What would happen and how would you feel if I stayed?
“If you stay, you gotta do something for yourself. You can’t just fall into society, become a number.”
I wouldn’t stay otherwise. No matter where I go, I’ll be working and upgrading myself. My question was, what would happen and how would you feel? I feel your answer is telling me, do this then you’ll have me which is confusing. This is my journey, if you’d like to tag along for it then let me know and we’ll talk on that however, if not then let me know and I’ll work on that. No matter where I end up, I will be flourishing because it’s me. I need you to trust in me. I’m not all talk, I’m young and don’t know where to start but I WANT to start – you understand?
You’re a blessing to me. You’ve guided, supported, listened and helped me thus far and here I am. I’m my own common denominator and I recognize that. Moving to Las Vegas will not change a thing except distance but in my soul, I know I want to change more than that. I want to create a foundation of stability within myself and my future. I know that I want to fly already and my first step is buying a house. I know I need time, I know I need guidance, I know I need to become more organized, I know I need to start now. But the point is, this is my next step and it feels amazing knowing that. So, no, to be frank, I am not staying for just you. But to be even more frank, I want you, I want to kiss you all the time, I want to cuddle on you, I want to wake up next to you, I want to feel your presence, I want to learn from you, I want to teach you, I want to experience everything with you. I want to trust you. That’s an addition to me staying, but I want you. I want to make you feel important, loved, desired, considered, like you’re on top of the world.
I want a house, I want to rent it out, I want to make tons of money so I can go on vacation! My thing has always been traveling, and I’ve contemplated for years now whether or not I should drop life and go now, or go later. I’ve had the base of, I don’t have children, I’m not married nor am I in school... why not go now? I’ve received my clarity – I’ll be going later. I’ll be opening up my own thing, filled with yoga, classes on top of classes; reiki, astrology, tarot reading, palmistry, how to grow food, how to stitch clothing, how to love yourself, how to take care of your hair, skin, internal and external body… shops and knowledge, energy, love and acceptance. My friends would stay in their own room based on their birth chart, tropical or sidereal I’m not sure. I’ll buy my own land and build on it. I’ll own my own vineyard, farm, greenhouse, farmers market and more. It’ll be small for a long time but I’d want it that way because the authenticity is my most important vision of this sanctuary. I shall be a master at all :)
I want to learn how to ride horses and teach my children. I want to give my children everything I’ve desired. I want to be sustainable, grow my own food and create my own clothing. I want to live from Mother Nature, I want to embody her. I want to pour all of the love out into the world because at the end up the day, we’re all just children doing adult things and adult things get in the way of who we are. I want to shine light on the inner child, on the soul, on our purpose. I want everyone to know that they matter, they are of substance, that they are not just a number but that they are REAL.
My north node is in Virgo which means in this lifetime I shall learn how to be of service to others with boundaries. I believe that this plan will be aligning me in my purpose, and the thing is, I feel GOOD about it.
My first step is to buy a house – this is the KEY! Mental slavery is the accurate term to be used. I felt any big decision made should be sown out simply because I am indecisive and following through with my decisions will show, practice and create discipline within myself. However, when I’m honest with myself, I realize I would only be following through because I think it will teach me discipline. I never thought out a thorough, solid plan – my biggest discrepancy; red flag. I would go, transfer to Amazon, rent out an apartment, get a cat and live. But where’s the growth? What’s the vision? The thing is, I know I want to be a mother. Funnily, my mother wants to be a mother to the world and I want to be the same.. but the difference is noticeable between us. I don’t understand her reason but mine is genuine. I want to heal and love everyone because they’re a reflection of me. Everyone is their own person but how I see them is again, a reflection of me. The same lens I use to see the world is the same lens I use to see myself. So while I see myself in everyone, I want to love, nurture and heal them at the same time but I know this is not realistic. So this love should be saved and directed towards my children, now future children. How can I create a life for them? I can do this by buying a house at 25 years old. I can do this by saving my money while I’m young. I can do this by putting myself first. I can do this by loving myself, healing myself and allowing myself to become the person I wish and can be. The house is the key :)
