Crisp Penmanship

Take the mind of a romantically inclined young man who finds comfort in revealing his thoughts and imagination with accuracy and style for all those willing to read....and you have....Crisp Penmanship

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Bad Terms

we didn't leave on bad terms...we just left...there were no detailed observations and witty arguments about what we should do and how we felt...we just...faded...away...from each other...and now our hearts have become tempered...jaded...there's an asterisk next to every relationship we've gotten into...we've wavered as to whether there is an emotional attachment...and after years we agreed to having closure...but out of obligation...you committed yourself to someone else and I knew that the only way that I could have you again would come at the price of your heart...and I wasn't willing to have it broken for me...

that was then...months later I've realized that what must be done must be done...and if your heart is shattered and torn to pieces so you and I can be come...us...than so be it...

we didn't leave on bad terms...we just left...I'm mature enough to know what I want...and I'm prepared to work for the sake of us...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Feeling like a Charlie Brown Christmas

In an instant she became just a train ride away daily...a few dollars and a stroll down streets I couldn't call home...frozen afternoons and chilly nights felt like I was living life right because after the shivers there was a river of comfort...

there was her smiling

like sheets of ice falling into arctic water she delve into my composure...compromised my posture just so we could stand together...and crowned myself lucky for just having her attention...

she's a savor that I'd let sit on my lips for years at a time but she never let me past first base...the foundation for our affection was grounded at hugs and ugly laughs about random shenanigans we couldn't explain...

the gibberish I'm speaking feels like a history lesson for the uninformed...it sounds like an uneasy introduction into infatuation...but it's really my way of saying that I wish you spent your days with me...instead of with....

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Uneasy

she makes me uneasy...but I'm attracted to her...I'm partially attached especially when she rotates her hips and moans my name...consumed in complete pleasure she can't focus beyond my name...beyond the feel of me and I'm so caught up in how her accent coats my name that I just kiss and stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...

my heart is more protected than my dick...I won't delete the text...It's hard for me to back up into a space where she isn't key...harboring habitual commentary about why she doesn't have a title yet has led us down a familiar path...she isn't the first to reach this point...I've always kept the attention of at least one woman...

they say don't make major decisions without at least giving it 24 hours...I've done that at least 24 times...trying to figure out whether or not I should be open to her about everything...but letting have it all...makes me uneasy...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Self Preservation

the discussions have distributed observations by oblivious powerful patrons about the "minority" lifestyle publicly...

it's all being displayed on a plainly on a platter...call it food for thought or the malnourished profiles of prolific bigots with no understanding of the world outside of theirs...

to deny our demands because it's not your reality is really unrealistic and remains the reason why protests have protected our sanity barely...we've been pushed like pawns across the board...the playing field hasn't been leveled...they've demonized our actions...but they forget the laws they've taught us...cause and effect...

there's resistance...only because we're being forced...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Just ok

this isn't depression but if you had a discussion with me about what's going on you'd probably get the impression that everything is...well...fine...it's ok...I'm doing better than most...but...that's not enough...it's never been enough...

I can't find comfort in being average...in not being elated...in accepting almost...sort of kind of...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

liq

I'm watching my pride take shots while I sip shots of hennesy...I used to rush the liquor but I want the spirits to slowly enter these days...I'm an intermediate alcoholic...brolic* about barricading my intentions behind the somber feel of liquor rushing past my tonsils...there's a ton of weight on my shoulder so my posture is off...my shirts don't fit right and my cape dips to the left...the wind cant catch it right...the physics is off...I'm grounded...but I still feel powerful

I still believe I can...do...whatever...I decide to...that's what I tell myself as I examine my finances sitting comfortably in leather BMW seats...in the ultimate driving machine but feeling lacking drive...

no one but God see's these moments...that's why I pray to him for strength...confidence has me flirting with complacency...knowing the God only wants the best for me is getting the best of me...the expectancy is for favorable outcomes no matter how it comes...so I keep my head up...

there's a conflict brewing as I mix and match liquors with time periods...I'm no drunk...but the day is easier to manage when my mind isn't my own...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

I used to write more...my mind is still full...but time...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Teachers Lie

as children we were told to trust the police...not at home but in school...public figures teaching us to trust other public figures...and our minds were open...this was a place of learning...yet...at home and in our neighborhoods we see the fear that flashing lights create...we see uncles and brothers change their lingo to sound less threatening to sound more educated...when you hear deafening knocks at the front door and you see badges and utility belts wrapped around uniforms like it was a built in...and you see them take your uncle in handcuffs out of his room...you still expect me to trust them...in the court room they don't have any evidence but remove him from my every day life because of conspiracy charges...it all became personal then...the choice of words change then...you lose hope in cops then...you see the abuse of influence then...taking every day people...training them like soldiers...putting them amongst civilians and expecting them to not look at us like the enemy...their energy is almost always negative...we don't feel comfort when cops get involved...

and you expect young black boys to trust teachers to teach...when we've seen contradictions daily...2+2 might always equal 4...but when spoken from the mouth of a teacher....there's always the possibility that it's a lie...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Animals...

I was a stranger to the tangible existence of strange fruit until I saw it laying in a pool of blood...make that an ocean that you'd never swim in...you could cross it in one step...police officers discussed stories while standing over his body...the neighborhood couldn't believe that one of their own had been picked off from his stem...and...and...I don't even want to finish the thought...

we're prisoners in our minds but criminals in theirs...attempts to not make it black and white is what leaves it grey...black kill blacks...the truth is no darker than when whites do it...but it's usually a uniform seeing like their ancestors used too...dangerous animals that need to be tamed...renamed and redistributed to fenced in plantations...all they did was extend the cages...call them projects and project an image to the masses that its for our good...minimum wage jobs fill their pockets with just enough to do nothing...they forced a system on our ancestors that stripped us of power...nothing has changed except the exterior...jim crow laws blended with willie lynch's doctrine finding itself coming to fruition while strange fruit lay in pool of blood...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Badge to Skin...

my bones became numb when I read the news...

in their eyes our skin is as dark as ink...bullets ripped through cotton threads and blood stood around his body like protestors...puddles were drawn on pavement like the aggression in every step the officer took forward...pride and ego told one man to pull a trigger...told another to pull his hands up...and in my heart fear quaked repeatedly...the after shock couldn't be interviewed...there's no second hand account...no twitter or social media time stamps...no world star videos could be found and neither could peace...I've met police officers before...

I've had flashlights pointed towards my car windows...interrogated about scenarios that I had no peripheral of...I wasn't involved...denied knowing a thing but six vehicles lined up behind me...valid credentials to drive verified...yet 6 cars...30 minutes of uncertainty...they had the power...they had all the options...even if I stood my ground...they could make me lay...they could make me lay...

so when you tell me he held his hands up and still was given death...was still pronounced unworthy and guilty and pointless and erroneous...I will tell you that I believe you..these were the same words my ancestors heard as they hung...their words echoed against police badges back then too...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

The novela

The first time I kissed you I simply wanted to get my point across...I felt inclined at that very moment to sway you...to swirl you...I wanted to make you feel...and as cliche's fill my mind I say nothing except thank you...thank you speaking back...your lips felt like a novel...and I am an editor...scanning every line looking for mistakes but finding myself only caught up in the story and becoming a fan...I'm president of the fan club and the only member that matters....no one else is invited...they'll know of the story but never live it...they'll just see the smile on my face and know it must be the greatest tale ever told...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Piano Hands

If piano's read palms and I had the gift to play one...the tunes would be in tune with the beauty I see you in your smile..itunes...I am the result of missed trains and delayed flights...exaggerated responses and bad timing...but some how...with all the failures I bonded with...I crossed paths with you...I didn't dot any I's that night but eye to eye we locked...we laughed and spoke with a platonic accent...I caught a whiff of who you could be as you drifted by...your scent was a delight but you were just beyond my reach...just beyond my vision...as we parted ways I told my boy I had to find you again...and well...as you lay in my arms...it seems that either I kept my word...or you heard me...and wanted the same thing...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Future...

confine us into a bubble and we'd become enemies within a day...we're stubborn and spiteful...romantic and infatuated...unimpressed and completely consumed with idea of becoming everything to each other...I feel about her how she feels about me...conflicting premises guide our phrases too often...we're the confusing contradictions looking at each other in the face at dinner...no one understands us...they see us walking hand in hand but they can't feel how hard you grip my hand...but I love you...and it angers me...I've struggled with trust for years and fear creeps into my soul every time you make me smile...I'm not proud of my past but you're my reason for loving the future...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

soul mate

the whole time we were searching for soulmates...we spent night solo in the same bed...my arm draped across your mid section with your back pressed against my chest like we were in love with the affection...the comfort was like a fortress to protect our sensitive mindsets...the softest kisses could lead us astray...our emotions would get involved and we'd revolve our schedules around the idea of staying apart...but never for too long...we were too far gone...too intricately intwined with one another to convert the pseudo romantic experience into something tragically platonic...I could lick her and become inebriated...she was like liquor that I was obligated to consume...inept steps up to her bedroom were counterproductive but stumbling into her every night was...like...meeting my soul mate...yet we slept solo in her bed together...my fighting against the urges we'd happily indulge in because mentally...we weren't...anything...except...exactly what we were...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Yur stories are simply beautiful. & seeing you progress in your life, in the short time I have followed you, has been such an experience. Reminds me of the one person I so truly Loved and turned away for better. I hope you find her and your happiness

I truly appreciate your support...messages like these are encouraging...I'm still hopeful that I'll find true love soon...I won't rush it but when I find and commit to her...the poems will show it...Thank you again...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Stitched Together

I haven't been able to put you down since you looked me up...I'm constantly working but you're a convenient vacation...a get away...a refreshing experience that I've put on a pedestal...you're like a pistol hidden a dresser...and I'm the suicidal kid wanting to end it all...when the world becomes to much and I've made the choice to stop dealing...you're one click away...it's automatic...click clack...boom...I'd be able to scroll to your name even if I were blind...even if I were deaf I could hear your body calling mine and even if I couldn't touch you ever again...the memory of that first hug would compress my soul into a blissful state of homeostasis...I'm hung up on the fact that I'm falling for you...you have so much class I could write thesis papers on theoretically perfect you are...I'm Newton discovering gravity...I'm Basquiat scrambling through intricate ideas fighting against logic crafting your likeness in abstract form and telling the world what's obvious to the naked eye...your hand in my hand...your heart next to my heart...your attention distracted by my focus...and our future symmetrical drawn together like we were stitched by God's design...

[crisppenmanship-blog]

Two Numbers

I only know two numbers by heart...my mom's...and yours...I didn't want you to pick up...I needed a reason to get over you faster...your voice sounded like high school infatuated puppy love wrapped up in the insecure feelings that lovers have when the honeymoon stage fades to mundane diplomatic interactions...your tone felt like steel yet still answered...you saw my number become static on your phone...I doubt there's an image saved anymore...I remember when your screensaver was us kissing...but you picked up the phone...and I didn't want you to...a contradiction...but I needed the friction of feeling abandoned to have a reason to disown the memories we created...but you answered...you said my name like a perfect stranger...and called me by the nickname that everyone does...Lord knows that I know better...but I only know two numbers by heart...my mom's and...yours...