Fizzy

18+ only. welcome to my corner where I write whatever is on the brain

[crowned-fizzy]

Welcome to my writing corner.

My page is 18+ only as my writing is often for mature audiences.

Some basic information about me and my page

I go by she/her

I write about a multitude of things. Some sad, some happy, some mixed, some toxic, some a mix of all three, some about healing, some about being broke.

Each character in my writing will be in this post or linked at a later time. Where you can find basic info on them.

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Characters and some basic information on them.

Brandon Issac.

A 28 year old male. Brandon is subtly manipulative. He doesn't seem toxic or controlling. By the time anyone realizes, it's to late. He frames his manipulation as love. It's soft and subtle. Just like his controlling behaviors.

Clara Essex.

A 26 year old woman. She is on the naive side. Believes everyone has good in them. She's more than willing to help them find it. She will stay and stay, believing someone can chnage. Even if her instincts scream to leave and stay gone.

More will be added later!

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[crowned-fizzy]

So I have the song "white winter hymnal" by fleet foxes. Stuck in my head so have this.

"I was put in charge of a team. They all followed me. They followed me through the forests, the battlefields, the snow. I did my best as a leader. These people became more than teammates. They were my brothers. Not just brothers. I loved those men like sons."

"They were lucky to have you as a captain" Nick says, trying to hold in tears. Their captain had been like this for months after surviving being shot in the head. He didn't realize he was talking to his team. They didn't dare tell him either. Because then he'd ask where Dylan was. The didn't have the heart to tell him, that Dyaln died that night. They know their captain. They don't want to see him, blame himself. Because no one blames him. The captain looks proudly at the flag on his dresser. Forgetting what a folded flag means. But he doesn't see the dog tags laying near. The ones labeled Dylan Michael. That Dylan didn't have anyone but the cap. They would let him keep his happiness. That's the least they could do for him.

Dylan had just completed basic. His bushy black tail swishes softly behind him. He was so excited to join a team. To have a pack. He followed the team everywhere. Sniffing out enemies and explosives. Dylan's friends noted how they've never seen him so happy. The captain took Dylan under his wing. After each misson he would scratch Dylan between his fluffy black ears. Dylan loved the captain and saw him as a father. The captain saw Dylan as a son. He would smile proudly after every find Dylan made. The other men would smile warmly watching Dylan's tail wag furiously. The captain would laugh and scowl if anyone had anything to say. Dylan may be a hybrid, but he is the son the captain always wanted.

Dylan was so excited to get to go another misson. Another opportunity to make the captain proud. He stood proudly in his tac vest. Tail wagging as he waited for the captains call. "Alright kid, find em" the captain smiled. "On it dad!" Dylan yelled and took off. The team followed the captain and Dylan. Nick smiled as Dylan started sniffing. Then the crack of a gun sounded. Dylan fell, turning the snow red. The Captain yelled and ran. Another crack and the captain fell. "Austin!! Dylan!!!" The team yelled. Dylan didn't make it. But the captain, Austin. Did. But he doesn't know his son, didn't.

"It's better if he doesn't know..." Nick whispered to the medic.

The doctor talks to Nick and the team. Explaining that Austin's memory is coming back. Against all odds. The captain starts to recognize them. "Nick... my Lieutenant... Wendell..... my sergeant....." Austin whispers. Smiling at them softly, pride in his eyes.

"We have to tell him Nick!" Wendell argues. "His memory is coming back! It's only a matter of time!" He continues. Nick looks away, fists clenched. "That man was like a son! No! Dylan was his his son! That man always wanted a kid. So when that bright eyed 18 year old showed up? That looked up to him such happiness? Of course he took him in! I love Austin! I can't.... I can't do that to him" Nick says, voice cracking. "Nick.... it's only a matter of time that he figures it out. We owe it to him to tell him.." Wendell whispers. Nick's jaw clenches "fine....." Nick says with a sigh.

They walk in with soft smiles and sit beside the bed. "Hey cap..." Nick says. Wendell looks at Nick, smiling softly. Nick swallows and clears his throat. "That day.... you and Dylan were shot. Sniper most likely.." Nick starts and clears his throat again. Austin sits up and notices the folded flag. Nick and Wendell can see it, in Austin's face. Austin stares at the flag and sees the dog tags. "No...... please...... tell me it's not true..... not Dylan.... not my boy...." Austin chokes out. His eyes filled with tears. "Please Nick.... please.... not my boy..... not my boy..... not my Dylan....." Austin sobs. Nick and Wendell hold him as he breaks. "I'm so sorry..... so sorry....." Nick whispers. Tears falling down his own face. "My boy!" Austin yells out. As if cursing the world.

Austin stands at the dresser. Staring at the flag and dog tags. Tears roll down his face. Nick and Wendell stay silent as they stand near. "He was my boy.... I always wanted a kid... the military life never allowed it... but then came Dylan.." Austin says. Talking maybe to himself. He doesn't really know. "I remember the day he showed up on base. He just wanted to do good. All he wanted was to make me proud.. I sent my boy out there.... and he went.. he gave it his all for years... my boy just wanted to make me proud.... his tail always wagged so hard before missons.... my boy's tail didn't quit wagging... I remember.... I saw his body drop.... then his tail stopped.... my boy just wanted to make me proud...." Austin whispers, voice cracking. Fresh tears spill and a quiet sob escapes. "My boy just wanted to make me proud!" Austin yelled.

Austin couldn't bring himself to stop staring at the folded flag. For days, he stared. Nick and Wendell worried. So did the doctors. He stares at the flag like he can will it to be untrue. That if he stared hard enough, Dylan would return. For days, Austin talked and talked about his boy. Nick and Wendell listened. "That kid.... was such a good one.. he never complained ever. He'd do anything for a pat, scratch, or good work. He never questioned whatever I asked of him. He just did it, always.... because he just wanted to make me proud...... he was my boy.... my boy just wanted to make me proud.... I ain't afraid to tell anyone and everyone. About my son..... my boy.... my Dylan..... I got weird looks.... but I didn't care... neither did my boy... his tail still wagged. Never could get that tail of his to stop... it only wagged faster when I laughed.... because my boy just wanted to be loved and make me proud... I'm so proud of my boy.... I always was...." Austin whispers. His chuckle sounding dry. As fresh tears spill.

Against all odds again. Austin returns to active duty. The base feels empty, mass feels lonely, laughter feels far. He passes by Dylan's old room and each time expects to see him or at least his stuff. The first deployment feels wrong. No Dylan with a wagging tail that thumps loudly through the chopper. No ears the twitch and flick in the wind and stick out awkwardly around the headphones. No smile that could beat the sun rays. For the first time in years. Austin doesn't get to see Dylan's tail wag so fast it's a blur. Who is so careful not to let it thump the chopper anymore. As he looks back and stands tall, ready for the word. His captain's call. When he says move out it feels foreign. He got used to saying "Find em kid." So used to hearing "on it dad." Back. It feels different and not the good kind. The kind that settles in your bones and burrows deep. Feeling like it leaves holes everywhere. It feels hollow.

Until the faithful day a new recruit joins. A bright eyed and bushy tailed recruit. With grey fluffy ears and a bushy grey tail. There are black markings along the tail and the right ear is half black. Her tail wags furiously. Happy to have a purpose. Happy to have a pack. It's when she introduces herself to Austin. That Austin realizes, he's not done.... he's got another kid to take care of. One that reminds him of his Dylan.

"Welcome to the team Jamie Dallas..." he smiles softly.

[crowned-fizzy]

Brandon and Clara.

"You said this wouldn't happen....." Clara whispers. Unable to even look at Brandon. "Clar.... hunny... it wasn't supposed to." Brandon offers, stepping closer. Clara puts her hands up and backs away. "No.... don't touch me.." she says, eyes filled with unshed tears. "You promised. I can't even look at you" Clara says, voice cracking. Brandon looks down. "Clara I know I promised. But sometimes these things happen" Brandon says. He doesn't walk further but offers a soft smile. "No! No! Don't you dare! Don't you dare! Go there....." Clara yells as tears start to fall. "You knew this was a risk! But you liked the risk! The thrill! Isn't that right? You're not completely innocent!" Brandon yells back. "Don't you blame me! I-I. Leave me alone Brandon..." Clara says, voice heavy. Just exhausted. Brandon takes this opportunity to embrace her. "This was always a risk. Now you know..." Brandon whispers in her hair. Clara's eyes close tight. "I never wanted this..." she admits to herself. Wishing she could pull away. But she knows she'd come back to him. She always does.

Clara lays in bed next to Brandon. His soft snores fill the silence. She stares at the wall. She can feel Brandon shifting. So she closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. Guilt fills her as she feels Brandon wrap his arm around her. Clara wants to leave. She didn't want this. Brandon can sense the tension. "Baby...... stop your worrying and sleep. Everything is fine...." Brandon says groggy. Clara swallows hard and nods. Forcing herself to forget and sleep. The next morning she still can barely look at Brandon. Brandon sighs and walks over to her. "Look. This won't work. It's a small bump Clar..... don't let this get in your head.." he says, crouching and holding her face to look at him. "You know that head doesn't do good things when you worry" he smiles softly and taps her forehead. Clara looks in his eyes for the first time since yesterday. Those same eyes she fell in love with. "I do tend to over worry" Clara reasons with herself. But deep down there's a little voice. Screaming to be heard. But it's to deep down to be heard. It's saying "this is wrong!" "This is wrong!" "You know this is wrong!"

The feelings just fester. That voice gets louder and louder. So Clara waits until Brandon leaves to run errands. She packs small essentials. Trying to shake off the feeling that she's making a mistake by leaving. She puts the bag on and begins walking. Running seems like the right thing. But it also feels like if she runs she's proving something is wrong. Still battling with whether she's wrong or not. She makes it to a motel paying cash. The clerk can see the tiredness and gives a look of pity. Like they've seen plenty of women who looked just like Clara. Clara sits in the motel room. Checking the locks and breathing. Trying to convince herself everything is fine. Two voices fighting in her head. "We're wrong! This was wrong! We should've never left" and "We needed to leave! We should've left and stayed gone years ago!" Not sure which one to listen to. But clarity comes through the next 3 days. The voice saying she should've left and stayed gone years ago gets louder than the other. Eventually completely drowning it out. That's when Brandon comes in. "Clara baby...." he says, almost sounding comforting. Clara's eyes go wide and she backs up. "I know baby.... I know. It's okay..." he says, smiling softly. He moves closer, "I know sweetheart, it's okay" he says again. Clara wants to turn away, but doesn't. Brandon smiles and moves to caress her face. "It's okay baby.... I know, you didn't mean to... I know.." he whispers, bringing her into him. That voice that once screamed run, sounds so muffled. While the other voice takes over. "See. We should've never ran." It says. With no hesitation, Clara follows Brandon home.

I may write a part 2 to this