PAINFULLY AWARE , ALL TOO COGNISANT that he looks like utter shit / curls are a matted mess , shirt is several sizes too small ( something hideous branded atop the chest , godawful slogan broadcasting misfortune to the world ) , honey bourbon stagnates on the breath while he slumps at the counter ; what a scene to make at your friendly local cafe ! ragged breaths shake a gaunt frame , rattle the ribcage --- - peers up at an impatient visage looming only to offer scorned huff of a chuckle and a roll of the eyes . ❛ the fuck are you lookin’ at ? ever seen a hangover before ? ❜
“CARL?” the wizard repeated, his nose crinkling in disgust, “does…he do that sort of thing a lot? seems…vastly inappropriate.” the beauty of the boy before him was not lost on hugo though he didn’t comment, instead he admired him in silence. a chuckle escaped from the ginger’s lips, “oh no…poor guy…sounds like…he’s really going through it.” he chewed upon his bottom lip before offering a hand to the boy, “i’m hugo.”
TOSSES A CARELESS CROWN of the head backwards , and the resulting laugh is more of a honk than anything resembling a normal chuckle ; can’t help the way naïvety is painfully amusing ! ❛ vastly inappropriate is , like , the world’s biggest understatement . his rap sheet for harassment is fuckin’ enormous , dude . keeps gettin’ picked up for tellin’ people weird shit then askin’ ‘em to bed . ❜ another snort , then he’ll straighten up and accept other’s hand / a firm shake and a devilish grin , his modus operandi if ever there was one . ❛ top o’ the mornin’ to ye . richie tozier , at yer service . ❜ ( didn’t mean to slip into a voice , but it’s an unconscious move at this point . )
PENSIVE GAZE DOURS GENTLE LINES of a typically - joyous countenance / worry seeps into the downturn of a bitten mouth ; a study in silent despair , voiced only when he swivels ever - so - slightly to peer at morticia . ( and oh , how lost he’d be without her ; tepid palm presses flush against hers , clutches almost too tight at her hand --- - always has cared a little too much about the inner workings of familial brains . ) ❛ cara mia ? ❜ and here it comes , the first subtle sign of nerves that eat at rotted insides : ❛ i know it’s not home . tell me , are you --- are you and the children miserable here ? ❜
“was in the grocery store and some old guy grabbed my arse, took a bite from his hoagie and told me that he hoped to find me on grindr…i guess that’s one way to be welcomed into town.”
❛ YOU MET CARL THEN . ❜ offers a knowing grin , props a long leg up on the counter ( hardly professional behaviour for the workplace , but he’ll digress ) . ❛ he told me i was gonna fall into a sinkhole and find god’s younger brother last week . ❜
I BELIEVE IN HER . a guide to rose tyler , the bad wolf , the name on the north wind , the girl that accidentally invited her mum on the tardis .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾. statistics .
full name: rose lydia tyler .
nicknames, aliases:
dame rose of the powell estate .
bad wolf .
age: twenty - two .
date of birth: april tenth .
place of birth: london , england .
nationality: british .
occupation: currently unemployed .
sexual & romantic orientation: pansexual , panromantic .
gender identity: cis female , she/her .
hogwarts house: gryffindor .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾𝒾. aftermath .
a scream to be remembered ; a scream felt deep , deep in the heartstrings which it promptly snapped , a scream rivalled only by its compatriot . there’s a still comfort you feel despite it all , knowing that death is inevitable / death is moments away until pete fucking tyler wraps his arms around you and drags you back through a parallel fucking universe , and it all goes painfully white and black and he’s not there . fists pound against a void you were sure you were going to meet , a wailing wretched thing slumped against a wall ( and you can almost feel the warmth of his hand , his cheek ; chase it with your own when your sobbing ceases ) --- you never thought you’d be separated .
you don’t know yourself without the doctor . every day since you were nineteen , you’ve been attached to his side / through thick and thin , a regeneration after which you nearly walked away , so many threats of impending death and still impish smiles and utterances of ‘ allons - y ’ are followed . to be without someone you loved so deeply , it stings like nothing else --- except it doesn’t sting , it sears and it burns and it doesn’t stop until you hear the familiar , comforting whir of the tardis and chase it all the way to norway . one last chance to say i love you , and you don’t even hear the reciprocal before a burning sun separates you again .
giving up isn’t your nature , though , never was and never will be / the unstoppable rose tyler , the indomitable . you start work , quiet and slow , on a dimension cannon because you’re fucked if you’re not going to see him again ! but the thing is , the world doesn’t revolve around you ; it revolves around donna noble , and you work yourself into her life , protect her , tell her that the bad wolf’s coming back , baby , and you’re not just rose tyler , you’re rose tyler , defender of the entire bloody universe .
and darling girl , you wish you knew how to find him / wish you knew how to get back to the one person you’ve ever loved , truly loved --- to get back to the stars you called home ! you needn’t try so hard .
and you think you’re happy with your meta - crisis doctor , so human and wonderful and painstakingly real until you feel it , that wonderful buzz of the tardis but it’s not a musical hum , it’s a desperate yowl . your doctor , your tardis , your world is in crisis again ( how has he stayed out of it since you left ? ) and once again , defender of the known universes is called to action .
dimension cannon shoots you into castle rock , maine , usa in the late 80s . technically , you should be three but you’re twenty - two and raring to fight whatever needs to be fought to keep them safe , to keep yourself safe , to keep him safe . oh darling girl , what a pain it is to love a spaceman !
’D-Don’t, R-Richie,’ Bill said, ‘duh-duh-duh-h-h — ’ Then he burst into tears himself and they only hugged each other on their knees in the street beside Bill’s spilled bike, and their tears made clean streaks down their cheeks, which were sooted with coaldust.
FRIENDS DON’T LIE . an admittedly messy guide to jane joyce hopper , local telekinetic and rapid consumer of eggos .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾. statistics .
full name: jane joyce hopper .
nicknames, aliases:
eleven .
el .
kiddo .
jane ives .
age: twenty - one .
date of birth: september sixth .
place of birth: hawkins , indiana .
nationality: american .
occupation:
barista .
occasional ballet teacher .
sexual & romantic occupation: she doesn’t really know or care . probably errs towards bisexual but truly , she doesn’t give a flying fuck .
gender identity: cis female .
hogwarts house: gryffindor .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾𝒾. aftermath .
and the thing is , you don’t expect losing a father figure to be as hard as it is ( god knows you laughed in manic tones , cackled until your voice broke when your first father figure --- ‘ papa , papa ! ’ --- died , watched him break ) but this is so different . your world shakes , gravity is long forgotten , you are floating endlessly when you find out that the love that tethers you to this planet is allegedly gone . suddenly , a town you call home feel empty , bittery , glacially cold . every spot reminds you of him , every corner of your world is bleak . it’s like starting again .
you hitch your wagon with the byers , cart yourself off to new york with them . jonathan always wanted to go to nyu , didn’t he ? leaving your friends --- max , dustin , lucas , mike ( oh , you shed too many tears over him ) --- is like taking another bullet , like slicing off a limb / they’re a part of you more than anything else , and saying goodbye hurts . you don’t stop crying for an hour .
new york is different , and you’re not sure whether that’s good or bad . it’s not warm like hawkins , but you don’t hate it ; the apartment that you and the byers move into isn’t big , but it’s homey in the way joyce always makes things homey , with homecooked meals that are only slightly charred and big smiles and movie rentals . bit by bit , she makes it home and you start to feel it . the day she signs you up for the same high school as will , you burst into tears --- only to promptly start attacking everything you can so that you can keep up in classes .
high school is unremarkable . your grades are fine ( more than fine for someone who’s never set foot in an educational institution with the intention of actually learning ) , you develop a few friends ( only the fairweather variety , nothing lasting ) , you come home with your brother and watch movies with your mother , all is well . for once , all is well .
something finds itself lost , though , you lost it after hopper left you . your powers haven’t shown themselves in years , not even a tremble in your palm . and the thing is , as much as it shocks you , you’re okay with that .
new york is home until you are twenty - one . it’s then that you decide a new adventure is necessary , that you need to return to small - town life / and castle rock is exactly that , a minute dot on a map upon which jonathan’s dart lands . you pack your bags , hop on a bus and watch new york disappear behind you . it feels good .
your stay in castle rock is approaching its second month . you’ve found a job , a tiny apartment , filled it with the things that make you happiest ( rory the dinosaur , a number of cassettes , vhs tapes , hopper’s letter and a box of his clothing , joyce’s meatloaf recipe , wonder woman comics ) ; you are making it home the same way joyce did .
you’re at work one day when it happens , when the dam breaks --- a customer slips while holding a brimming coffee , and you save both without spilling a drop . you wipe at your nose , only to find bright crimson .
LET’S KILL THIS FUCKIN’ CLOWN ! your handy guide to one richard james tozier , derry - bred and detested , lifelong victim of an intergalactic space alien in the shape of a real scary clown .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾. statistics .
full name: richard james tozier .
nicknames, aliases:
primarily known as richie .
rich .
trasmouth .
bucky beaver , four - eyes , any number of foul monikers as crowned by bowers’ gang of ineffable dipshits .
age: twenty - four .
date of birth: march fourth .
place of birth: derry , maine .
nationality: american .
occupation:
bartender .
aspiring stand - up comic .
barista .
sexual & romantic occupation: coming out of the cage closet and he’s doing just fine .
gender identity: cis male , he / him .
hogwarts house: ravenclaw , despite popular belief .
˚ ◟ › 𝒾𝒾. aftermath .
derry does a number on anyone that gets caught in its filthy , blood - soaked jaws , that’s just common knowledge --- derry brands itself hard on your heart when you leave it , the scar you won’t acknowledge but feel the aching presence of , adjacent to the hate that burns holes in your stomach . richie knows that kind of burn , has since he was old enough to figure out that he wasn’t ever going to be like the other kids . being the token gay kid and the loudmouth smartass is a deadly combination / mouth moves a mile at a minute and your mind works just as fast but they’re never in tandem , never at the same time .
and nothing gives you hometown - related trauma like being chased , tormented , downright bullied and nearly killed by a fucking intergalactic space alien called pennywise the dancing clown ! nothing keeps you up at night like the memories of those drooling jowls wrapped tight round stan’s head , the memories of eddie’s snapped arm , the memories of a wrecked body in a yellow slicker --- they keep you awake , sweating and screaming into your pillow and sneaking out for a cigarette between shaking fingers .
at the very least , you have your friends --- the losers’ club , etched in blood and sweat and tears . bill , fearless leader with kind eyes and a shaking voice and a valiant heart ( and you rib them all but you love them , but you look up to bill like nothing else ; wish you had his strength ) . stan , preternaturally neat , strange laughter and rolled eyes and a kind word and his birds ( you let him read his bird book to you , you know it calms him down when you listen so intently with a serene smile and your glasses drooping ) . beverly , hacked - off red hair and cigarette smoke and bruises and all wolf , no girl --- no fear left , only bravery and bite ( and oh , you love that girl --- you love her like the moon loves the sun , so desperately you seem to orbit around her ) . ben , the sweetest ; a smile like candy , an earnest kindness , not a bad word to say . caught up in the library and the mirror alike / and you would fight the world for that kid ( would’ve socked bowers and his fuckin’ friends in the eyes until they popped for hurting ben , how could you hurt someone so pure of heart and of mouth and of soul ? ) . mike , florida - bound . mike , angelic smile and fierce and strong , mike who does the impossible every day . mike , whose farm becomes a secondary clubhouse . ( afternoons are spent helping out the farm and you love it , the scent of sweat and the smile high on mike’s face , the way you all work together . you’d steal the sun just to see that smile ) --- and eddie . oh , eddie . the lump in your throat rises to meet the name .
monumental defeat should be freeing , but you’re left with the wreckage of a collective mental state . you’ve no idea what you actually have ( never ventured near a doctor , nor a therapist / how the hell do you explain what your childhood has entailed ? ) but you know it’s not good . ( post - traumatic stress disorder . anxiety . manic depression . god knows what else . an intense fear of sewers and clowns . ) your trauma keeps you up for days at a time , keeps you chugging coffee and smoking out the back of your car .
adolescence is a blur , of the losers and your parents’ concern and your head , the way it pounds with the hurt you relive on a daily basis and the hurt you won’t speak of . you come out to beverly first , and promptly vomit . you’re drunk , sixteen and shaking .
eighteen when you finally decide to get the fuck out of dodge , your life packed up into the back of your beat - up car , kiss your parents goodbye , cry at the idea of leaving your friends . they’re adamant that they’re following , but you’re not quite sure ; you’re semi - convinced that you’re leaving an entire world behind when you pass the ‘ welcome to derry ’ sign .
you’re not sure where you mean to end up , but you end up a few towns over , in castle rock . and the funniest thing happens --- you swear that every other time you’ve left derry , even for a day , your memory starts going foggy but this time , it’s crystal clear . the trauma doesn’t fade , you still wake up shivering and hoarse from screaming .
small apartment doesn’t treat you good or bad, it just treats you . you clutter it with empty bottles and crushed cigarette packets , vhs tapes and books and takeout containers from the local diner . bad habits are so easy to fall into , especially when you’re trying to outrun your past and drinking yourself stupid every night seems to work the best . drinking graduates to smoking more weed than usual , then your first line , then you’re bumping every single time you feel a quake start to riot in your palms . never pictured yourself an addict at eightee , but here you are , dark - eyed and too thin and shaking in a warm room . you kick your addiction a year later , and promptly apply to college .
college degree in music under your belt but nothing to do with it , you end up working at a bar and a cafe , doling out drinks to a mindless mass who barely remember your name . it’s comforting . you gradually turn your home from a glorified crack pit into a home . you build a life you never thought you deserved . you actively try to get better --- it doesn’t always work , and some nights you wake up after blacking out , empty bottles at your side but you’re trying .
Acting has influenced my approach to beauty in both practical and fun ways as well as influencing my style. I do like to be more adventurous - for some reason, I feel safer in that.
