

[creativewritingmoose67]

Envy

I envy the girl that wins your heart.

I envy the girl that gets to call you hers.

I hope she loves comics just as much as you.

I hope she knows that Westerns are the number 1 genre of movie.

I pray that she knows about ‘backer and doesn't try to correct you.

I hope she understands that Johnny Cash is the best.

I hope that she knows that you're a Gryffindor, not a Hufflepuff.

Hopefully, she'll understand your love for Lord of the Rings.

Hopefully, she'll know your namesake.

I hope that she knows to never touch your hat.

I hope she loves your passionate discussions, whether they be about music, art, or life.

I hope she knows that your heart is bigger than a Texas mile.

I pray she loves the little things about you like:

How you enjoy Reeses cups

How you never study but always pass

How you always have green tea, pistachios, and chew.

The way your eyes light up when you discuss Wolverine.

How you always talk with your hands.

I hope she’s everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

I envy that girl as I sit in the back of the room.

My heart breaking.

My smile faked.

Tears threatening to spill.

I envy that girl as I pass you in the hall.

My head down.

My phone out.

Anything to keep the attention off me.

I envy that girl as I walk alone to my truck.

My breathing hitched.

The tears falling

The constant feeling of being alone.

I envy the girl that wins your heart.

Because I know that girl will never be me.

[creativewritingmoose67]

I Am

What you need to know about me is I am the last of a generation. My brothers being born in ‘91,’92, ‘97, and myself in ‘99. I grew up in the era before the smartphone. I grew up with walkmans and burned CDs. We had to get off the computer if we wanted to make a phone call. When the street light came on that meant it was time to go home before Mom started hollering. My oldest brother was always in charge. I’m part of the last generation that had to learn how to write in cursive. If I acted out in public, oh boy, did I know the consequences. I was taught to say yes sir/ma’am and no sir/ma’am without prompting. A pinky promise was the highest form of secrecy. To break a pinky promise is to end a friendship. You could have many friends but only one best friend.  

[creativewritingmoose67]

Endings

I was never good at endings

I couldn't just let it be

I never knew when enough

was enough

Endings were always hard for me

I'll write on something for years

Just so it doesn't have to end

The only ending I know

Is the ending that

Is my own

[creativewritingmoose67]

Road Map

Her life was full of road maps.

Bright red lines from the present

Faded white lines from the past.

She never knew when she would add to it

however

Once the lines were drawn

There was no going back.

The lines traveled East to West.

Few to the North and South.

Her map stayed hidden.

It remained hidden until

She felt utterly and completely lost.

She would pull the map out

And add a new line.

She kept adding until

She felt grounded.

Once she found herself

She’d put the map away.

Her life was full of road maps

But they all led to the same place.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Flannel

You reach for me

When it’s cold

When you’re alone

When the world becomes

Too much.

My body swallows yours.

I lend you my heat.

I catch your tears.

My ends are worn

From covering your hands.

My appearance is soft

From your repeated visits.

I give

what comfort I have.

I provide

what reassurance I can.

I promise

That tomorrow will be better.

If not

I’ll be there

To do what I do best.

[creativewritingmoose67]

Between Two Nowheres

900 miles between two nowheres

One to the North

One to the South

Two different lives

Two different crossroads

One promise to keep

900 miles between two nowheres

One trying to make it by

One trying to start over

Two different situations

Two different solutions

One promise to keep

900 miles between two nowheres

Two loving families

Two close friends

One thing brought them together

Nothing keeps them apart

One promise to keep

[creativewritingmoose67]

Ghost Words

Your words were faint

They barely passed your lips

They hung stagnant in the air

They hung heavy on my heart

Your words were final

They haunt me when I sleep

They stay around when I wake

Your words were deafening

They echo in my ears for hours

They drown in my heart for days

Your words were a promise

A promise of no more

A promise of never again

A promise of goodbye

Your words were really mine

[creativewritingmoose67]

Home

Jet black paint with shiny chrome accents.

Squeaking door hinges that needed oil.

An engine under the hood that could purr.

This was home.

A trunk with a hidden compartment.

Worn leather bench seats.

Cassettes way past their prime.

This was home.

Open roads and night skies.

Fast food and small diners.

Hotels and motels in between.

This was home.

It didn’t have four walls, but 4 doors.

It didn’t have beds, but familiarity.

It didn’t have stability, but freedom.

No it wasn’t a house, but

It was home.