Selfless, Horrible, Undying Love
No one could ever love like us, we said. It was the honest truth. Yes we were young, but this feeling wasn’t because of youth. I couldn’t keep my hands off of your skin. And I couldn’t keep my heart from you no matter what happened. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of your eyes or your lips. Remember that disaster we could call our first kiss? We were a secret, and goofy, and you didn’t kiss me back. I took you by surprise, and you didn’t react. You took me through a whirlwind, all I could do was watch it all spin. I had never felt the feelings I felt while I was sitting in a room with you. Every color and sound felt like something brand new.
I remember holding your hand and promising to never leave your side. Before you were even mine, I wanted to keep you alive. Hold you close and keep you safe, on couches and car rides. No matter who was around, I just focused on those eyes. This selfless love, this horrible love, this undying love. I was worried you would leave me for something better found above. Your heart beat was my favorite sound, your skin was my favorite color, and your tongue was my favorite taste. I will never figure out how you left without a trace.
Your laugh made my heart sing and your breath left me breathless. Seeing you walk into a room was like feeling true bliss. I swear you were like that first star I would see at night. You were my wish every morning, you would shine so bright. We were not like the movies or songs on the radio, we were real and there and each other’s. So. Maybe we were young and shameless and tragic, but my darling we were more powerful than any kind of magic. We didn’t need support, or smarts because we had each other. Pretty Baby, PB, people thought I meant peanut butter.
But I didn’t, I don’t, and I wont ever know. Why you picked up and left and I just let you go. I didn’t fight because you were so angry with me. But I didn’t know what I would do, I could no longer see. It was like a hurricane came to take everything away. And away it went, I had no where to stay. Everything I had was centered around you, even my skin made me think of you too. You had touched here, and kissed there, and studied each piece. Like we were blind we memorized each others masterpiece.
I remember holding your hand and promising to never leave your side. Before you were even mine, I wanted to keep you alive. Hold you close and keep you safe, on couches and car rides. No matter who was around, I just focused on those eyes. This selfless love, this horrible love, this undying love. I was worried you would leave me for something better found above. Your heart beat was my favorite sound, your skin was my favorite color, and your tongue was my favorite taste. I will never figure out how you left without a trace.
You finally had me believing I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I wonder if you tell her that she makes your world twirl. Im bitter and sad, although its been years. I have tried to move on despite of my fears. But I always return to this one little thing. You are the only one in the world I want to wear my ring. The only one I trust, and believe is right for me. You handled my shit and always thought I was funny. You believed I was going to be something great, and look at me now making every mistake.
So Ill stay here and continue falling apart. It seems when I lost you I misplaced my heart. Im cold now and sheltered and wont let people in. But they don’t remember what had happened. No one talks about us, or the inspiration we were. I am starting to believe we only saw it in each other. We changed the opinion of whats right and whats wrong. We focused on us, and our love, more than where we belonged. I wish you remembered all the notes you wrote me. I read them all the time to remind me of the person I could be.
