Im starting anew with this acc so here’s some info about me and this acc you should know and consider before interacting or following:
hi! im lokidbrain and im fictional-menholic 😔
im 24, so, obviously, this blog is 🔞
i plan to go to a university and study psychology 🧠
yeah, i wanna do it to heal my own traumas, okay?
i love angst, smut, grey morals, cracked and cringe jokes;
seriously, my sense of humor is broken, so beware 🚩
i’ve been through a lot of shit in my life and i’ve seen and experienced enough, so sometimes stories and ideas i post are based on my life ✌️
english is not my first language, so please, forgive me my mistakes.
also, due to this i won’t be able to post everything in english 😔 but feel free to translate it to your native language for your !personal! use.
my brain comes up with fic ideas a lot. will i write them all? of course. is it a lie? yes…
im a simp for shy slutty little meowmeow clown men 💅🏻 (Toji and Halsin, you re exception 🤲)
❗️ i’m a pro-shipper…
…by what i mean i absolutely dgaf about what happens to fictional characters, what they do or who they fuck. incest is a family business, after all.
but! even if i do enjoy such content with fictional characters, it doesn’t mean that i tolerate or support it irl where re real human beings are involved. please, remember it.
and please, if you find any of my content inappropriate in any way due to your personal beliefs, just skip. i won’t tolerate insults and will just block you 🚫
im down for requests and to hear your ideas, so feel free to write me!
fandoms im down to write for: baldur’s gate 3, mha, the arcana, jjk, loki, haikyuu, genshin, attack on titan, naruto, hanter x hunter, jojo.
characters im down to write for: astarion, halsin, raphael; dabi, all might, hawks; julian, lucio, azra, muriel, vlastomil; gojo, toji, geto; loki; bokuto, ukai keishin, atsumu / osamu miya; tartaglia, wriothley, itto; eren, floch, reiner, levi, jean, eren kruger, kenny; kakashi, orochimaru, itachi, jiraiya, gaara, obito, hidan, asuma; hisoka, chrollo; mista, dio.
imagine our party entering the Baldurs Gate with all the honors for saving everyone from the shadow curse only to find out that not only civilians were happy to welcome them…
astarion+fem!tav; mature;
“you know, i lived two centuries in this city and i'd never seen those streets in the daylight before. drunk young patriars, naked in the fountains… ah, civilization!.. glad to know that this city can still surprise me!” — you squeezed his hand in reassurance. — “makes me feel agog once again.”
“it's when you use words like 'agog' that I remember you're actually two centuries old.”
“and it's when you think 'agog' is an impressive word that i remember you're just a child.”
“cut it, boys, just look around instead! news really does travel fast nowadays”, — you smirked while looking at all those pomposity that was waiting for you all on your way towards the castle.
the wandering musicians accompanied the newly arrived heroes with a cheerful music, the locals sprinkled you with confetti, flowers and words of thanks, and the street traders were luring the party to their shops offering you generous discounts.
“yeah…”, - the idea of upcoming meeting with his father after all those years was not a delight to warlock’s mind, obviously.
“don’t dwell on past grievances, Wyll. it’s all water under the bridge now! give your ol’man a chance.”
“thanks, Tav, though i doubt he will grant me with one.”
———————————————————————
despite Wyll’s negative predictions, the welcome was truly warm. everyone was having fun whether dancing, drinking or just enjoying small casual talks — all the pros of civilized community. well, almost everyone: poor Halsin was obviously going through his personal hell as he was made to wear gala doublet and tight closed shoes. what a view!
once you were sure that family reunion went smooth, you made your way towards your beloved fanged man, who was waiting for you, passionately observing your figure from a shadow not far from the fourchette table.
“ah, you got me, playing a poster boy has it’s advantages.” — murmured the vampire swirling some fine wine in the glass.
“why am i not surprised to find you exactly nearby the bar?”
“huh, where else i might be?” — as if illustrating his own words, Astarion made a couple of slow tasteful sips of thick burgundy liquid.
“yeah, well, but why it looks like you’re hiding? kind of… cmon, it’s a ball in our honor! i thought you’d be in the center of the hall shocking these noble snowflakes with explicit details of our journey.”
“oh, Tav, darling, don’t get me wrong, i’d be more than happy to do so… but, alas, i’m afraid i am not the only one with such — let it say — vast biography here, thus there might occur some sort of conflict of interests.”
“er…”, — as if you were a dog, you tilted your head on the side not getting what he was implying there.
“ugh, Tav, don’t make me remind you of the things i used to do for that Szarr’s offspring, would you? the thought of coming face to face with a kid that i made an orphan or an old lady that i made a widow way too early makes me sense this disgusting, gut wrenching feeling…” — he paused, not finishing the sentence.
“yeah, guilt, i got you.”
“wonderful, thanks a million for humiliating me with this pitiful word.” — Astarion frowned.
a small smile appeared on your lips.
“lets forget about everything for tonight, what do you think?” — gentle touch of your tender palm has granted the cold spawn’s cheek with some reassuring warmth. — “we’ve got so far and stayed alive not to be bothered by the ghosts of the past. well, we, for sure, can have at least a night for ourselves!
it took you a few more minutes to persuade your capricious white-haired vampire to make a step on the dance floor. and just in time: the orchestra changed the rhythm to a more melodic, signaling to all the gentlemen that it is time for a slow dance.
Astarion’s cold hand found its place on your waist and as the music started flowing throughout the ballroom hall, you — the sweet couple itself — began moving in unison with others.
————————————————————————
“i knew it was a bad idea, Tav…” — his red eyes were nervously wandering among the crowd of staring people.
and he was 100% sure he was the object of their “close attention”.
but you had just rolled your eyes.
“Selune forgive me… i swear to god, Astarion, if you spoil our first presentable dance in a fucking castle, the staring crowd would be your least problem.” — you hissed at him. — “you’re exaggerating, none is paying us extra attention.”
“but…”
“shush!” — you stopped him. — “if you allow me to have one more dance, we will go downstairs and…” — the rest of that amorous ultimatum was cowered with ballroom’s noise, but the sparkle in Astarion’s eyes made it obvious: he found that deal quite fair and worth his public suffering.
and as it was promised, in a few minutes you both were already running down the hall’s stairs, hiding from the servants’ curious eyes in the closest niches, until you came across the dark corridor.
completely without candles and any other form of magical light (just a few moonbeams that found their way trough the boarded up shutters), dust-covered furniture and paintings and the slightest bit of smell of damp — a perfectly abandoned corner for just two of you.
laughing innocently, you wandered down that corridor, marking every corner with passionate open-mouthed kisses, until you stumbled over a nightstand of perfect height and then…
his strong pale arms were shamelessly groping on every plush part of your body, erupting waves of goosebumps all over your skin. never have you ever thought that such cold hands could make you feel that hot.
his lips never completely left your body, if only just making short breaks to whisper (or better say, to moan in despair) some sort of explicit sweet nothings right to your ear. and not forgetting to bite on the earlobe in between, of course.
so now you were seated on that, you hoped, solid nightstand, Astarion standing with his knee between you thighs just right so that your core was granted with so wanted friction; his fists full of your hair and your hopeless moans while you were gridding on his hip and undoing his coat.
and then he pulled you up, connecting your lips and tongues, kissing so hard as if it was the last time.
“pardon, Mademoiselle, i just thought you’d boil my knee with that heat of yours” — half moaned and half groaned the pale elf, painting a hot line with his tongue from your collarbone till your cheek. — “but i have something else you can warm up instead~” — and with those words you felt the hem of your dress lifting up, exposing your left thigh to cool humid air.
you prepared yourself to stand firmly, having vampire’s shoulders as your support. his cold elegant fingers were grasping skin of your inner thigh, you already bit your lip in anticipation, a few inches further and you would feel him touch that hot spot, relieving the built up tension in your lower stomach…
…when suddenly you hear a door slam shut.
you both jumped a bit, turning your heads towards the noise.
the sound of slamming was echoing through the empty corridor.
no other noises.
“maybe just a butler?..” — you whispered, holding on the man’s shoulders even tighter.
Astarion put you down on the floor, adjusting your dress.
you tried to make your messy hair look presentable as if nothing improper ever happened.
the pale elf made an effort to get at least a glimpse of silhouette, but the darkness was greater than his elven vision.
“draft… maybe?” — you tried to reason the situation once again.
“shush”, — he cleared his throat — “er… everything is alright, we’re fine! just having some fun, none is hurt, well, at least for now, ha-ha~” — the last part was added quieter so that only you could hear it.
but there still was no answer.
“we saved the whole damn area from the bloody curse and still can’t get just a couple minutes of privacy? gods!” — annoyingly and sarcastically added Astarion, commenting on the situation.
and then, from the depths of the dark around them he hears the response:
“third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed.”
and Astarion froze.
he froze in place as he used to do for so many times.
he froze as spawn that heard his master’s disgruntled command.
he froze, looking into darkness — the source of that deadly familiar cold-toned voice.
he froze in place: no sound, no breeze touching his skin — just echo of those words rushing through his head.
if he still had his heart beating, it would stop now.
if his skin was warmer, it would run cold now.
his face froze in a blank expression of horror: eyes wide opened and not blinking, just staring at some spot in the darkness before him, where a pair of two red piercing eyes was now visible.
“Astarion, my boy, you abandoned your family just to play heroes? and you thought you could enter the city without me knowing about it? uh, im offended. always so underestimating of me.”
the dark figure was slowly approaching you, becoming more visible with each step. you could already review that the stranger was tall, dark haired, had a rich suit on, was walking with elegant posture and had those damn bloody red eyes.
but Astarion was just standing as he was before, pure horror on his face.
and realization finally hit you.
you stepped in-front of your man, shielding him with your body and arms:
“do not come closer, you piece of shit, or i will slit your throat open.”
“ah, you got a pet without my permission? ugh, i can smell her all over your body… disgusting.
what did i tell you? first, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures.”
you threw up your hand, preparing to cast sunbeam:
“i said, step away and leave him be, you moron!” — the more you were losing your temper, the more small sparkles where starting to appear on your palm, threatening to erupt into the powerful ray.
but the man before you ignored it, like you were nothing more than another piece of dust-covered furniture.
“come, boy.” — Cazador ordered.
his strong voice spreading in the hallway as ice-cold echo.
but Astarion remained motionless, still not blinking, though now visibly shaking.
“second, thou shalt obey me in all things.” — you were ready to swear that his eyes sparkled a bit brighter for a second. — “come here, spawn. do not make it more difficult for everyone.”
and the pale elf made a tiny step forward, jolting his body towards his not so former master.
“Astarion, no!” — you shouted, stopping him from going further in the dark. — “sunbeam!”
the bright sunshine erupted and fell hard on the dark figure in-front of you, creating sound of several waves of thunder. but when the light went off, you couldn’t sense anyone else present.
you casted a couple of flying candles to lighten the surroundings, however, you could see only pale elf and the covered furniture around you.
you were not sure if it’s a good thing, though.
but as none else was visibly present down there with two of you, you brought your attention back to the poor man, that was even paler than usual.
“are you okay?” — your voice obviously worried. — “hey, Astarion,” — you placed your trembling but still warm palms on his cheeks, tilting his face towards yours. — “look at me. he’s gone, you’re safe! everything is gonna be alright…”
and he finally obeyed. but as soon as he did so, he froze once again, looking somewhere behind your back.
at the very same moment you sensed it. the cold aura of that deadly monster who was tormenting your lover in his dreams. you did not dare to look back, too scared to find out how exactly close he was, but then you felt a couple of silk-like hair strands touching your bare shoulder.
“over there, i heard it there!” — muffled voices of guards came from behind the closed doors.
“unfortunately, our reunion had come to an end… for now. i just couldn’t not greet you myself, my dear boy.” — the guardians started slamming the door. — “come back home, Astarion, come back home…”
the very moment his piercing voice died in the corridor’s walls, the candles were blown, too, leaving you two in the complete darkness of the empty hallway.
i'm surprised i haven't seen any text posts yet about the Unsubtle Differences between astarion’s tiefling party/high approval forest scene and the one you get after the goblin party.
there’s something so terribly interesting about how the conversation afterward plays out depending on which variation you pursue.
like, most people have seen the tiefling party version by now. astarion basking in the sunlight the morning after, playing off most of what tav says with relative ease, even when they ask about his scars and he tells them about cazador. his cadence is smooth and composed, his smile almost friendly, even though you know, as the viewer, he’s playing a game of manipulation at this point. the only real crack in his demeanor is if tav notices that cazador’s “poem” was written in infernal, which, understandably, startles him.
but recently i watched the goblin party version of this same scene, and everything reads so differently. unlike at the tiefling party, it’s still the middle of the night when astarion tries to leave, thinking tav is asleep—almost immediately after the act, in fact. when tav does speak to him, he’s visibly nervous, halting and stammering in the middle of lines delivered unflinchingly in the other version of the scene. he gestures broadly and fidgets more while talking, his smile comes and goes. there’s even some of his distinctive high pitched, fake laughter sprinkled throughout the exchange, almost identical to later scenes where he's very, very obviously uncomfortable (like if raphael mocks him and magics off astarion's shirt to show the party his scars in act 2, or when confronting the gur children in their cell in act 3, etc etc).
siding with the goblins represents something deeply familiar to astarion, a level of cruelty he's more than familiar with and embraces likely because cruelty and duplicity, to him, go hand-in-hand with the power and freedom he craves so badly—but he won't stay the night with this tav, even if he approves of their actions. no, in this case, he'll keep to what's familiar and attempt to leave them in the forest under the cover of the very same darkness he resents having been cast into by cazador. when he gets caught, it sets him on edge, and everything he says becomes such a blatant lie to save face that tav would have to be completely oblivious not to see through him, or maybe just not care enough to.
but if tav saves the refugees? challenges his worldview and comes out victorious? oh, he'll complain of the poor rewards for his trouble at the party and whine about it being boring, but he decides to stay with tav through the night while they're asleep and on past dawn. he takes a moment to enjoy the morning sunlight, returned to his life after two centuries without. the same is true if you have high enough approval that he asks before the party, in which case, you've almost certainly hit his biggest approval gains: trusting him and supporting his safety. maybe he doesn't trip over his words when he speaks because, well, maybe this is someone he doesn't have to worry about. someone who's already more than proven themselves a foolish, heroic sort with a bleeding heart or otherwise demonstrated that they're already in his corner. in other words, not a threat—at least not to him.
does any of this make sense. i wanna study this guy under a microscope.
ig the reason for such difference between these two scenes may be way simpler (despite the fact of some cutscene with Minthara (and im deadly curious what this scene is)): this event with party takes place pretty early in their shared trip which means they all know each other for… a couple of days? weeks? definitely not enough to be sure whether your companion is worth of feeling safe around or not. and what’s more, Astarion is free from Cazador’s influence and his two centuries’ slavery, torture and horror for pretty the same amount of time. SO, i guess, if you slaughter the grove and have this scene with him after the goblin party, it’s pretty logical to me that he tries to leave. because he just simply doesn’t trust you and doesn’t feel safe/comfortable around you. because he might even fear you. you decided (and did) to kill all these civilians, you took their home and lives from them, pretty much the same what Cazador did to Astarion. so he is just simply scared that you may be just like his master. that you may be another torturer to him. yeah, he might be into killing them himself, too (or just showing it off this way) but i strongly believe that all his roughness, arrogance and disapproval of the good acts has a lot to do with his post abuse trauma (believe me, i know what im talking about). like he’s trying to become evil himself because he knows: evil = power (power over other people, their lives (also you dont spare your effort helping others, which means you have more effort to defend yourself), power = safety (thats the very same reason why he wants to ascend so much). and even if he finds saving tieflings boring, it helps him to build more trust towards you. because you save people and dont harm them. which means you re more likely to not do any harm to him as well. and that’s why he stays. yeah, ig he doesn’t show any fear towards you further in your play through, because he gets that even though you kill others, you don’t hurt him, which he finds comforting and safe as well, but, as for me, in a more twisted way (like yeah bitch, lets go, kill them all so they dont kill me!)
p.s. i had only one playthrough as origin character so i saw this scene only after tiefling party, so nvm me and my ramblings if im being incorrect. these are just my thoughts based on the origin post and it’s comments 🖖
