Itâs not that Dick forgets, not really. He knows what Jason went through. What they all went through, when Dick.. died. God, isnât that the mark of a Robin these days? Having died at some point? And even if his was only for a few moments, minutes at the most, it still happened. His heart stopped, he was dead. And thatâs what everyone believed. Dick remembers the hurt - he remembers just how hard it had been for Jason, finding out it was all a lie. âI know how hard it was, Jason - I know. I remember. It wasnât what I wanted.â Dick could easily defend himself here. He knows. Spyral wasnât his idea. It wasnât what he wanted. Lying to everyone, pretending he was dead, putting them all through that - Dick never wanted to do that. But pointing fingers now, so long after itâs all happened - whatâs the point? It wonât help either of them. And it wonât change what happened. Or how much he hurt his family.
âIâm not⊠denying that, Jason.â Heâs not stupid. He knows heâs important to people. To his family, his friends. Dickâs not so much of a martyr to think it wouldnât effect them, if something happened to him. But he also knows he needs to be true to himself. He canât⊠lose that part of himself. Heâs not even sure who he is without that part of himself. âListen, I know - I know people need me. Me, not Nightwing. But I⊠I need Nightwing, Jay. I canât just give that part of myself up. I donât.. think I know who I am, without him.â Itâs pathetic, he knows. Heâs spent years trying to figure out just that, and he still doesnât have a goddamn answer.
At Jasonâs reaction he canât help but let out a soft sigh. The truth is.. Dick knows heâs not doing the right thing. He knows heâs being selfish, throwing himself into this when heâs not really recovered enough for it. But this is what he needs to do. Somehow, he has to find a way to push through all of that, and hope Jason and the others will support him through it, whether they like it or not. He gets the feeling, with Jason, thatâs too much to ask. And really, thatâs fair. Dick knows. âBecause - if I donât do this, I wonât be who you all need me to be anymore. And thatâs worse than - than anything that could happen to me out here.â
âYeah, you can say what you want,â Jason shoots back, wielding his hurt like a switchblade, âbut I never wouldâve done that to you. I wouldâve hacked my own arm off before I did that to you.â Spyral had marked yet another one of those moments where they were all reminded that they were raised by a certain man with certain values, and as much as they might try to take on only the best parts of Bruce, some of the worst of him had filtered through along with it.Â
His jaw tightens in frustration, and while thereâs some small part of him that sympathizes with Dick, thereâs a much larger part insisting that, measured against the thought of losing him, his explanation sounded like the dumbest thing Jason had ever heard. âWell, maybe, and, hey, Iâm just thinking off the top of my head here, you could spend this time trying to figure that out. Actually seems like a pretty fucking perfect opportunity thatâs landed right in your lap.â
Jason is acutely aware of his pointless this argument is. Theyâre well-matched for stubbornness, and that knowledge has him backing towards the edge of the rooftop, hand flexing at his side.
âLetâs be clear about one thing â I donât need shit from you, Grayson. The rest of them might have to put up with this crap, but I sure as fuck donât.â That much was true, at least. Jason had spent years alone, had worked hard to make sure heâd never again rely on anyone but himself. Whatever loyalty and comfort happened to pass through his life, he considered it an extra yet undoubtedly temporary bonus. It was clearly the right way to live, given how this situation was panning out. âGive me a call when you realize what a monumentally stupid decision this is. Iâll be waiting on that or yet another funeral invite.â
And with that, Jason raises his grappling hook and steps off the edge of the building, the stomach-dropping free-fall somehow less intense than the feeling of growing dread at what heâs just learned.Â
...Bug Dickâs phone later? Yeah. Bug his phone later.