( ♔. fckemilie. )
“ isaiah, i can’t… “
SHE’S NOT WEAK. she knows that isaiah remembers her as such, and can’t bring herself to blame him. the emilie fawley of six years ago was very different to the emilie fawley of today – though, she supposes, that’s what an apocalypse will do to you. but she can’t allow him to play the hero. she’s not a damsel in distress. wasn’t allowed to be. especially not after her papa left; she had to stand up, had to be strong. for xavier’s sake. ( yeah, and look how that worked out for xavier. you’re still weak, fawley. you always will be. )
SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE WEAK. she can’t afford to be weak. it’s already cost her so much: little sebastian, her mother, xavier. she remembers sebastian’s burial. remembers how heavily she’d cried. remembers thinking, if only for a moment, it’s my fault. if she’d been more present, been smarter, been more weary of the world – she could’ve saved him. he was barely even fourteen when he’d died. he should’ve been worrying about the pretty girl in his class that wouldn’t pay him enough attention. keeping his grades up. normal teenager stuff. not whether he could trust the people they encountered while out on a supply run, not whether he would live to see the next sunrise. he was fourteen years old. he would’ve been eighteen now, maybe nineteen. the thought forces her to blink back tears. she could’ve saved him. she should’ve saved him. the two of them would’ve worked something out, they always did.
SHE WILL BE STRONG. even in the company of an old acquaintance, she will not allow herself to soften. admittedly, she never knew isaiah too well– only knew him to be ambitious, and self-serving. he seems different, now. seems strangely earnest and vulnerable. but if she allows herself to soften in his company, the world will take advantage of the opportunity. it always does. and emilie is sick of being taken advantage of, it’s happened her whole life and she wants it to end. wants to prove herself strong enough to deserve to have survived, when so many other people have died. they should have lived. emilie would trade her life in a millisecond if it meant her mother or sebastian or xavier or tristan or abigail would get to live on. hell, she’d trade her life for oliver’s, too. oliver was the sort of person you want at your side: intelligent and resourceful. kind, when necessary. a good leader, too. all emilie fawley has is a pretty face and her dead brother’s handgun in her backpack. she tries to ignore the bitter taste in her mouth.
“ i can’t let you go off on your own. please, let me come with you ? we’ll sleep in shifts tonight, i just… want to come with you. “
HE GETS IT. he wishes he didn’t, but he does. almost too well, if he was being honest. it’s hard to be on your own these days, even harder whilst in an unknown place. as of late, he’s had no choice in the matter and has learnt to be comfortable with his own company, though even he must admit it’s easier when in a small group of two, maybe three. too big a group and you run the risk of attracting the attention of zombies, or some of the more volatile survivors. if you’re on your own, there’s nobody to cover your six, nobody to keep watch while you get some fucking sleep.
“ okay. “ he says after a small while, mouth set in a firm line. he reaches a hand out for her to take, and tries not to think maybe emilie can cover my six. he is here to keep her safe and find her somewhere to stay, that’s all. “ seriously though, you look like shit. you can sleep first tonight. “
TRUTH BE TOLD, he’s a little scared to go to sleep tonight. ever since he was a kid, he’s talked on-and-off in his sleep and he doubts his subconscious cares much about the secret of his identity. he’s not sure if he plans to tell emilie of his lie at all quite yet, but knows he’d rather tell her himself than have him spill his shit while still asleep. that’s not fair to her. ( though, really, what about this situation is fair to emilie ? none of it, that’s what. )
“ so... uh. ” curiosity killed the cat, rowle. “ what’ve you-- how’d you-- where’s your family ? “ fucking jackass.
