A nurse for her entire professional life, Beth knows the longer she talks the less likely it is that Caity knew any of this and she’s now dumped an entire back bay of trouble in the woman’s lap. She feels awful about this but it doesn’t stop her from being honest. If the situation were reversed and it was her brother that had needed surgery, she would want to know the details. She would want to know everything she could to make the recovery time as short as possible, and to make him feel comfortable. She would want to do everything in her power to protect him. Not that she is deciding what exactly Caity felt for Lugh Sweeney but there is something about the tightness of her mouth and the shadows in her eyes that suggests a level of care that goes beyond the casual nature of employer and employee. If nothing else Caity loves the two boys under her charge.
That has to be difficult for her in so many ways, being a shadow of the mother they lost, and still having to acknowledge that she’s only got so much say in their lives. That they can be taken away at someone else’s whim? Caity is far stronger a woman than Beth could ever be. And what if she wants to some day start a family of her own? Would she be able to bring herself to walk away? Her own mother had. Her mother had been the Admiral’s house-keeper and Andy’s caretaker until Beth had happened, any way and they’d chosen to get married. Eventually her mother had left and gotten herself a new family, leaving a mess of the old one. Not that she would ever imply that Caity Buckley was the kind of person who would or could do that, become intimately involved with Mr Sweeney and then abandon her children.
She has to wonder about what the redhead’s life is like. How she’d even met the man she worked for, what it was like coming from Ireland to Boston and to move in with strangers. But whatever the circumstances, she’d glad. The boys are really great kids. Identical twins that are so different with one another. The younger, more sullen brother is probably Beth’s favourite, but she genuinely likes them both. They have bright, voraciously curious minds, different talents. She feels the family is lucky to have Caity to nurture them and her heart breaks at the idea of them having lost a wife and mother but thinks that things could have been worse in so many ways.
She also thinks she has too many opinions on the family, Caity included, than is proper. She only really knows what she sees in clinic visits, the idle gossip of Boston Society, and what she and Caity mention to one another in passing. The other terrible thing about their situation is the fact that nothing is ever really private. She’s grateful that her brother doesn’t believe in living up to the family station and they largely stay out of the press, the gossip circles and the match-making ones. The Dowagers have been trying to settle his brother down for years, and she’s sure its the same with Mr Sweeney.
Train of thought derailed by Caity’s voice, Beth runs her tongue over her lip and tries to catch up with what she might have missed in the middle of her own musing. The words coax a grin out of her. “If any kine come up and he asks more'n what ya have t’ answer, ya can always send him my way. He can call or text if he needs. An’ I promise t’ spare him any of da really gory details. An’ hard questions…dose are a sign of intelligence.”
She wants to ask what Caity plans on telling the boys, and how much of this new knowledge she’ll admit to knowing, seeing as it came as a surprise. She can’t imagine the woman will hold his surgery against him. And that’s hard too. Lugh Sweeney lies somewhere between her brother’s age and her father’s and in Beth’s estimation he’s too young to be dealing with such an advanced case of arthritis but it does happen from time to time. But Caity’s laugh doesn’t sound wholly reassuring.
Beth can’t help but give the other woman’s knee a reassuring and comforting squeeze.
Something about the look on her face when she glances away makes Beth want to go to the house with her, pour her some tea, drag out all of the emotions she’s got locked up in that deep green gaze. She knows that it’s presumptuous to think that would make Caity feel better, but it would make her feel a little better, especially since part if not most of the other woman’s distress is her own fault, and Beth knows what it’s like not to have a confidant when you need one most.
A feeling that only grows when she confesses that she didn’t know about any of this, and that by the sounds of it, she’d been deliberately mislead for reasons Beth can’t even begin to guess at. And that only makes her feel even worse.
“I’m sure he must'a had one reason, or two…Mr Sweeney dat is. But…if ya no dere t’ take care of da boys, an’ Mr Sweeney were tied up wi’ his hands, den who…”
The question is left unfinished as they pull to a stop to let off a few passengers from a different car.
Beth’s tone was soft, it was knowing, because her brother is often the same way. “Sometimes people like Mr Sweeney…dey get wound up in deir own worry. Like dey t'ink dey protectin’ ya if dey keep stuff to demself. An’ mebbe he no wanna inconvenience ya li'dat. Mebbe he no want ya ta worry about him an’ da boys. Mebbe he…”
She shrugged but she didn’t think he was acting in any malice. She would bet almost anything that he wouldn’t want Caity to be stressed or worried, didn’t want her to give her any added stress. She doesn’t know why she’s trying to defend him with all her ability, but she suspects it’s because she recognises a lot of herself in Caity and knows that means the woman is probably blaming herself for things she can’t possibly be responsible for. It’s a hard place to be in and on that regard, Beth feels worse and worse as the minutes go by. Especially since it was her fault in the first place.
“I kinda do, though. Like ya jus’ fine before I open my big mout. An’ of course we’d love t’ have ya. Come stay a’ da hale…da house. Show ya around. Pretty places, educational ones. Take a bit of time free f’ yaself too. Like, ya can do da daytime stuff wi’ me an da boys, in da evenin’ Andy can show ya ‘round all da grown up places. Mebbe see some kine ya like an’ after his recovery, send Mr Sweeney dere, too. It’ll be fun! An’ I’d love a chance t’ babysit da boys! Ya wan go home right away, or ya wanna come wi’ me t’ my stop an’ come see it f’ yaself. Da house, dat is.”
She doesn’t at all miss the squeeze to her knee or the way in which Beth has...rather pointedly begun to defend Mister Sweeney. And maybe for a moment that confuses her though she doesn’t show a hint of it on her face. Rewinding the last few moments. What she’d said. And there’s an internal flinch that her words had, indeed gotten away from her. That there were holes sprinkled all over them--gapping ones--that Beth could just as plainly see as anyone might in broad daylight. And maybe Caity wants to crash her palm against her own face. So much so she has to curl fingers around her bag again to keep from doing just that. Christ when was she going to master the art of not outting herself?
“Mister Sweeney dunna need explain himself ta anyone. Meself least of all Beth. Oi’ dunna be angry o’er it. Just wish he would o’given me some warnin’. But oi’ suppose he were havin’ his reasons, loi’ke ye say.”
Her voice is even and note a drop of anything put defensive understanding of her employer. Even if that’s quite the opposite of how she feels. The front not for herself but for her friend. Because she can understand what Beth must be feeling. The worry that some how Caity will quite literally tattle. But the truth is Caity has always had a way of tattling on herself but not anyone else. Tight lipped as the actual Queen of England she could be and was when someone else was on the line. Herself? Not so much.
Regardless though she lets the matter lie. Makes no further comment. Because she knows she could promise to the moon and back that she’ll not breathe a word, and Beth would still worry. How does she know? Because she would too if she were in Beth’s shoes. Something that sinks into Caity’s own boots as the trolley stops. Lets a few passengers from another car off. And starts up again smooth as any sort of contraption should. Beth following her lead on the alter in conversation. Something like the smallest flicker of sunlight catching her gaze despite the late hour.
“Dunna ye moi’nd, Bet’. Ye bringin’ i’ up jus’ means ye care. An’ oi’ for one be glad he has people lookin’ ou’ for ‘im t’at do so much. God knows he dunna. Look ou’ for ‘imself oi’ mean. No as much as he should anyway...”
A kind of apologetic smile that comes and goes. A tuck of hair behind her ear again.
“Oi’d loi’ke t’at. Very much. T’ank ye, love. T’ough I canna be guessin’ ye home be lackin’ in any regard. Lorcan seems ta love ‘is stays wi’d ye after his lessons. Which oi’ ne’er did t’ank ye for proper. Been o’ real help t’at has. One t’ink oi’ ne’er quoi’te grasped...bein’ in ta places a’ once. Luka were super happy he were gettin’ ta continue w’it his book club on Wednesday cause o’ ye. Ye been o’ real loi’fe saver.”
The briefest pause. A resettling of her bag in her lap a little bit.
“...which one is ye stop anyway? Wee confession oi’ may o’ been lost in me thoughts so much oi’ve missed me own twoi’ce now.”
A tiny little bitty lie by omission. And just one more reason she really has no room to be upset with Mister Sweeney at all. Two peas in a pod they are when it comes to things like that. Their own personal things sheltered by them. Things they don’t want anyone knowing. And where Caity is concerned...Mister Sweeney most of all.
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