tw! selfharm mention, suicidal thoughts and other unpleasant things
I broke up with my boyfriend today. I feel a sense of relief now that I’ve left that relationship. After a few arguments, I gradually stopped feeling anything for him and started avoiding him. His jealousy towards my friends weighed heavily on me and intensified the suicidal thoughts I’ve been unable to shake off for six years. He knew about a traumatic incident that had a profound effect on me. When I was 11, my former best friend used to send me photos of her cut wrists, which terrified me, and I begged her not to do it, to live. This instilled a fear of death in me, a fear of being abandoned, and a sense of guilt if I didn’t help someone, or that it was my fault. And he sent me a similar photo recently during an argument. That feeling I experienced 11 years ago has returned.
Life has been tough for me over the last few years, but I simply won’t let anyone drag me down. I want to live, even though I don’t feel like living. I don’t know, but I do feel a little better now. I hope that during the couple of months I’ll be staying with my parents, I’ll spend enough time with my close friends and be able to recover a little, as well as have a good time with them and surround myself with love. They really do love me and I’m glad they’re there. It’s a shame there isn’t much time and the moment will come when I’ll be leaving them again, travelling many kilometers away.
stormborns
2087
titsay
amandla
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
