High Water
Megumi Fushiguro/Yuuji Itadori
CW - Angst, eating disorders, unrequited love
(Cross posted on AO3)
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Each day was getting harder.
Megumi didn't know what to do with himself, with these feelings he's been having for months.
It really has only been months....
He met Yuuji at the start of the year.
Everything was so easy. He preferred it when it was easy. When he didn't have to keep himself from breaking down in front of Yuuji.
Yuuji who's so understanding and nice. Yuuji who he would do anything for if it meant he could still see him or speak to him from time to time.
They'd stopped talking for a minute.
God. Megumi had almost...
He was almost over it.
Then last week, the walls came crumbling down. The dam broke and all those feelings he had shoved down, they resurfaced.
It didn't help with the way Yuuji was talking, either. Bringing up the past like he doesn't know what it does to Megumi.
Texting him like he's got no clue how hard it is for him.
He likes to think he's made it obvious what's going on with him, but maybe Yuuji can't take a hint.
Megumi fears he won't be able to stop himself from answering him. He won't stop even though it tears him in half each time Yuuji wants to talk to him.
He's such a softie when it comes to him.
But in those first months after meeting, Yuuji made it clear he didn't think they would work out.
There was a sliver of hope, at least that's what Megumi thought, but he was wrong.
Thats what he needs to tell himself.
Yuuji had ranted to him. He could never say no to letting him rant.
Afterwards...Megumi had said he was sorry he couldn't do much else but listen to him.
'I appreciate you Megumi. Even listening just helps.'
It all felt so surreal.
Didn't he have anyone else to rant to?
Couldn't he bother Nobara? His best friend?
He couldn't keep himself from crying.
From sobbing.
It was still so easy to talk to Yuuji. It was still so nice to talk to him. It was nice to hear what he's been up to. Yet he couldn't stop himself from yearning. He was on his mind more than ever it seems.
Apparently he was on Yuuji's mind too. He didn't know what to do when he learned that information. He didn't know what the fuck he meant.
Was he just trying to fuck with him? Just trying to get in his head, under his skin?
He already had been since the first day they met.
'idk you've just been on my mind recently'
What was he supposed to do with that?
Yuuji had brought up a few days prior how he had been reminiscing about....
About the one day they went on a date.
And he said he was sorry?
Sorry for what?
Megumi was never upset with him. Never could be upset with him. Yuuji had certainly said some things that hurt him, but he had already forgiven him.
Yuuji should know he's his weakness. He should know Megumi will always be there for him.
Even if he doesn't want to be.
Even if he sighs when he gets a text from him.
Even if he's the reason Megumi loses sleep at night.
He's also found himself eating less.
Losing his appetite.
He didn't know it would mean he'd get winded faster when training.
He didn't want to worry anyone, but alas he has a very perceptive teacher.
"Megumi, make sure you eat something."
Gojo had normalized telling him that, he was still upbeat at first, and Megumi would just roll his eyes.
"I am, Gojo."
But he knows he means he should eat an actual meal, not just a few crackers....
But even trying to eat small stuff was hard now.
'So you're just not eating anymore?'
A text he got not too long ago.
'i am tho'
Lying through his teeth. But it was for the better to keep up a facade.
He was actually surprised that he didn't even feel hungry. Though, there was a night his stomach was in pain, late at night. He had retreated to the kitchen and made himself something and forced himself to eat the whole thing.
It just made him feel sick.
Not to mention the mood swings he was having. He really hates blaming Yuuji for them.
When he thinks harder about it, it's really his own fault.
Because he should be over him by now.
He knows that Yuuji has been over him for a while.
He has to keep himself from typing out a long message telling him off, because he knows Yuuji has his own issues in his own life.
He's stuck to just asking pretty basic questions.
One of them he had made Nobara ask, he just...couldn't do it himself.
That sliver of hope, it was some stupid internet meme. A vaguely flirty one, and when Yuuji had sent it, it made Megumi blush like a little bitch.
And he had asked him why he had even sent it at all.
'i thought you would find it funny'
He knows that's not what he meant. Doesn't he?
He doesn't know what to do with any of this.
It's all he's able to think about it seems.
And fuck. It makes his chest ache. He feels like he's drowning, feels like no matter how hard he kicks to get back to the surface, he's just dragged back down, and his screams are muffled. Instead of air filling his lungs, it's water, flooding his insides, slowly making him cold.
He'd give anything to forget it all.
But, for the time being he'll avoid his own questions and bury that history deep.
He will try to keep holding his breath.
And he will see If he can hold himself together.
